S/O Sleazebag.. How do you divorced moms deal with

If she isn't the reason why you and he split, I'd give her a chance. I can understand your feelings, but maybe she is trying to be decent to the children.

I would feel the same way, sorry I am no help but wanted to say I feel bad for you.

Aw man, I have no experience with that kind of situation, but I wanted to offer you a hug. Reading your post made my heart hurt for you. I think you're entitled to feel selfish and not want to share those moments with another woman.

I know your story from back when it first happened...you are much better off now. I am really happy for you and what you have achieved.

That just seems wrong that it is allowed.

I'm sorry you're hurting and understand your pain to some extent. I have a few thoughts and hope you can hear them knowing that I don't think you're being selfish at all and I know you've been through the wringer.

First and foremost, you're the mama. This lady could install an ice cream machine in the kitchen, drop off brand new LV bags for your girls, take them to Disneyland every weekend.... it's not going to change how much your children love and need you. You will always be number one to them and no one else can hold a candle to you.

Also, if she is truly trying to be a positive person in the lives of your children and actually cares about them, that's a really good thing. My son isn't so lucky with the woman his father has lived with for the past five or six years. She has two girls of her own and DS is treated like a second-class citizen. It's painful knowing he always feels insignificant and no one is trying to make things special for him when he's away from me because the focus is on making sure the two older girls are the priority in the household. I would be so comforted if his father had met someone who made an effort to make him feel important and cared for.

If she's as nice as people say she is and your ex is as big of a douche as I think he is, this is probably going to end sooner than later. As long as they're together, at least the chances of him showing up drunk at your house and pushing you around are slim. If he's happy in a relationship, hopefully it will give you a chance for some peace so you can move forward.

As far as the clothes, I think she's really trying to make an effort. I know you feel insulted, but I think she deserves a chance. She wasn't the skank your ex was cheating with. She's in a new relationship and is trying to make the best of things. I know how painful it is to see gushy posts about her wonderful new life with your ex after he robbed you and your children of your stability and left you to pick up the pieces. But you have to find a way to gently remind yourself that none of that was her fault. It's pretty crappy that she was introduced so quickly considering your ex's track record, but that's really on him.

Speaking of the "Squee! We are like SO happy!" posts, I think you're going to be in a healthier place if you can resist the temptation to peek in on either of their social media accounts. She's going to post her highlight reel and you're going to feel hurt or insecure or angry every time you look at it. It's just not worth it. If you absolutely feel the need to keep tabs on them, have a close and trusted person in your life do the creeping so they can let you know if they're posting about a meth lab in their basement or whatever else could be an issue that would actually impact your children. But looking at his or her Facebook is a bad idea.


I hope you start healing and feeling better soon. You've been dealt such a bad hand and deserve peace and happiness.

Please  read and re-read Ingrid's wise words as often as you need to: she's a very smart lady and offers a good perspective.

Your ex isn't a good guy and the new gf will discover it soon enough. I know it's easy to be mad at her but soon she will find out what he's really like and it will probably be over. The clothes were a nice gesture and I wouldn't see it as a charity case but more of a situation that she knows how tough it is to make it as a single parent and she was genuinely trying to help: no insult intended.

Micki: you've come so far so please don't let this trip you up. No backsliding, OK? ((hugs)) Stop checking on him: no drivebys his house and no drivebys on the internet. 
 

I'll just second this.
I'm sorry and while I have never had to experience that sort of feeling, I can only imagine that it IS gut wrenching. I'm sorry. And I truly hope it gets easier with time. 

Be kind to yourself. This is a very difficult situation!

Keep in mind too that she is getting his version of the truth. She may be giving him homage on his birthday because he has continued to spin this tale of how he misses his kids and never gets to see them, blah blah blah. And the clothes may be because he has spun a story about how the kids do without because he does the best he can to get money to you but he's not sure it gets to the kids. etc..... 

We know he's a story teller. We know he's a douche. But she might not. The fact that she is in the kids lives and is trying by bringing stuff to the girls could be a good thing. If it's honorable and comes from the right place, then that means she cares about your kids.

I am not divorced but I can feel your pain through your post. Maybe the easiest way is to block the photos on FB and only hear about the experience through your children. That would give you the opportunity to relive their excitement with them and not to know about all the "adult baggage" that goes along with it.

You are not selfish at all.  Everything that you are feeling is normal.  But as Ingrid said, nothing and no one can replace you in your kids hearts and minds.  My ex and the woman he cheated on me with didn't survive.  After that, he started dating a woman who was young but tried hard with my kids (who are teens).  While it was still hard to see the "sunshine and happiness" crap posted all over the place with my kids, I worked hard to encourage them to give her a chance because I could see that she was doing her best to be involved with them in a healthy, caring manner.  That relationship didn't survive either because my ex is a douchecanoe, but at least I was able to take comfort in the fact that my kids had a caring person acting as a buffer between their dad and his jerkish behaviors.  MUCH easier said than done, but I hope that you can come to peace with this.  {{hugs}}

{{{{countrypeagirl}}}}