craftymom101
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Post by craftymom101 on Apr 1, 2016 6:42:11 GMT
My oldest son just turned 10 on Monday. He has been playing soccer full time (fall and spring seasons) since age 5, and baseball for 2 full years (4 seasons total).
Last fall he had wonderful soccer and baseball seasons. He scored goals in soccer in more than half the games, received plenty of playing time, loved his team, and was given plenty of accolades. In baseball he was the second best pitcher, often batted at the top of the lineup, and made many great plays in the field. He was one of the best players on the team (probably 3rd or 4th).
This spring has been a completely different story. The biggest issue has been scheduling. Last fall we had few scheduling conflicts. This spring there are many and neither coach is willing to move practice nights to accommodate my kid (which I completely understand, but missing practices is not good!). I fear, because he's missing practice, he's not getting playing time.
During his last soccer game he played 13 minutes (out of 50). He lost his starting spot. In baseball he only plays outfielder now, is batting 11th or 12th, and plays less than half the game.
As a parent I'm upset that he's not getting playing time and I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to play baseball in the fall, which I've already agreed to. He says he wants to focus on soccer.
Another issue I'm seeing is he doesn't put in the effort during practice. He's always been a natural athlete but hasn't had to work too hard. How do I instill a better work ethic in him? My fear is he will be cut from his comp. team after May tryouts. If that happens, I know he won't want to play soccer any more because his best friend is on the team and he won't want to play on another team. I love watching him play and the kid has tons of energy... he needs to play sports! I honestly don't care if he plays on the "gray" comp. team, one level below him now, if he plays rec, or stays where he is. I would hate for him to not play anything because of playing time or lack of effort. Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm frustrated and at a loss.
Thanks for reading my way too long post! I can't sleep because I'm worried about my kid and after his screwing around at practice tonight in really don't know what to do.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:21:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2016 6:58:21 GMT
IMO playing two sports at the same time is too much. Play fall soccer and spring baseball or vice versa.
The poor kid is probably exhausted and not able to perform his best at either sport... And that's not even discussing how it affects his school performance.
I would not be putting any pressure on him to perform better or get more playing time when he is this overloaded. Get him through this season and don't double schedule him again. He's 10. Let him be a kid without so much pressure.
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Post by gar on Apr 1, 2016 7:03:12 GMT
What @busypea said. Of course he might not admit it's too much if you asked him. Maybe you're keen for him to be particularly sporty and he won't want to disappoint even your unspoken wishes for him.
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camcas
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Post by camcas on Apr 1, 2016 7:07:15 GMT
I agree with busypea...he's 10 ....one sport at a time
Let him choose and support him without stress
My two sons are both very athletic( now 20 -swimmer, and15- basketballer) but the real drive to practice and improve did not kick in u til they were older...13/14
Just let him chill and encourage the fun aspect for now...he'll drive himself when he's ready
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:21:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2016 7:10:12 GMT
Sorry to nag at this but if you are seriously losing sleep about your kid's sporting performance at TEN, I really think you need to take a hard look at why this is so important to you and why you are pushing this hard this young.
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Apr 1, 2016 7:11:43 GMT
A couple things stick out to me.
You seem frustrated he isn't getting playing time yet you also say he is missing practices and when he is there he isn't giving 100%. What do you expect the coach to do? At this point your DS *isn't* one of the star players. (And that's ok but will be addressed in my next point) He hasn't earned the position of being a star player this season. I would very gently tell him that. Explain that if this isn't his thing that's ok and he doesn't have to play next season but for this season he made a commitment and he has to finish it out giving his personal best. And why can't you get him to practice? IMO when my kids were at the level of being on a select/travel team, our family had made a commitment and practice was a priority.
Second, and this is a personal issue for me and I'm sure I have issues separating that, he's 10. Ten year olds don't need to be on select/travel teams and worried about being star athletes. They should be playing baseball and soccer because it's fun. I really despise the sports culture of having to dedicate your life to a sport at the age of four or you're sunk by the time you get to Kindergarten. So...Is your son telling you he's just not that into sports? Is this more fun/important to YOU than it is to him? I would doing some internal evaluation on my own part to see where my feelings were and then tread carefully. Maybe he just simply wants to go down a different path or try something like arts camp, etc?
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Post by mlynn on Apr 1, 2016 8:52:26 GMT
My oldest son just turned 10 on Monday. He has been playing soccer full time (fall and spring seasons) since age 5, and baseball for 2 full years (4 seasons total). Last fall he had wonderful soccer and baseball seasons. He scored goals in soccer in more than half the games, received plenty of playing time, loved his team, and was given plenty of accolades. In baseball he was the second best pitcher, often batted at the top of the lineup, and made many great plays in the field. He was one of the best players on the team (probably 3rd or 4th). This spring has been a completely different story. The biggest issue has been scheduling. Last fall we had few scheduling conflicts. This spring there are many and neither coach is willing to move practice nights to accommodate my kid (which I completely understand, but missing practices is not good!). I fear, because he's missing practice, he's not getting playing time.
During his last soccer game he played 13 minutes (out of 50). He lost his starting spot. In baseball he only plays outfielder now, is batting 11th or 12th, and plays less than half the game. As a parent I'm upset that he's not getting playing time and I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to play baseball in the fall, which I've already agreed to. He says he wants to focus on soccer. Another issue I'm seeing is he doesn't put in the effort during practice. He's always been a natural athlete but hasn't had to work too hard. How do I instill a better work ethic in him? My fear is he will be cut from his comp. team after May tryouts. If that happens, I know he won't want to play soccer any more because his best friend is on the team and he won't want to play on another team. I love watching him play and the kid has tons of energy... he needs to play sports! I honestly don't care if he plays on the "gray" comp. team, one level below him now, if he plays rec, or stays where he is. I would hate for him to not play anything because of playing time or lack of effort. Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm frustrated and at a loss. Thanks for reading my way too long post! I can't sleep because I'm worried about my kid and after his screwing around at practice tonight in really don't know what to do.
I see statements about how YOU feel, but not how your son feels. His feelings may be completely different. You are frustrated...you are worried...you are upset...you fear. This is not about you, this is about your son!
I suspect that the "lack of effort" has more to do with his scheduling conflicts than his work ethic. Previously he was an integral part of the team. This season, because of the scheduling conflicts, he is not. A team is successful when the parts function like a well oiled machine. Your son's missing practices disrupts that. Hence he plays less and is not at the top of the list. Of course he is getting less playing time because he misses practices. And well he should. His/your not making the team a priority impacts his development as a player and as a part of the well-oiled machine.
I think the problem here is more you than anyone else. Your son is overscheduled. He is under too much pressure from you.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 1, 2016 9:21:13 GMT
Eh, I wouldn't put any pressure on him. Don't worry about his "work ethic" or his play times. It's his game, not yours to worry about. Just sit back, watch your little guy play, tell him he did a good job on the ride home, maybe grab an ice cream.
He's literally playing a game, not trying out for MLB.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 1, 2016 10:22:01 GMT
First, playing two sports that overlap rarely works. Second, at ten, all kids are "superstars". The separations of the truly "better" players tends to happen at 12 and then at 14, when kids either make their high school teams or don't. If your son is choosing to only continue with soccer, then that should be his focus. If the baseball season has not begun, I would withdraw him and just let the coach know that you over-committed him. As for your being upset that he isn't getting playing time- of course he isn't. He isn't committing to either team so why should the team's commit to him. Kids who are attending practice should be the ones playing.
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JustTricia
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Post by JustTricia on Apr 1, 2016 10:38:56 GMT
This is the gentlest way I can respond to this post. Take a step back, take a DEEP breath, remind yourself that your son is ONLY ten, and then reread your post.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2016 10:46:43 GMT
As adults, we know the more projects we take on the less we can give each. I hate that feeling of being too busy to do a good job on any one thing, when everything is done just enough to get by. Maybe he is feeling overwhelmed with two sports and school and anything else your family does. Maybe he is just tired of the running around to this practice and that. The older he gets sports are only going to get harder and (much more importantly) school is only going to get harder. Maybe he is at the point where he needs to pick just one sport or maybe sports are not for him at all. It is very cute when they are little but it gets ugly real quick when they do not make the team they want on or sitting out most of the games.
Bottom line, if it is not fun, something has to change.
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Post by elaine on Apr 1, 2016 11:35:27 GMT
If your son doesn't want to play baseball in the Fall, why in the world would you want to make him? No one will be put out (except maybe you yourself) if you withdraw the commitment SIX MONTHS in advance. It isn't like he wants to lay on the couch and play video games - he has told you he wants to focus on one sport. Let him.
It is going to be a long hard road if you set goals for him, are more committed to the goals you set for him, and disappointed and losing sleep when he doesn't meet your goals - be they athletic, academic, or social. At 10, it is time to start listening to him and allowing him to set appropriate goals for himself. He has told you his goal is to focus on soccer - follow and support that and empower your son in developing his own initiative.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 1, 2016 11:50:22 GMT
I agree with what others have said.
He needs to lead you need to follow.
He also needs to understand that effort = success not talent.
As a parent YOU can teach him this by praising his effort and not his talent. When he plays hard.... despite the outcome praise the effort he is giving.
I see this all the time in young people who are naturally good at school, or sports, People love to praise their talent, they come to believe that is who they are.
When they are faced with a challenge, a course that is difficult for them, or performing at another level... they are not used to failing, (we aren't used to seeing them fail) and they don't know what to do.
Teaching them that it is his/her effort that matters, and that we learn by our failures, teaches them the power of working hard and overcoming obstacles.
I am not talking about everyone gets a trophy kind of thing. But focusing on what they do. For my daughter she has a beautiful voice, and when she is in a show all most people talk about is how beautifully she sings. What she hears from me is all about her dancing... because she isn't a natural dancer and has to work really hard to look okay.... so I pay attention to when she dances well and let her know that I saw the efforts of her hard work. It is a huge motivator to work hard really really hard, at something that can be frustrating, and not a lot of fun... but it is hugely motivating. ( also pay attention to her friends, and they are often shocked that I noticed what they have been "working on.
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Post by cakediva on Apr 1, 2016 12:03:32 GMT
Doing two sports that overlap is too much.
DS did that with soccer & basketball. We didn't have much overlap, but basketball quickly took over as his favourite.
Now that he is in high school, he did volleyball and then basketball, back to back. But the practices were often before school and after school, same day, when basketball first started. He totally burnt out. He spent a day sleeping to get caught up.
Playing winter/spring/summer sports I think works - it mixes it up and gives them something to do in the off months. Gives them new/different skills. But two sports at the same time, especially with practice conflicts, means they can't focus on getting better at either one.
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anniebeth24
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Post by anniebeth24 on Apr 1, 2016 12:13:59 GMT
Going into the soccer tryouts for next year, I'd mention to the coach that your son will be dropping baseball in the fall. He/she will appreciate the heads-up and will know that they'll have him at all of the practices. This may play into their tryout decisions.
If your son is placed on the lower level soccer team, it will give you great insight as to how important the sport is to him. He may see it as an opportunity to work harder to make the higher team next year. He might enjoy being one of the better players on the lower team. Or, he might say "No, thanks. I was just playing soccer to hang around with Bobby."
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 1, 2016 12:40:51 GMT
Second, at ten, all kids are "superstars". The separations of the truly "better" players tends to happen at 12 and then at 14, when kids either make their high school teams or don't. I agree with much of the advice being given, but want to underscore this piece. I have four boys and have seen just about every sports-related issue there is. Kids' abilities can peak and wane as they mature. Parents often see that peak and start envisioning college scholarships, the Olympics, and pro careers. The reality is that very few kids make it to those rarefied levels. The rest just want to play. Many, MANY, just play sports through high school and never again except for fun and leisure. For what it's worth, I always believed sports were completely my boys' decisions to make. School? Not optional. Sports? Up to you. The way your OP reads, you are putting way too much pressure on your son. |
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Post by debmast on Apr 1, 2016 12:44:06 GMT
I disagree with some who say multiple sports is bad. I'm the mom of two female athletes. One is in college now and no longer plays. The other is 15, a HS Freshman.
They both played club and school sports in JH.
The youngest played club soccer all through JH pretty much all year (all school year anyway, late July to mid December and then mid Jan thru end of May). She was also a cheerleader, played volleyball, played basketball and ran track at school.
BUT ... she did these because *SHE* wanted to do them. We never made her. She also knew going in that missing soccer practice for a school sport could result in less play time. She accepted that. However, when she was at practice she always gave 110%
Does he really even want to play either of these sports? If he's not putting in the effort when he is there, maybe he doesn't care as much as you think.
Now that we are in HS, she is only playing soccer - club and at the HS.
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Post by jassy on Apr 1, 2016 13:27:04 GMT
THIS IS SUCH EXCELLENT ADVICE!
Read it, commit it to memory, practice it. He's 10 - this can not be stressed enough! I will not not bash you for your concerns, I had them a bit to when my son was your sons age, but I realize now it was a waste of time and energy and not important in the grand scheme.
My soccer playing son has always been an "effort" kid - it's just his mind set as he sees obstacles as challenges (I admire him greatly and his natural growth mindset). At 10, at 12, at 14 - he was not the best, fastest, or strongest. But he was always determined and looking to improve himself. He has two best friends who are VERY Talent and were always "the best". In the last year - their junior year of HS - the two talented friends are burned out, and done with soccer. Both of them. Their parents always pushed, lost sleep over their team placement, really took their soccer "careers" as "their" thing. My son never burned out, just chugged away - he's now the one who has college soccer coaches trying to recruit him. I NEVER would have predicted this was the way things would go when they were younger. But the adage is true - hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work.
My point of that story is that there is no predicting anything when your son is 10. Let him do what he loves with encouragement and without expectation. As a soccer mom, it really struck me that you kept track of his exact number of minutes played. Don't do that. Just enjoy and encourage him when he's on the field. Best of luck!
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Post by monklady123 on Apr 1, 2016 13:40:10 GMT
Yes, one sport per season. I know kids do play more than one per season, but really it has to be *their* idea. And I think they should be older than 10 to make that decision. I also think 10 is too young to play travel/competitive teams but I know plenty of people disagree with me on that.
Maybe your ds will give up both soccer and baseball at some point. You could encourage him to try swimming. Or martial arts. Or biking. Or track-and-field. Or basketball. Or anything else. If it's "just" the rec league, oh well. My ds played rec league basketball in the winter from grades 3-12, with the same core group of kids (some came and went, of course) and the same coach (one of the dads). They weren't the best team but they had fun, learned about working together as a team, learned about sportsmanship (the coach was very tough about being a good sportsman), and got some exercise. Win-win.
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Post by dulcemama on Apr 1, 2016 13:43:11 GMT
Lots of good advice here but wanted to add... Your son is getting to an age where a lot of kids are going to have to start deciding what there priorities are. Activities that were just fun before will require more effort as more is going to be expected. Talk to him about which of his activities are most important to him (including any non-sport activities he might be doing) And be careful not to overly direct the conversation to the activities that are most important to YOU. It may be time to narrow his activities somewhat so that he can give his best effort to the activities that are most important to him.
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craftymom101
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Post by craftymom101 on Apr 1, 2016 13:57:04 GMT
I'm rushing off to work but I wanted to make sure I acknowledged all the excellent advice given here. I wasn't only awake because of my kid and his sports... our A/C went out and it was 82 degrees in my house.  I think for my son, two sports right now is too much. He can't fully commit to either. He did love playing last year and it showed... he had two great seasons. Another thing I've been thinking about is his reaction to his dad moving in with a new woman. That happened at the beginning of the season and I've noticed a change in his personality since. I'm considering a couselor to help my son deal with his emotions regarding the new gf. Again, thanks for the advice and not being too harsh. Of course I want what's best for my kid. |
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 1, 2016 14:02:40 GMT
I just had a conversation with my son's tennis coach about my son's attitude.
My son decided last year that he wanted to play tennis. He had never even picked up a racket before, but he figured it would be fun. So he tried out for the school team and actually made it. He stunk at first, but he is one of those kids who is naturally athletic and he is one who listens to his coach and takes criticism well. This year he started in third position.
His coach (who I adore) and I were talking and she said that he was one of those kids that she really liked coaching because he always has a great attitude and that no matter what she says to him, he listens and adjusts what he is doing to try to get better. She asked me what my approach to sports was to make him that way and I told her that I didn't do anything. I watched, I let the kids decide what they wanted to play, and above all else I always asked after a game not did you win, but did you have fun. If they complained about losing I would tell them that there will always be someone in life who is better than you and someone that is worse than you and that you can learn from both-so what will you do differently next time? Above all else, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and it's up to you to decide if you have a good attitude about either one.
The coach said that was pretty unusual. I don't know. I always thought that sports shouldn't be a death match, but rather a fun endeavor.
Anyway, all that long winded stuff to say that I am of the mind set that a kid's talent ebbs and flows as they grow and learn how to control their bodies. What matters over all is how much heart and effort they put into it. A coach that sees a kid who splits their time between two sports and doesn't seem to put an effort into theirs, they aren't going to play as much as the kid who might not be as good, but shows up every time with a good attitude and tries their hardest.
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Post by debmast on Apr 1, 2016 14:09:44 GMT
Ohhhh yes the personal stuff going on could definitely be a factor.
I will say my daughter does prescribe to the "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard". Not that she doesn't have talent as well, but we know many kids with talent who think they can slide by on that and get passed by because there are other kids who just put in the effort
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Apr 1, 2016 14:11:27 GMT
I have a 10 year old as well. She loves softball. Plays the regular season (Spring) plus Fall Ball. We take her weekly for pitching lessons as well. Right now she's playing inter mural basketball at school and its overlapped with the start of softball practices by two weeks. And it been tough! Trying to get her to both activities and practices (plus drama club) on time is crazy! And I can tell she's over scheduled too. She's fully committed to softball, but wanted to play basketball at school because it's her last year there before moving into middle school and the school set up the basketball for later this year than in previous years.
We are just trying to power through these two weeks. And I've learned a very valuable lesson... Not to ever over schedule her again!!!
So I agree with the others. Let him have a break from one sport if they both fall during the same time. They have to have time to be kids! They need some downtime to unwind and play, it can't be go go go all day every day.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 1, 2016 14:15:00 GMT
I agree with everything busypea said. I think two sports is just too much to commit to for anyone, not just a 10 year old. My DD plays lacrosse and her season is just so busy with that, I can't imagine her trying to keep up with another sport at the same time and still be able to handle her school work too.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 1, 2016 15:07:09 GMT
It's pretty common at this age for the multiple sport commitment to fall apart. At earlier ages when there's a just a couple practices a week, multiple sports can be doable (especially if they just overlap for a few weeks) and have tons of energy. At 7-8 my son wanted to try it ALL - and I let him. I think one year he managed, soccer, lacrosse, basketball, hockey, baseball and swim team - all in one year. But most of it was rec/y teams where they just practiced once a week and had one game. He was having fun trying them all out and had little to no homework to worry about at that age. He's slowly whittled down the ones he didn't enjoy as well or required more commitment than he was willing to give (I'm talking about you crazy hockey!). As the time commitments increased, the number of sport he could reasonably handle decreased. My son's a middle schooler now - and does ONE sport. Intensely - but just one. It's been hard sometimes to watch him give up some of his other sports - hey, it's fun to cheer them on! But ultimately they'll find that balance of doing something they enjoy - and can commit to regularly! - balancing school work - and having some downtime. Each kid is going to have a different balance. My daughter's weekly commitment to ballet is much, much higher than my son's to swimming. But she's chosen to make that sacrifice. One of the things we've always emphasized that when you commit to a team, you're making a commitment to your teammates to show up and do your best. I've never allowed them to commit to teams where there is significant scheduling conflict as it's simply not fair to the other members of the team. Sure sometimes life intervenes and you can't make something - but if you are not regularly attending all of the practices and games, you're over committed.
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 1, 2016 15:10:36 GMT
I understand where you're coming from as a parent of a kid (7 y.o.) who also NEEDS sports. He's super ADHD and physical activity is one of the only ways to get his brain to really kick in. He has been in two sports this entire year, but with a few caveats. His "Thing" is gymnastics and this year he went competitive. We are all very clear that his job is school, but as far as extracurriculars, then his "job" is the gym. He is also playing soccer, however, we went into it very clearly stating to the coach that it was his second sport and was lower priority. This was only fair for the coach to know up front. My son is athletic enough to still be an asset to the team, and if it was his priority, he'd be pretty darn good. But it isn't, and so he doesn't get the same play time as some other kids, and we're OK with that. It's more of a social thing for DS, like organized playtime at the park.
I think it's extraordinarily difficult in this day and age to truly commit to playing two same season sports. At the very least, I think you can only do one as "select" or whatever the elite group is, and can play the other as truly recreational. It doesn't matter if he's really great at both, I think reality is that it just can't happen. Whether that's right or wrong is fodder for another debate!
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Post by whopea on Apr 1, 2016 15:36:55 GMT
I think one sport per season is more than enough for any kid of any school age. Our rule has always been that the kids need to play a sport and a musical / artistic endeavor each year. Their choice.
I wouldn't discount the fact that emotional issues are getting in the way of his focus though. I would keep a careful eye on his grades and school work to see if you notice the same decline. That would be much more of a concern to me than PT in sports.
It's also true that very few kids go through sports and have great years every year. Baseball players have hitting slumps, basketball players have shooting difficulties, etc. As their body grows and changes, the muscles adjust and sometimes it's just more difficult.
As an aside, some kids just don't have that competitive gene. One kid in the neighborhood is super competitive with everything while another could care less. They're both great kids, just wired differently. You can't make the non-competitive kid care.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Apr 1, 2016 15:51:27 GMT
I agree that it's too hard to play two sports these days. Which is sad because overuse injuries and burnout happen more often when kids do the same thing year round. I also think it's sad that in high school you can only play if you're really good. I miss intramural and rec sports where kids can try something new with no pressure and just be active.
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Post by whopea on Apr 1, 2016 16:02:42 GMT
I agree that it's too hard to play two sports these days. Which is sad because overuse injuries and burnout happen more often when kids do the same thing year round. I also think it's sad that in high school you can only play if you're really good. I miss intramural and rec sports where kids can try something new with no pressure and just be active. I think it's too hard to play two different sports in one season, but it's a good thing for the growing body to use different muscle groups and play different sports in different seasons instead of focusing on one. We recently had a coach tell us that they're seeing college recruiters look for athletes that play different sports during the school year instead of trying to be a stud in one. The reasons include: they're seeing repetitive sports injuries before they get to college; it gets a kid accustomed to different coaching styles and demands; it gets them to focus on core strength building and athleticism instead of targeted skills and those kids prove to be more coach-able. |
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