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Post by karinms on Apr 6, 2016 22:51:50 GMT
...who barely got her grade 12 education, who works as a nanny, is engaged to a 26 year old who is pressuring her to have a baby. He makes $15 an hour with no hope of moving up.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 11:36:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2016 22:57:05 GMT
Absolutely nothing.
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Post by redshoes on Apr 6, 2016 23:56:18 GMT
If she's asking for my opinion or advice, I would give it, but otherwise, I would say nothing at all.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Apr 7, 2016 0:02:15 GMT
I would probably say something like get married and maybe in a couple of years when you are settled you can start a family...writing that make me feel as ancient as a dinosaur.
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Post by kimpossible on Apr 7, 2016 0:08:36 GMT
Sounds like my DH's niece! Instead her DH is 23 and she is 20. They are just short of 6 months of marriage....she is working 3 part time jobs, he is working 1 part time job. They "had" to get married because his parents wouldn't let them come live at their house unless they were married...oh, and yes, they did share an apartment and that is when they learned how expensive utilities cost on part time salaries and then asked to move in with the parents after 4 months. It's been hard to sit back and watch...but we are using it as a life lesson for our DS who is 17 and thinks its realistic that him and 3 guys working part time and going to school will be able to move out, rent a nice house and share expenses with no drama....LOL! Sigh - youth! ETA: She is also a nanny - part time for 2 families and works part time at a gym with child care.
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Post by melrose on Apr 7, 2016 0:14:48 GMT
MYOB unless she asked for advice....
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 7, 2016 0:19:55 GMT
If you are close, you might just want to ask her if she would like help coming up with a budget. Once you see how expensive a baby is, you might consider putting it off.
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Post by deekaye on Apr 7, 2016 0:24:12 GMT
There would be LOTS of things that I would want to tell her but I wouldn't bother. If she is anything like my cousin's daughter (pretty much same scenario except fiance' doesn't work because he is working on starting his own business :BIG EYE ROLL! , she won't listen anyway. Cousin's daughter/fiance' have one child and want to have another because they want their kids "close together". :ANOTHER EYE ROLL! Of course, she complains bitterly on Facebook about how broke they are... so I just keep quiet...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 11:36:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 0:34:56 GMT
Why would you say he has no hope of moving up? Isn't whether they have a baby now or later their business? Plenty of people make less than they are and get by.
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Post by karinms on Apr 7, 2016 1:17:10 GMT
This girl is just a young friend and you are all right in that she won't listen anyways. They have lived together for a year and are always broke. He works for a small company that puts furniture together and they just laid off half the staff. He isn't motivated to do much of anything else. It is just so hard to watch her world become smaller... she doesn't get that a baby ties you down. She is the classic "it will be so fun to dress it" type. How does she think she'll afford diapers, clothes, food etc when she can't even afford food for them some weeks.
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Post by *leslie* on Apr 7, 2016 3:09:32 GMT
Over the years I've worked with young women that sound similar to your friend. They are usually hard working but the guy is a total loser. It's frustrating to witness. You just want to talk some sense into them but you really can't unless they ask for advice.
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 7, 2016 3:15:51 GMT
$15/hour here combined with nanny wages would afford a pretty good lifestyle. I would mind my own business.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 7, 2016 3:22:37 GMT
I would ask her what SHE thinks about that idea. Hopefully she will surprise you.
The girl in the OP sounds like my sister's SIL. She had one kid, married the guy, had two more kids with him and spent all her time working multiple jobs to pay their bills while he laid around on the couch drinking beer all day. Eventually she kicked him to the curb, hooked up with another loser guy, had one more kid with him and kicked that guy to the curb too. She's been working her butt off ever since trying to stay afloat. The kids are the ones who suffered the most.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 7, 2016 3:25:20 GMT
$15/hour here combined with nanny wages would afford a pretty good lifestyle. I would mind my own business. That would depend on whether her employer cares if she brings her own kid to work with her. Not everyone would be cool with that, and she might find herself out of a job.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Apr 7, 2016 3:26:17 GMT
My daughter makes less than $15 a hour and she is buying her own home and drives a new car...
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 7, 2016 3:46:20 GMT
My daughter makes less than $15 a hour and she is buying her own home and drives a new car... Yep, I bought my condo when I made $9.50/hour (single so no second income) and had a new car at the time which I am still driving. Housing and wages vary wildly around the country so the initial post doesn't seem odd to me as most couples here with kids wouldn't make any more than those amounts. The only thing I find off is being pressured for a baby because I have seen a couple of my friends go through that and I don't think it's fair to anyone.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Apr 7, 2016 6:17:02 GMT
Sorry, I don't think it is any of your business, unless she specifically asks you for advice.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 11:36:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 8:48:26 GMT
I don't think anyone has any business 'telling' a 20 year old woman anything in this situation.
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lesley
Drama Llama
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Apr 7, 2016 11:01:20 GMT
The next time she mentioned having a baby, I would just maybe casually drop in how much babies cost, how much they change your life (for ever) and tie you down. She will already know all that but remind her it's easy to disregard until the baby is actually there.
Otherwise, I would say nothing at all. It's nothing to do with you.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Apr 7, 2016 12:16:16 GMT
.. How does she think she'll afford diapers, clothes, food etc when she can't even afford food for them some weeks. with public assistance.
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Post by karinms on Apr 7, 2016 13:05:37 GMT
Thanks for all your candid answers ladies. We live in Canada so the hopes of them buying a house on their wages is slim to none, never mind the fact they are living pay cheque to pay cheque and most weeks not quite even making it that far. The one who suffers the most will be the baby. We are quite a distance away and we won't even be able to help.
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Post by karinms on Apr 7, 2016 13:33:49 GMT
I think the next time the topic comes up I might just casually ask if she has an extra say $50 in her budget every week for the basics (diapers, formula etc) never mind money for clothes:). She is a little (lot) OCD and spends hours going over their budget.
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Post by pelirroja on Apr 7, 2016 13:51:50 GMT
There's a world of difference between telling and asking. I wouldn't "tell" a 20-year old anything because she would be unlikely to listen to unsolicited advice, even if the advice is valuable and helpful.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 7, 2016 14:12:16 GMT
Thanks for all your candid answers ladies. We live in Canada so the hopes of them buying a house on their wages is slim to none, never mind the fact they are living pay cheque to pay cheque and most weeks not quite even making it that far. The one who suffers the most will be the baby. We are quite a distance away and we won't even be able to help. Doesn't the Canadian government give $100/month for the first 12 months to assure the family will have basic necessities? $100 is not that much, but it will be something to help them afford the baby. ETA Unless she has asked you, whatever you say will be ignored--and may be ignored anyway. They will have to learn to make their way in the world, the way the rest of us did.
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Apr 7, 2016 14:28:52 GMT
I'd WANT to say a few things but I'd say nothing because it's not like she's going to listen anyway so why waste your breath?
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Post by Chips on Apr 7, 2016 14:35:27 GMT
Omg, I'd probably say nothing and have to staple my shut to make sure . I worked full time while I went to university and waited until I was 32 to have my first child. So, if there is an opportunity to tell my story to my nieces, nephews and young adults I do. But I only tell that story when the time is right, there are no lectures, making them feel bad or anything like that. I make it an inspirational one, to work hard and get what you to done.
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Post by shaniam on Apr 7, 2016 15:27:37 GMT
Sounds exactly like me when I was 20. I was 21 when I married my husband and we were pretty much in that situation financially. No baby involved but no one could have persuaded me differently. It worked out ok.
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Deleted
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Oct 1, 2024 11:36:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2016 15:36:31 GMT
The only thing about this is that she might be much more likely to listen to you than to her mother, sister, aunt, etc. At 20, I had a few older female friends whose advise I did take. YMMV.
She *might* be receptive in this case?
I usually don't offer advice unless asked, as all the other peas suggested. But she's young and the stakes are kind of high, and perhaps she'd want some guidance. I'd ask, at least.
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Post by Sassy Sabrina SWZ on Apr 7, 2016 15:47:01 GMT
The part I don't like is that she is being "pressured" to have a baby. If she herself doesn't really want the baby (or doesn't feel ready yet, or doubts her commitment to her boyfriend), then now is not the right time.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 7, 2016 16:33:09 GMT
If she's asking for my opinion or advice, I would give it, but otherwise, I would say nothing at all. Yeah that ^^
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