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May 19, 2024 13:01:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 1:19:56 GMT
I'm sitting with Lumo and Dalai Lama. Happened in the Metro on the escalator. Just him and I so why did he stand directly behind me? I move up a step or two and, bam!, he's right behind me and I feel ever so slightly a hand press against my butt. I yelled at him to STOP TOUCHING ME!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 13:01:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 1:22:30 GMT
Causing a scene isn't necessarily the best thing to do. Don't regret not doing it. I do tend towards that direction but I don't always feel great about it afterwards. Why would causing a scene not necessarily be the best thing to do? |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Apr 14, 2016 1:31:45 GMT
I think it's impossible to say what we would do. That's armchair guessing. If everyone always reacted loudly and defensively, sexual assault wouldn't happen very often at all. The shock makes it difficult to respond fast enough. What happens is you end up believing you SHOUKD have reacted loudly and defensively, but then didn't, and you get angry with yourself. To me, that's like adults expecting kids to kick and scream and run, when usually all they can do is remain paralyzed by fear or shock. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would love to say I would have turned around and yelled at him not to touch me, and then called the police, but I can't know for sure. I've even been in more than one similar situation, and I reacted differently each time. Once by being still, once by grabbing a knife. It's not courage or guts or lack of either, it's just that moment in time and the split second decision you made. Maybe he was dangerous enough that your instincts were to quietly remove yourself. You never know. By the end of today, this post might be full of women swearing they would have taken him down. But it's just impossible to predict. Don't be too hard on yourself. Well said. I'd like to think I would at least yell "WTF?" at him but would I? |
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Post by cmhs on Apr 14, 2016 1:33:35 GMT
I was in a McDonald's in Paris while on a school trip in high school 35 years ago. My friend Steve was next to me. The place was packed and the guy behind me touched my butt. I turned sideways and he moved too and did it again. I turned around and told him to stop it. He pulled a knife on me! Steve and I ran out of that place and ran back to our hotel as fast as we could. When we told our tour guide about it, he said, "that's what you get for eating at McDonald's".
It was really terrifying.
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Post by scrappysurfer on Apr 14, 2016 2:27:27 GMT
That's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you.
Forgive me for asking a stupid question, but what *should* we do in this type of situation? I mean, we as women are all (hopefully) taught self defense or at least smart maneuvers to get out of kidnapping or assault situations, but this type of subtle assault seems like a whole different creature. I honestly don't know what I'd do in this situation, and I feel like most likely I would freeze and not say anything and he would get away with something he's probably done over and over again.
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Post by annabella on Apr 14, 2016 2:37:51 GMT
That's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. Forgive me for asking a stupid question, but what *should* we do in this type of situation? I mean, we as women are all (hopefully) taught self defense or at least smart maneuvers to get out of kidnapping or assault situations, but this type of subtle assault seems like a whole different creature. I honestly don't know what I'd do in this situation, and I feel like most likely I would freeze and not say anything and he would get away with something he's probably done over and over again. While I think it's easy for everyone to sit here and type up what they would do, 20/20 is everything and I bet many people would freeze up in the situation. However I do think it's silly to remain standing so close to someone. You don't have to stand in a straight line, you can step to the side or let the guy behind you go in front of you. Confronting him in the store could lead to a confrontation in the parking lot, that's why I would have just walked away quietly and called 911. |
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Post by peasapie on Apr 14, 2016 2:39:35 GMT
Never had it happen, but I think smacking a stranger could be dangerous. I'm pretty sure I'd say something that I would intend to be demeaning.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 14, 2016 3:13:07 GMT
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.  I try to always be aware of my surroundings including the people who are around me. I don't like anyone I don't know well getting too close to my "bubble" so if I can't move forward or otherwise away from someone behind me, I would look directly at the guy so he would be aware that I could identify him, and I would say something like, "Excuse me, could you please back up a bit?" If the dude touched me after that, I would whip out my cell phone, take his photo, and then call 911. I wouldn't leave the place until the cops arrived. I was groped once in high school by someone I didn't know and I agree that initially you're so shocked that someone thought they could touch you inappropriately. I was stunned for a minute, and then I looked right at the dude and said, "What the hell? Get away from me!" Ugh. People can be pigs. |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666 
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Apr 14, 2016 3:17:42 GMT
That happened on the train in Boston this summer. I turned around and screamed 'did you seriously just touch me without my permission? Keep your hands to yourself you fucking creeper, how dare you!'
It was right as the door opened, he scurried and an older lady hit him with her newspaper.
I wish I'd been able to turn around fast enough to punch him right in the junk.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 14, 2016 3:29:49 GMT
That happened on the train in Boston this summer. I turned around and screamed 'did you seriously just touch me without my permission? Keep your hands to yourself you fucking creeper, how dare you!' It was right as the door opened, he scurried and an older lady hit him with her newspaper. I wish I'd been able to turn around fast enough to punch him right in the junk. I love this part.  |
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Post by gar on Apr 14, 2016 3:33:23 GMT
AussieMeg, that's disgusting! Would have put me right off the food shopping! I'm not one to cause scenes so I would probably either have given him a filthy stare or moved sufficiently out of his reach.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Apr 14, 2016 3:44:35 GMT
I'd have probably said. "What the f**k, dude! Keep your hands to yourself." and I would have made sure other people heard me.
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Post by worrywart on Apr 14, 2016 3:54:53 GMT
This exact same thing happened to me years ago at a scrapbook store (lol)...I thought it was weird that a man was browsing and then he groped me from behind - ewwwww....I was in such total shock that I just stood there for a minute and he ran out. Told the manager and she ran out and tried to find him - I was still dazed. It happened so fast and still wish I would have socked him one!
Don't beat yourself up - seriously it is hard to know how we will react in those situations. I am sorry that this happened to you!
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Post by alexa11 on Apr 14, 2016 4:03:09 GMT
What's wrong with people??? So sorry that this happened to you. I'm not sure what I would have done.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Apr 14, 2016 4:35:11 GMT
it happened to me when I was young and skinny, but mine was with a coworker. He touched my butt as he was passing me. I was absolutely shocked and completely over the sexual harassment I had been getting for months from the men I worked with. I yelled at him "Never touch me again, you freak!" Luckily I was holding a hose squirting hot water at the time and accidentally aimed it right at him. Completely soaked his pants in 120 degree water. I never admitted to anyone that the soaking was an accident (like he claimed the touching was, the jerk) and I never had a minutes trouble with harassment from anyone after that (even the creepy guy who was old enough to be my dad and wouldn't leave me alone.)
I've never had it happen with a stranger, though. I'm not sure I would be able to get over my shock fast enough to speak up. I would hope I could though. And I believe thinking through a situation and coming up with a plan if it ever happens to you can make a big difference in how well you react in the moment. So I've made my plan, so I can speak up now.
Even though loudly yelling his crime right there and then can put you at risk, I still think it's the right thing to do. the more we speak up, the more people understand how widespread the problem is. The more we speak up, the more likely it is that this will change. If we keep silent for fear of what the man will do, then we put ourselves and every woman at risk for this violation to never stop.
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Post by miominmio on Apr 14, 2016 6:58:29 GMT
I would slam my elbow in his solar plexus. Which is exactly what I did when it happened to me! The @sshole folded over and gasped for air. One of the most satisfying moments of my life!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Apr 14, 2016 7:03:02 GMT
I did exactly what you did when I was groped by strangers. I wish I could say I would react differently now, but a few months ago two different men made passes at me, and I was still surprised, and didn't handle it very assertively.
Some of us are just at not wired to see this coming or react quickly.
The book, "The Gift of Fear" is excellent, showing how the bad guys take advantage of the way women respond.
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Post by miominmio on Apr 14, 2016 7:05:36 GMT
Even though loudly yelling his crime right there and then can put you at risk, I still think it's the right thing to do. the more we speak up, the more people understand how widespread the problem is. The more we speak up, the more likely it is that this will change. If we keep silent for fear of what the man will do, then we put ourselves and every woman at risk for this violation to never stop.  We need to speak up, we really do! Otherwise, we'll end up like the islamic countries, where women can't leave the house unattended for fear of being assaulted. |
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Post by darkchami on Apr 14, 2016 7:42:00 GMT
I turned around and gave the guy my teacher look. It was instinctual. I will also say it worked amazingly well as he turned tail and took off.
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Post by blondiec47 on Apr 14, 2016 10:52:39 GMT
He would have gotten an elbow to the gut after he bumped me once. Not hard at first just enough to see if he would back off. After he touched my butt all bets are off.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 14, 2016 11:12:05 GMT
What I would like to have done and what I would have done would probably be two very different things.
I think I would have been so shocked and probably while still standing in line been thinking , Did that just happen?"
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
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Post by AnotherPea on Apr 14, 2016 11:12:39 GMT
Causing a scene isn't necessarily the best thing to do. Don't regret not doing it. I do tend towards that direction but I don't always feel great about it afterwards. Why would causing a scene not necessarily be the best thing to do? I would imagine there are calmer more effective ways to handle something like this. Whatever they are, they're not in my bag of tricks so I can't draw on them. Sometimes, after I've done what I thought I needed to do, it feels as though more focus is on the batshit crazy woman than the asswipe that started it. |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Apr 14, 2016 11:53:52 GMT
I think it's impossible to say what we would do. That's armchair guessing. If everyone always reacted loudly and defensively, sexual assault wouldn't happen very often at all. The shock makes it difficult to respond fast enough. What happens is you end up believing you SHOUKD have reacted loudly and defensively, but then didn't, and you get angry with yourself. To me, that's like adults expecting kids to kick and scream and run, when usually all they can do is remain paralyzed by fear or shock. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would love to say I would have turned around and yelled at him not to touch me, and then called the police, but I can't know for sure. I've even been in more than one similar situation, and I reacted differently each time. Once by being still, once by grabbing a knife. It's not courage or guts or lack of either, it's just that moment in time and the split second decision you made. Maybe he was dangerous enough that your instincts were to quietly remove yourself. You never know. By the end of today, this post might be full of women swearing they would have taken him down. But it's just impossible to predict. Don't be too hard on yourself. Request: Please post more often. I like your "voice." |
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
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Post by rickmer on Apr 14, 2016 12:09:50 GMT
i would do what i have instructed my teen DD to do when she came home and said someone did that to her on the streetcar.... say firmly and loud enough for others to hear "don't touch me" and move away.
i guarantee if i saw a woman or a young girl have that interaction with some guy on a streetcar, my eyes would be locked on him for the rest of the trip to ensure all was well.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Apr 14, 2016 12:29:05 GMT
I think it's impossible to say what we would do. That's armchair guessing. If everyone always reacted loudly and defensively, sexual assault wouldn't happen very often at all. The shock makes it difficult to respond fast enough. What happens is you end up believing you SHOUKD have reacted loudly and defensively, but then didn't, and you get angry with yourself. To me, that's like adults expecting kids to kick and scream and run, when usually all they can do is remain paralyzed by fear or shock. I'm sorry this happened to you. I would love to say I would have turned around and yelled at him not to touch me, and then called the police, but I can't know for sure. I've even been in more than one similar situation, and I reacted differently each time. Once by being still, once by grabbing a knife. It's not courage or guts or lack of either, it's just that moment in time and the split second decision you made. Maybe he was dangerous enough that your instincts were to quietly remove yourself. You never know. By the end of today, this post might be full of women swearing they would have taken him down. But it's just impossible to predict. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm actually kind of surprised that more posters wouldn't know exactly what they would do only because they'd already had to deal with it. I guess the groping thing isn't as common as I had thought. Maybe I'm just unlucky but it's happened to me a few times. |
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Apr 14, 2016 12:32:53 GMT
I'd have stepped back hard on his foot.
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Post by eversograceful1 on Apr 14, 2016 13:07:06 GMT
What would you have done? Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing you did. Me too |
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Post by arielsmom on Apr 14, 2016 13:30:24 GMT
Well, when I was 20, it happened to me, in my neighborhood pub. As I walked by, a slightly older guy grabbed me in the rear. I told him to knock it off. Later that evening, he did it again. As I had a beer or two in me, I yelled and then thru a right hook, catching him by surprise and squarely in the jaw. He went down, and hit his head on the edge of the bar, so was totally out. My friend was the bartender and he took me out the back door. Later I found out the owner of the pub had a talk with the offender. (the owner of the pub sponsored our ballteam and was very protective of us). I moved away a few months later, so don't know if he straightened out, but now, years later I see him on ads for his very successful business. I am sure that the beers gave me courage that I would not normally would have had.
Then, when I worked retail security, we were having issues in the ramp with a man exposing himself. One night, going up the stairwell, I encounter the man standing half way up, so I am at eye level with his crotch with his willie hanging out. For whatever reason, I started laughing hysterically, and that caused things to deflate, if you know what I mean. Not sure why I did that, but it worked for that situation.
some guys are just unbelievable jerks, aren't they? But now, with many years later, it is no longer something that would happen. I would cause a scene though, more effective than how I did handle it.
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Post by woodysbetty on Apr 14, 2016 13:46:05 GMT
How awful for you....I would have said something the minute he got close but I have serious space issues....not sure what I would have done if he touched me....that changes the whole thing from slightly weird to completely horrible....I think you reacted really well considering the context....
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 14, 2016 14:23:01 GMT
I would have turned around and said loudly DID YOU JUST GRAB MY ASS?  Or I would have screamed OUCH really loud! |
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We need to speak up, we really do! Otherwise, we'll end up like the islamic countries, where women can't leave the house unattended for fear of being assaulted. 
