Why I should be allowed to have a boyfriend by my 13 yo DD
Apr 17, 2016 4:55:31 GMT
KikiPea, msliz, and 6 more like this
Post by Hayjaker on Apr 17, 2016 4:55:31 GMT
One of my parenting policies is to not allow middle school dating/boyfriends/drama. This was my practice with my two older children and also with my youngest. She obviously disagrees, but has been mostly respectful. The conversation came up again last night and I told her to write me a 5-6 page essay, with sources, supporting her argument. This is what she submitted to me:
Why I Should Be Allowed To Date
I should be allowed to have a boyfriend. Many websites may argue saying stuff like “Middle schoolers aren’t mature enough to date”, or “Middle schoolers dating takes them away from their friends”, but I disagree. Just because I’m in middle school doesn’t mean I’m not mature or am going to ditch my friends for a boy. Middle school dating is not a bad thing. It can teach life lessons of dating and prepare me for future relationships that I will have(2).
Dating in middle school can benefit teenagers in many ways(2). Middle school dating can teach me affection for the other person in my relationship. Dating will also help me with communicating with others. Right now the only people I really talk to at school are S, M, and C. If I were to have a boyfriend I would be talking to people outside of my little friend circle. Dating would benefit me in many ways. I would still be me (1&5): I wouldn’t be labeled as so and so’s girlfriend, I would still be kind, smart, sporty, smiling ME
We would have boundaries(4). I wouldn’t go around kissing the boy I was in a relationship with; I probably would never kiss him. The only thing I would probably do with a boyfriend at my age is hold hands and hug him. I am well aware you, my mother, don’t want me kissing boys and I respect that. If there is anything else you don’t want me to do with a boy, tell me. You probably had talks with both Hayley and Jacob about their boyfriends and girlfriends, so I suppose we'll just have to talk.
I will always pick my friends over future boyfriends. S, M, and C would never let me pick a boy over them too. S has always told me when I have a boyfriend it will be like he’s dating both of us. I’m positive M and C will be the same way. Besides, We live in a small town where everyone at my school knows each other, so they probably wouldn’t have a problem with a boy hanging out with us. Also, M's boyfriend, Trevor, already hangs out with us so they shouldn’t have a problem with a boy I’m dating being there too.
If I do regret dating a boy at this age it will be all on me, and you can say “I told you so”, but right now I don’t think I’ll have any regrets about dating any boy. Dating can be a good life lesson and help me better understand what dating actually is. Right now to me dating is getting to know someone, holding their hand, hugging them and sitting by them at lunch. So it’s pretty much my boyfriend and I would be affectionate best friends with an official title.
Dating can now can also give me an idea of what I want in the future and how relationships really work. Middle school dating is like a blueprint(2&5). It gives teens important practice to manage relationships now and in the future. I don’t know what kind of boyfriend I want to have in the future and that’s what dating now would do for me. It will teach me what leads to a good relationships and bad, so in the future I can have successful relationships. Having a boyfriend can show me how these relationships work.
Dating can help teens begin to cooperate and compromise with partners(2&5). It also teaches them to resolve conflict without hostility or negotiation. These things can prepare me for better relationships when I’m older. Teens communicate their feelings and talk about their needs and will also learn to listen to how the other person feels. Dating is about learning about what the other person wants in a relationship.
There are many pros and cons to teen dating. Some cons include a middle school relationship can end quickly(1). People may say that could destroy a middle schoolers self esteem making them think they are unattractive, awkward, and that no one really likes them. I don’t think I’m unattractive, already know I’m awkward, and there are plenty of people that like me, so I’m not really worried about that! Other cons may be, students may fall behind in school if they are in a relationship. We both know that is probably not going to happen with me. I’m a straight A student and the only class I have with the boy I like is P.E.; a relatively easy class.
Dating would help discover my independant identity(2&5). Teenagers spend a lot of time with friends. Friendships with the opposite gender can give a new perspective of the world, giving me a more of an idea of adult life. Many teens base their relationships off of fantasies and being allowed to date can show these fantasies can sometimes be very wrong. Even if I learn fantasies are wrong and the real relationship could end quickly I’d be aware I want somebody I know and is really kind. Not someone I imagined was kind.
Dating can be seen as a privilege not a right(4). I should have to be mature to date;which I am. I should have good grades; I have a 4.0. So if dating is a privilege I think it’s one I’ve earned. I haven’t pressured you, my mother, about me having a boyfriend. I’ve liked boys and patiently waited until you say I can date. I think I’ve earned the ability to have a boyfriend.
All in all, I don’t see the big deal with middle schoolers dating. I hope these many, many reasons I have given you will change your mind. It wouldn’ be the end of the world if you still decided to say no, but it would be pretty cool if you were to say yes! I hope you change your mind and realize dating in middle school isn’t all that bad, but can actually be a good thing.
Sources:
www.imom.com/middle-school-romance-the-pros-and-cons/#.VxHT_jArLIV
www.livestrong.com/article/154840-positive-effects-of-dating-for-teenagers/
centralmiddlenews.wordpress.com/2015/12/17/should-middle-school-students-be-allowed-to-date/
jamimays.com/middle-schoolers-dating/
motherhood.modernmom.com/positive-effects-dating-teenagers-5729.html
Why I Should Be Allowed To Date
I should be allowed to have a boyfriend. Many websites may argue saying stuff like “Middle schoolers aren’t mature enough to date”, or “Middle schoolers dating takes them away from their friends”, but I disagree. Just because I’m in middle school doesn’t mean I’m not mature or am going to ditch my friends for a boy. Middle school dating is not a bad thing. It can teach life lessons of dating and prepare me for future relationships that I will have(2).
Dating in middle school can benefit teenagers in many ways(2). Middle school dating can teach me affection for the other person in my relationship. Dating will also help me with communicating with others. Right now the only people I really talk to at school are S, M, and C. If I were to have a boyfriend I would be talking to people outside of my little friend circle. Dating would benefit me in many ways. I would still be me (1&5): I wouldn’t be labeled as so and so’s girlfriend, I would still be kind, smart, sporty, smiling ME
We would have boundaries(4). I wouldn’t go around kissing the boy I was in a relationship with; I probably would never kiss him. The only thing I would probably do with a boyfriend at my age is hold hands and hug him. I am well aware you, my mother, don’t want me kissing boys and I respect that. If there is anything else you don’t want me to do with a boy, tell me. You probably had talks with both Hayley and Jacob about their boyfriends and girlfriends, so I suppose we'll just have to talk.
I will always pick my friends over future boyfriends. S, M, and C would never let me pick a boy over them too. S has always told me when I have a boyfriend it will be like he’s dating both of us. I’m positive M and C will be the same way. Besides, We live in a small town where everyone at my school knows each other, so they probably wouldn’t have a problem with a boy hanging out with us. Also, M's boyfriend, Trevor, already hangs out with us so they shouldn’t have a problem with a boy I’m dating being there too.
If I do regret dating a boy at this age it will be all on me, and you can say “I told you so”, but right now I don’t think I’ll have any regrets about dating any boy. Dating can be a good life lesson and help me better understand what dating actually is. Right now to me dating is getting to know someone, holding their hand, hugging them and sitting by them at lunch. So it’s pretty much my boyfriend and I would be affectionate best friends with an official title.
Dating can now can also give me an idea of what I want in the future and how relationships really work. Middle school dating is like a blueprint(2&5). It gives teens important practice to manage relationships now and in the future. I don’t know what kind of boyfriend I want to have in the future and that’s what dating now would do for me. It will teach me what leads to a good relationships and bad, so in the future I can have successful relationships. Having a boyfriend can show me how these relationships work.
Dating can help teens begin to cooperate and compromise with partners(2&5). It also teaches them to resolve conflict without hostility or negotiation. These things can prepare me for better relationships when I’m older. Teens communicate their feelings and talk about their needs and will also learn to listen to how the other person feels. Dating is about learning about what the other person wants in a relationship.
There are many pros and cons to teen dating. Some cons include a middle school relationship can end quickly(1). People may say that could destroy a middle schoolers self esteem making them think they are unattractive, awkward, and that no one really likes them. I don’t think I’m unattractive, already know I’m awkward, and there are plenty of people that like me, so I’m not really worried about that! Other cons may be, students may fall behind in school if they are in a relationship. We both know that is probably not going to happen with me. I’m a straight A student and the only class I have with the boy I like is P.E.; a relatively easy class.
Dating would help discover my independant identity(2&5). Teenagers spend a lot of time with friends. Friendships with the opposite gender can give a new perspective of the world, giving me a more of an idea of adult life. Many teens base their relationships off of fantasies and being allowed to date can show these fantasies can sometimes be very wrong. Even if I learn fantasies are wrong and the real relationship could end quickly I’d be aware I want somebody I know and is really kind. Not someone I imagined was kind.
Dating can be seen as a privilege not a right(4). I should have to be mature to date;which I am. I should have good grades; I have a 4.0. So if dating is a privilege I think it’s one I’ve earned. I haven’t pressured you, my mother, about me having a boyfriend. I’ve liked boys and patiently waited until you say I can date. I think I’ve earned the ability to have a boyfriend.
All in all, I don’t see the big deal with middle schoolers dating. I hope these many, many reasons I have given you will change your mind. It wouldn’ be the end of the world if you still decided to say no, but it would be pretty cool if you were to say yes! I hope you change your mind and realize dating in middle school isn’t all that bad, but can actually be a good thing.
Sources:
www.imom.com/middle-school-romance-the-pros-and-cons/#.VxHT_jArLIV
www.livestrong.com/article/154840-positive-effects-of-dating-for-teenagers/
centralmiddlenews.wordpress.com/2015/12/17/should-middle-school-students-be-allowed-to-date/
jamimays.com/middle-schoolers-dating/
motherhood.modernmom.com/positive-effects-dating-teenagers-5729.html