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Post by kelly316 on Apr 18, 2016 15:41:02 GMT
I didn't plan on you being a part of my life anymore than you planned on me being a part of yours. You divorced him and practically gave up your child. I don't need to replace you as a mother, I have a child of my own. You have nothing to be jealous about, you didn't want the life you had any longer. You have nothing to be angry about, I am nothing but cordial to you and your child. Even though you have never been much of a mother, I have never crossed any parenting boundaries. As I said, I have my own child. I wish I could have known the trouble you would TRY to cause. I probably would not have married into this life. However, I know you are miserable and misery loves company.
I'm sure this goes both ways, but I wish everyone could make the world a kinder place. I read this somewhere and had to share. It's perfect for today and I'm sure others can relate.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685 
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 18, 2016 15:53:47 GMT
while i understand the feeling (i, too, am i stepmom)
i don't like some of the things that she says in this paragraph
"i have a child of my own" - that just doesn't sit well with me
'had i know the trouble you'd cause....' - my husband's ex was horrible as well - but i love HIM and my stepson so much that i would have walked thru glass for them - they are worth it
i don't know - i get her frustration - but i just don't like some of her turns of phrase
and it would certainly hurt a stepchild if they ever read 'i have a child of my own'
gina
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 4:28:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 16:03:17 GMT
I know you didn't write it, but I think that's a pretty terrible sentiment and sharing those kinds of thoughts would do absolutely nothing constructive. The only end result would be more hard feelings and more difficulty getting along for the sake of the child's best interests.
It's fine to have those thoughts, but they should never be shared beyond one's husband.
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Post by kelly316 on Apr 18, 2016 16:11:56 GMT
I know you didn't write it, but I think that's a pretty terrible sentiment and sharing those kinds of thoughts would do absolutely nothing constructive. The only end result would be more hard feelings and more difficulty getting along for the sake of the child's best interests. It's fine to have those thoughts, but they should never be shared beyond one's husband. I agree, I read it as one of those things someone would write down and then tear up and throw away. |
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Post by hdoublej on Apr 18, 2016 16:13:28 GMT
I have to agree with the above posters. I think the statements about already having a child would be hurtful if that's how she conveys it to the child. I'm not sure how else the child would take comments like that actually. And in this circumstance, where the mother pretty much checked out, I think it would be even more hurtful. This child would need a step-mother to come in and love and care for the child as her own. This kind of makes me sad really.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 18, 2016 16:13:31 GMT
What is on the Internet stays on the Internet.
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Post by annabella on Apr 18, 2016 16:17:29 GMT
I think she's saying since she has own child she understands the mother child relationship and is staying in her own lane when it comes to her husbands child.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,956
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 18, 2016 16:17:41 GMT
I can relate some of this, too. - And I got really long with this!
I have been with my SO for 6 years. His daughter started kindergarten with him, she was living him because the mom called one day while daughter was at daycare saying that she was leaving and he needed to get daughter because she would not be. Basically, she abandoned her.
Daughter goes to kindergarten for 2 days, mom takes her and causes a scene. Child gets "removed from school" and can not go back. Mom takes child and moves to another city, 3 hours away. Trust me when I say, sometimes law enforcement does not work for the dad.
It took SO 2 years to finally get full legal custody of child. In agreement, mom is not to have her during school except every other weekend and every other Wednesday. She will have child in summer (aka, no responsibilities to get child to school).
In the 4 years with this agreement, the mom followed through for the first year. Second year, she just had her for the summer - no contact during school year.
3rd and 4th year, no contact unless we took daughter to maternal grandma's house.
We will see what this summer brings.
It is hard when you have to be the second mom. I have told her I am not here to replace her mom, she has a mom. I am here to nurture her, love her and help guide her and grow. Yes, I have a child, I have raised him to be a fine adult (he's 20). But, she needs a strong female presence in her life right now. I will be there for her.
As said earlier by previous poster, I love SO and I will be a part of both of their lives no matter what. I knew going in what the mom was like (however, I have been flabbergasted by some of what she will do) but that won't keep me from loving SO and daughter.
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Post by kelly316 on Apr 18, 2016 16:22:51 GMT
I think she's saying since she has own child she understands the mother child relationship and is staying in her own lane when it comes to her husbands child. That is exactly how I read it. I didn't think she meant it offensively. |
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,403
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Post by amom23 on Apr 18, 2016 16:48:20 GMT
Growing up I had the opposite experience. My parents divorced and my dad remarried. New wife didn't like us kids and my dad eventually for the most part ended contact with us. How sad is that to reckon with as a child? Took me years of adulthood to make sense and to make peace with it.
I find it really sad when people can't put the needs of the children ahead of their own.
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Post by whopea on Apr 18, 2016 17:00:04 GMT
I think she's saying since she has own child she understands the mother child relationship and is staying in her own lane when it comes to her husbands child. That is exactly how I read it. I didn't think she meant it offensively. Taken with the sentence preceding it (you have never been much of a mother), it's a little hard to not take it as a judgmental slam. It would be ideal if divorcing couples took care to nurture the lives of their child before their own, but they don't. It's sad. |
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Post by whopea on Apr 18, 2016 17:05:20 GMT
Growing up I had the opposite experience. My parents divorced and my dad remarried. New wife didn't like us kids and my dad eventually for the most part ended contact with us. How sad is that to reckon with as a child? Took me years of adulthood to make sense and to make peace with it. I find it really sad when people can't put the needs of the children ahead of their own. I'm sorry amom. That really sucks. I hope you're able to get to a place in which you know that it was his weakness of character and had nothing to do with you. Peace. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 4:28:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2016 19:08:50 GMT
Post by kelly316 on 3 hours ago
I didn't plan on you being a part of my life anymore than you planned on me being a part of yours. You divorced him and practically gave up your child. I don't need to replace you as a mother, I have a child of my own. You have nothing to be jealous about, you didn't want the life you had any longer. You have nothing to be angry about, I am nothing but cordial to you and your child. Even though you have never been much of a mother, I have never crossed any parenting boundaries. As I said, I have my own child. I wish I could have known the trouble you would TRY to cause. I probably would not have married into this life. However, I know you are miserable and misery loves company.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sounds like something my ex's 2nd wife did write on facebook. Problem was, everything was filtered through him. She still has no idea why we divorced (he spins it that I left him, he leaves out the part about threatening my life) Until recently she thought I had little to no contact with our kids.
Reality is, you marry a man with kids you are getting an ex-wife and those kids for the rest of your life. The rampant "I'm better than you" in that letter says she never sees the first wife as a real living woman.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,788
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Apr 18, 2016 19:15:19 GMT
I agree with voltagain. My DDs first stepmom had that attitude. Sadly for her and his next two children she is finding out first hand that he is a POS and gets to hear all that fun stuff from his new wife. I've never regretted taking the high road. There were LOTS of opportunities not to and I'm forever thankful I had my family to vent to, but you can be sure my kids never heard an ill word spoke of their dad or any of the situations he was in. They figured it out on their own. |
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Post by angie3dpea on Apr 18, 2016 20:34:32 GMT
Growing up I had the opposite experience. My parents divorced and my dad remarried. New wife didn't like us kids and my dad eventually for the most part ended contact with us. How sad is that to reckon with as a child? Took me years of adulthood to make sense and to make peace with it. I find it really sad when people can't put the needs of the children ahead of their own. This is exactly what my kids are dealing with. He takes them for their every other weekend and that's it. No school nights, no school activities, only shows up at sports if it's his weekend and has to get them there. They can't do much over there cause she has to study/do laundry/excuses out the ass. And her kid bullies mine. And I know it's her driving it cause I've talked to my ex's family and even my ex about it. He says he's working on it but whatever. My youngest has already written dad off. It's honestly really sad. I hope my ex finally gets his balls back one day and at least starts trying... |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 18, 2016 21:37:22 GMT
I wish my husband's ex wife could see how hard I try to be a good stepmother. My kids stepmother tries very hard and it wasn't easy for her either as she was only like 24 when she came into two preteen kids and does not have children of her own. She's done right by my kids. And I really hope most of all my stepdaughters can see how much I care about them.
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Post by Outspoken on Apr 18, 2016 21:58:52 GMT
I wish my husband's ex wife could see how hard I try to be a good stepmother. My kids stepmother tries very hard and it wasn't easy for her either as she was only like 24 when she came into two preteen kids and does not have children of her own. She's done right by my kids. And I really hope most of all my stepdaughters can see how much I care about them. Have you ever conveyed your sentiment to the stepmother of your children? It's such a nice thing to think about her and I bet it would make her feel really good!  |
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Post by papersilly on Apr 18, 2016 22:06:41 GMT
I wish I could have known the trouble you would TRY to cause. I probably would not have married into this life. I think this is a fair statement because I've heard people say it. hind sight is 20/20. and it's true, you marry into this life, crazy ex-wife and all and some people can't and won't do it. love is one thing but it's not everything especially if that ex-life is problematic. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 18, 2016 22:11:34 GMT
I wish my husband's ex wife could see how hard I try to be a good stepmother. My kids stepmother tries very hard and it wasn't easy for her either as she was only like 24 when she came into two preteen kids and does not have children of her own. She's done right by my kids. And I really hope most of all my stepdaughters can see how much I care about them. Have you ever conveyed your sentiment to the stepmother of your children? It's such a nice thing to think about her and I bet it would make her feel really good! I did. We had an incident almost two years ago that involved one of our kids and we had a parents and stepparents meeting about it. I told her then that I thought she was doing a good job and that I could appreciate that she cared about my kids. |
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 18, 2016 23:00:13 GMT
I'm confused is Kelly not the Op.?
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Apr 19, 2016 0:22:12 GMT
You have nothing to be angry about, I am nothing but cordial to you and your child.
I know you are venting but it sounds like your stepchild is an inconvenience. If you love your dh, your arms and heart should be open to his child and he/she should be treated as your own. Sad.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 19, 2016 0:28:55 GMT
I didn't plan on you being a part of my life anymore than you planned on me being a part of yours. You divorced him and practically gave up your child. I don't need to replace you as a mother, I have a child of my own. You have nothing to be jealous about, you didn't want the life you had any longer. You have nothing to be angry about, I am nothing but cordial to you and your child. Even though you have never been much of a mother, I have never crossed any parenting boundaries. As I said, I have my own child. I wish I could have known the trouble you would TRY to cause. I probably would not have married into this life. However, I know you are miserable and misery loves company. I'm sure this goes both ways, but I wish everyone could make the world a kinder place. I read this somewhere and had to share. It's perfect for today and I'm sure that others can relate.I think that this is a quote that the OP wanted to share, at least that is how I comprehended this post. |
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Apr 19, 2016 0:49:06 GMT
I'm confused is Kelly not the Op.? I think Kelly shared a quote in the OP and said it was perfect for today. And then in the next post thought the quote should have been thrown away. And then in the next post defended the author of the quote. I think Kelly is on drugs. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 19, 2016 1:10:19 GMT
I'm confused is Kelly not the Op.? I think Kelly shared a quote in the OP and said it was perfect for today. And then in the next post thought the quote should have been thrown away. And then in the next post defended the author of the quote. I think Kelly is on drugs. Always succinnt! |
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 19, 2016 2:55:46 GMT
I am not even sure what the original quote is getting at, but regarding the step-parent/step-child relationship, people always seem so black and white: "You MUST love that child just like your own!" It is rarely that simple, and I find it really frustrating that people are so judgmental about it. Being a step-parent is hard and everybody is different. People are often thrown into complex dynamics and there is a lot of pressure.
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Post by kelly316 on Apr 19, 2016 12:14:56 GMT
I am not even sure what the original quote is getting at, but regarding the step-parent/step-child relationship, people always seem so black and white: "You MUST love that child just like your own!" It is rarely that simple, and I find it really frustrating that people are so judgmental about it. Being a step-parent is hard and everybody is different. People are often thrown into complex dynamics and there is a lot of pressure. Perfectly stated. |
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Post by whopea on Apr 19, 2016 12:26:56 GMT
I am not even sure what the original quote is getting at, but regarding the step-parent/step-child relationship, people always seem so black and white: "You MUST love that child just like your own!" It is rarely that simple, and I find it really frustrating that people are so judgmental about it. Being a step-parent is hard and everybody is different. People are often thrown into complex dynamics and there is a lot of pressure. Being a step-parent is hard, but no one is thrown into complex dynamics. The kid existed prior to a re-marriage - it's not as if they magically appeared. Some people go into a second marriage thinking it will all be ok because I love him / her (new spouse) and it's never that easy. |
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Post by not2peased on Apr 19, 2016 12:36:50 GMT
I am not even sure what the original quote is getting at, but regarding the step-parent/step-child relationship, people always seem so black and white: "You MUST love that child just like your own!" It is rarely that simple, and I find it really frustrating that people are so judgmental about it. Being a step-parent is hard and everybody is different. People are often thrown into complex dynamics and there is a lot of pressure. agreed! |
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 19, 2016 12:44:10 GMT
I am not even sure what the original quote is getting at, but regarding the step-parent/step-child relationship, people always seem so black and white: "You MUST love that child just like your own!" It is rarely that simple, and I find it really frustrating that people are so judgmental about it. Being a step-parent is hard and everybody is different. People are often thrown into complex dynamics and there is a lot of pressure. And the flip side is complex and difficult too-being the biological mother who now has to deal with new situations that involve having to fold in the parenting efforts of a person who doesn't start off with the same emotional connection to the children that you do. It is a learning curve for them, and for you as you navigate through the process-it is hard enough to share parenting duties with the person that you had chosen as the parent of your kids-and now you have to add a third person (or fourth when you remarry) that more often than not has a different parenting style. Sometimes that learning curve is ugly-because it isn't just about parenting, it is also about navigating relationships between adults that don't always see eye to eye to begin with. |
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Post by scrapsotime on Apr 19, 2016 12:50:03 GMT
Being a step-parent is even harder on here, because the 2peas step-parent manual has a lot of rules.
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