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Post by Sorrel on Apr 20, 2016 19:11:46 GMT
I guess in your world moms walk out on their kids all the time then. Not usually in mine, divorced or otherwise. Especially from a stay at home mom who claimed to live for her kid.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,080
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 20, 2016 21:31:39 GMT
I guess in your world moms walk out on their kids all the time then. Not usually in mine, divorced or otherwise. Especially from a stay at home mom who claimed to live for her kid. what if the child decided he wanted to live with dad? In my world once kids exist all options are on the radar...I could be a single mom tomorrow. I'd stress and complain and panic, but I wouldn't say it was never on my radar since I have 3 existing children so it's a possibility through death, divorce or abandonment. In my world situations change all the time, especially during/after divorce. And certainly in my world I don't think a kid is fine after a divorce at age 9, there are life long impacts that will surface well into adulthood.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,080
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 20, 2016 21:32:59 GMT
I guess in your world moms walk out on their kids all the time then. Not usually in mine, divorced or otherwise. Especially from a stay at home mom who claimed to live for her kid. Maybe she just couldn't live without him 50% of the time or bear to have been dumped by the ex, so to save her sanity she completely checked out? We aren't supposed to judge right??
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Apr 20, 2016 21:38:30 GMT
While I certainly understand that it isn't easy being a step-parent (especially to children still young enough to live at home), the reality is that anyone who marries another person with children knows that there is the possibility that there will be upheaval in their lives due to either the kids or the ex. If you go into it pretending that possibility doesn't exist, then you're naive (at best).
I refused to become intimately involved with a man who had children living at home. Period. My dh and I started dating when his youngest was a high school sr and going off to college several months later and my children were both adults living on their own. I don't regret my choice at all. I've never had to deal with his kids' issues and never had to deal with his ex's issues. Works for me. Now I understand the whole "but I love him" mantra, but again, the reality is that a relationship with a person who has children from a previous relationship is often a recipe for unhappiness.
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 20, 2016 22:00:24 GMT
I guess in your world moms walk out on their kids all the time then. Not usually in mine, divorced or otherwise. Especially from a stay at home mom who claimed to live for her kid. Maybe she just couldn't live without him 50% of the time or bear to have been dumped by the ex, so to save her sanity she completely checked out? We aren't supposed to judge right?? Hence the Prince Charming comment, right? Give your high horse a pat on the head for me, seriously. Are you divorced? Do you have stepchildren?
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 20, 2016 22:09:12 GMT
While I certainly understand that it isn't easy being a step-parent (especially to children still young enough to live at home), the reality is that anyone who marries another person with children knows that there is the possibility that there will be upheaval in their lives due to either the kids or the ex. If you go into it pretending that possibility doesn't exist, then you're naive (at best). I refused to become intimately involved with a man who had children living at home. Period. My dh and I started dating when his youngest was a high school sr and going off to college several months later and my children were both adults living on their own. I don't regret my choice at all. I've never had to deal with his kids' issues and never had to deal with his ex's issues. Works for me. Now I understand the whole "but I love him" mantra, but again, the reality is that a relationship with a person who has children from a previous relationship is often a recipe for unhappiness. Neither of us were expecting sunshine and roses, and we have handled things very well. I have an excellent relationship with my ex husband and we co-parent very well, and our daughters are doing great. Despite all that, apparently it's unforgivable and beyond belief to some people that a person might be surprised that a mom would abandon her kid and that it was a real challenge to help him cope.
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 20, 2016 22:13:07 GMT
I guess in your world moms walk out on their kids all the time then. Not usually in mine, divorced or otherwise. Especially from a stay at home mom who claimed to live for her kid. what if the child decided he wanted to live with dad? In my world once kids exist all options are on the radar...I could be a single mom tomorrow. I'd stress and complain and panic, but I wouldn't say it was never on my radar since I have 3 existing children so it's a possibility through death, divorce or abandonment. In my world situations change all the time, especially during/after divorce. And certainly in my world I don't think a kid is fine after a divorce at age 9, there are life long impacts that will surface well into adulthood. How wonderful for you that you are never taken by surprise by anything. Would you like a gold medal?
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Apr 20, 2016 22:14:03 GMT
As a family lawyer I've seen all sides and all issues. Your reaction is one many mother's face not only when they abandon kids (which we all agree is reprehensible) but even if they agree to give the father primary custody. It always irks me that if a man who agrees to allow the mother to have primary custody of the children no one thinks anything about it or any less about him. But god-forbid a woman decides it's best for the kids to have primary custody. People always look down on her and whisper "what did she do that she lost custody?"0
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 20, 2016 22:29:10 GMT
Fwiw I agree with you. I think it's just as terrible for a dad to walk out on his kids than it is for a mom to do it. And certainly if families come to a mutual arrangement where the mom has less custody then fine, I don't judge that at all. It was just a bit shocking when stepson's mom announced she was moving in one month's time to go live with a guy across the country she basically just met. She gave no sign of anything like that before and constantly claimed how important her son was to her. DSS was stunned.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 20, 2016 22:37:10 GMT
As a family lawyer I've seen all sides and all issues. Your reaction is one many mother's face not only when they abandon kids (which we all agree is reprehensible) but even if they agree to give the father primary custody. It always irks me that if a man who agrees to allow the mother to have primary custody of the children no one thinks anything about it or any less about him. But god-forbid a woman decides it's best for the kids to have primary custody. People always look down on her and whisper "what did she do that she lost custody?"0 I don't look down on women who don't have custody of their kids. In fact, I think it's more troubling that the default is giving custody to the mother. It should be who is the more stable parent. In our case, 50-50 custody isn't possible because of where each parent lives, parent work schedules, and the logistics of getting kids to their schools.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Apr 20, 2016 22:39:36 GMT
I agree.
I agree with this too. Sadly, the reality is that mothers are more often than not the "default" custodial parent but they also get looked down upon in those instances they are not the custodial parent.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,080
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 20, 2016 23:05:16 GMT
Maybe she just couldn't live without him 50% of the time or bear to have been dumped by the ex, so to save her sanity she completely checked out? We aren't supposed to judge right?? Hence the Prince Charming comment, right? Give your high horse a pat on the head for me, seriously. Are you divorced? Do you have stepchildren? I am a child of divorce going through a divorce and will absolutely not entertain re marriage while the children are still at home.
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Post by *leslie* on Apr 20, 2016 23:37:04 GMT
What is it about these women that leave their husbands and children and then get angry when the husband has moved on and found someone else?
My brother in laws's STBX wife had an affair, moved out and only has the kids when she absolutely has to. Her 2nd affair partner is her 1st priority. The kids don't even want to go to her house because they get ignored. Yet she has all this irrational anger toward my brother in law. For what, trying to reconcile their marriage for the past 3 years then giving up and filing for divorce? It's crazy! I mean, this is what she wanted. He can't even have a normal conversation with her. Her anger is going to skyrocket when he meets someone special and brings her around the kids.
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 21, 2016 1:47:15 GMT
Hence the Prince Charming comment, right? Give your high horse a pat on the head for me, seriously. Are you divorced? Do you have stepchildren? I am a child of divorce going through a divorce and will absolutely not entertain re marriage while the children are still at home. Good luck. I hope that works out for you. In my situation it really wouldn't have mattered if we were married or not, and I am glad DH and I have each other for love and support.
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Post by Sorrel on Apr 21, 2016 1:48:45 GMT
What is it about these women that leave their husbands and children and then get angry when the husband has moved on and found someone else? My brother in laws's STBX wife had an affair, moved out and only has the kids when she absolutely has to. Her 2nd affair partner is her 1st priority. The kids don't even want to go to her house because they get ignored. Yet she has all this irrational anger toward my brother in law. For what, trying to reconcile their marriage for the past 3 years then giving up and filing for divorce? It's crazy! I mean, this is what she wanted. He can't even have a normal conversation with her. Her anger is going to skyrocket when he meets someone special and brings her around the kids. That's truly unfortunate. Luckily my step-son's mom doesn't act angry to me or DH, and for that I am grateful.
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Post by kelly316 on Apr 21, 2016 19:18:23 GMT
What is it about these women that leave their husbands and children and then get angry when the husband has moved on and found someone else? My brother in laws's STBX wife had an affair, moved out and only has the kids when she absolutely has to. Her 2nd affair partner is her 1st priority. The kids don't even want to go to her house because they get ignored. Yet she has all this irrational anger toward my brother in law. For what, trying to reconcile their marriage for the past 3 years then giving up and filing for divorce? It's crazy! I mean, this is what she wanted. He can't even have a normal conversation with her. Her anger is going to skyrocket when he meets someone special and brings her around the kids. One of life's great mysteries. I don't get it either.
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