Somewhat fluff thread...moral obligation to help out ex?

No more than anyone is obligated to help out to the best of their ability.

I would feel no obligation to help out my ex husband if I were in this situation.  Granted, I don't know what it's like to make more money than I really need.  We don't have a lot of extras, so I wouldn't have extra to give right now.  But I would help him out with the kids, if he needed that.  

I'm a bit surprised by the replies.

This is the mother of his 8 year old dd and his disabled son. He'd have to be an asshole to not step up and help his children's mother.

Honest question here..... if someone is autistic are they considered to be disabled? 

some one who has autism is probably disabled --by definition, there is a deficit in functioning..social, emotional, executive functioning, maybe speech, and so on. about 10-15% are able to work.

Resentment can run very deep. In that the wife was the cheater, he may be quite bitter. It would be very nice if he can find it in his heart to contribute to the surgery fund and hopefully he will do so.

Actually, I do feel that he should help if he can, They share children together, and, what hurts her hurts them. How would their children feel to know their father could easily have helped ther mother --assuming that is true--and he didn't?

I'm very surprised at most of the responses so far. My ex was a lying, cheating bastard, and I would still feel that, as the father of my children, I would and should help him if I could.

I think there are two separate issues here that are getting confused. One is, does he have money to help, based on his social media posts? That's obviously not clear, and you can't contribute what you don't have. But, yeesh, I'd like to think that if my husband and I divorced, and he was raising our kids, and our kids were, you know, kind of attached to him, and he was maybe going to die or be debilitated and leave them without a father, that I'd be willing to help out to prevent that from happening, if I could, for the sake of my kids.

I find the $20,000 amount suspect.  The actual surgery I would think would be much more than this, what about health insurance? I know there are some high deductibles out there, but $20k?  Something is very "off" unless I'm off the mark in wondering about this amount. 

My answer is no. Unless I'm misunderstanding the situation, she is still going to have the surgery. The $20K will just help with the medical bills. With that said though, if this was a life or death situation and the $20K were to save her life and he could afford it, then I'd say yes, for the sake of the children.

The thing is, she is going to have the surgery no matter what he does and no matter how much money is raised. I had brain surgery myself and the extra bills came nowhere near that. In fact, I don't think there were any. As far as the medical bills, insurance paid most of it and if I had wanted, I could have paid out the rest.

I know this woman is in a different situation than I was with the three kids, but surely she has friends who can help out without charging. What expenses is this $20,000 supposed to cover? The 19 year old is better served by learning how to take up the house hold reins to help out instead of fund raising IMHO. She could be a great help to her mother in helping with the younger two and keeping the home going while mother is out of commission. I know many of us were running homes and children by that age.

The father should not feel pressured to help out with money. His ex wife decided she did not need him in the past and now she has to ive with that decision. He can be there emotionaly for the kids and perhaps check in on them to be sure they are handling it OK but should not worry about the ex wife. To expect more from him when his priority should be his new family and new wife is not rational. How do you think the new wife would feel if he became monetarily involved in his ex?

I agree that his obligations is whatever is outlined in their divorce agreement as far as money and custody goes.

As a father, I'd hope he'd at least help out with the younger children a little more, even if it's more time with them, transportation, something, anything.

As a person, I wouldn't expect him to contribute to any fund to help cover lost wages or the deductible.

I helped my ex out in many ways. I paid for groceries even when he made three times as much money. I picked up the kids nearly everyday from school, took them to practices and games, etc. He never paid me back, gave me gas money or even offered to pick them up on his off days. Now I don't help him at all.