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Post by whopea on May 2, 2016 16:02:36 GMT
In my fifties and I don't have to care what others think. I made it this far and I have some gray hairs that let me know that I've earned my spot in this universe! ETA: This doesn't mean that I have the right be mean or judgmental. It just means that I'm not a teenager and do not need to be self conscious and think the world is staring at me. My theme song wants to be, "I'm not getting older, but I am getting wiser". Too often when people reach a certain age, they think they've earned the right to say / do whatever they choose without regard to the consequences. I've got a MIL and FIL that way. Because they've both reached the 80's, they've earned the right to not care what others think so they both spew some of the meanest, cruelest things. When called on their behavior, they say they're old and they've earned the right to say what's on their mind. Our response? They've also earned the right to accept the consequences. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 2, 2016 16:06:44 GMT
Yes and I don't give a fuck if someone is offended at me thinking that armpit hair is gross and I wouldn't want it in my wedding g pictures. This. |
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Post by peasapie on May 2, 2016 16:07:51 GMT
Good for you! I'm 59. I used to care what people thought until I was about 45, when my mom (who used to care what people think) passed away. After that, all bets were off.
I've never cared what people on 2PR think, unless I think I inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. Which I sometimes can do.
I care about being a good person IRL.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828 
Location: Ontario,Canada
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Post by oldcrow on May 2, 2016 16:08:31 GMT
After dealing with stupid $hit in my life and reading some crazy threads here, I have realized that I don't give a f*ck what anyone's opinions of me are, really. Not that I'm going to try and convince you otherwise, it's just that it doesn't bother me what anyone else thinks of me or what I do. I'm curious, if you don't care what anyone else thinks of you, why don't you just say fuck instead of f*ck?  It helps keep it off the list when people make a search for the word phuque. |
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Post by scrapmaven on May 2, 2016 16:08:55 GMT
In my fifties and I don't have to care what others think. I made it this far and I have some gray hairs that let me know that I've earned my spot in this universe! ETA: This doesn't mean that I have the right be mean or judgmental. It just means that I'm not a teenager and do not need to be self conscious and think the world is staring at me. My theme song wants to be, "I'm not getting older, but I am getting wiser". Too often when people reach a certain age, they think they've earned the right to say / do whatever they choose without regard to the consequences. I've got a MIL and FIL that way. Because they've both reached the 80's, they've earned the right to not care what others think so they both spew some of the meanest, cruelest things. When called on their behavior, they say they're old and they've earned the right to say what's on their mind. Our response? They've also earned the right to accept the consequences. Agreed. That's why I added the caveat that it doesn't give me the right to be mean. That means that I follow the same rules as everyone else, but don't worry about people's attitudes twd me the way a teenager does. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 2, 2016 16:11:54 GMT
Yup, I'm at that point, too. I'm about to lose my filter at DH's mother... I'll give you a dollar if you lose it with her and then come back and tell us all about it.  I'll double that challenge! |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 2, 2016 16:13:35 GMT
In my fifties and I don't have to care what others think. I made it this far and I have some gray hairs that let me know that I've earned my spot in this universe! ETA: This doesn't mean that I have the right be mean or judgmental. It just means that I'm not a teenager and do not need to be self conscious and think the world is staring at me. My theme song wants to be, "I'm not getting older, but I am getting wiser". Too often when people reach a certain age, they think they've earned the right to say / do whatever they choose without regard to the consequences. I've got a MIL and FIL that way. Because they've both reached the 80's, they've earned the right to not care what others think so they both spew some of the meanest, cruelest things. When called on their behavior, they say they're old and they've earned the right to say what's on their mind. Our response? They've also earned the right to accept the consequences. My mother is like that. No filter. Selectively by sibling, thus ZERO relationship with her now, because I'm done with that shit! |
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Deleted
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Sept 28, 2024 22:24:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 16:24:45 GMT
There are some parents who may have misunderstood the OP when she yelled "good job" vs. "good effort" or "nice try" when her DD struck out. I know what the OP meant, but to others, it could be misinterpreted for not taking the game seriously and if this is middle or high school sports, parents can be pretty serious about the game. I've reached a point in my life where there are times I don't care and I have to tell myself that I should because my thoughts and actions can impact those I care about. In the instance above, should OP care what others think? Certainly not. But for me, if my DD's teammates were to judge my DD for my actions, then I likely would. My kids were on dozens and dozens teams. Parents shouted all kinds of stuff at their kids. Unless they were being cruel to a child, I never saw anyone care what they said. You would have to be a pretty unhappy person to be that mean to your kid. While I don't think anyone would be mean to another child, I could see how their annoyance for another parent may result in that child being distanced from theirs. |
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
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Post by valincal on May 2, 2016 19:18:06 GMT
I'm just gonna put this here...    |
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Post by mikklynn on May 2, 2016 19:59:26 GMT
Yup, I'm at that point, too. I'm about to lose my filter at DH's mother... I'll give you a dollar if you lose it with her and then come back and tell us all about it. I should! The only thing stopping me is it would upset DH. |
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Post by 950nancy on May 2, 2016 21:22:08 GMT
My kids were on dozens and dozens teams. Parents shouted all kinds of stuff at their kids. Unless they were being cruel to a child, I never saw anyone care what they said. You would have to be a pretty unhappy person to be that mean to your kid. While I don't think anyone would be mean to another child, I could see how their annoyance for another parent may result in that child being distanced from theirs. I found a few parents much more annoying than their kids! Sports really brings out the bear in some people.  |
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by M in Carolina on May 3, 2016 2:45:31 GMT
I'll give you a dollar if you lose it with her and then come back and tell us all about it. I should! The only thing stopping me is it would upset DH. I totally agree with you. I respect my dh too much to upset him by creating drama with his parents. He'll bear the brunt of it, and his parents aren't going to change. It's like the Winston Churchill quote--Don't wrestle with pigs--they enjoy it and you'll just get muddy. I love the song Bitch Dh says it's my theme song--not in a bad way--he admires the fact that I'm a spitfire and am courageous to stand up to people who aren't nice or are cruel. I like what I like, and I don't waste time worrying that somebody might not like me. I do care about not hurting people, but other than that, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's ok if we don't agree. (as long as they're not supporting bullying, racism, etc.) I really stopped caring about what people thought of me after my stroke. I lost my filter. Life is too short to be bullied into staying quiet about people treating others badly just so you don't rock the boat. In the fundy churches I grew up in, women are indoctrinated that "good girls" do what they're told. They're to defer to their male "superiors" and "stay sweet". Nope. Not me. I refused to just stay silent while people gossip and bully others into submission--especially when they pervert God's word for their own uses. My dad dying further cemented this for me. I want to be a strong person who encourages others and stands up for what's right. Dh says that he has no problem with me being a strong woman. We believe that we should encourage each other to be stronger. I think it's fun to talk about all sorts of things, and even though I don't want this to be true--sometimes small things do get to me. Venting to others and knowing I'm not alone makes everything more bearable. Small things do add up. |
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 3, 2016 3:18:40 GMT
I read the thread about the bridesmaid's armpit hair, and I think to myself: really?? You want to devote your time and energy to worrying about that?I was agreeing with you up to here. Seriously? No-one is curing cancer or brokering world peace here. It's a just message board and we're pretty much all wasting time and talking shit 99% of the time. I highly doubt anyone who posted on a thread about armpit hair is lying awake losing sleep over it. Implying that you're "too evolved/intelligent" etc to be talking about a certain topic here is a pretty pissy attitude and probably why you are getting some of those responses in real life too. I wasn't implying that I am too evolved/intelligent to be talking about a certain topic here. I was reacting to the extremes some people would go to (kicking a groomsman out of the wedding party because he wouldn't shave his beard), when in the end, isn't it just important who is there to celebrate with you? The only response in real life I was getting was from DH when I cheered for DD. Nowhere else. I think you are reading way too much into what I wrote. |
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 3, 2016 3:21:56 GMT
950nancy - it was my husband! He was criticizing me for cheering Good Job! He told me I should be saying Good Try. *rolls eyes* This isn't the first time he's done that when I cheered her on. Basically, I told him I was an adult, and I can cheer for my daughter however I damn well please! The other time just boggles my mind: I cheered her on after she did something (I forget what exactly), and he told me I shouldn't cheer for something that she should have done right, because it only would point out the times that she did it wrong. I still don't understand his thinking on that one. I think it's awesome to get to the point in your life when you live it on your terms without regard to what others think of *you*. When you involve others in your don't give a hoot attitude though, it's a different story. What I mean is, when you cheer "good job" to your dd for striking out, I imagine it's not only your dh who is looking at you quizzically. Sooner or later, a kid in the dugout is going to ask your dd 'why does your mom say good job when you strike out? - that's weird' or something like that. You don't want to put your dd in the position of having to explain mom's life view. I've spent years going to softball and baseball games and not once heard a 'good job' on a strike-out. I've heard 'it's all right', 'good try', 'shake it off' or all sorts of positive messages, but not good job. Nope, her teammates know me. I support everyone on the team, no matter how they play. I wasn't cheering Good Job like she hit a home run, it was more like Good job like good try. Anyway, no harm, no foul. |
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 3, 2016 3:24:33 GMT
After dealing with stupid $hit in my life and reading some crazy threads here, I have realized that I don't give a f*ck what anyone's opinions of me are, really. Not that I'm going to try and convince you otherwise, it's just that it doesn't bother me what anyone else thinks of me or what I do. I'm curious, if you don't care what anyone else thinks of you, why don't you just say fuck instead of f*ck? As someone mentioned earlier, it's about picking up this message board when people search for certain words/terms. It has nothing to do with how someone thinks of me. |
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 3, 2016 3:26:43 GMT
In my fifties and I don't have to care what others think. I made it this far and I have some gray hairs that let me know that I've earned my spot in this universe! ETA: This doesn't mean that I have the right be mean or judgmental. It just means that I'm not a teenager and do not need to be self conscious and think the world is staring at me. My theme song wants to be, "I'm not getting older, but I am getting wiser". Too often when people reach a certain age, they think they've earned the right to say / do whatever they choose without regard to the consequences. I've got a MIL and FIL that way. Because they've both reached the 80's, they've earned the right to not care what others think so they both spew some of the meanest, cruelest things. When called on their behavior, they say they're old and they've earned the right to say what's on their mind. Our response? They've also earned the right to accept the consequences. I agree, there's a big difference between not caring what others think and not having a filter. I am not going up to people and telling them terrible things! I just am through worrying about how others may think of my decisions about my life. In the end, we're all alone anyway, so I'm the only one whose opinion matters regarding my life. |
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Post by mikklynn on May 3, 2016 12:26:25 GMT
I should! The only thing stopping me is it would upset DH. I totally agree with you. I respect my dh too much to upset him by creating drama with his parents. He'll bear the brunt of it, and his parents aren't going to change. It's like the Winston Churchill quote--Don't wrestle with pigs--they enjoy it and you'll just get muddy. I love the song Bitch Dh says it's my theme song--not in a bad way--he admires the fact that I'm a spitfire and am courageous to stand up to people who aren't nice or are cruel. I like what I like, and I don't waste time worrying that somebody might not like me. I do care about not hurting people, but other than that, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's ok if we don't agree. (as long as they're not supporting bullying, racism, etc.) I really stopped caring about what people thought of me after my stroke. I lost my filter. Life is too short to be bullied into staying quiet about people treating others badly just so you don't rock the boat. In the fundy churches I grew up in, women are indoctrinated that "good girls" do what they're told. They're to defer to their male "superiors" and "stay sweet". Nope. Not me. I refused to just stay silent while people gossip and bully others into submission--especially when they pervert God's word for their own uses. My dad dying further cemented this for me. I want to be a strong person who encourages others and stands up for what's right. Dh says that he has no problem with me being a strong woman. We believe that we should encourage each other to be stronger. I think it's fun to talk about all sorts of things, and even though I don't want this to be true--sometimes small things do get to me. Venting to others and knowing I'm not alone makes everything more bearable. Small things do add up. We so think alike! I love venting here. I also enjoy the way I sometimes change my point of view after reading other posts.
Illness changes everything, doesn't it? Our priorities are so different now. We know who our friends are.
My issue with my MIL is she never called DH after his heart attack. He has metastatic renal cancer as well. She lives in AZ in the winter. I made sure I called her or our DD called her twice daily while DH was in the hospital. I told her when he was released. We finally heard from her a month later when she was back here in MN and wanted a ride to church. NOT ONE PHONE CALL TO HER SON. I could scream.
OK - done.
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Post by femalebusiness on May 3, 2016 15:28:03 GMT
I totally agree with you. I respect my dh too much to upset him by creating drama with his parents. He'll bear the brunt of it, and his parents aren't going to change. It's like the Winston Churchill quote--Don't wrestle with pigs--they enjoy it and you'll just get muddy. I love the song Bitch Dh says it's my theme song--not in a bad way--he admires the fact that I'm a spitfire and am courageous to stand up to people who aren't nice or are cruel. I like what I like, and I don't waste time worrying that somebody might not like me. I do care about not hurting people, but other than that, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's ok if we don't agree. (as long as they're not supporting bullying, racism, etc.) I really stopped caring about what people thought of me after my stroke. I lost my filter. Life is too short to be bullied into staying quiet about people treating others badly just so you don't rock the boat. In the fundy churches I grew up in, women are indoctrinated that "good girls" do what they're told. They're to defer to their male "superiors" and "stay sweet". Nope. Not me. I refused to just stay silent while people gossip and bully others into submission--especially when they pervert God's word for their own uses. My dad dying further cemented this for me. I want to be a strong person who encourages others and stands up for what's right. Dh says that he has no problem with me being a strong woman. We believe that we should encourage each other to be stronger. I think it's fun to talk about all sorts of things, and even though I don't want this to be true--sometimes small things do get to me. Venting to others and knowing I'm not alone makes everything more bearable. Small things do add up. We so think alike! I love venting here. I also enjoy the way I sometimes change my point of view after reading other posts.
Illness changes everything, doesn't it? Our priorities are so different now. We know who our friends are.
My issue with my MIL is she never called DH after his heart attack. He has metastatic renal cancer as well. She lives in AZ in the winter. I made sure I called her or our DD called her twice daily while DH was in the hospital. I told her when he was released. We finally heard from her a month later when she was back here in MN and wanted a ride to church. NOT ONE PHONE CALL TO HER SON. I could scream.
OK - done.
There is no excuse for her behavior. I cannot imagine how hurtful that is. Feel no guilt cutting her off. She deserves about as much consideration as she gives your husband and you. So sorry you have to put up with that crap. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on May 3, 2016 17:50:37 GMT
Yup, I'm at that point, too. I'm about to lose my filter at DH's mother... I'll give you a dollar if you lose it with her and then come back and tell us all about it. This is what I wrote: I will start a fundraiser and get her a mikklynn a Starbucks card for her losing her "filter" at DH's mom. She has to come back, the story has to be believable AND it can be embellished for television. I mean none of this editing for television. We want embellishment. |
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Post by mikklynn on May 3, 2016 19:13:58 GMT
I'll give you a dollar if you lose it with her and then come back and tell us all about it. This is what I wrote: I will start a fundraiser and get her a mikklynn a Starbucks card for her losing her "filter" at DH's mom. She has to come back, the story has to be believable AND it can be embellished for television. I mean none of this editing for television. We want embellishment. This is why I love you! |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 22:24:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2016 19:21:55 GMT
I'm just gonna put this here... Thanks a lot, Mystie. I flipped through this thread yesterday and thought this was funny. But it has lodged (incorrectly) in my brain as, "Behold my field of fvcks" and now I can't get it out. I always have a song stuck in there, but I think this is the first time this has ever happened to me with a phrase. |
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
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Post by M in Carolina on May 4, 2016 2:39:23 GMT
I totally agree with you. I respect my dh too much to upset him by creating drama with his parents. He'll bear the brunt of it, and his parents aren't going to change. It's like the Winston Churchill quote--Don't wrestle with pigs--they enjoy it and you'll just get muddy. I love the song Bitch Dh says it's my theme song--not in a bad way--he admires the fact that I'm a spitfire and am courageous to stand up to people who aren't nice or are cruel. I like what I like, and I don't waste time worrying that somebody might not like me. I do care about not hurting people, but other than that, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's ok if we don't agree. (as long as they're not supporting bullying, racism, etc.) I really stopped caring about what people thought of me after my stroke. I lost my filter. Life is too short to be bullied into staying quiet about people treating others badly just so you don't rock the boat. In the fundy churches I grew up in, women are indoctrinated that "good girls" do what they're told. They're to defer to their male "superiors" and "stay sweet". Nope. Not me. I refused to just stay silent while people gossip and bully others into submission--especially when they pervert God's word for their own uses. My dad dying further cemented this for me. I want to be a strong person who encourages others and stands up for what's right. Dh says that he has no problem with me being a strong woman. We believe that we should encourage each other to be stronger. I think it's fun to talk about all sorts of things, and even though I don't want this to be true--sometimes small things do get to me. Venting to others and knowing I'm not alone makes everything more bearable. Small things do add up. We so think alike! I love venting here. I also enjoy the way I sometimes change my point of view after reading other posts.
Illness changes everything, doesn't it? Our priorities are so different now. We know who our friends are.
My issue with my MIL is she never called DH after his heart attack. He has metastatic renal cancer as well. She lives in AZ in the winter. I made sure I called her or our DD called her twice daily while DH was in the hospital. I told her when he was released. We finally heard from her a month later when she was back here in MN and wanted a ride to church. NOT ONE PHONE CALL TO HER SON. I could scream.
OK - done.
Ok, that's different. I would have no issue losing my shit with her. I hope that your dh finds a great treatment for his metastatic cancer. My bet is that if your dh didn't make it that she would make a huge deal about how bereaved she is, etc. I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about letting family and friends know how she really behaved. (My dh's brother and wife have treated us horribly, and I have forbidden BIL from speaking at my funeral --he's a pastor.) My family and friends know what he's really like, and he's hurt my dh for the last time. I refuse to make dh deal with his hypocrisy and ignore the issue just for his family's "image". I know my mom and my best friend won't let BIL and evil SIL tell people that the problem was with me. There are some issues in life that aren't worth the drama of dealing with, but ignoring your sick son isn't one of them. I know that it's tough to watch your child be seriously ill, but you deal with it anyway. You can't run away and still expect your relationships with family to not be affected. --My mom is an ostrich like that. I have told my dh that if I had another stroke or got really sick/was dying, that he doesn't have to deal with her insanity because he thinks that's what I'd want. --When I had my stroke and was in ICU, my mom took that "opportunity" to actually SCREAM at my dh for 15 minutes in the car on the way back to our house that night. Because she didn't like the version of the Bible he reads, and she even said that she "shouldn't have ALLOWED me to marry him"   Oh, really? (Dh didn't tell me this until I was better because he knew I'd be so angry. He was afraid I'd have another stroke) I did tell my mother in no uncertain terms that if she EVER raised her voice at him or said anything about not liking our religious choices, that I'd cut off all contact with her. I just can't understand why she thought her behaviour was ok. |
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Post by mikklynn on May 4, 2016 12:42:47 GMT
m in Carolina That is horrible. One thing a health crisis taught me was I can't control people or how they behave. I've really learned to ignore people who don't support us. Your DH sounds like a keeper! And yes, my DH gets world class medical care at the U of M here in the Twin Cities.
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Post by Merge on May 4, 2016 13:11:55 GMT
I'm 43. I think it would be accurate to say that I've learned which things are truly worth giving a fuck about. The opinion of people I don't know and/or respect? No fucks given. The opinion of people I love, people I respect, people I consider mentors or role models? Well, yeah, I still give a fuck about what they think.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on May 4, 2016 15:51:55 GMT
Welcome!
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Southern Side eyed Pea 
