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Post by AussieMeg on May 18, 2016 1:57:58 GMT
I need your honest opinions on whether something I said at work was racist. The Peas are nothing if not honest – sometimes brutally so! – and I know you’ll let me have it if what I said was wrong. A new girl started work here a couple of weeks ago. She is Sri Lankan and absolutely gorgeous and very sweet. When we interviewed her I told my boss that she'd be a great fit to our team. (I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to put the next part of my post that includes names in a spoiler so it is not easily searchable.) When I interviewed her I thought her name was Suzanne but when I asked my boss later she told me it was actually Susan. So for the last 2 weeks we’ve all been calling her Susan. Then yesterday we found out her name is actually Suzanne – she was too embarrassed to tell us we’d been calling her by the wrong name!
When she told me yesterday that her name is actually Suzanne (after I asked her) I said something along the lines of “Oh I thought it was Suzanne at first but then I was told it was Susan. Suzanne sounds more exotic and suits you much better.”
Today one of my colleagues mentioned to me that another colleague told her what I’d said. She then said to me “Don’t you think that was a bit racist?” I replied that no, I didn’t. My colleague then just shrugged and said “OK then” and walked away. So what do you think? Racist? Culturally insensitive? Just plain stupid? Complimentary? Sock it to me! I'm going to be out for an hour or two, I will check back in later. TIA! |
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Post by littlemama on May 18, 2016 2:00:16 GMT
No, it wasn't racist or culturally insensitive.
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tincin
Drama Llama
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Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on May 18, 2016 2:05:04 GMT
Some people find "exotic" when referring to a person an offensive term. I think, depending on your intent, it could go either way.
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marianne
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Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
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Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on May 18, 2016 2:07:55 GMT
No, I don't think it was racist at all, nor culturally insensitive. I think applying exotic to someone is a complimentary comment.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 18, 2016 2:07:55 GMT
No, it wasn't racist or culturally insensitive.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 18, 2016 2:08:36 GMT
I don't think "exotic" is a racial term at all.
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Post by Darcy Collins on May 18, 2016 2:09:31 GMT
I'd put it in the insensitive bucket. Birds are exotic - people aren't.
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Post by karen on May 18, 2016 2:10:46 GMT
I would say no and leave it at that, but I work with a lady who has an unusual look that is hard to place. She said that she doesn't like it when men call her exotic because it seems like they are just interested in being with a unique woman for a night. It never occurred to me that calling someone exotic would be rude until that conversation.
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Post by Darcy Collins on May 18, 2016 2:12:01 GMT
I don't think "exotic" is a racial term at all. adjective 1. of foreign origin or character; not native; introduced from abroad, but not fully naturalized or acclimatized: exotic foods; exotic plants. 2. strikingly unusual or strange in effect or appearance: an exotic hairstyle. 3. of a uniquely new or experimental nature: exotic weapons. 4. of, relating to, or involving stripteasing: the exotic clubs where strippers are featured. Unless the OP was indicating she's an adult woman dancer, it's pretty much highlighting that she's from a foreign land. |
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Post by epeanymous on May 18, 2016 2:12:47 GMT
It's a term when, applied to people, can suggest that they are "other" and has been somewhat loaded, particularly as applied to women. I am white, and am not going to pretend that I speak for women of color, but I do know that there is a history there such that some women of color feel offended by the term.
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valleyview
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on May 18, 2016 2:12:52 GMT
Tough call, because you do not know her well, and she did not speak up sooner. Could you tell her that you hope you didn't put your foot in it (your mouth) with your comment? That may give her the sense that you want to make things right.
I hope that things are set right and you establish a good working relationship.
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on May 18, 2016 2:13:58 GMT
So I took to google to help me think about this and found this article. link I guess it makes sense. Not sure I'd be offended or think I was being offensive, but I get it on some level. I'd rather we didn't even talk about people's looks as a positive or negative, but we do. And when we do, I guess there are string attached. |
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Post by freecharlie on May 18, 2016 2:14:39 GMT
First, and I know you didn't ask this.. I don't think either Susan or Suzanne is exotic.
I don't find anything wrong with what you said unless she is the only minority at work...then maybe...be even then I don't find it racist.
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Post by annabella on May 18, 2016 2:17:44 GMT
Suzanne isn't an exotic name, it's a white person's name. I wouldn't expect someone from Sri Lanka to be named something common like Suzanne. I also find it very strange she wouldn't correct you. I started a new job yesterday and when I say my name I guess I don't enunciate it correctly because people often think I said Ann or Hannah. I immediately correct anyone I'm going to see again.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 18, 2016 2:18:48 GMT
No but then again I'm not someone who gets offended over everything.
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Post by polz on May 18, 2016 2:23:39 GMT
I don't find it offensive.
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Post by flanz on May 18, 2016 2:25:09 GMT
It's a term when, applied to people, can suggest that they are "other" and has been somewhat loaded, particularly as applied to women. I am white, and am not going to pretend that I speak for women of color, but I do know that there is a history there such that some women of color feel offended by the term. Thank you, I was unaware. |
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Post by scrapmaven on May 18, 2016 2:27:20 GMT
Ok, I'll give you an honest answer. Though I know that you were actually trying to give her a compliment and you are not a racist, I think that you did insult her name. Not a big deal. If you're feeling awkward about it you can apologize and then let it go. This could very well bond you two as co-workers.
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Post by Darcy Collins on May 18, 2016 2:39:36 GMT
First, and I know you didn't ask this.. I don't think either Susan or Suzanne is exotic. I don't find anything wrong with what you said unless she is the only minority at work...then maybe...be even then I don't find it racist. I agree - they aren't at all exotic which would make the comment a bit odder. I mean if she was Samadhi - I could at least understand the comment. Although I still think it's a mistake to emphasize someone's origination in another country. But as the name isn't ethnic, she might be left wondering if the OP was just making fun of her. |
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Post by freecharlie on May 18, 2016 2:42:11 GMT
First, and I know you didn't ask this.. I don't think either Susan or Suzanne is exotic. I don't find anything wrong with what you said unless she is the only minority at work...then maybe...be even then I don't find it racist. I agree - they aren't at all exotic which would make the comment a bit odder. I mean if she was Samadhi - I could at least understand the comment. Although I still think it's a mistake to emphasize someone's origination in another country. But as the name isn't ethnic, she might be left wondering if the OP was just making fun of her. it also might be the area. Around here Audrey is fairly common, but Aubrey is not, so regardless of ethnicity, Aubrey would be more exotic. Maybe that is where the op came from? |
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caangel
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Post by caangel on May 18, 2016 2:46:24 GMT
I was just called exotic this weekend, by a female retail employee. It is a descriptor that I hear regularly when people describe me. I take no offense. I am a mix of Asian and European ethnicities and often get asked my ethnic background by complete strangers. While I can understand a person possibly being offended by it I personally am not.
Although things have improved over the decades those of us who are not "white" looking do still have different life experiences. IMO the goal should be ethnic awareness and sensitivity and not being blind to those differences. I don't consider being "color blind" regarding ethnicity and race to be a positive thing. I'd rather celebrate our differences than think of all of us as being the same.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:59:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 2:50:19 GMT
I don't find it offensive, but perhaps insensitive. If it took her two weeks to build up the courage to tell you that her name isn't Susan, I don't think she's going to want to be known as the employee with the exotic look.
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Post by lucyg on May 18, 2016 2:55:44 GMT
I don't think you are racist, and I don't think you meant it in any kind of an offensive manner. But I do think exotic is a term we (meaning Americans, especially white Americans, and maybe it's different in Australia) apply to darker people. We wouldn't ever say the new girl from Sweden or Ireland was exotic. It's always someone from Asia or Africa or the Middle East that we would describe as exotic. And for that reason, I would try to avoid using the term at work or to people's faces. And now I suppose I've talked myself out of ever using that damned word again. Thanks a lot.  |
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Post by boatymcboatface on May 18, 2016 2:56:29 GMT
I think some people feel like the word exotic is a word that can sometimes fetishize or objectify a woman, there are men who like women of a particular heritage in a sexual way and women may feel like they are taken less seriously if the word is used to describe them because it can be seen as drawing attention to their heritage in a sexual or sexist way and in that way is both sexist and racist at the same time
Probably you don't mean it that way at all but I think some women have that experience also I don't think it's sort of universally offensive and no one should ever say it, just sometimes that is what people may hear
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 18, 2016 2:58:17 GMT
I don't think "exotic" is a racial term at all. adjective 1. of foreign origin or character; not native; introduced from abroad, but not fully naturalized or acclimatized: exotic foods; exotic plants. 2. strikingly unusual or strange in effect or appearance: an exotic hairstyle. 3. of a uniquely new or experimental nature: exotic weapons. 4. of, relating to, or involving stripteasing: the exotic clubs where strippers are featured. Unless the OP was indicating she's an adult woman dancer, it's pretty much highlighting that she's from a foreign land. I still do not think that "exotic" is a racial term like her coworker questioned (derogatory). |
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 18, 2016 3:07:03 GMT
I don't think it's offensive or racist at all. I take it to mean extraordinary or unique, maybe atypical but not in a bad way at all.
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YooHoot
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Post by YooHoot on May 18, 2016 3:09:25 GMT
Wouldn't be a blip on my radar.
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Post by ~summer~ on May 18, 2016 3:30:16 GMT
Honestly I wouldn't want to be called "exotic" at work. It would really rub me the wrong way.
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Post by 950nancy on May 18, 2016 3:40:37 GMT
I guess what is important is how she felt about the comment. I probably wouldn't say anything else about her name and just let the work relationship build. If you have a good working relationship in the future, I am sure everything will be fine as it probably is already.
On my first day at work I met and African American lady and 59 other people. When I talked to her again at the end of the day, I told her that we had met earlier (since there were a few newbies that day. Nope, I hadn't met her. I mistook her for the other African American lady who worked in the building. Ugh, it was horrible. She joked (but clearly was not joking) when she said that they all looked alike. That was thirty years ago and I still remember it clearly to this day. We did end up becoming very friendly and I thought the world of her, but boy, I put my foot in it that day.
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Post by prapea on May 18, 2016 3:41:48 GMT
I don't think it's Racist by definition but I would say "It was wrong to use the work exotic". I am Indian. Personally - I loathe when someone uses that word to describe me or my name. I just don't like it. As others have stated - it's not a big deal if you are white. For me exotic is not a compliment. You (general you) might think it's a compliment. But it is not. And several of my friends who are from other Asian countries agree with me. And in my company, you have to take a course on ethnic and cultural differences once a year (mandatory training) because we have offices all over the world. And I kid you not - they have this word/fresh of the boat and others as examples to never use  . A fruit is exotic, I am not. |
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