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Post by Dixie Lou on May 18, 2016 22:43:04 GMT
I don't know why I am posting. I am so sad. We've struggled for the past several years so when he said he wanted a divorce I wasn't totally surprised. But then I was. I thought things were better. I'm not perfect and accept some responsibility for our failed marriage. I am sad because even if he wanted to reunite I wouldn't be able to do it. Too much has happened and in my heart I know this is for the best. But i wish it wasn't.
He told me he wanted a divorce around 7 p.m. one evening then got into bed with me that night. He did it again the second night. On the third night I told him he couldn't sleep in the room with me. It took three weeks to get him out of the house. We now communicate through my dad because I am so sad when I hear his voice and I am so hurt.
My mom died 2 1/2 years ago, my girls have all grown up and moved away and now I've lost him. I didn't feel like I had anyone even when he was around but now even more so.
He brought divorce papers to my dad's and wants me to sign them. He was talking about how to split up our assets the day after he said he wanted the divorce. I want to get this over with and get him out of my life but I am scared. This wasn't supposed to happen.We've been married thirty years. He changed when he had his heart attack and maybe even before then because I remember him saying that I gave him the heart attack.
He has promised me over the years that he would never leave me.
My DD24 is living with me for a short time until she moves into her new apartment and starts her very first big girl (post-masters degree) job. I will miss her when she goes but right now I wish she could just go now. I need to scream and throw a huge fit and I can't do that with her here.
I won't even start about financial worries now.
I am so sad.
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Post by leslie132 on May 18, 2016 22:47:24 GMT
I'm so sorry. No great advice other than listen to the Pea's and be kind to yourself. Change is hard, but it isn't always bad!
((((HUGS))))
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on May 18, 2016 22:47:32 GMT
I'm so sorry.
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Post by withapea on May 18, 2016 22:50:22 GMT
I'm so sorry. I know your feelings are complicated, that's natural. Please be good to yourself. It will take time to find a new normal.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on May 18, 2016 22:52:28 GMT
Maybe you could get a room mate to help offset the finances.
It really sucks to end a marriage at any time but the older we are I think the harder it is on us. Be strong and take one day at a time.
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Post by gailoh on May 18, 2016 22:52:48 GMT
you get a good lawyer for you, first...don't sign anything til you have someone looking out for you...you being married that many years,depending on what state you are in can get part of retirement etc...please find someone to help you...hugs
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 18, 2016 22:55:52 GMT
I'm so sorry.
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Post by marmargirl on May 18, 2016 22:58:23 GMT
I just want to say I'm sorry, and sending you hugs.
Please be gentle with yourself.
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Post by cadoodlebug on May 18, 2016 23:03:19 GMT
I'm so sorry you're hurting.
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dyoung27
New Member
Posts: 5
Jun 26, 2014 2:32:12 GMT
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Post by dyoung27 on May 18, 2016 23:03:58 GMT
I understand. I was never getting a divorce...NEVER! It was not an option for us until the day came that divorce became the only option for the well-being of myself and our 5 children. We were married almost 24 years and the divorce has been final for a year now. I'm still sad. That "anniversary" hit me really hard. I keep telling myself it's been a year now, I've gone through all the firsts, it should be getting easier, but it's not.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,418
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on May 18, 2016 23:07:49 GMT
I'm so sorry. I'm sure this is so painful after 30 years. Hugs.
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Post by flanz on May 18, 2016 23:10:33 GMT
hugs
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Post by Belia on May 18, 2016 23:10:51 GMT
I'm so very sorry. I can hear the heartbreak in your post.
The peas will have your back. Come on here and vent anytime you want.
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Post by cmpeter on May 18, 2016 23:13:55 GMT
Hugs!!
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on May 18, 2016 23:17:58 GMT
Aww (HUGS) to you. It's a grieving process. Take it easy on yourself and don't make any big decisions for awhile. I'm sure it's hard even if it will eventually feel right. (or does so now). You are in my thoughts.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 18, 2016 23:21:44 GMT
I'm so sorry.
This is one thing that scares me a lot is something happening in a marriage like heart attack and then it changes the person and leads to divorce. I've heard this happening a lot idk why it does but it does.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 15, 2024 21:45:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 23:36:06 GMT
I'm sorry, I know when my marriage ended at 26 years it was terrifying. Be kind to yourself.
Don't sign ANYTHING until you have seen a lawyer and he approves you signing it. Depends on state laws but most states will give you part of his pension and up to half his ss (based on how long you've been married.. pretty much anything over 25 years will get you close to half)
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on May 18, 2016 23:36:51 GMT
I don't know why I am posting. I am so sad. We've struggled for the past several years so when he said he wanted a divorce I wasn't totally surprised. But then I was. I thought things were better. I'm not perfect and accept some responsibility for our failed marriage. I am sad because even if he wanted to reunite I wouldn't be able to do it. Too much has happened and in my heart I know this is for the best. But i wish it wasn't. He told me he wanted a divorce around 7 p.m. one evening then got into bed with me that night. He did it again the second night. On the third night I told him he couldn't sleep in the room with me. It took three weeks to get him out of the house. We now communicate through my dad because I am so sad when I hear his voice and I am so hurt. My mom died 2 1/2 years ago, my girls have all grown up and moved away and now I've lost him. I didn't feel like I had anyone even when he was around but now even more so. He brought divorce papers to my dad's and wants me to sign them. He was talking about how to split up our assets the day after he said he wanted the divorce. I want to get this over with and get him out of my life but I am scared. This wasn't supposed to happen.We've been married thirty years. He changed when he had his heart attack and maybe even before then because I remember him saying that I gave him the heart attack. He has promised me over the years that he would never leave me. My DD24 is living with me for a short time until she moves into her new apartment and starts her very first big girl (post-masters degree) job. I will miss her when she goes but right now I wish she could just go now. I need to scream and throw a huge fit and I can't do that with her here. I won't even start about financial worries now. I am so sad. Don't sign ANYTHING until you get a lawyer who can review the paperwork with a fine-tooth comb. You may be setting yourself for financial loss if you do. (((Hugs)))
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on May 18, 2016 23:40:03 GMT
I'm so sorry. The idea of divorce scares me to death so I can only imagine how you feel.
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Post by librarylady on May 19, 2016 0:09:57 GMT
I can tell you that even if you were the person who wanted the divorce, it is still hard, very hard.
After 30 years, and being taken by surprise, it has to be difficult.
As others have said, get the advice of an attorney. Do not sign that paper without an attorney representing you has gone over things.
I find it suspicious that he was always telling you he would stay. That indicates it was on his mind even then. Whatever made him make the decision, the best you can do is look out for your best interest, face each day and get through this. It WILL get better as time goes on. The pain will ease to a dull thing and then you will be ready for some happy times.
I send you a hug and best wishes for better times.
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Post by polz on May 19, 2016 0:17:37 GMT
I'm sorry to hear that. The peas usually say to lawyer up and not to sign anything until you see your lawyer. This seems like good advice. Take care of yourself xox.
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Post by anniefb on May 19, 2016 0:19:30 GMT
you get a good lawyer for you, first...don't sign anything til you have someone looking out for you...you being married that many years,depending on what state you are in can get part of retirement etc...please find someone to help you...hugs
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Post by kernriver on May 19, 2016 0:26:40 GMT
Dont sign anything without an attorney.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,215
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on May 19, 2016 0:30:09 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this, my heart hurts for you.
I have also been married for 30 years and would be completely hurt and lost if my husband said that to me.
I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck to you my friend.
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Post by scrapperal on May 19, 2016 0:41:53 GMT
I'm so sorry. As other wise peas have said, be gentle with yourself, don't make any big decisions or sign papers without someone looking over them, perhaps invest in a lawyer. You are mourning the death of a marriage and it will take time for the pain to dull.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on May 19, 2016 0:45:29 GMT
I am so sorry. It gets better, it really does. It is hard to see at the time, take it just one day at a time and you will get through this.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 19, 2016 0:47:59 GMT
I'm so very sorry, sending you hugs.
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gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,768
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on May 19, 2016 0:51:34 GMT
I am very sorry. Hugs. Lisa
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Post by Outspoken on May 19, 2016 0:58:31 GMT
I'm so very sorry for this painful process.
It has been said numerous times, but I will reiterate - GET YOUR OWN ATTORNEY!
He will get mad about that, but so be it. If he wants to play nice, he won't mind you doing it!
Take care of you!
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Post by mom on May 19, 2016 1:00:05 GMT
I am so sorry! Divorce is like a death - it needs to be grieved. Its ok to lose it in from top your daughter, as well. She knows you are hurting.
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