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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 24, 2016 13:52:53 GMT
My older two boys are in 5th and 7th grade. They are both currently in band. The oldest has been saying he wants to quit for a few years but we told him that he should stay in and he didn't create a fuss. It only comes up once in awhile. Now he is being much more Vocal about wanting to quit. The other one (5th grade) did band and choir this year and wants to quit band and just do choir. He has brought it up several times.
I have mixed feelings about letting them quit. On one hand, I would like them to be in music and also don't want them to quit now and wish they had stayed in later. On the other hand, I don't want to keep paying for an instrument that they don't want to do and aren't putting the time in that they should.
This is partly a vent/thinking while typing but also I am curious what others have done in this situation.
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scorpeao
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Post by scorpeao on May 24, 2016 13:56:22 GMT
Did you buy the instrument? My dd started band in 4th grade. By the time she got to middle school we'd purchased two instruments. She didn't want to do band in middle school, but her father and I said it wasn't up for discussion...she WAS participating in band for 7th and 8th grade, and once she got to high school she could quit. She decided to quit band in high school, but two weeks before freshman year started she came to me in a panic and asked if we could get her in band. She did band all 4 years: jazz, wind ensemble, marching, and drumline. It was probably one of my better parenting moments.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 24, 2016 13:57:57 GMT
We have been leading to own. Oldest DS plays the sax and it will be paid off this month. We would still have two years to pay on the baritone that my younger son plays.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 24, 2016 13:58:40 GMT
It is about $65 per month for the baritone.
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Post by lesleyanne on May 24, 2016 13:59:00 GMT
After a couple of years of the same story of wanting to quit, I'd say the grade 7 knows his mind and can quit. Sometimes playing an instrument in a band is not a kid's thing. Maybe a solo instrument if you insist.
I might ask the younger one to give it one more year, especially if he's only had one year of band so far. But it's certainly not a hill I'd die on.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on May 24, 2016 14:01:36 GMT
What other activity do they want to replace band with? Honestly I'd let them quit and move on to another activity. They've tried it and are not getting enough out of it apparently. Wouldn't it be better for them to try something else that might just turn out to be their 'thing'? I look at it this way, how would I feel if my DH decided to make me continue scrapbooking because I bought all those supplies and might regret quitting some day? They can always go back to music in the future. Letting them stop now gives them the opportunity to explore other things.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on May 24, 2016 14:03:03 GMT
I'd let the older one quit. He's been mentioning it for a few years so it's not just a sudden urge, it sounds like he's sure he's not enjoying it. The younger one, eh, I'd probably let him quit too. If they don't like band they don't like it.
I let my DD quit after her first year of band in 6th grade. She didn't enjoy it at all.
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Post by Rachel on May 24, 2016 14:03:29 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on May 24, 2016 14:03:36 GMT
I think music is a calling, but before I let DD quit band, I would make sure I understood the reasons (is he not enjoying it, are other kids more talented, is the practice taking away from something else he enjoys).
DD started on the trombone in 6th grade, but she really didn't enjoy it. By Christmas, she recognized that it wasn't the instrument for her and asked to try the French Horn. She has been playing the French Horn for a year and has caught up with or passed the kids who started a year earlier, but it took hard work to do that. She wouldn't have put in the effort if it wasn't something she really wanted to do. She loves the French Horn, and I can't picture her quitting now.
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Post by gar on May 24, 2016 14:05:19 GMT
Your 7th grader has been wanting to quit on and off for years....yep, time to let him stop. And I'd say the younger one has given it a reasonable try and wants to carry on with choir so I'd let him quit too.
You can't make kids musical, or love it, if they're not/don't.
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Post by gar on May 24, 2016 14:07:44 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy. Agreed. We say we want them to try lots of things, be adventurous, have a broad range of interests but then when they find something isn't for them, they're not allowed to stop. And while they're doing something they don't enjoy they're possibly too busy and therefore not trying something new that they could be amazingly good at or love for the rest of their lives.
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paget
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Post by paget on May 24, 2016 14:09:29 GMT
I'd let them quit. I also don't get keeping kids in an activity when they want out - except for some circumstances such as finishing out a season when you are on a team ir if your kid is a habitual quitter.
Dd3 played the flute for one year and then quit. She enjoyed enough for that year and then wanted to move on. She joined high school dance team instead which is a huge year round commitment and this is her fourth year. If I had made her continue band she wouldn't have had time for dance which she loves and is a huge part of her life. She's hoping to continue to dance on a team in college.
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on May 24, 2016 14:11:07 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy. Yes! I do ask my kids to complete the season, year, etc because they've made a commitment and I feel that needs to be honored. But when the season comes to an end and they're not feeling it...my time is more valuable than to waste it trying to convince somebody they like to play the saxophone. But I also have absolutely not sense of rhythm and no musical ability whatsoever so what do I know?!
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Post by hop2 on May 24, 2016 14:12:04 GMT
If he consistently desires to quit I'd let him. With one provision if your highschool has an arts requirement to graduate I'd want to know the plan to fulfill that. If he's got a plan then ok he can quit.
( your younger DS has choir so that would fill the req. here. ) You can't make kids like what they don't like, do what they don't want to. Has he had valid reasons?
Btw I'm a band mom. My soon to be senior hated band in 5th grade for 2 reasons 1 ) his home room teacher gave him an incredibly difficult time with lessons and kept telling me it was fine when I spoke to her and 2 ) he did not like his instrument.
We switched him to percussion and he as fine after that. ( they don't allow kids to be percussionists in 5th grade they want a base of reading music first ) also band and lessons are not pull outs in 7&8 grade it's a class and lessons are self contained in band. I suspect if it continues to be pull out of classes for lessons he would have quit. He really disliked missing classes.
Basically sit down and have a talk with your sons 1:1 and come to a decision you are all happy with
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on May 24, 2016 14:13:36 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy. This! LOL it's band not the end of the world if they quit! I don't think money should be in the equation either on whether or not a kid should be allowed to quit an activity. To put band in perspective my sister played Clarinet from grade 6 to 1 she was fabulous at it, was one of the best the band director ever had. Has she ever played it since then nope. Now if it was the piano or guitar my kid wanted to quit yeah it would be disappointing but still if they don't enjoy it why proceed with it.
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Post by peano on May 24, 2016 14:19:08 GMT
We have compulsory music education (band, orchestra, or chorus) from grades 5-8. Once that requirement is met, I wouldn't have any problem with my child finishing out his year of music education; I wouldn't let him quit mid-year because that impacts the entire band.
DS signed up for the HS marching band in grade 8. After a couple of days of all-day band camp in the summer, he wanted to quit. He was told no, but if he didn't want to continue in 9th grade, he didn't have to.
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Post by scrapsotime on May 24, 2016 14:19:59 GMT
I'm so glad my parents let me quit band. I am not a musical person. Trying band showed me how unmusical I was. It would have been painful if they had made me continue.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 24, 2016 14:20:51 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy. It's not that I think they would be quitters, it's that I don't want them to regret it later. My thoughts are that if they stop now, it would be very difficult to pick it back up later. They are both in sports. The younger one was also in knowledge bowl, math masters, choir, and battle of the books.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 24, 2016 14:21:02 GMT
When I was in school we were required to take both band and chorus. We did one on one day, the other on another day and this went on for 9th and 10th grade.
I hated band. Hated with a passion beyond all belief. I tolerated chorus. If I could have quit, I would have. HATED IT.
I still love music though. I listen to it all the time, all my happiest memories involve music. My son wants to get a tattoo that represents his favorite childhood song-the one I rocked him to, we danced to, we sing along with...
So maybe playing an instrument isn't the thing that brings music to us. I wouldn't force someone to stay in an activity they don't want to be in and after this much time, I would trust that your son knows whether or not he likes it. It isn't as if he quit after the first week.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on May 24, 2016 14:21:03 GMT
I let DD quit after her Freshman year of high school. She was just not that into it anymore, and there are other things she wants to focus on. Why make her miserable doing something she stopped enjoying?
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Post by bianca42 on May 24, 2016 14:22:59 GMT
I begged to quit band in 8th grade because I didn't love it, hated practicing and most importantly it was graded and bringing my average down. We owned the clarinet at that point, so I figured that the answer would be no. I had this whole dramatic display planned, complete with tears and was shocked when my Mom said no problem to quitting.
I would definitely let the 7th grader quit. And I'd probably be okay with the 5th grader quitting too.
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Post by mtscrapper on May 24, 2016 14:25:32 GMT
My oldest daughter (#1) stayed in band (wanted to quit only once, I think due to an incompetent teacher, but we encouraged her to keep going) and ended up getting a Masters degree in music performance for the clarinet.
My son only was in choir and quit for a year or two but then joined again in his Jr. and Sr. years in high school (probably easier to re-join choir than band, though).
My daughter #2 started in band and choir. She had very little friends in band, and I could see that her heart was just not in it (and her personality clashed with the band teacher - he actually yelled at her at one time). I let her quit band but she stayed in choir and has an AMAZING voice. (Band teacher actually apologized to her and asked her to come back.)
My last daughter (#3) loves band and plans to stay in it (she is just finishing her Jr. year today).
So I have had a few experiences with this. We don't just quit things in our family without good reasons. Daughter #3 would not have been as happy if we made her stay in band, and I believe she developed more in her musical ability in choir than she ever would have in band. I think it just depends on the child and the situation. If all their friends are not in it and they aren't happy, I would let them quit, provided they are involved in something else they love.
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Post by Linda on May 24, 2016 14:26:46 GMT
my daughter was in chorus from 3rd grade on - she loved it. She had a not-so-good teacher in 6th grade (ok as a teacher but had her favourites and it showed) and then an awful teacher in 7th grade (who was arrested this year for solicting a minor - yay:( ) - she chose to quit after 7th, it wasn't fun any more and she was done. Can't say I blamed her really.
She's in 10th now - she sings for fun and talks about joining a church choir once she's done with school. Her love of singing is back but she has no interest in joining chorus at school.
Our policy is that you finish the season or year out but after that, it's up to you.
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Post by gar on May 24, 2016 14:27:10 GMT
it's that I don't want them to regret it later. My thoughts are that if they stop now, it would be very difficult to pick it back up later. They're so young. If they were to decide, as adults even, that they would absolutely love to learn an instrument then they can pick it up...why ever not? Plenty of people learn as adults and although learning might take a bit more effort, if they're not loving it now, what makes you think they'll regret it? Kids have to try lots of stuff - you can't make them continue everything they ever try just in case they might regret giving it up, later.
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Peamac
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Post by Peamac on May 24, 2016 14:28:29 GMT
I played the flute in 4-6th grades. My parents let me quit b/c the teacher was VERY mean, had an anger problem, etc. As long as I was in choir, they were fine with my quitting band/lessons. My brother played percussion from 4-12th grade (different teacher by then) and really enjoyed it. He became quite good at the different instruments- tympani, glockenspiel, snare drum, bass drum, cymbals. I wouldn't have had time in jr high or sr high to be in both band and choir anyway.
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Post by auntkelly on May 24, 2016 14:28:57 GMT
I'd let him quit, but before he did, I'd insist that he have another activity picked out to replace band (unless he is already involved in other activities). We always told our kids that they had to be involved in at least one activity at school. We felt it was just as much a part of their education to be involved in at least one activity as it was to succeed in their classroom work.
ETA: I just read that he is involved in sports. In that case, I'd let him quit band. I think he's old enough to know whether he enjoys band and wants to continue.
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Post by pierkiss on May 24, 2016 14:31:55 GMT
I would let them quit. It is the end of the school year which is a perfectly acceptable time to stop. And, it's not like they tried it for a month and then they decided to quit. They have put in the time to sufficiently try it out and give it a chance. They do not enjoy it. I really do not get forcing kids to continue doing something for years when THEY don't enjoy the activity THEY are doing. Let them quit. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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Post by peasapie on May 24, 2016 14:33:02 GMT
Since the year is almost over, I'd let them finish the year and quit. I didn't love playing the clarinet and would have hated it if my parents made me keep going.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on May 24, 2016 14:35:18 GMT
It's not that I think they would be quitters, it's that I don't want them to regret it later. I don't think making someone stay in something they don't like just because they *might* regret it one day is a valid reason for making them stay in. Your older DS especially has tried it and knows he's not enjoying it. That's unlikely to change. And even if it does change it's *his* choice (if you give him the option) and he can only blame himself. You don't want him regretting anything but you also don't want him resentful of you for making him continue when he wants to quit.
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Post by monklady123 on May 24, 2016 14:35:47 GMT
I've never understood this thought that because a child wants to try something once he has to do it forever or he's a quitter. My kids tried lots of things...I never forced them to continue with something they didn't enjoy. It's not that I think they would be quitters, it's that I don't want them to regret it later. My thoughts are that if they stop now, it would be very difficult to pick it back up later. They are both in sports. The younger one was also in knowledge bowl, math masters, choir, and battle of the books. "Difficult to pick it back up later" in what way? Do you mean later in school, or just later in life? Depending on the school it still might be possible to play again, if the school has several bands. My ds played trumpet from middle through high school but he couldn't be in marching band (he played football and that conflicts, obviously) so he wasn't allowed to be in the high-level concert band (band director's rule). So he just played in the "regular" band (I forget what it was called). There were always kids coming in at later grades for one reason or another. This was at a big city high school though, so I know not all schools have the same resources. But, if you meant later in life....well then it's NEVER too late to start even a brand new instrument. I learned to play the flute as a young adult, and the piano as a 40-something. Now I'm getting ready to buy a violin simply because I've always wanted to play. eta: I forgot to answer the original question, lol. I'd let them stop playing at the end of the year. And I wouldn't call it "quitting" but merely "stop playing". "Quitting" is what someone does in the middle of the season or year or whatever. That wasn't allowed in our house, once a commitment had been made.
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