Letting kids quit band?

:yeahthat exactly!! Well said too!

In our Middle School, kids must take a music class. In High School they have to take a certain number of arts classes in general, but they need not be music.

Right now DS has already mentioned more than once that he will stop playing once he is does with middle school. And that's fine with us. There is a very big commitment at the high school level if you continue to participate in any of the performing music classes, and if his heart in not in that area, then I would much rather see him devote his arts credits to classes that better suit him.

At the Middle School level, I would ask that he not quit playing mid-year (Simply because it does have an impact on his stand partner and possibly his instrument's section, depending on the section size, and since they are always prepping for a concert, I just feel this isn't the best time to stop.), but if he wanted to switch to a new music class at the beginning of a new year, I would be fine with that. However, in his case, continuing with the music class he is already in is preferable to him to starting fresh in one of the other current options.

I agree with those who said that they don't see stopping at the end of a year, semester, season, etc. is the same as quitting right in the middle of something. And I also agree that if a kid has really given something a decent try and they just don't like it, they shouldn't be asked or made to keep going with it.

I do understand the worry that some day they will regret it, but I see the situation in 3 ways.

1.) If a child isn't allowed to say "I don't like this. I want to stop." then will they eventually become fearful of trying new things? That would be sad to me.

2.) A kid's schedule can only stand so much (same for a family's schedule), so if time is being devoted to an activity that they do not like and could give up, they may not even have the time to try something else that might be their true talent or calling.

3.) A kid can go back. If he's in band in 5th grade, but not in 6th, it's not impossible for him to say "Gosh, you know, I miss band. I think I'd like to play again in 7th." I wouldn't let him hop back and forth forever, but I don't see anything wrong with trying something else and then opting to go with the one he prefers even if it means returning to something he left previously.

I disagree with the premise that they'll never be able to pick it up again. Will they be professional musicians - probably not, but chances are if they don't have the passion, they weren't going to be professional musicians anyway. And I'm sure there are some uber competitive high school bands where if you haven't played consistently since you're three, you can't have a spot - but again, is that the right fit for kids who consistently want to quit anyway. My husband learned piano, guitar, bass and saxophone as an adult. He didn't have the opportunity as a kid, and wanted to learn. He was proficient enough to play with a band in clubs for a few years pre-kids.

One of my nieces didn't play any instrument in elementary or middle school and decided to join marching band in high school. I'm sure it somewhat limited her options as it's hard to pick up some instruments quickly, but she found a home in percussion and played for 4 years. I know our local high school has a summer program devoted to rising freshman who would like to learn an instrument and join marching or orchestra.

Would you want to keep doing something that you don't enjoy. I think musical people are awesome but not all people want to play an instrument. 

I would let him quit. 

My daughter bowled her freshman sophomore and junior years in high school.  During her junior year she started not enjoying it as much. We told her she had to finish the season but she didn't have to go back the following year. She didn't. She still bowls but she doesn't bowl competitively.

Most of the time kids knows their own feelings.


 He has been saying he was to quit for how many years? and How many years has he been in band?

I'll give a bit of a different perspective. The thing about band is that, IMO, it isn't really all that much fun in the lower grades, because you're mostly practicing and learning your instrument. But it is a TON of fun in high school, especially for kids that maybe aren't into athletics or a lot of other school groups. In my own experience, as well as that of my kids, it fosters a team spirit and a sense of accomplishment, in the same way that sports and other activities do. Because of the time spent together, it's an easy way of making friends for many kids who aren't super outgoing. I don't necessarily think that kids that quit early would regret it later, because it's one of those, you don't really know what you're missing type of things, but it has a lot of benefits for some kids.

One of the ways that the band program encourages retention around here is that there is a night during football season when the HS marching band does a special "light show," and all of the bands from 7th grade on have a part in the show. There are a couple of short practices for the show, and it gives the younger kids get a little taste of the fun of marching band, performing, etc. It really works, too.

So I guess all of that is to say that I don't know what you should do, but I do think band has a ton of benefits if your kids stay in.

Check with the school district to see what the fine art requirement is for high school graduation. Your child who isn't also in choir may want to stick it out until 9th grade for the fine art requirements.

As for the one who's also in choir, let him choose. I did orchestra and choir in high school and it's tough. You're limited on what classes you can take for your required classes because band is only offered that one hour, same with the choirs. Specific groups only have a specific period.

My band kid eats, lives, and breathes band, drum line, and marching. She is dropping jazz next year because she's not enjoying the genre. And that's okay. Every kid needs their niche. Be it FBLA, band, JROTC, or Math Club.

I have mixed feelings...at our middle school you cannot do band in 7th/8th grade unless you did band in 6th. So we made oldest take band in 6th, he struggled a bit with trumpet, but mid year the director switched him and a friend to baritone/euphonium, and he flourished. When he got to high school, we said no to marching band, because with his honors classes and 3 varsity sports it was too much. He is doing concert band this spring, and liking that. He and the director are working out him playing in the stands with the marching band for football games that don't conflict with his cross country schedule, but he still won't be doing marching.

Now when dd got to 6th grade, she really wanted to take art, which meant no band. We were pushing for her to at least do the one year so she had more options, but the previous instructor left, and combined with her pleadings, we let her take art instead. Of course she has decided for 7th grade to drop art and take chorus, figuring she does plenty of art on her own, and in 8th she can finally take both art and chorus.
So long winded, I'd prob let the 7th grader be done if he has something else he's more interested in. But if he just wants to have more video game time vs practice and the alternative is another PE class, I'd have him stick it out for 8th and tell him he can make the choice going into high school where there are more electives to fill the spot.

I started band in 5th grade, but it was vastly different once we moved on to Jr high, so I would really consider encouraging one more year at least to see if it becomes a better fit in middle school.

As long as they finish out the season/year, I would let them quit. If they don't enjoy it, what are they getting out of it? Plus it sounds as if your kids also have a range of other interests.

I understand your hesitation, but I think they've both given it a reasonable try. I would leave the decision up to them.

I played fifth grade through senior high and only wanted to quit my last year.  The new band teacher had a bad temper and threw chairs and was nothing like the previous teacher who made me love band.  I get wanting to quit something.  My parents always made me finish out the year or season if we wanted to quit.  I think in most cases that is a great idea.  I also think parents have a grandiose idea of what band will do for their kids.  I think that works when kids love what they are doing and a not being forced into doing it.  I loved it for as long as I did and then I dreaded going to class.  I got out of it what I was going to.  My mom hoped I would get a scholarship in music and play in college.  That was never going to happen.  I say if the child has finished the year, he or she deserves the right to stop that activity.  Maybe they have to pick a new activity, but they should get to stop or they will possibly learn to hate it.

But you're going to let them stop after that?

Ultimately, band is a class in school. Would you force them to take 7 years of forensic science, for example, in case they might regret it later? Why should band be any different? They tried it, they want to take other classes.

Oh, good point.  That would definitely be something to check on before a final decision is made.

Not letting them quit because they may regret it later? I don't understand that. If they do not enjoy playing an instrument I highly doubt down the road they would say man I wish I still played the Sax (or whatever instrument). If a person does not enjoy something why make them do it?