Teen girls-birth control discussion

Aaaaagh. I really hope and plan to be calm when this happens in my house, but I'm dreading it. My "perfect plan" advice is to keep reiterating that condoms are still necessary, and to remind her that even with birth control and condoms, sex is a big potential responsibility and emotional distraction, and that we would prefer that our girls keep their focus on their studies while they're in school.

Ultimately, though, if they're determined to have sex they're going to have it. I think that providing access to birth control and keeping the lines of communication open is the best we can do.

What a great Mom you are!

I don't have girls, but a friend who does told me, when her girls reached 16 she had them go on the pill. Not because they were about to be sexually active, but, because when the times comes, in the heat of the moment they're not going to say to their boyfriend, just hold off for a month, I need to go on the pill. Better to be ahead of the game.

I'm going to watching this thread for advice from peas with older daughters. My instinct says that the less we say, the more apt our children are to lesson, so I'd tread carefully on offering too much advice - however well intentioned.

When I recently switched doctors (mine moved) I talked to her about birth control for my daughter (she was 16) - mostly I wanted to hear what was the latest and greatest since it had been many years since I was up on that stuff. She told me in her house when her daughters turned 16 they went on birth control. After asking around at work it seemed that many of my coworkers daughters were on birth control. When I talked to my DD who had a serious boyfriend she said they were not having sex yet, but wanted to think about birth control. We put her on bc pills. It was good to have the conversation. She told me that a lot of her friends were having sex - don't know why this shocked me, but it did. She hangs with the good student/athlete type of kids. I feel that we have an open communication on the subject now.
Good Luck - teenage daughters are sometimes stressful

I love that she listened to you about preventative measures. Huge plus! While the thought of her having her heart broken sounds awful, put it in perspective. Many people go through that and come out on the other side a better person and smarter when it comes to love. Keeping that in perspective, coming home pregnant at 16 or with and STD, would be much, much harder to deal with. I don't know if I agree with the talking less to your kids about sex. Sometimes that isn't effective at all. I am glad I talked to my boys a lot. While they acted like they knew it all, they needed to hear things about the many facets of sex. After her appointment, I would take her out to dinner and have a short list of things you want to say and then remind her your ear is always available. I think that is the best we can do. I know the studies in my state with birth control have showed that it definitely lowers the percent of unwanted pregnancies as compared to teaching abstinence.

I have no input on the discussion, but can I just recommend Nexplanon as an amazing option? Lowest failure rate, not dependent on taking pulls, lower hormones than the pill, lasts 3 years. Many people recommend iuds for teens for those reasons, but I'm not a big fan of the idea metal/pokey plastic all up in my uterus (even though they are incredibly safe). Nexplanon is more effective than any other form of birth control, INCLUDING sterilization. Which is insane. And it reverses as soon as it is removed.

You can research Nexplanon, biggest downside is it can cause breakthrough or irregular/unpredictable bleeding. Anecdotally, my doctor told me if you have it put in the first 5 days of your period, she has seen less issues with irregular bleeding. My doc and most of her nurses used it themselves. Don't confuse it with Norplant, not the same even though both are arm implants. Nexplanon is very popular in the UK, and I was really frustrated when I learned about it and asked why no one had ever informed me about it, even when I pressed for options. It was always "pill, depo, or IUD."

I'm on my second nexplanon and love it. No periods for 6 -12 months for me, then they go regular just like with the pill or when I'm not on anything. My doctor said because of the low dose of hormones, she has no issue leaving women on it up until 50 and then starts testing for menopause. Not relevant to your dd, but just sharing in terms of safety. It can be expensive, but if you are on an ACA compliant Healthcare plan, it is covered. I'm on a grandfathered plan where birth control is not covered and paid about $800 out of pocket for it. Worth every penny and cheaper than the pill over 3 years. I actually had my second one put in at Planned Parenthood because I was in a new area and wanted to go to someone who had put in lots of them. Stellar experience there. If she gets it, have her wear an ace bandage around her upper arm for a couple days to minimize bruising, makes a big difference. Mostly painless though!! Can you tell I love this thing?

I know this isn't what you asked, but I just had to share because I was so so mad I didn't know about it sooner. I was perfect at taking the pill, but after a recall, I felt like I needed something different. Between my two Nexplanon, I did the pill for a few months, and it was awful once I was used to Nexplanon!! I feel like every woman should know about this as a choice.

I don't have daughters, but in addition to talking about protection and mechanics, we also talk about feelings. Things like intimacy and love and how sex between two people should draw them closer and there should never be pressure to perform (girl or boy) and that sex should be enjoyable for both partners-not just the boy (that if you feel that you are close enough to take this step, that you should be close enough to your partner to ask what gives her pleasure.) Then of course is the part that if you are having sex, you have to be able to accept the potential consequences of children and how children bind you together irrespective of how you feel about each other (easy to talk about because we are a divorced family and he has seen it play out in his own life.)

We have had a lot of fairly uncomfortable conversations, but I have tried to cover the emotional side as well as the cover up and take care part. 

I think that when it comes right down to it, there really isn't a lot we are going to say that is going push them in one direction or another. We would like to think it would, and maybe they actually do think about what we have said-but I suspect that by the time we get to the part where our kids are coming to us asking for birth control, they already have an idea of what is going to happen. They are simply at that point making sure that if the decision is made, they have some of the safety measures are in place.

I'm right there with you, but my DD is very private and I have to initiate every conversation. She says she's not doing anything, and I believe her, but I also doubt she would/will tell me. She's had a boyfriend for over a year and leaves for college in a few months. He's a couple of years older than her and at some point it's going to come up. I'm really pushing for a long-term birth control method, and I've finally talked her into visiting the GYN, but she is very nervous.

Our conversations have been 1) birth control takes time to kick in. It's better to take steps now, before you really need it 2) sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment that you don't expect so it's better to plan ahead; 3) condoms are necessary to protect against STDs, but you need more to ensure you don't get pregnant.

I'm not naive and I'm not going preach abstinence, but I do want her to be a safe as possible, and I don't want one moment's decision to screw up the rest of her life.

And yeah, I want my sweet little curly-haired baby back.

Hugs, uksue!  It happens in the best of families.  May your grandbaby be a blessing on your family.

I talked about it with my stepdaughter. I think I'd leave it alone with her for now and then, when you are bringing her to the appointment, it will be more of an opportune time to talk about it, as she may actually bring things up.

I remember a particularly awkward conversation around here after one of my older son's classmates was caught having a girl (not his girlfriend) giving him a blowjob in the boys bathroom. It was really hard to try to explain to them that they should try to figure out what exactly she was getting out of it...not just that it was one sided in the pleasure department, but in that what kind of emotional need was she trying to fill. That a girl who was willing to (figuratively or literally) get down on her knees in a public bathroom-self esteem issues? trying to get people to like her? etc.

Tough tough discussion. 

Personally, I think anything you can do as a parent to avoid your daughter having an abortion or early/unwanted pregnancy, is what you should do. I am amazed, with birth control so available, why these things keep happening.

I was on birth control when I was not having sex, as were my girls. And judging from what I have heard from my girls, 16 is a very common age to start. Even if they aren't needing it, the girls are liking the lighter periods and predictability of them.

Edited to add:  If you are worried she is not ready for a sexual relationship at this time, I have to point out, she most certainly would not be ready for what could happen with no birth control and a sexual relationship.