~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 5, 2016 16:27:22 GMT
Mine is the sweetest man in the world. Truly. But he never shuts up. If we are in the same room, he feels compelled to talk to me. There is no such thing as sitting quietly together and reading books, or surfing the web or watching a movie. I get a running commentary about all sorts of things. It drives me bonkers. I like a lot of quiet time. The worst is in the morning when Im having coffee. Everyone but him understands that I need a few cups before I start talking about sh*t.
I had a melt down over it last weekend but felt bad because it hurt his feelings. This is something that I don't think is going to change. Any tips on dealing with it?
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 5, 2016 16:32:03 GMT
Have you truly and calmly talked to him about this? Perhaps start w/the things you really love about him and then lead into it. I love you, but I need one little thing to change. My dh gets up ready to take on the day and I get up and need quiet time to wake up and be human. He knows this, but we've been together for years and it took time for each of us to adjust. You're still newlyweds and learning about eachother.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,955
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Jun 5, 2016 16:32:18 GMT
I have no advice in dealing with it, but mine is the same way. If I'm in the kitchen washing dishes and don't mind conversation, then he couldn't be less interested. Let me start watching a movie or reading and suddenly we need to discuss every topic known to man.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 5, 2016 16:32:21 GMT
No he isn't, but my brother is. When I spend time with him I have to prepare myself for a lot of talking and listening. In turn I do ask him if I can have a few minutes of quiet just to recharge myself, especially if I go see him directly after work. In a marriage one person shouldn't be the only responsible for changing their behavior. Instead of blowing up at him and having a meltdown, wait for a calm and tactful moment to request that he give you some time to be alone with your thoughts.
"I would like to quietly enjoy my first cup of coffee, when I get up to pour my second cup we can talk about what's on your mind."
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 5, 2016 16:34:03 GMT
I have no advice in dealing with it, but mine is the same way. If I'm in the kitchen washing dishes and don't mind conversation, then he couldn't be less interested. Let me start watching a movie or reading and suddenly we need to discuss every topic known to man. That is exactly how my brother is and it drives me up the wall. I see him at least once a week so I've learned to just not watch TV or new movies when I'm with him. The worst part is he's usually quiet during commercials but suddenly has to chat when the program returns. Thank goodness for the ability to pause and rewind.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 5, 2016 16:35:10 GMT
I actually found a cute mug that said "I love you more than coffee, but no always "before" my coffee".
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Post by smokeynspike on Jun 5, 2016 16:38:55 GMT
No, my husband is the quietest person that I know. He is a thinker and when he says something it has weight. I throw words around like they are nothing, but he only speaks if it is worth saying.
Melissa
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Post by JBeans on Jun 5, 2016 16:42:16 GMT
First, apologize about the the outburst. You need to let him know, calmly, "I need the coffee, my friend. Just let the coffee sink in. I'm not there yet. Mornings, not my thing." Maybe when you discuss that with him, ask him if that could be his time to do the things he does without you. Ya know?
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Post by krcrafts on Jun 5, 2016 17:02:58 GMT
Yes! He talks all. the. time. And first thing in the morning is bad around here since our 2 daughters are like me and need time to wake up before comprehending his words. Then he gets mad that we aren't responding, but we've all talked to him about it and still talk to him about it, but he still insists on talking to us and asking a million questions.
Unfortunately, I have no suggestions. We've been married for almost 29 years and I don't think it will ever change. Good luck to you though!
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Post by laureljean on Jun 5, 2016 17:09:25 GMT
DH is a talker and I'm not much of a talker. We get on each other's nerves that way a bit.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 5, 2016 17:10:18 GMT
Not a big talker overall, but we both get our space. Compromise is the key.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Jun 5, 2016 17:11:59 GMT
If you told him this in no ways measures my love for you but is my bent and make up. I want to love you well but in order to do so I have to be filled up a bit and first thing in the morning I have to refuel with some peace and quiet. Can you please try it? Maybe he is someone that a hug, kiss, note or wink would help him know I am here, love you but taking care of me a bit. My dh would take those (well not the wink I can't wink) over a morning conversation but everyone is different. I am the same way in the morning and that is why I wake up about 2 hours before my kids and often before dh. If we are up at the same time he gives me my space.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jun 5, 2016 17:38:28 GMT
The worst is in the morning when Im having coffee. Everyone but him understands that I need a few cups before I start talking about sh*t. Hahahahaha! We must be married to brothers. Mine wakes up whistling and happy as hell. Makes me want to strangle him. Just don't talk to me for thirty minutes after I wake up!
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Post by Blind Squirrel on Jun 5, 2016 17:41:40 GMT
Yes! I adore quiet time, so I usually just separate myself from him, when I can. He watches TV downstairs, I watch upstairs. It wouldn't be as bad if his commentary wasn't 95% negative.
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Post by Suziee2 on Jun 5, 2016 17:52:58 GMT
My DH has been a top salesman for over 30 years and he is a talker! I was on my own for quite a while before we got married (I believe you were as well?) and it was hard for both of us to adjust. As time went on, we both gave a little. I still have a *moment* every now and again where I will just look at him and he will know to tone it down. HOWEVER - sometimes the car is the worst. I am not a big talker in the car for some reason. Just pay attention to the road, please. When we go visit my folks, they pick us up from the airport and we drive 3 hours north to their lake house. DH talks to my dad almost non-stop. My dad isn't a talker in the car either. Mom and I laugh. Poor dad.
When I get home from work, I come back to the computer room, and RFPea or check out Pinterest or other blogs for about an hour. My quiet time. He watches tv in the living room or piddles in the garage. I need that bit of really quiet time to wind down from work.
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leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,760
Location: Northern California
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Jun 5, 2016 18:09:39 GMT
He sure his. I attribute it to the fact that he drove for a living by himself and needed conversation when he got home, which is when I want down time. Now he is home and not working and he still does it! After 37 years, I know he won't change. Good luck!
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jun 5, 2016 18:32:21 GMT
He isn't and I'm really not , but our son is.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Jun 5, 2016 18:39:36 GMT
Yep, I have one of those too. If I say "Shall I turn the TV off?" he responds with "Sure, because I'd rather talk with you". But what I had in mind by silencing the TV was, um, SILENCE. I've often wondered what he's like at work......
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jun 5, 2016 18:46:57 GMT
My ex-husband was a storyteller. Not a bs'er but I mean a storyteller. People would gather around him and listen to what he had to say. He used to read non-stop and watch documentaries and was just knowledgeable about many different things. I wouldn't call him an authority on things, but he was very well-informed. Marrying a storyteller to many is interesting to say the least.
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Post by gulfcoastgirl on Jun 5, 2016 18:56:18 GMT
Yes. Loves to talk and doesn't know a stranger. With the two of us, he'll go in spurts, but let a repair guy come and before the call is over Dh knows his religious affiliation, how many kids, where he came from, where he lives, what the overhead is - on and on. His worst habit is stopping to talk to someone in the middle of the parking lot at Walmart (during a blizzard or thunderstorm) and wonder why I went on into the store without him!
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,804
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 5, 2016 19:27:23 GMT
Nope. I am. My dad is. It drives DH crazy when my dad is here visiting. He and I talk and talk and talk. Lol
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jun 5, 2016 19:55:06 GMT
DH and I are the opposite. I'm a talker. But after 31 years, I've found the right balance between talking and comfortable silence.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 23:38:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2016 20:08:02 GMT
No. He's extremely shy and reserved until you get to know him, but even then he is not nearly as much of a yakker as I am.
He's like you in the mornings. He doesn't drink coffee often, but I'd say he needs a good hour or more to wake up and be capable of any real conversation or discussion. I can start yakking shortly after waking up.
The thing that has helped me the most with getting used to our differences with talking is reading more about introverted vs. extroverted personalities. It has helped me understand where he's coming from when he requests space and quiet-especially in the morning. I think Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a good book to start with.
Also over the years, I have learned to spot that pained look on his face when I'm getting too yakky, and simply ask him if I'm being too talkative. After a couple of times where he got cranky or close to a meltdown and I got my feelings hurt, we had a discussion about it and I promised that I'd rather know I'm overwhelming him before he gets to total frustration point. So, many times I spot it and ask, and sometimes he has to tell me, "hey, too much talking." I do my very best to back off when he tells me he needs some space.
I know that sometimes our differences in this area get on each other's nerves, but mostly we just laugh and joke about it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 5, 2016 22:41:45 GMT
Nope. He's a man of few words. I talk more than he does and sometimes I drive him nuts, but that's because I work alone from home (for his business and my own) and I refrain from calling him a fifty times a day to ask him about stuff I truly need information on or input from him about. I've learned over the years not to waste my breath with him on fluff, I save that for my friends.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Jun 5, 2016 23:21:51 GMT
My ex-husband was a storyteller. Not a bs'er but I mean a storyteller. People would gather around him and listen to what he had to say. He used to read non-stop and watch documentaries and was just knowledgeable about many different things. I wouldn't call him an authority on things, but he was very well-informed. Marrying a storyteller to many is interesting to say the least. My DH is a consultant and he gets paid to talk. By the time he gets home, he's pretty much talked out. When we go out with someone who makes him nervous, he forgets that no one is paying him to talk. He tends to pick up on something in the conversation and then proceeds to tell everything he knows about the subject, even if the person he is talking to is a respected expert in that field. This is not only embarrassing, but is really frustrating when I've attended some event just for the opportunity to speak to the expert. I used to remind him before we went in to the event that I was there to learn and I needed him to be quiet and let me ask my questions and hear THE EXPERT's answer, but that just made him pissy. We tried arranging a signal so I could let him know that I needed him to stop talking so I could ask my questions, but when I gave the signal we had agreed on, he just started talking faster, like he HAD to get it out or die. LOL. when we got back to the car, he was pissy because I had tried to shut him up, as we had agreed on beforehand, and I was furious that, once again, he had spent the time I'd paid for telling the expert information about the field he was an expert in. Long ride home for sure. Marcy
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Post by maryland on Jun 6, 2016 0:39:11 GMT
No, I am the talker in our family. I have my husband and three teen girls, and I do the majority of the talking. Of course with girls, we get a yes or no answer, and that's good. They are the opposite of me!
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Post by CarolT on Jun 6, 2016 3:19:41 GMT
Oh, yes... Dh has never met a stranger and feels the need to tell me the life story of every person he encounters through the day. He also gives me the play-by-play of his drive to work and everything that happens all.day.long! after he is finally finished telling me all about every moment of his day, he'll say, "so, how was your day".
I have to say, it makes me crazy when dh says "did you hear about xyz?" When I say yes, heard all about it, he continues to tell me all about it!!!
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Post by peasapie on Jun 6, 2016 3:53:55 GMT
No, my husband isn't a conversationalist unless it's about movies or tv or books. He's severely hearing impaired and tends to go into his own world a lot unless I draw him out. But I do know men who talk a lot, and I don't know which is worse.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Jun 6, 2016 10:32:02 GMT
First, apologize about the the outburst. You need to let him know, calmly, "I need the coffee, my friend. Just let the coffee sink in. I'm not there yet. Mornings, not my thing." Maybe when you discuss that with him, ask him if that could be his time to do the things he does without you. Ya know? My dh is quiet and understands I'm not a morning person. My dd on the other hand? Ugh. Finally last spring I did the same thing and just snapped at her. I felt terrile. I apologized for being so awful and then we talked about it. She really fid much better. Now she is a teenager, hates mornings too amd also wants to drink coffee in peace. We are a good team in the mornings now.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 23:38:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 11:22:51 GMT
DH is not a talker at all. He's quiet to a point where I will ask him "what are you thinking about" just to see if we can get a conversation going. I fear I'm the one who talks too much.
I'm going to feel bad for DS's future wife. He seems to think he has to fill the silence. I should start working on getting him to understand that silence does not need to be filled.
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