|
Post by Really Red on Jun 6, 2016 14:47:40 GMT
I think people are just awkward. It's the OP saying NO that means the co-worker has to stop. That's where it ends. I don't care whether OP is reasonable/unreasonable; it doesn't matter. She said no more and co-worker then must stop. WHen it doesn't, it is odd.
I hope OP comes back and answers some of the Peas' questions.
|
|
basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,649
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
|
Post by basketdiva on Jun 6, 2016 15:01:27 GMT
They live in the same neighborhood, and she drives by her house. How is that stalking her at home? Did she look in the OPs file at work and obtain her address? Did she go through her purse to find out the OP had grandsons? I live in a very residential subdivision. One road in/out and it's a big block with one street cutting through the middle. We can't fart sideways without someone noticing. What kind of small talk do you have with your neighbors if you didn't chat about things like the OP mentions? "Love what you are doing with the front yard" "You were gone early this morning hope everything's ok?" "Who's putting up your new deck, I am looking for someone to build a front porch" etc etc
Commenting on the yard ansd asking for a recommendation for a contractor are small talk and I have no problem with those comments. But knowing keeping tabs on my comings and goings Mrs. Karvitz type comments-nosy neighbor.
|
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,476
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
|
Post by smcast on Jun 6, 2016 16:45:04 GMT
If you are not into forming a friendship with this gal outside of work, I would feel uncomfortable too. I am not a gal that enjoys living in town (I do) and hate the fact that people can see when you are home and when you are not. I would ignore her attempts to engage you and if she doesn't take the hint, you might have to just come out and tell her that these things make you uncomfortable.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 6, 2016 17:17:45 GMT
I would be bothered by a coworker commenting on my house as well and stopping by. Oh hell no. I'm friendly to coworkers at WORK. Sometimes with certain coworkers it goes beyond that but that is rare - like my bff of 25 years who was first my coworker. I get you, I've been at my job for 13 yrs and only one co-worker has ever been to my house. It's ok for people to keep their work and home life separate. Dh has been at his job for 10 yrs and we've never had a co-worker of his over to our house. It's ok if the OP wants to keep work and home life separate, in this case it's how to do it since the co-worker isn't understanding that. I would not like having a co-worker drive by my house and comment about things we are doing at home.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 6, 2016 17:37:14 GMT
They live in the same neighborhood, and she drives by her house. How is that stalking her at home? Did she look in the OPs file at work and obtain her address? Did she go through her purse to find out the OP had grandsons? I live in a very residential subdivision. One road in/out and it's a big block with one street cutting through the middle. We can't fart sideways without someone noticing. What kind of small talk do you have with your neighbors if you didn't chat about things like the OP mentions? "Love what you are doing with the front yard" "You were gone early this morning hope everything's ok?" "Who's putting up your new deck, I am looking for someone to build a front porch" etc etc I live in a county where the whole population is 7,800 and the population of my town itself is 1,500 but we are the center of the county. Back in Canada I worked in a large city. When I moved to a subdivision outside the city I remember how neat it was to find other nurses who lived there. Within a couple months of living there we were all car pooling in winter, we all had occasional cookouts together, went clubbing together etc. In a city of a 100,000 it was a welcome to realize our neighbors were also co-workers as it was a way to bond. Those relationships were built upon general chit chat like the OP describes. ETA: no to the gifts I understand, no to conversation starters puzzles me. It really does. I'm am SUPER glad I don't know you or Myshelly in real life. Neither one of you seem to understand boundaries. I don't want my coworkers commenting on my personal life at work. Period. And if I tell you to stop I expect it to stop. I keep a sharp division between my work and private life. I'm not asking you to understand it or agree with it. But I will make sure you comply with it... even it that means I start my own campaign to get you fired. eta: If you want to start a convo do it with a work related topic. There are plenty of those. Leave people's private life out of it. Let them bring it up if they want to discuss their private life at work.Or even general town happenings, events. But not what is happening at someone's house.
|
|
|
Post by ilikepink on Jun 6, 2016 18:24:04 GMT
If the OP has said no to this co-worker, than that should be respected.
Personally, I'm ok with it. My very first job provided me with 2 bffs (one was MOH for my first wedding; I helped her and her DH get an apartment in my building and we used to commute together). A job I worked at for 20 years provided me with countless friends - one of whom was my rock through my divorce; I'm still good friends with my former boss. Since I moved here, it's been difficult to find friends - one of my closest friends here is a former co-worker. I'm very a very open person and enjoy opportunities to meet new people and possible new friends.
As I said, though - if the OP is uncomfortable, then she needs to speak up a bit more directly.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 21:29:41 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 19:41:47 GMT
I can't help but wonder how different this thread would be if it were a male co-worker who wouldn't back off instead of a female co-worker. This kind of statement seems to be used more and more and is starting to feel like when people bring Hitler into an argument. How different would this thread have been if all kinds of things were DIFFERENT about the OP's story.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 21:29:41 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2016 19:53:53 GMT
Leeny has asked her to stop and she laughs it off and continues. That to me is a big issue. Exactly this. I have been in these situations and she is being needy...she NEEDS to have a friend at work and doesn't seem to take no for an answer. I wouldn't accept the gifts or games or whatever and just keep it professional. It may take a while but they eventually get the message.
|
|
Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
|
Post by Country Ham on Jun 6, 2016 22:45:42 GMT
Leeny has asked her to stop and she laughs it off and continues. That to me is a big issue. Exactly this. I have been in these situations and she is being needy...she NEEDS to have a friend at work and doesn't seem to take no for an answer. I wouldn't accept the gifts or games or whatever and just keep it professional. It may take a while but they eventually get the message. See the way I read the OP was that she asked for the gifts to stop. That I even said right off I can see someone asking for the gifts to stop (although I have a neighbor who likes to do random acts of kindness and I can't picture her stopping and does laugh it off when I say please we don't need anymore cookies etc, Now I just give them to a group home). The conversations though. That I admit I don't see any problems with. I just see as normal conversation starters as a way to connect to a co-worker. Every now and then we have a thread where folks confess to wanting to branch out and make new friends. Often a suggestion is made to find something you have in common with a person and use that to break the ice. Well this lady and the OP share a neighborhood and a job. What better ways to break ice with people? If someone is renovating their home, doing a project in the front yard I just don't get how that's such a private thing. I think i might of quoted 2 people here. I got mixed up.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jun 6, 2016 23:08:16 GMT
My former boss who is now my coworker at a different job often comments about what she sees when she drives by my house several times a day. It doesn't bother me in the least. I don't feel that it is stalkerish. I guess it is all in how you look at things.
|
|
leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,760
Location: Northern California
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
|
Post by leeny on Jun 7, 2016 1:00:02 GMT
OP here - thanks everyone! We happen to live on the same block and didn't know it until I started to work there. When we found out she asked which roads I take to work, and we compared. At that time, we took different routes than each other, but now she takes the same route as me. Yes, the roads are public and she can choose which way she goes and I can change my route. As for the other stuff, I certainly don't mind friendly conversation, which I believe helps a work relationship, but I don't want her bringing me things for myself or my grandson. I am now learning what to share about my personal life and what not.
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on Jun 7, 2016 1:18:45 GMT
I think there is friendly conversation and then there is that feeling that someone is pushing for something more than you are comfortable with. The difference can be very subtle to outsiders. However, if you are on the receiving end it can feel very intrusive. I see some of the responses here as the typical "be nice" regardless if you want to further the friendship. We women do ourselves a disservice when we don't own our feelings. We don't have to "be nice" if we're not interested. Being professional and civil in the workplace is perfectly acceptable. If she wanted to be best buds with this woman she wouldn't be here asking how to get this woman to back off.
|
|
|
Post by Clair on Jun 7, 2016 1:34:03 GMT
IMy experience - you are working at a non profit....
My experience has been that co worker relationships at a non profit are a little more personal that other corporations. We spend time together in many situations - work/personal boundaries are often crossed.
I'd just ask her to please stop the gifts and quietly ignore the comments.
Eta - every non profit has its own vibe (for lack of a better word) and depending on your department, her behavior may or not be the norm
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 21:29:41 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2016 3:09:23 GMT
OP here - thanks everyone! We happen to live on the same block and didn't know it until I started to work there. When we found out she asked which roads I take to work, and we compared. At that time, we took different routes than each other, but now she takes the same route as me. Yes, the roads are public and she can choose which way she goes and I can change my route. As for the other stuff, I certainly don't mind friendly conversation, which I believe helps a work relationship, but I don't want her bringing me things for myself or my grandson. I am now learning what to share about my personal life and what not. See, to me, having her change up her route so she it traveling mine sounds completely stalkerish. We do friendly conversation but surprisingly little of it is personal in nature. Today's main topic was superstitions. Light hearted, fun, educational and not one feels their privacy was intruded on.
|
|
|
Post by katlady on Jun 7, 2016 3:40:47 GMT
OP here - thanks everyone! We happen to live on the same block and didn't know it until I started to work there. When we found out she asked which roads I take to work, and we compared. At that time, we took different routes than each other, but now she takes the same route as me. Yes, the roads are public and she can choose which way she goes and I can change my route. As for the other stuff, I certainly don't mind friendly conversation, which I believe helps a work relationship, but I don't want her bringing me things for myself or my grandson. I am now learning what to share about my personal life and what not. See, to me, having her change up her route so she it traveling mine sounds completely stalkerish. We do friendly conversation but surprisingly little of it is personal in nature. Today's main topic was superstitions. Light hearted, fun, educational and not one feels their privacy was intruded on. I have changed routes based on someone's suggestion before. It turned out to be easier and faster than the route I used to take. Maybe that is the case here, especially since they are starting from the same place. I still think that it is stalkerish though that she comments on whether or not your car is in the driveway. I drive by the same houses everyday when I leave my community and the only way I would notice their cars is if one of them was a bright red Lamborghini! I had one friendship where the gal started buying me gifts out of the blue. She would hear I wanted a certain CD and next thing you know, she would show up with it as a gift to me. That started to weird me out and I started to distance myself from her.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Jun 7, 2016 10:54:54 GMT
See, to me, having her change up her route so she it traveling mine sounds completely stalkerish. We do friendly conversation but surprisingly little of it is personal in nature. Today's main topic was superstitions. Light hearted, fun, educational and not one feels their privacy was intruded on. I have changed routes based on someone's suggestion before. It turned out to be easier and faster than the route I used to take. Maybe that is the case here, especially since they are starting from the same place. I still think that it is stalkerish though that she comments on whether or not your car is in the driveway. I drive by the same houses everyday when I leave my community and the only way I would notice their cars is if one of them was a bright red Lamborghini! I had one friendship where the gal started buying me gifts out of the blue. She would hear I wanted a certain CD and next thing you know, she would show up with it as a gift to me. That started to weird me out and I started to distance myself from her. 1st thing in the morning i might not even notice that! lol. it does seem a bit weird that this co worker is somewhat obsessed with the OP enough to both notice whats going on at her house AND comment on it FREQUENTLY. Its the active nature and seeming frequency of the commenting that seems stalkerish. I would feel watched. Hey maybe try flat out telling her that hearing daily updates on what is going on at your house makes you uncomfortable and could she back off a bit, maybe maintain a professional relationship? I would have to say something because if I held it in i'd eventually get to a breaking point and that would be bad because that might come out like 'stop stalking me you god damn freak WTF.' And possibly numerous other unprofessional words that would not be good.
|
|