gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,817
Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on Jun 8, 2016 19:14:39 GMT
ITA as well.
When I worked in law enforcement, I had a mother who could not remember how many children she had. She had lost custody of all of them.
One incident involved her teaching her child, age 10 or 11, how to shoplift.
Disgusting, to put it nicely.
Lisa
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 8, 2016 19:22:41 GMT
I see this in my job ALL the time. Women who are having a baby with a guy who has numerous babies from other women who he presumably doesn't support. It kills me that they all seem to think/say that the other women are the b-word but he LOVES me! Past behavior is definitely an indication of future behavior. Then you have the women who just keep having babies that they cannot afford to have and don't even seem to want to have them and that breaks my heart, as every baby deserves to be cherished and wanted. I've decided that while the women don't necessarily want the baby, they don't do anything to NOT get pregnant and usually end up pregnant year after year. They don't seem to care, as someone is going to be supporting them, usually the state but it doesn't matter so they don't have to worry about it. It breaks my heart, especially since I see women who are losing much wanted and beloved babies and they've done nothing wrong. Then you see the women who haven't gotten prenatal care, don't take care of themselves while pregnant, some do drugs, smoke and drink the entire pregnancy and they end up with a full-term, healthy baby. Smh. And as these kids grow they attend school with very little background. They struggle and sometimes grow further and further behind. It is just an awful situation for these poor kids. This weekend one of my most neglected and abused kiddos graduated from the Air Force. His story would make you cry. I am so proud he rose up from his situation and became a man anyone could be proud of.
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Post by Outspoken on Jun 8, 2016 19:26:56 GMT
ETA - I have a coworker who is pregnant and our company has really inexpensive health ins and it's great, and she refuses to go on it since the state is paying for all her stuff. I thought if you were employed and insurance is offered, you had to take it. I thought that was part of the ACA or something.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jun 8, 2016 19:27:21 GMT
Sex education is great, but it cannot battle culture. If generation after generation pops out babies without regard to money, it will be hard to convince anyone there is a better way. I've had so many students that have shared that they HAVE to get pregnant before their senior year of high school. That way they can get more benefits from various agencies. All but one of them succeeded in her original goal. I've had boys say in class that you aren't a "real" man unless you can get more than one woman pregnant. When talking about fertility rates and looking at graphs, these kids are shocked that someone would intentionally wait until they were in their 30s to have her first child. That's when you should become a grandma. When questioned on this, I've been told that if you have your first at 35, and your daughter has her first at that age, you'll be 60 (their math, not mine) and too old to take care of the baby. Because that's Grandma's job. Those beliefs are held deeply.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 8, 2016 19:34:29 GMT
I used to practice workers' compensation law. We'd have cases where a young worker was tragically killed while on the job. A hearing would be held to determine who was entitled to benefits and appearances would be made on behalf of seven or eight kids the young worker allegedly fathered, not to mention the appearances made by the three or four women who claimed to be the common law wife at the time of death. It was heartbreaking to think of all those kids who had a father who didn't support them or see them while he was alive. I'm curious if you required DNA tests or if he was listed as the father on the birth certificate where he was legally required to provide support. I can see the other side where some women are like hey, dude is dead I'm going to get some money. ETA: I used to work payroll at the main offices of a company that owed tire stores. There was one employee that had multiple garnishments against him. At the time, we could only take a percentage of his salary. I got so many calls from collectors. Child support always was taken first. Most employees quit after they were found and their first paycheck was garnished. It was up to the judge in each case to determine what proof was necessary to establish paternity, but the burden of proof was on the child's representative. In most cases, paternity tests had been done prior to the worker's death or the deceased worker had acknowledged paternity at some point prior to his death.
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Post by anniefb on Jun 8, 2016 19:57:46 GMT
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 8, 2016 20:05:16 GMT
This is exactly why I support sex education in schools. Not everyone has a "pea" parent, that talks about protection, abstinence, and all the other fun stuff. I personally feel the more education the better. For my own kids, we will talk about our beliefs at home, and what my husband and I would like them to choose, and also talk about what they are learning in school.
Wasn't there a pea that was encouraging her to teenage daughter to get pregnant???
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,407
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Jun 8, 2016 20:06:03 GMT
Agreed! I know someone like this. He has 5. Can't pay for any of them, and complains when he has to.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 13:42:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2016 20:22:01 GMT
ETA - I have a coworker who is pregnant and our company has really inexpensive health ins and it's great, and she refuses to go on it since the state is paying for all her stuff. I thought if you were employed and insurance is offered, you had to take it. I thought that was part of the ACA or something. That's what i thought but she said u just have to have insurance period, regardless of with whom. Insane
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,475
Location: MN
Member is Online
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
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Post by smcast on Jun 8, 2016 20:27:29 GMT
ITA! Don't even get me started.
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,370
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Jun 8, 2016 20:47:17 GMT
I don't often agree with you, but I do on this. It annoys the crap out of me. I know of several families like this. Some of them are married and in stable relationships but IMO it doesn't matter. If you can't afford the kids you have without help, do not have more. Sheesh.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 8, 2016 21:25:02 GMT
I cannot imagine what you see in court, but I can totally agree with you on this vent!! Where I used to work, I encountered so many grandparents taking care of grandchildren because of this very reason. Lots of them here too. In fact there are so many relatives taking care of children that New York actually provides these children with health insurance and the caregivers with minor stipends for clothing and food as well childcare payments if the relatives work. It's far less expensive to the state then placing these poor kids in foster care
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 8, 2016 21:27:43 GMT
And this is why thorough sex education in schools and fully funding Planned Parenthood is so important. Sorry but this is BS. These people know all about birth control and they know the consequences of the sexual act. For these people it is a lifestyle choice. No one mount a free birth control or sex ed is going to change the behavior of these people
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Post by mlynn on Jun 8, 2016 21:37:47 GMT
I think they should stop setting up pregnant teens. Some of these girls get pregnant for the benefits. They can get set up in their own places with free housing and food stamps. Free medical. Nowadays some of the teens even use it as a sort of scholarship because they can get a free education and free daycare as well. By law (at least in WA), if a teen is pregnant and does not have the resources and her family does not step up, the baby can be taken away and adopted out. I think that would be a more appropriate solution all around.
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Post by oliquig on Jun 8, 2016 22:07:45 GMT
And this is why thorough sex education in schools and fully funding Planned Parenthood is so important. Sorry but this is BS. These people know all about birth control and they know the consequences of the sexual act. For these people it is a lifestyle choice. No one mount a free birth control or sex ed is going to change the behavior of these people Is that why teen pregnancy is 41% lower than 10 years ago? www.jwatch.org/fw111499/2016/04/29/teen-birth-rates-down-us-biggest-drops-among-hispanic-andAnd by thorough sex ed, I also mean the emotional, economical, and lifestyle issues associated with it.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jun 8, 2016 23:59:15 GMT
This is exactly why I support sex education in schools. Not everyone has a "pea" parent, that talks about protection, abstinence, and all the other fun stuff. I personally feel the more education the better. For my own kids, we will talk about our beliefs at home, and what my husband and I would like them to choose, and also talk about what they are learning in school. Wasn't there a pea that was encouraging her to teenage daughter to get pregnant??? Ok, but to what extent? Sex education in public schools is about the mechanics of procreation. Not the morality. Can you just imagine the political shitstorm a teacher would face if she dared to imply that someone should wait until they are financially able to care for a child before making one? You can point out costs, make kids pretend to go shopping with fake money, do everything to simulate what it would be like. But it won't make a difference. Because the kids that come from these situations typically have one of two mindsets: their parents are getting by just fine so they will too, or it won't be an issue for them because they'll be the next sports/music star and they'll have more money than they'll ever need.
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Post by Merge on Jun 9, 2016 0:11:21 GMT
This is exactly why I support sex education in schools. Not everyone has a "pea" parent, that talks about protection, abstinence, and all the other fun stuff. I personally feel the more education the better. For my own kids, we will talk about our beliefs at home, and what my husband and I would like them to choose, and also talk about what they are learning in school. Wasn't there a pea that was encouraging her to teenage daughter to get pregnant??? Ok, but to what extent? Sex education in public schools is about the mechanics of procreation. Not the morality. Can you just imagine the political shitstorm a teacher would face if she dared to imply that someone should wait until they are financially able to care for a child before making one? You can point out costs, make kids pretend to go shopping with fake money, do everything to simulate what it would be like. But it won't make a difference. Because the kids that come from these situations typically have one of two mindsets: their parents are getting by just fine so they will too, or it won't be an issue for them because they'll be the next sports/music star and they'll have more money than they'll ever need. Maybe it's just the mechanics of procreation where you are, but in our district, they go into a lot of detail about STDs and other risks of having sex, including what an unplanned pregnancy can do to your future plans. It's not presented so much from a morality issue as from a practicality and future planning issue. I agree that people shouldn't have more kids than they can afford, and like every teacher, I've had my share of students who were born to teenage moms who were born to teenage moms and back on down the line. It's one of the reasons we start talking to students about college and career choices at such a young age these days - to hopefully implant the idea in their brains that just because mom had them at 16 and works two minimum-wage jobs (and/or relies on some form of welfare) to get by, doesn't mean that's their only option. We can have frank discussions with middle and high school kids about making sure their actions today aren't going to get in the way of their goals tomorrow. Are they all going to hear us? Of course not. But I know for a fact that some do. I've overheard middle schoolers talking about how they're not going to be like auntie who has six kids with six men and lives in subsidized housing - they want to be a doctor/architect/whatever.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 13:42:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2016 0:28:13 GMT
It's up to the woman to take action to keep this from happening. I work in a pregnancy counseling center on a college campus. Many of the young women we see think that by having sex with a guy and subsequently having his baby, she will keep him. Unfortunately, it rarely (almost never) works that way, especially if he already has a string of children with a string of different women.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 13:42:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2016 1:11:47 GMT
Aw sweetie you should practice down in elmira! When I was little the state used to transport women up from NYC to visit their men in jail. Then they built housing near the prison for these women and the babies they were having. I remember these were quite a few cases where the women sued the prison / state for support.
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Post by Drew on Jun 9, 2016 1:44:16 GMT
Just curious if your son is paying child support and if Jackie is on assistance because it's not enough.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 9, 2016 1:58:58 GMT
What difference does that make to my OP? Or the sentiments I express therein?
I know you're prying for info in the hopes you can say "gotcha" but I have no intention of giving you personal info that doesn't pertain to me and that is none of your business. Regardless of my sons situation, my feelings expressed in the OP do not change
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Post by mlynn on Jun 9, 2016 2:38:58 GMT
I thought if you were employed and insurance is offered, you had to take it. I thought that was part of the ACA or something. That's what i thought but she said u just have to have insurance period, regardless of with whom. Insane She is either lying or misinformed.
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Post by Drew on Jun 9, 2016 3:13:40 GMT
What difference does that make to my OP? Or the sentiments I express therein? I know you're prying for info in the hopes you can say "gotcha" but I have no intention of giving you personal info that doesn't pertain to me and that is none of your business. Regardless of my sons situation, my feelings expressed in the OP do not change That's what I thought.
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Post by shaniam on Jun 9, 2016 3:21:22 GMT
Totally agree. Another irk that gets to me is the family I see with 5 kids under the age of 8 (3 are 1,2,&3) and whine about how hard it is to do everything and they never get any sleep but I overhear them talking about it being time for another baby. If you do not have the funds, time or energy for another baby, you shouldn't have one!
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Post by shaniam on Jun 9, 2016 3:21:24 GMT
Totally agree. Another irk that gets to me is the family I see with 5 kids under the age of 8 (3 are 1,2,&3) and whine about how hard it is to do everything and they never get any sleep but I overhear them talking about it being time for another baby. If you do not have the funds, time or energy for another baby, you shouldn't have one!
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Post by cindosha on Jun 9, 2016 10:22:57 GMT
There's a local 18-year-old girl here who is pregnant with quadruplets. And she has a baby under two years old already. Dad is nowhere to be found and her mama and grandma are going to be raising these kids. If the state doesn't take them for neglect.
Cindy
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,448
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
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Post by katybee on Jun 9, 2016 10:38:45 GMT
One of my friends has a daughter that has a young son. The "father" has many kids with several different mothers. The guy was out of the picture, but a while ago got kicked out of his current baby momma' house. So my friend's daughter took him back. He lives with them, now. Which you think would be a good thing--at least now he can help support his son. Um--no--because he doesn't work. If he did, a big chunk would be taken for child support--so why bother? Besides, he's an aspiring rap star and has to spend time "in the studio." So this girl now not only supports their son by herself, but the guy, too! And she's always so afraid he will leave her. I just don't get it. What about him is attractive? A man that doesn't work-- a man that doesn't support/ignores his kids-- who would ever want to date him? Even when I was younger, i would never have been attracted to a guy like that...I don't get it.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 9, 2016 13:03:49 GMT
I know what you mean. I can't understand what makes these guys attractive to these women.
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Post by cade387 on Jun 9, 2016 13:21:48 GMT
so how do we fix this? How do we break the cycle?
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 9, 2016 13:25:40 GMT
I honestly have no idea.
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