Let's talk about sex baby...got questions?

Is it weird but ever since Steph started this thread all I can think about is sex! I feel Ike a teenage boy!

Seriously. How does one come to the conclusion that tennis balls, basters, and light bulbs should be inserted into ones behind? Like, how does that even become a thought? Are people that bored? Did they lose a bet? 

I do not know.

I can guarantee that People come up with some utterly bizarre stuff. Stuff that could make your head spin. My sister used to work in an emergency room when I was in college. Those things that have been listed are on the tamer side. At least no one needed the aspca.

And no I'm not going to clarify that, there aren't enough pearls on the earth to have that discussion again. :barf: :shudder:

I don't think the 80's was s good time for sex toys it's a good thing that we've come a long way since then.

I'll take "Things I Don't Want To Know About" for $500 please.

The carrot was a little farmer dude who swore he used it to help relieve constipation. He drove two hundred miles to our hospital, instead of going to his local one, because he was so embarrassed. The light bulb was just a guy looking for a new thrill I guess. He got it pretty far in before it broke, but then spent a couple of hours in surgery having glass picked out of his rectum.

The ER people will have far more stories since most of the time lost "toys" can be retrieved there and don't need a surgical intervention.

Don't want to hijack this awesome thread anymore, just adding to the warning about device safety, even vaginally inserted items   .

Hamsters (maybe gerbils, too). Heard about them way back when. Thought it cruel.

Haha, I didn't work in the ER and he was an overflow pt for me (cardiac), so I don't have tons of anal object stories, thank heavens. I have another one but that person perforated his bowel and that was not an amusing anecdote, it was really sad. He almost died.
So don't put anything up there that's not intended for that use! And for heaven's sakes don't be overly rough!

I'll give you that.

I laugh at inappropriate moments. There it is. My secret is out.  

Just my humble opinion, but there is NOTHING that's intended to be put up there. It's one way - exit only. SaveSave

You'd probably be shocked at what people put in their rectums and in their penises. What is even more shocking to us is the stories they come up with to explain how it got there.
My favorites are always the people that say the fell off the bed and the carrot / cucumber / dildo or whatever just went straight up their rectum. Yeah, right. That carrot stood straight up on its end and stayed that way and you fell on it *just* right without lube and went right on up. Sure.
I had one patient say, "These three guys busted in my house, put chloroform over my face and stuck a can of Vienna sausages up my butt." Of course I had to ask how he knew it was a can of Vienna sausages if he was passed out? He never could answer me.

And yes, I did say that I've known men to put stuff up their penis. Stereo wire, straws, knitting needles....OUCH

Had one dude that had a Magic Bullet vibrator stuck WAY up in his intestines. It had been there so long the battery had died but migrated so far up his intestines he had to have that surgically removed and lost part of is colon. I told him that next time he wanted to play with toys up there he needed to make sure that shit had a base.

There are always a few people that shoot it to us straight. One poor fella had a dildo in his rectum for a day. He told us the truth but was so embarrassed. At least he told us he appreciated how we handled the situation afterwards.

I could tell y'all stories all night long!

Ok...for me, I've given it the old college try and I'm just not a fan. More power to you girls who are. I hate it. But I gave it a whirl. If your partner is a sizable man, it's just not a pleasant experience, and I'll say no more about it.

Years ago, my seventh grade son stayed home sick and when I got home I noticed that the dog's bed and a piece of furniture had been moved, I was mortified because that was "the drawer." I didn't say anything because while I was more than ready to talk to my boys about sex (and had already numerous times) I just wan't ready to talk about their mom and a bunny eared vibrator. Several days later when I was driving him to school, he told me I was lucky because sex toys are only illegal in three states. Peed myself, dropped him off at school, and laughed all the way to work. What a sweet nosy boy. I really wanted to chew him out for snooping, but I remember doing that to my mom's closet when I was about that age and found a picture of a naked Burt Reynolds on a bear skin rug with my dad's photograph pasted on it. I never snooped again.

950nancy! "a picture of a naked Burt Reynolds on a bear skin rug with my dad's photograph pasted on it. I never snooped again." ohh I can't even! 😱😱😱😂😂😂
I snooped too. I wish I hadn't.

I will say the rabbit was sweet. Dh had bought me a few things and I threw most of it away, along with the lingerie, after he died.

The one thing I kept. It's a regular massager. A few Christmases ago he gave me a Hitachi magic wand massager. I kept waking up with my upper arms hurting from sleeping funny and I thought that's why he gave me a massager. Later he tells me it was a dual purpose gift. Apparently there were all kind of reviews about a different use for it.