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Post by Zee on Aug 4, 2014 13:25:12 GMT
1950s Peyton Place melodrama. Any birth control can fail and if he didn't want a child with a girl who stated she did, he shouldn't have had sex with her. And you and your BFF sound like horrible judgmental busybodies.
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Post by not2peased on Aug 4, 2014 13:32:14 GMT
Well, the only 100% guaranteed way to not impregnate someone is to not have sex. He CHOSE to have sex with a woman who made it very, very clear that she wanted a child and would do anything to make that happen. Condoms are not 100% even if used properly. This fellow made a mistake and may very well pay for it for the rest of his life. He absolutely bears responsibility in this situation if he is proven to be the parent. I agree with Trollie
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 4, 2014 13:45:35 GMT
The only double standard I see here is that society probably won't judge him as harshly as it will her, even though they were both selfish, irresponsible idiots. He clearly cared more about having sex than dealing with the possible consequences of having a child to go along with it.
And frankly, any parents who would "support" their son in turning his back on the innocent life that will be born into this mess are just as no-account in my book as the girl's family you're being so self-righteous about. Part of a parent's job is teaching your child how to be a responsible adult, and they are doing a poor job of it. Taking responsibility for your actions doesn't mean just throwing money at a problem and hoping it goes away. Supporting a child involves far more than just paying child support.
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Post by snappinsami on Aug 4, 2014 13:48:27 GMT
Having sex brings with it some very real potential consequences. They both CHOSE to have sex. They both should have been prepared for any outcomes of that. She obviously had different motives than he did, but his part in the act still had its own responsibilities. Especially knowing that she had this "goal," he was foolish to leave the condoms in her care. I'm sure he'll remember that lesson for a long time.
I don't believe there's a double-standard here. If the child is his, he should pay support. The double-standard would be if the child were his and he just walked away scot free, leaving her with all of the burden of raising and supporting the child by herself. He should count himself lucky that times have changed and that the "do the right thing" of 40-50 years ago isn't still the norm. Otherwise, he'd be marrying her and spending the rest of his life with her.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 4, 2014 13:49:54 GMT
All rather academic now as the OP has slung her hook.
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Post by shevy on Aug 4, 2014 13:51:48 GMT
People get so focused on what others have done to them, they forget to look at their part in the whole thing.
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Post by Merge on Aug 4, 2014 13:53:01 GMT
My question is this? Is there still an old-fashioned sense of the guy "doing the right thing" when a girl intentionally gets pregnant? Who holds the girls/women accountable for their actions? As moms of teenage boys, what else can we encourage them to do if they are using protection, and the girl won't go on any other method of BC? (Other than abstinence, which we know won't happen..) How fair is it to the young men who just want to go to college or get jobs to be burdened with child support and such? This seems like a double standard to me. The boy in no way shape or form plans on marrying this girl, never said he would, that was her fantasy world. 1. I don't think "doing the right thing" is ever old-fashioned. 2. Who holds a teenage boy accountable for his actions in this case? The girl told him straight up that she was crazy, and rather than back away, he chose to keep having sex with her. Which one of them is really at fault, then? The girl who "tricked" him into getting her pregnant, or the guy who used his dick to think instead of his brain and took advantage of a girl with obvious mental issues? 3. I sincerely hope that they do the real right thing and put the child up for adoption. It sounds as if neither the teenage parents nor the grandparents have any business raising children.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 4, 2014 13:55:24 GMT
I do agree with you that it is sucky that boys really have no say in reproduction decisions. However, that's life and we all know it. His weapon is the ability to say no and not put himself in that position. Now it's too late for him to make that choice. We have had the most interesting discussions around here based on this very subject. I have always maintained that reproductive choices are mine, and mine alone. Or at least I felt that way right up to the moment that my boys became old enough to articulate their own arguments for *their* rights as well. It has been a very interesting learning lesson for me, to be sure. While I still believe that I have full rights over my body, my children have really opened my eyes to how a man may feel about fatherhood, babies, sex...all things that I guess I didn't give thought to, or much thought to. Why I say all that? Because it made me consider that not all men are the naive impregnators, not all women are the duplicitous incubators. There are many shades of grey and I had to realize that I had to be considerate in my thoughts about situations like this. If you make the decision to engage in sexual conduct, then you have to be ready to deal with the consequences. But just maybe, the boy shouldn't automatically be assumed the duped victim, the girl shouldn't be assumed the scheming vixen.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:24:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2014 13:56:15 GMT
He could have prevented this by keeping his junk on his pants. He is no less culpable then she is. I'll pray for that poor baby who will be the one to bear the full brunt of being born to idiot parents.
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Post by vronn on Aug 4, 2014 14:11:28 GMT
I have to agree that if he is the father, that he should be involved in the baby's life as well. I can't imagine having a grandchild out there that I ignore because it's inconvenient for my child. That baby deserves the child support, the love of both it's parents, and love from extended family. That baby didn't ask to be born, and he/she is going to suffer the worst.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Aug 4, 2014 14:25:01 GMT
This upsets me more than anything. I know the OP has deleted her account so maybe this is just talking to the wind. I would take a good hard look at any friendship with an adult who thinks it's okay to react to and treat an innocent child this way. Putting aside everything else that is wrong with the attitude of this family and this boy in the OP (seriously, he chose to have sex with his girlfriend, that's all of the information that is necessary), moral and ethical people don't physically and emotionally abandon a child or grandchild just because they don't approve of the circumstances in which said child was conceived. It's on page 2 in "How Not to be an Horrible Human Being 101."
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Post by mzza111 on Aug 4, 2014 14:34:02 GMT
How come Aunt TT name is black and has 0 posts but posted on this thread?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 16:24:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2014 14:35:11 GMT
How come Aunt TT name is black and has 0 posts but posted on this thread? She deleted her account.
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 4, 2014 14:36:30 GMT
How come Aunt TT name is black and has 0 posts but posted on this thread? I was just wondering the same thing. She is not listed in the member directory. I thought you couldn't post unless you were a member and if you are, what/why are you trying to hide?
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Aug 4, 2014 14:38:17 GMT
She deleted her account after posting this thread.
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Post by psoccer on Aug 4, 2014 14:40:12 GMT
If it were me, and it was my son's child, I would do all I could to forge a relationship with the baby, and get the baby out of the home, and out of the crazy environment. At some point, as the child grows, the mother may lose interest, and replace the child with a new baby. I would want to be there to provide as much stability to the child as I could.
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Post by picotjo on Aug 4, 2014 14:51:30 GMT
Well, the only 100% guaranteed way to not impregnate someone is to not have sex. He CHOSE to have sex with a woman who made it very, very clear that she wanted a child and would do anything to make that happen. Condoms are not 100% even if used properly. This fellow made a mistake and may very well pay for it for the rest of his life. He absolutely bears responsibility in this situation if he is proven to be the parent. I agree with this
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,575
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Aug 4, 2014 15:02:49 GMT
People get so focused on what others have done to them, they forget to look at their part in the whole thing. ^^^This bears repeating!
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Post by Merge on Aug 4, 2014 15:23:38 GMT
Hmmm, it's a bummer she deleted her account, but I'm not surprised - with the reminders/threats on the threads about benem and posting online from work, I bet someone messaged her and warned/threatened her that "someone" might find her and contact all the people involved.
Personally I've become most suspicious of those doing the warning/threatening.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,790
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 4, 2014 15:42:02 GMT
The only double standard I see here is that society probably won't judge him as harshly as it will her, even though they were both selfish, irresponsible idiots. He clearly cared more about having sex than dealing with the possible consequences of having a child to go along with it. And frankly, any parents who would "support" their son in turning his back on the innocent life that will be born into this mess are just as no-account in my book as the girl's family you're being so self-righteous about. Part of a parent's job is teaching your child how to be a responsible adult, and they are doing a poor job of it. Taking responsibility for your actions doesn't mean just throwing money at a problem and hoping it goes away. Supporting a child involves far more than just paying child support. Standing ovation.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Aug 4, 2014 16:42:08 GMT
If it turns out that the child is his, then the minimum he can do is pay child support. If it was my child, I would encourage him to at least spend a little time with the baby. And yea, he has some blame here. If he knew she wanted to get pregnant that badly, then he needed to either not have sex with her or take complete control of the birth control. This! He could have chosen to not have sex with her.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 4, 2014 19:49:12 GMT
I can't believe the OP deleted herself from the board. What a coward. I guess she figured we'd all chime in with "OH, NOEZ! The sluts!" and congratulate her and her bff for their exemplary behavior.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2014 20:57:12 GMT
oh, good lord ... you're not kidding? The OP ran and hid? I guess she's not tough enough for the NSBR. But really. That poor baby. And those idiotic grandparents, if they reject the baby, they don't know what they'll be missing. My grandson was born under similar circumstances and he is the light of my life, no matter how I feel about his mother.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2014 20:58:23 GMT
My BFF has an 18yr old son who's EX-GF just had a baby a few weeks ago. A little history: Ex-gf is 19, they had dated for about 2 years. They had been broken up since October of last year (she cheated on him) and she didn't tell him she was pregnant until 8 weeks or so before she had it. (Received no prenatal care during that entire time either, a real piece of work...) Almost the entire time they were dating my BFF was concerned about this girl as my friend had found letters where she was begging for a baby. The girl had gone so far as to pick out names for them all (4), putting HiS last name as her own, drawing little baby foot prints, and acting out these ridiculous little "playing house" scenarios-really bizarre behavior for a teenager. Several of her letters said she'd "do anything to get pregnant" so she could get out of her mothers house. How she planned to do that with a bf still in high school and a new baby with only a minimum wage job is beyond me. Apparently she's pretty stupid too. Her DH was unwilling to break them up even after reading these letters (wanted to be a friend instead of a parent) and so here they are. BFF and her DH did confront the couple at one point and counseled them on the merits of getting an education and bettering yourself through that avenue instead of ruining your life so young and any real chance of having the "dream life" she wanted which would have been harder with a baby and crappy jobs etc..... It fell on deaf ears. If it matters to the story the girls mother has 4 children to 4 different (non-involved or in jail) men and the girls older sister (24?) had 3 kids under 5 to 3 different men. . All on welfare/HUD/Food stamps as career moochers-not ppl who genuinely need help during a tough situation. They created their own situations and are taking advantage, IMO. The "kids" which they realistically are, have a child support hearing coming up soon and a paternity test to follow since he's contesting paternity. IF/WHEN his paternity is confirmed......he will pay his support as ordered but so far doesn't want anything to do with the baby. SHE wanted it and when he asked if she poked holes in the condom (he wore one each time around the time it would have been conceived) she smirked and said "I told you did do anything to have a baby..." So the safe assumption is she sabotaged the condoms. They were at her house. Stupid-yes. My question is this? Is there still an old-fashioned sense of the guy "doing the right thing" when a girl intentionally gets pregnant? Who holds the girls/women accountable for their actions? As moms of teenage boys, what else can we encourage them to do if they are using protection, and the girl won't go on any other method of BC? (Other than abstinence, which we know won't happen..) How fair is it to the young men who just want to go to college or get jobs to be burdened with child support and such? This seems like a double standard to me. The boy in no way shape or form plans on marrying this girl, never said he would, that was her fantasy world. Just curious on your thoughts.... Their family has decided to support THEIR child in his decisions regarding the child, and if he chooses to not have contact with it they won't either. For posterity.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Aug 4, 2014 21:21:31 GMT
My personal opinion is that I have no respect for any man who turns his back on his child. The young man in question is an adult and it is his decision, but I would not stand by silently while my son made such a decision. Nor would I consider him "boyfriend" material for my daughter. He knew what the possibilities were every time he laid down with her. If she is as bad as they portray her to be, don't they want better for their child/grandchild? [b I agree with this. Don 't the grandparents want to try and break this cycle of welfare starting with this grandchild? I, as a grandparent, could not turn my back on my grandchild.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 4, 2014 21:51:18 GMT
oh, good lord ... you're not kidding? The OP ran and hid? I guess she's not tough enough for the NSBR. But really. That poor baby. And those idiotic grandparents, if they reject the baby, they don't know what they'll be missing. My grandson was born under similar circumstances and he is the light of my life, no matter how I feel about his mother. Honestly, I think *my* mother would beat *me* about the head and neck if I were to consider letting either one of sons driving the "I don't want to have anything to do with the child" bus. First she would have serious words with the boys in question and then me for agreeing to it. I can't see *me* letting the boy abdicate fathering responsibility, but in the event I turned into a total tool, my mother would step in and set us both straight.
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Post by theboydbunch on Aug 5, 2014 0:12:16 GMT
Well, the only 100% guaranteed way to not impregnate someone is to not have sex. He CHOSE to have sex with a woman who made it very, very clear that she wanted a child and would do anything to make that happen. Condoms are not 100% even if used properly. This fellow made a mistake and may very well pay for it for the rest of his life. He absolutely bears responsibility in this situation if he is proven to be the parent.
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 5, 2014 0:55:10 GMT
I can't help thinking about a woman I went to high school with. Her son got a girl pregnant his senior year of high school, and she reacted very badly. Trashed the girl on facebook; hired a lawyer to try getting the boy out of paying child support and medical expenses; wanted absolutely nothing to do with her son's little girl. Fast forward five years and her son got killed in a car wreck on Thanksgiving Day. He had no other children, so that little girl is all that's left now of her son. Of course then she wanted desperately to have a relationship with the child, but the child's mother wanted no part of it after how she'd been treated. The grandmother even petitioned the court for visitation, but the judge turned her down because she had no preexisting relationship with the child.
It turned into a sad, sticky legal mess with half the town taking sides on behalf of one or the other, with the little one stuck in the middle. I often wonder if the grandmother wishes she could turn back time and make different choices.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 5, 2014 6:18:37 GMT
I can't help thinking about a woman I went to high school with. Her son got a girl pregnant his senior year of high school, and she reacted very badly. Trashed the girl on facebook; hired a lawyer to try getting the boy out of paying child support and medical expenses; wanted absolutely nothing to do with her son's little girl. Fast forward five years and her son got killed in a car wreck on Thanksgiving Day. He had no other children, so that little girl is all that's left now of her son. Of course then she wanted desperately to have a relationship with the child, but the child's mother wanted no part of it after how she'd been treated. The grandmother even petitioned the court for visitation, but the judge turned her down because she had no preexisting relationship with the child. It turned into a sad, sticky legal mess with half the town taking sides on behalf of one or the other, with the little one stuck in the middle. I often wonder if the grandmother wishes she could turn back time and make different choices. What a horrible story. Those parents aren't thinking of the baby as their flesh and blood or even as a real human. They're just thinking of him as an inconvenience. They are fools.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 5, 2014 7:30:54 GMT
I read about the legal case involving oral sex and a turkey baster. The Father was a doctor, a very responsible and mature man. He started a relationship with the woman, and quickly saw that she wasn't what he was looking for in a spouse. While he wanted kids in his future, he wanted them in a stable relationship with a mother he could respect. The woman, however, had given him oral sex during their brief relationship. saved the condom, and used the baster to impregnate herself.
When she had the baby, long after their relationship was over, she sued for child support and won. I don't think the man minded the money (although it is substantial because of his profession), as much as having a child under less than optimum conditions. The good news is that, the judge appeared lenient toward the father as far as parenting rights, having read about the case, I'm sure the father is doing the best job he can of being a father under these circumstances.
There is a double standard with fathers these days. A woman/girl can abort if she does not want to be a mother. Or choose adoption. A man/boy can be forced to be a father in the same circumstances, with no choice in the matter. The boy in the OP's case was 16 when his relationship started. He may have thought he could "save" the girl from her situation (she stated she was desperate to leave her mother's home) . I have seen these type of relationships for 50 years. I have step relatives that sound just like the young woman's family.
If it's his child, his life will change forever. Child support for 21 years. But so much more than that. Trying to be a father while dealing with a mother he can't trust, he will need to finish his education and work toward having a full share, (perhaps becoming the child's custodial parent), of his child's life. When he finds a woman to marry, he will bring this child into the relationship. I've seen situations like this all the time. My XDIL married a man who had a very similar experience, and the little boy ( 8 YO now), comes every weekend, and is considered a brother to my DGDs. The guy from the sound of it does the best he can, but the mother (they never married), is supposedly hard to deal with, and has already had 2 kids by different fathers.
Classism? Sexism? Maybe. Or maybe just stating the facts about people with different goals in life
I'm disappointed the OP deleted her account, because I wanted her to come update when they found out if the baby was her friend's son's.
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