basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Jul 26, 2016 14:43:48 GMT
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 26, 2016 14:48:57 GMT
The link takes you back to your post.
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Post by scraplette on Jul 26, 2016 14:53:33 GMT
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 26, 2016 14:54:02 GMT
Link works for me. I agree with those skills! I need to work on #1 IRL. No problem online. Hahaha!
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 26, 2016 14:54:17 GMT
Good list. Almost all are common sense, but it's surprising when you hear of how much some parents have crippled their kids by doing too much for them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 12:47:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 14:56:18 GMT
Those sound right on target to me. It looks pretty much like the list I would make. Add in "do your laundry" and "know how to cook a few simple meals".
It's really hard to teach your children those things -- it's very much easier to do it for them.
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Post by scraplette on Jul 26, 2016 14:59:30 GMT
Good list. Almost all are common sense, but it's surprising when you hear of how much some parents have crippled their kids by doing too much for them. You're not kidding, I have a friend who was proud her 20 year old went to the grocery store. A normal, typically developed, bright young person...
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Jul 26, 2016 15:00:26 GMT
Not rude at all. Thanks for the help
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Post by gar on Jul 26, 2016 15:09:37 GMT
I know a few folks who could do with reading that
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,437
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Jul 26, 2016 15:11:14 GMT
My DD 15 check check check! She has always been confident and likes being around adults so those kinds of things she can handle if she has too. Until she faces someone truly mean, or a really bad situation then she probably would come crying to mommy. The household stuff both DD 13 and 15 could move out now, hee hee! But yes it is a good check list.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Jul 26, 2016 15:25:13 GMT
I agree with all of them. TFS!
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jul 26, 2016 15:40:44 GMT
I feel better for doing silly mom things like making DD tell me where to turn when we are going home. She does have a little social anxiety, but she is spending the summer volunteering in a position where she talks to hundreds of kids and adults every day. I think she is in pretty good shape at 13 and will only get more skilled as she gets older.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 12:47:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 15:41:05 GMT
Good one! My kids doing well.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,769
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Jul 26, 2016 15:44:32 GMT
Great list!
I would expand #8 to include knowing how to fail or how to navigate failure. So many invaluable lessons come from failure.
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Post by woodysbetty on Jul 26, 2016 15:45:42 GMT
Great list!!! TFS!!
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 26, 2016 15:47:24 GMT
A great list.. my daughter at 13 has managed all of them but the earning money one and we are working on that!
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Post by rst on Jul 26, 2016 15:54:52 GMT
I'd add, maybe as a sub-point -- know how to spot a scam and how not to be vulnerable to cons.
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 26, 2016 16:07:13 GMT
Excellent list - thanks for sharing! I happy to report my 19 & 17 year old are well on their way . Talking to strangers was a tough one for both if I was anywhere nearby, but they are able to handle pretty much anything (so far, fingers crossed). JustCallMeMommy I used to get the kids to direct me home when they were little. When DS was in K he impressed the heck out of a substitute school bus driver by directing him on an alternate route to our house when the normal route was blocked by a firetruck.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 26, 2016 16:39:07 GMT
Well, I'll admit to my daughter (14) still working on most of that list. But not for lack of us modeling or providing opportunity. I don't worry about her not being able to leave for college just yet though!
She can manage her assignments/workload/deadlines and contribute to the running of the household like a boss.
However, she doesn't yet have a ton of opportunity talking to strangers - her experience is mostly with "safe" strangers (restaurant servers, counter workers, people she doesn't know at a gathering, etc.). An actual stranger stranger - I don't know. She is an extremely even tempered person. It's actually amazing to me how consistently consistent she is. Not a lot of ups and downs and just not a lot of interpersonal problems. She has a strong group of friends who are so anti-drama that many adults could take lessons from them. She's an only child on top of that and has had next to no experience fighting or even really disagreeing with anyone. She has no angst or any of the other issues that I read about of a lot of other teenagers. I honestly worry that we're missing something here. So we try to shake things up for her a bit by debating and disagreeing with her about everyday things. She usually ends up seeing both sides and isn't ever ruffled.
I do try to make her give me directions to and from the places we go. She doesn't have the greatest awareness of her surroundings. However, put that child in the woods, spin her around and she'll find her way out blindfolded. She has a great sense of her surroundings in nature.
She definitely measures her risks and is quite careful and almost tentative about much. She doesn't like to fail and hasn't ever failed at much. That will all change soon as she leaves behind her tiny school where she's been since she was four years old and enters high school. She's going to have many more chances to develop grit and resilience. I'm so looking forward to that for her.
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Jul 26, 2016 16:41:07 GMT
My kids were pretty well prepared on all of those points, I'm happy to say. However, I was horrified to discover during the summer before he went away to college, that DS did not know how to use a can opener! There's a parent failure for you!
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Post by scraplette on Jul 26, 2016 16:49:36 GMT
I'd add, maybe as a sub-point -- know how to spot a scam and how not to be vulnerable to cons. YES! We went through this last week. My recent HS grad left for lunch with a friend, I didn't pay much attention. Soon I was getting texts asking about something that looked like a vacation club. So I was googling and then sending responses and opinions. I didn't think much of it, I thought one of his buddies had gotten a part-time job and was talking about it. I even remarked it must be legitimate because the boys parents wouldn't let him be associated with anything that wasn't. We've known the kid since six grade gifted classes, proving gifted doesn't always equal common sense It was almost an hour before I thought to joke and send a text "Don't sign anything!!!" His response was, "Mom, their logo has a pyramid in it." The entry price was very low, $200-ish, reasonable for a kid with a summer job or graduation gift, and monthly fees weren't high. He said some of his buddies were all excited and one was probably signing. I was very proud of him, he got a lot of praise from other Moms too. He stopped a few from signing. We hadn't thought to warn him about something like this, but we had talked about gym memberships. There are so many ways they can be scammed. It turns out the boy "working" had bought it, he said his parents are furious. We think he's trying to sell enough to make his money back. I know the mom well enough to be annoyed - she must realize he's preying on his friends!
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Post by beanbuddymom on Jul 26, 2016 16:55:12 GMT
I have to say my DD can handle all of these except number 1 - being able to talk to people.
Everything else she has been able to demonstrate or handle - some of them being more recent in the last year as I have widened the gap or let out the apron strings.
But her ability to speak to people is still something she needs to work on. I've made her ask salesclerks for things recently, it was painful but she managed to do it and so that's seeming to gain her confidence a bit. She is a counselor now full time and has to speak to the parents at the end of the day so now this is HUGE that she has to do that, so that's been a huge help in that department. The next step is speaking on the phone to either order or ask questions of someone that's a stranger, that's a skill I have yet to get her to do and I think once that's done she will be good.
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Post by hollymolly on Jul 26, 2016 16:58:23 GMT
My kids were pretty well prepared on all of those points, I'm happy to say. However, I was horrified to discover during the summer before he went away to college, that DS did not know how to use a can opener! There's a parent failure for you! It's funny what we miss when parenting. Two things I neglected to teach DS that came to light in his mid-20's. I never taught him to fold clothes or wrap presents. I felt really bad when he admitted that he actually preferred for his clothes to be folded, but he didn't know how. I was proud he was doing his own laundry, but thought he was just being messy when he wrapped his clean clothes in a ball and stuffed them in the drawer. A few years ago he wanted to surprise me by having wrapped presents for me under the Christmas tree. He asked my niece to help him. I was very touched. It had just never crossed my mind to show him how to wrap a present. I love wrapping presents and always just did it myself.
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Post by beanbuddymom on Jul 26, 2016 17:00:59 GMT
Great list! I would expand #8 to include knowing how to fail or how to navigate failure. So many invaluable lessons come from failure. You know, you're right. I thought DD handled it well until last week when she expected to fail something, and then did, and then unexpectedly - even surprised herself - fell apart over it. So she needs to work better at that. I don't want something like failure or rejection to cripple her. She wasn't pleased with my reaction, she had plans to go out and chose to stay in, and we had many words about how to handle things on her own, etc. She still wasn't pleased with me, but I think she got that she couldn't do that on a regular basis and when to be appropriate about things, i.e. work, school, socially, etc.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 12:47:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 17:03:56 GMT
I have to say my DD can handle all of these except number 1 - being able to talk to people. Everything else she has been able to demonstrate or handle - some of them being more recent in the last year as I have widened the gap or let out the apron strings. But her ability to speak to people is still something she needs to work on. I've made her ask salesclerks for things recently, it was painful but she managed to do it and so that's seeming to gain her confidence a bit. She is a counselor now full time and has to speak to the parents at the end of the day so now this is HUGE that she has to do that, so that's been a huge help in that department. The next step is speaking on the phone to either order or ask questions of someone that's a stranger, that's a skill I have yet to get her to do and I think once that's done she will be good. That's exactly how we worked with DD. We'd work on a script to call, and I'd stand there while she made the call. Then we'd talk about it afterwards. It's REALLY hard to help a kid who is shy and anxious about talking to people in person. She's 21 and living on her own now, and she still occasionally asks me to help her figure out what to say. She just moved into an apartment, so there have been a LOT of things for her to call and ask about. Just calling for pizza was huge for her in high school. Now it's more things like buying insurance -- she's very happy with USAA because they are super helpful with her on the phone. They take a lot of time explaining her options and what they mean.
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Post by rst on Jul 26, 2016 17:11:41 GMT
I hired a very bright young man, college junior, as a caregiver for my son. He did not know how to deposit a check into his bank account. After a couple of months working he asked me when he should expect to get paid. I said, you've been getting a check every two weeks from the agency, right? He said, "oh, those paper things? I think I threw those away. I thought those were tax statements." I know his mom well, and she confirmed that he had never had to deal with checks or banking -- they did all the transfers online, and he had never dealt with any of that. I was so shocked that I sat my boys down and gave them a crash course in old school banking and what to keep for taxes, etc.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 26, 2016 17:12:03 GMT
My kids were pretty well prepared on all of those points, I'm happy to say. However, I was horrified to discover during the summer before he went away to college, that DS did not know how to use a can opener! There's a parent failure for you! Eh, he can look that up on the Internet. You can't really look up how to deal with dissapointment as easy as a can opener.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 26, 2016 17:17:03 GMT
I was appalled when my 28yo SIL couldn't call to order pizza. Couldnt figure out how much to order, couldn't talk to the guy. Had us at a 'housewarming party' for her first home she bought ( condo ) with zero food and zero beverages available. My MIL had to call the pizza order in I can't remember who paid for it.
I didn't call in a takeout order for years after that!!! Even though my kids could do it at that time, I just wanted to make sure.
Then my SIL asked how to clean the bathroom and my DD 13 or 14 at the time proceeded to tell her how!!!!
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jul 26, 2016 17:22:23 GMT
I think it's sad that we have to actually have articles telling us this when it seems like it would be such an obvious thing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 12:47:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 17:37:16 GMT
My 22 yr old could do all of those things by 16 even though she didn't like doing some of them. And while at college would bounce things off of me to confirm she was moving in the right direction. My son (18), high functioning autism/aspergers diagnosed, can talk to strangers without a problem...something his very neurotypical sister will do, but hates it much like her father (who is at times crippled in this area due to social anxiety issues). The other things are going to take him a bit longer to manage and we simply have to accept that the "normal" timetables don't apply to him but within reason. So, with that in mind, we are working with his case manager at the Department of Rehabilitation Services in our state to get him enrolled in a "life skills" and "job skills" programs (on our dime!) because it's easier to learn some of these things from skilled professional stranger than from dear 'ol Mom & Dad. It doesn't help when Mom and Dad can't get on the same page on when it's time for these things to be learned and how they should be learned!
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