PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 12:48:00 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 7, 2014 12:48:00 GMT
My husband is the best man for a wedding coming up. The best man is typically in charge of coordinating the bachelor party. DH told me the groom wanted to go to a strip club awhile back, and even though my husband and I aren't fans of that sort of thing (we didn't have strippers at our bachelor/ette parties), we agreed it wouldn't be a big deal. I wouldn't want him to go to be honest, but I don't want to be that wife, either. We ended up agreeing that if he's not okay with me seeing male strippers (he's not), the same applies to him.
So last night I asked my husband specifics on what he's wearing so that I can help get his outfit coordinated. (Where, when to order, etc.) He said I don't remember, check my email from groom. In the email about dress, there were details about the bachelor party. Turns out the groom wants strippers, yes plural, but in his hotel room.
I'm no pearl-clutcher, but this is a whole different thing. I'm kind of thinking, what if this is a glorified prostitute who's willing and able to exchange cash for "extras"? Most will do this. I know without a shadow of a doubt my husband wouldn't partake in that, but it doesn't mean I want him around it!
Not only are in-room strippers VERY expensive, they're gross! I googled around last night, and most pairs of strippers give every guest a lap dance, have a lesbian show complete with oral sex on each other, two-sided dildos, strap-ons that the groom and guests can wear, and even stories of using phallus shaped vegetables on themselves that the guests can take a bite of. Sorry to be go graphic, but I want you all to have a very clear picture of what this is.
He fell asleep before I could tell him everything I googled. His thoughts right now are neutral. He's not sure what to think. He doesn't want to miss his good friend's party, but wishes this wasn't part of the deal.
I guess my question is, what would you do? My husband will 100% respect my decision, I just don't know what to do or how to handle it. Do I make my husband say no in-room strippers, but clubs are okay? (Which I don't really like either). Or do I have him fake sickness on the night-of after they bar hop so he doesn't look like a wimp? Or be honest and call it a night before the girls arrive?
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 7, 2014 13:00:28 GMT
If you trust that your DH wouldn't partake of anything a stripper would offer I'd just let it go. Who cares what the other guys do or don't do? That'll be on them, not your DH or you. If the groom wants strippers at his bachelor party that's his call, not yours or your DH's.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,006
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Aug 7, 2014 13:02:54 GMT
we're a pretty open couple, but yeah.. in room strippers are a whole different thing to me. I would be fine with a club, but boundaries seem to get pushed much more easily in private situations. I think he should be honest and call it a night when that part begins- it might give some of the other guys with the same reservations courage to bow out too. he's probably not the only one with reservations.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 13:11:26 GMT
I don't think a married man has any business attending an in-room porn show. For me, it comes down to respect for the females in his life - primarily his wife and daughter(s).
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Post by tiffanyannhulsey on Aug 7, 2014 13:13:10 GMT
I don't think a married man has any business attending an in-room porn show. For me, it comes down to respect for the females in his life - primarily his wife and daughter(s). This exactly. I also question a groom who is interested in that kind of "one on one" attention in a hotel room by someone other than the bride.
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Post by cade387 on Aug 7, 2014 13:15:08 GMT
I would disagree that it is the groom's call. He can answer as to what kind of party he would like if the hosts ask, but ultimately the hosts decide as they are paying. People on here (well, 2peas) would always get riled up if a bride wanted to dictate every bit of her shower and comment on how the shower is a gift and she should be honored that someone is throwing it. She gives an invite list and then is supposed to be appreciative of what she gets. How is this any different?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 13:24:56 GMT
I tend to be pretty easy going about stuff like this BUT:
I would be worried about the legality of it (if more stuff happens than the plan, him being in the room could be a bad thing.
I would be fine with them going to a strip club where it's all regulated.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 7, 2014 13:25:42 GMT
That's a tough situation. But I agree with blue tulip, boundaries are easier to push in a private setting. I think it best that your husband should leave when that part starts, hopefully, that's not the whole party!
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 7, 2014 13:28:21 GMT
This is not something I would be comfortable with my spouse's participating in. Not appropriate in my marriage.
A strip club is seriously borderline but this is a step too far for me. Even if it is just a stripper in a hotel room and not a full-Monty sex show, no. Not okay with me.
I'm not okay with either of us watching someone outside our marriage behave in a sexual manner, certainly not with the other person not there.
Maybe that's just me and that's fine with me, but that's how I feel. I am not open to this stuff and for me personally, in my life, I don't feel it's desirable to be open to it. My marriage is quite closed. My body is his and his is mine and that's the end of that for us.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Aug 7, 2014 13:35:24 GMT
Yep, whole different ballgame in the hotel room!!!
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 13:35:26 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 7, 2014 13:35:26 GMT
I don't think a married man has any business attending an in-room porn show. For me, it comes down to respect for the females in his life - primarily his wife and daughter(s). This exactly. I also question a groom who is interested in that kind of "one on one" attention in a hotel room by someone other than the bride. The groom is practically family, a life-long childhood friend, if that helps explain. And it's possible that the groom has no idea what they really do when they come to your room. I didn't until I googled it. How does my husband approach this?
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Aug 7, 2014 13:39:13 GMT
Would agree with the others that the in hotel room strippers are going to do much more than seeing/going to a strip club. I wouldn't be too pleased either. How does the bride to be feel about this? Beside the whole seeing other women naked doing sexual things the money part would piss me off too. Thinking they are spending big money for a sex show. edited to add...I am pretty sure the groom or most people in general has seen movies or heard what happens in that situation at a hotel room.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 7, 2014 13:40:31 GMT
My DH wouldn't be participating. And he would let the groom know exactly why he wouldn't be participating. I don't think it's wrong of your DH to simply say he is uncomfortable with strippers coming to the party. I can imagine he won't be only one who has issues with it. Moveablefeast stated my position on it much better than I could.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 7, 2014 13:41:14 GMT
I'm pretty open about this stuff. I have a ex friend who strips and I will tell you that being and in club setting really don't mean "safer" than hotel because if you have the right amount of money anything can happen in a club setting as well. You may not see it but it can and does happen.
Another thing your DH need to take into consideration is the fact that the other married/attached men invited to party may not show up because their partners aren't ok with the strippers being there. What's a party with no one attending ..ya know? I think if other men in group are having wife issues because of this a good "out" would be planning a non stripper party and then telling the groom and whoever wants the strippers they can do it later into the night and the others cut out early.
Also NOT all the time but some of the time these strippers bring "fun drugs" to make the party last longer $$$ and also the men will spend more on different "services". This is passed around to the men at the party who want to use them. My Ex friend does this actually. That's another thing to think about.
For the record I don't have issues with dancers...I mean them females can swing on a pole like no ones business!! I wish I could LOL! But their is also another side to dancing (for some dancers) that crosses a line in my opinion.
My .2 is keep it at the bar...IF its a decent bar they will regulate what will go on in there and it will just stay harmless fun.
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Post by eebud on Aug 7, 2014 13:43:43 GMT
If you trust that your DH wouldn't partake of anything a stripper would offer I'd just let it go. Who cares what the other guys do or don't do? That'll be on them, not your DH or you. If the groom wants strippers at his bachelor party that's his call, not yours or your DH's. If the groom-to-be is paying for this, I guess he can do what he wants and hope that his fiance is ok with it. But, if the OP's husband is expected to pay for this, then he does have a call if whether or not this happens. Add me to the list that would not be ok with the in-room strippers. I would be ok with a club. DH doesn't care for the clubs either but has on rare occasion attended a bachelor party at one. It has been a VERY long time though. Maybe the OP's husband can tell his friend that he is not comfortable with this and plans to head home before this part of the party starts. It might make the groom rethink this plan.
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Post by ajsweetpea on Aug 7, 2014 13:44:18 GMT
Ugh, that is just gross. Maybe explain everything you found online to your husband and see what he thinks he should do. I'd definitely let him know that you are not comfortable with it. It probably is just as bad as you fear. I know one of my husband's cousins had a bachelor party (my husband was not there) where there were in-room strippers and after they did their show, they offered the guys 15 minutes with them for $10 (or maybe it was 10 minutes for $15 but still... eww.) I definitely would not be in favor of my husband attending something like that. I don't find it appropriate for a married man to be in that type of situation.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Aug 7, 2014 13:44:39 GMT
I wouldn't be ok with it. But then my husband wouldn't be visiting a strip club either. My husband turns his head when the Victoria's Secret ads come on TV. There's no way he would attend a party with strippers much less organize it.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 7, 2014 13:45:57 GMT
I don't think a married man has any business attending an in-room porn show. For me, it comes down to respect for the females in his life - primarily his wife and daughter(s). This exactly. I also question a groom who is interested in that kind of "one on one" attention in a hotel room by someone other than the bride. I agree with both of these posters. There is no way I would be comfortable if I had my dh go and be involved in all that.
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Post by ChicagoKTS on Aug 7, 2014 13:47:54 GMT
This is definitely not something I would not condone nor would my DH but to each their own. You can't dictate the behavior of other people only your own. Is the whole party to be held in the hotel room or is that something that is to happen as the evening progresses? Either way, your DH can choose to not go back to the hotel room where the strippers are going to be or leave the room when they arrive. If it were me, I wouldn't make a big deal about it, just quietly leave the moment I felt uncomfortable. Being a groom's best man doesn't translate to being the groom's idiot friend in my mind.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,818
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Aug 7, 2014 13:50:19 GMT
I don't really care if SO goes to strip clubs on occasion, but there is no effing way I would be ok with the situation you described. And if the groom is a life-long friend, your dh should feel comfortable telling him all the reasons why he is not ok with this type of party.
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 13:53:32 GMT
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 7, 2014 13:53:32 GMT
I tend to be pretty easy going about stuff like this BUT: I would be worried about the legality of it (if more stuff happens than the plan, him being in the room could be a bad thing. I would be fine with them going to a strip club where it's all regulated. You bring up a good point- if your DH pays for the services, and something goes south, could he be held responsible even if he wasn't there? Similar to party hosts being sued when a legally intoxicated guest has a traffic accident on the way home. Eta typo, damn auto correct
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 13:55:13 GMT
"How does my husband approach this?"
It sounds like your DH and the groom are close enough friends where your husband can be completely honest with him. He could tell him that, as the groom will soon discover, there's a code of conduct that a husband and wife agree upon, and this behavior falls outside of that. It's not necessarily about comfort, money, or the inappropriateness, it about respect for the primary relationship in your husband's life.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 7, 2014 13:55:51 GMT
I'm fairly certain my husband has been to a *gentlemen's club* or two while he's out on the road. If I asked, he would tell, but it doesn't really bug me, so I don't ask.
However, this would be a no go for me. Nope. Nope. Nope. And while it's none of anyone's business, I'm betting the bride-to-be wouldn't be all that thrilled either.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Aug 7, 2014 13:58:20 GMT
I was typing something out but realized it wasn't very helpful to you. So I'll just say this; trying again:
The guys I work with recently threw a party for a guy that got married. I think some of them were even surprised at some of the things that went on. And these guys aren't angels.
But I think they saw it as more of a freak show for the groom and then they left. They didn't want any part of it.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Aug 7, 2014 13:59:22 GMT
Hmmm. My husband had strippers (plural), not in a club. He didn't ask for them. Many of his friends are bigger pigs than he. His dad was there, so was my brother. I didn't feel insecure about it after I found out. One guy specifically did not attend, because of the strippers, on his wife's wishes. No one else joined that guy. Everyone else showed up and stayed. That being said, I also had in home strippers. I didn't ask for them, my friends are bigger pigs than I.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 7, 2014 13:59:28 GMT
How does the bride feel about this? It all sounds too grisly for words.
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 7, 2014 14:02:37 GMT
I think in this situation, as the groom's lifelong friend, your DH needs to explain to him exactly why this is a bad idea, and why he's uncomfortable with it. He should also ask him how he would feel/react if he learned that his future wife had male strippers come to her hotel room to party with her girlfriends. I'm willing to bet he would be upset if the roles were reversed, so he should think about how his fiancee would feel about it. Sometimes being the best man means stepping in and stopping the groom from making an idiot of himself, and I think this qualifies as one of those scenarios.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 14:14:13 GMT
I think if the groom is practically family, your DH should be able to tell him he's not comfortable with the plan of in-room strippers and explain why. If the groom can't accept that, he needs to plan his own bachelor party and pay for it himself.
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 14:14:23 GMT
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Post by bdawnb on Aug 7, 2014 14:14:23 GMT
I don't think a married man has any business attending an in-room porn show. For me, it comes down to respect for the females in his life - primarily his wife and daughter(s). I'm in this camp. And I wouldn't have to tell my husband anything, he would say no on his own. The groom doesn't get to plan the party anyway, only make suggestions. Unless he's paying for the whole thing and then that's a whole other issue.
Edited for spelling
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Post by keknj on Aug 7, 2014 14:16:32 GMT
I wouldn't mind the club, but the in-room would not fly. I would let my husband throw me under the bus, totally blame me for not "letting" him attend that sort of party. I don't think very much of a groom who would want that sort of entertainment either. How would his fiance feel about it? If he's such a good friend, your DH should be able to tell him why he doesn't want to attend.
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