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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 18:43:06 GMT
via mobile
Post by freecharlie on Aug 7, 2014 18:43:06 GMT
First, I really don't like how the groom outlined the evening in his message. It may be just how they talk to each other, but I would have a problem with it if a girlfriend sent that to me telling me how to arrange her party. I'm in the camp of your husband being the 'best' or 'better' man by telling his friend his idea stinks and he doesn't want any part of it. I would like to think he can just tell him it's a strip joint or nothing and why. I don't understand the appeal of this for a man days from getting married. Maybe after he's been married for 10 years would be better. Seriously, his thoughts should be on the marriage he has planned with his future wife. And sex thoughts should be about how can he help make their sex life amazing throughout the marriage? Not about watching some stranger do whatever and possibly even doing some of that whatever with her. That just seems so immature little boy to me. Maybe the party had already been planned and he was just reminding them of the details
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 18:49:19 GMT
via mobile
Post by *KatyCupcake* on Aug 7, 2014 18:49:19 GMT
Yeah, with that itinerary, I would turn into "that wife" knowing full well my husband would be the same way if the roles were reversed.
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Aug 7, 2014 18:58:49 GMT
we're a pretty open couple, but yeah.. in room strippers are a whole different thing to me. I would be fine with a club, but boundaries seem to get pushed much more easily in private situations. I think he should be honest and call it a night when that part begins- it might give some of the other guys with the same reservations courage to bow out too. he's probably not the only one with reservations.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 7, 2014 19:01:17 GMT
I think it is great he is asking you about your feelings. I know of married men that do this kind of thing on the side and their wives never know. The men agree to lie about it. They want to be part of the group, but don't want their wives angry either. I would hate it if my hubby went and don't THINK he would, but the only person's actions you can control are your own. Good for him for talking to you about it. No advice on what to say though. Please let us know what happens.
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Post by jmurray on Aug 8, 2014 14:19:11 GMT
My DH has had a couple of experiences with that kind of thing when he's attended bachelor parties in the past. He's very open minded and doesn't judge others at all, but he personally doesn't care for that stuff. His own bachelor party was at a paintball place, lol!
Anyway I asked him how he'd handled it, and he said one of them he just kept to the back of the room - it wasn't any big deal, just stripping. The other one started to get a bit out of hand so he decided to leave. When he told the guy next to him he was out the guy said good - I'm coming too! About half the guys left apparently. They didn't leave the venue (it was at a hotel), they just went down to the bar and had some drinks. Eventually the rest joined them after the strippers had left. He said nobody was made to feel bad about leaving and the party carried on without any awkwardness.
So maybe your DH could arrange it then go to the bar if it gets awkward or uncomfortable? I bet at least one or two others would follow him.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Aug 8, 2014 14:23:38 GMT
"We ended up agreeing that if he's not okay with me seeing male strippers (he's not), the same applies to him."
If this is your agreement with him, no decision is needed. He agreed that neither one of you should see strippers and so did you. You don't need to make a decision for a grown man, he knows the right decision to make. His choice will tell you a lot about him.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,955
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Aug 8, 2014 16:47:02 GMT
I don't really care if SO goes to strip clubs on occasion, but there is no effing way I would be ok with the situation you described. And if the groom is a life-long friend, your dh should feel comfortable telling him all the reasons why he is not ok with this type of party. This. I used to bartend in a strip club during the late 80's early 90's, so DH going to a club wouldn't bother me in the least. But a private show in room...no.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 8, 2014 17:04:22 GMT
I would imagine that the groom knows exactly what goes on w/in-room strippers. I feel for his bride, because it sounds like his last fling before marriage. IMHO, your last fling before marriage should have happened before you committed to a relationship in the first place. If your dh is against this then he should talk openly w/the groom and let him know that strippers will not be included in your dh's portion of the party, but after dh and whomever else is uncomfortable leaves then the groom is welcome to bring the strippers to the hotel room. I'd be skeeved, but those are my values. Maybe the bride and groom want an open marriage?!?!?!
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