The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,986
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 7, 2014 14:18:01 GMT
My DH went to one of those many years ago (before we were married so over 19 years ago). It was pretty gross, and he and his buddies that he went with left and came home. They were suppsed to spend the night. They were grossed out/weirded out, but they also found it funny (they were In their early twenties). One of the three guys my DH went with, is a pretty big pig, and even he was taken aback. They guys who participated were mostly the groom and his brother. Their father was also in attendance. I don't care if my DH wants to go to a strip club (he hasn't gone for years), but I'm pretty sure HE wouldn't attend a private show after that debacle.
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Post by shevy on Aug 7, 2014 14:18:56 GMT
You husband needs to just come out and sayd that he is not comfortable with it. Tell the groom that if he wants this, he can set it up himself in a separate room and those who want to partake can follow thim. This isn't something that your hedge around so that you don't hurt his feelings. To me, it's disrespectful to ask a group of people to participate in something they don't feel comfortable doing, just because you want it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:41:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 14:27:38 GMT
I kind of have a problem with phrases like, "It's against my wife's wishes", "My wife won't let me", "My wife would have a cow", etc. I'd rather a man stand on his own two feet and say, "*I* have decided not to attend because it goes against how I wish to operate as a husband and father."
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Post by Miss Ang on Aug 7, 2014 14:35:58 GMT
I would not be ok with what you are describing and I would not be ok with my husband even pondering the idea of being there. I think what you're describing is absolutely disgusting.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 7, 2014 14:38:15 GMT
I completely trust my husband and would have no problems if his buddy wanted to go to a strip club for a bach party. I know my husband's feelings on them (they are gross, expensive, and there's a lot of women you can't touch) but having live action porn and alcohol in a private room is just too much for me. I'm very open minded and most sexual things don't get me pissed but this is pushing the boundaries of what's acceptable.
First and foremost, I'd make sure the bride to be knew what was going on. I wouldn't marry a guy that this sort of thing was important to.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 7, 2014 14:41:34 GMT
I kind of have a problem with phrases like, "It's against my wife's wishes", "My wife won't let me", "My wife would have a cow", etc. I'd rather a man stand on his own two feet and say, "*I* have decided not to attend because it goes against how I wish to operate as a husband and father." Kind of? Damn right I do. If my SO or husband doesn't have the balls to be honest and stand up for himself, then I would ask for his man card. You will NOT throw me under the bus like another poster suggested she would be ok with. I'm not taking the fall for you being a pussy. Screw that noise!
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Aug 7, 2014 14:45:32 GMT
strip club, not a big deal
in room stripper? HELL NO. ive heard too many stories. Im surprised the bride is OK with that, or does she not know?
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Post by chaosisapony on Aug 7, 2014 15:00:52 GMT
Setting aside the issue of your husband participating. I find it completely inappropriate that a party like that would be planned for someone who is getting married. He is engaged, he is not single and I have no doubt his bride would not be ok with what was described in the OP. A strip club is one thing, this is entirely another.
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Aug 7, 2014 15:05:33 GMT
... In the email about dress, there were details about the bachelor party. Turns out the groom wants strippers, yes plural, but in his hotel room. I'm unclear. The groom has requested an in-room stripper? Or the groom has already arranged for an in-room stripper? If the email was a request to DH to arrange for an in-room stripper, DH should tell the groom no and arrange something at a club. If the email was to notify DH that a room and stripper have already been arranged, DH should be careful to make sure his name is nowhere on that paperwork. He can give the groom a cash gift toward the party, and bow out of the party when she/they arrive.
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Post by theboydbunch on Aug 7, 2014 15:16:38 GMT
I kind of have a problem with phrases like, "It's against my wife's wishes", "My wife won't let me", "My wife would have a cow", etc. I'd rather a man stand on his own two feet and say, "*I* have decided not to attend because it goes against how I wish to operate as a husband and father." I agree with this...I'm thinking it look like the husband would be fine with it, but his "wife won't let him" which then makes her look like the "Debbie Downer"... If your husband isn't comfortable with it, he should speak up and hopefully they can come to a compromise, like, "hey, let's go to this club instead and spend our money on YOUR (guy getting married) drinks and still see strippers... I'm thinking about $$ too, as a way out, but that's because I'd rather spend $400 on a great night out including everything, then $400 on two strippers doing a freak show and STILL have to pay for food and alcohol etc for the night. **I'm guessing at prices.
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MaryC
Full Member
Posts: 213
Jun 25, 2014 21:52:55 GMT
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Post by MaryC on Aug 7, 2014 15:28:09 GMT
I wouldn't. I'm fine with my kids using the "my mom would kill me" card to get out of an uncomfortable situation - they are kids and far more vulnerable to peer pressure, so whatever it takes to keep them safe is okay with me. My husband is an adult and responsible for his own choices, and he should be adult enough to be honest about his opinion. Using me as an excuse implies that "he" is okay with the situation but just doesn't want to make me mad. That's cowardly and it's also disrespectful to me and our marriage.
The groom to be is far more likely to be swayed by his friend's honest reaction that it crosses a line than by a bunch of husbands saying "my wife won't let me; otherwise I'd participate".
Edited to correct spelling.
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Post by scrapcat on Aug 7, 2014 15:44:39 GMT
I hate to say it, the few times I've heard of the strippers go to the hotel situation did not end well. In all instances, the grooms in those situations had sex with the stripper/s. And these were decent guys, yea maybe they liked to party a little, but they also clearly love their wives. I think sometimes the whole guy atmosphere, like peer pressure kind of gets to them.
On the other hand, I was at a bachelorette party where they had a stripper come to the apartment. He ended up bringing a friend (another guy stripper) and it got a little out of hand with them offering a little too much interaction. We actually had to ask them to tone it down, it was supposed to just be all in fun!
So while we all want to be like 'no big deal', I've heard enough situations where it gets out of hand.
Hope your DH figures it out!
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 7, 2014 15:45:02 GMT
If the groom wants strippers at his bachelor party that's his call, not yours or your DH's. That made me roll my eyes a little. Such double standards on the peas. Moms to be, and brides to be are called down on this board for being tacky when they want to plan the details of their showers/parties.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 15:47:45 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 7, 2014 15:47:45 GMT
... In the email about dress, there were details about the bachelor party. Turns out the groom wants strippers, yes plural, but in his hotel room. I'm unclear. The groom has requested an in-room stripper? Or the groom has already arranged for an in-room stripper? If the email was a request to DH to arrange for an in-room stripper, DH should tell the groom no and arrange something at a club. If the email was to notify DH that a room and stripper have already been arranged, DH should be careful to make sure his name is nowhere on that paperwork. He can give the groom a cash gift toward the party, and bow out of the party when she/they arrive. I don't feel like going back to look, so I'll try to remember what it said as best as I can. The groom said, yeah I can't remember. Let me sign in and look, and I'll brb.
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Post by tiffanyannhulsey on Aug 7, 2014 15:52:27 GMT
I am curious....does the bride know about these plans? If I were the bride, I would have a problem with this. Strip club, fine. In hotel porn, nope!
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sunnyday
Junior Member
Posts: 72
Jul 3, 2014 15:49:59 GMT
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Post by sunnyday on Aug 7, 2014 16:04:22 GMT
I'd be interested in how much your husband knew about the party before you found the email. Has he already arranged it, or is the groom just requesting it?
My answer would depend on the answer to that question.
If your husband already agreed and arranged everything, then I think you really need to have a heart to heart with him about what is involved in these parties, and why would he go against what he already said to you about not participating?
If it's the groom's request thrown into the email about other arrangements, and your DH never agreed to it, then your DH needs to have a heart to heart with the groom and tell him that he's not interesting in going to, nor is he interested in funding this type of thing.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 16:07:32 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 7, 2014 16:07:32 GMT
Last night when I asked my husband about dress info, he said check his texts. That's where the stripper info was I guess, because it's not in the email. The email is just about contacts, dates and times, and dress info. So I can't give a verbatim dialogue.
I think the text just said something like, "I'll email you the list of groomsmen contact info so you can work together to arrange the bachelor party. We can do some bar hopping and then you guys can arrange the strippers who will come to the hotel. You guys will split the cost." It just seemed like he had already determined the plan. It sounds as if this is what he wants.
When I asked "how does my husband handle this" earlier in the thread, it was more of a question of, how does my husband handle the groom's wishes? Tell him NO, even though it's what he wants? Tell him, here's some cash, I'm not planning it even though I'm the best man? Maybe relinquish his duties in this regard, and pass it off onto another groomsmen?
In regards to the bride, I have no idea if she knows. Even if she does know a stripper may come to the room, who knows if she knows what they really do. Like I said, I didn't until I googled it. I googled it because I wanted the quell my fears, and instead it confirmed what I thought they did, and went far beyond what I initially thought. I thought in-room was just extra lap-dancing with a small potential for hand jobs or BJs if you paid for it. Nope. So, so much more.
We aren't close, and we live on different coasts, so it's not like I can slip it into a light conversation to see what she knows. And it would be inappropriate for me to involve myself to the point where I call her. Maybe if she were a closer friend, but she's not. She's really just DH's friend's future wife.
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Post by bbkeef on Aug 7, 2014 16:40:41 GMT
Could your DH go and participate in most of the party, but when the strippers get there couldn't he just leave?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:41:28 GMT
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 16:49:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 16:49:19 GMT
Meh we have had strippers come to private parties for bachelorette parties and they don't do ANYTHING like you stated. I'm sure there are some that do but they aren't all like that.
Of course everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with and they are adults. Just say no if they don't want to be involved.
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Post by songbird on Aug 7, 2014 16:51:37 GMT
Well, if it was a long-time friend of mine, I'd have no issues expressing my reservations about the in-room part. I'd ask other groomsmen as well if I knew them, or I'd ask the groom if he's discussed that part of the bachelor party with any of the other groomsmen. If one of them (or more) is on board with it, then I'd tell the groom that you are passing that part off to that/those groomsmen to handle because I wouldn't be joining them for that activity. If I had a long-time friend I felt uneasy about bringing these reservations to and having an open, honest conversation, it would probably give me pause as to whether or not this person is the kind of friend I'd want to have in my inner circle moving forward. I know guys don't think like that, but those are my initial thoughts.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Aug 7, 2014 16:54:21 GMT
If they are close friends I like the idea of telling his friend before he will go but maybe not for that part of it. If it gets a little risky and uncomfortable he can let his friend know he won't be there for that part. He doesn't even have to say 'my wife won't let me' (cause I would hate that too) . Just that he is uncomfortable.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 8, 2024 4:41:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2014 16:58:22 GMT
I would have no respect for a groom that feels this is appropriate. And I would expect my DH to show respect for the bride-to-be by not enabling this behavior.
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Post by shevy on Aug 7, 2014 17:03:00 GMT
If your husband is the best man, he must have a good relationship with this guy. I'd just have your husband tell him that he's not comfortable doing this. Matter of fact, doesn't have to explain or anything. Just like NO is a complete sentence.
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Strippers
Aug 7, 2014 17:06:45 GMT
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 7, 2014 17:06:45 GMT
I wouldn't bar dh from going, but in no way would we be contributing financially to the endeavor.
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Post by mzza111 on Aug 7, 2014 17:07:15 GMT
Meh we have had strippers come to private parties for bachelorette parties and they don't do ANYTHING like you stated. I'm sure there are some that do but they aren't all like that. This^^^ What the OP is talking about is a prostitute not a stripper. Big difference. I have a huge issue with prostitutes! I have no problems with strippers at a house or hotel room or club. Also, if the girls go to a private house or hotel room, they typically bring a bodyguard. They don't usually go alone because it could go very bad for them not for the guys that are attending the party.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 7, 2014 17:13:30 GMT
My husband threw a bachelor party last year for a groom and they had a private stripper come to the house they were throwing the party at. There were no double sided dildos, oral sex or anything of the sort. In fact, the groom was already so drunk by the time the girl showed up she ended up holding a bucket for him while he puked. I've always said that the bride would probably have had more of an issue with the stripper comforting her sick groom vs actually stripping and giving him a lap dance.
Google is not your friend in this case, I think you're finding the most extreme cases of prostitutes, not strippers. A true stripper is going to hardly let the guys touch her.
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Post by *christine* on Aug 7, 2014 17:15:38 GMT
Do you think your husband didn't put two and two together? Like others have said, stripper in a hotel room is so much different than a bunch of guys going to a strip club. I agree it can border on prostitution and I have an issue with sexual "favors" in this situation.
If I were your DH, and he didn't want to be involved in the hotel room party, I would say to the groom, "I'm not really ok with that, how about we hit up the pussy cat lounge after the bar hopping instead. Probably best to keep you out of trouble leading up to your wedding."
Even though they're grown men, there's still a level of peer pressure there. Those scenarios that you found while googling would not sit well with me.
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J u l e e
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Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 7, 2014 17:28:13 GMT
I might have missed how your husband feels about this, and why he can't just stand up and tell his friend what he's thinking. Your husband has an opinion, I'm sure. He doesn't need to hide behind, "Well it's friend's party, I can't say no." any more than he should hide behind, "My wife won't let me."
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Post by Lexica on Aug 7, 2014 18:14:59 GMT
First, I really don't like how the groom outlined the evening in his message. It may be just how they talk to each other, but I would have a problem with it if a girlfriend sent that to me telling me how to arrange her party. I'm in the camp of your husband being the 'best' or 'better' man by telling his friend his idea stinks and he doesn't want any part of it. I would like to think he can just tell him it's a strip joint or nothing and why. I don't understand the appeal of this for a man days from getting married. Maybe after he's been married for 10 years would be better. Seriously, his thoughts should be on the marriage he has planned with his future wife. And sex thoughts should be about how can he help make their sex life amazing throughout the marriage. Not about watching some stranger do whatever and possibly even doing some of that whatever with her. That just seems so immature little boy to me.
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Post by aljack on Aug 7, 2014 18:30:14 GMT
I would be uncomfortable with the hotel selection. Wouldn't be crazy about club but seems a like a better option. I say go for the doe/stag option.
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