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Post by Cupcake on Oct 18, 2016 22:38:02 GMT
Sorry for the tome, but here's some background: Longtime Peas (and spreadsheet keepers!) may remember me posting about helping my BFF as her husband battled, and ultimately passed away from, brain cancer. I was able to accompany their family on a trip to Disney World to celebrate his last birthday, and he passed 5 months later. The Peas were so helpful in offering advice to help me help her out, so I'm back asking again.
It's now been 3 years since her husband passed, and now my BFF has breast cancer. It was caught early, but part of it is invasive, so she will be undergoing a double mastectomy/reconstruction next week. She will be in the hospital for about 5 days, then at home recovering (limited motion, no driving) for 6 weeks, and more recovery beyond that. Tomorrow is her last day of work until further notice. We are meeting up on Thursday to create a post-surgery plan before heading to an appointment with one of her surgeons.
Her children are now 11 and 9, and they understand what is going on. They are still active in a support group, and are handling the news well. BFF's mother will be staying at the house with the kids, so me and BFF's "people" can take care of her. (Her family is complicated, so having mom on the periphery is a good idea). I am staying at the hospital night 1 because she wants me there. (BFF is afraid information will be missed, so would like someone with her the first couple of days/nights, and I have someone who can take night 2. Having gone through all of this with her husband, she unfortunately knows the drill).
We are planning to put out a schedule to get coverage for someone to stay with her for as long as she needs, at least the first 2-3 weeks. She has some family that can help, but it will be mostly myself and the rest of our group of college friends and some wonderful neighbors, who I know pretty well. (We live about an hour and 15 min apart so I can't just drop in easily. The rest of our friend group is just as far away or more).
We will plan for shopping/meals/housework/laundry, etc. What else should we be thinking of, planning for? Any tips and advice (and prayers and positive thoughts) will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Lisa B.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912 
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Post by melissa on Oct 19, 2016 1:07:44 GMT
The kids. Making sure they get where they need to go and that they have sufficient distraction now and then. This was my biggest issue during chemo and my surgeries. So many asked what they could do and I told them all, "take my dd for a playdate." Sadly, all summer long, that never happened. Fortunately, dd did have camp and I was able to get a little help driving her when I got too sick (caught something while on chemo which made my asthma flare big time).
Will she be having chemotherapy or is that still an unknown? Is she having immediate reconstruction with implants or with autologous tissue (ie taking tissue from elsewhere to make breasts)? Or will she had tissue expanders? I am asking because all those things somewhat different recoveries.If there are expanders, she will have more post-op appointments to fill them and then another surgery to replace them and so on.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 19, 2016 1:17:34 GMT
Does BFF have some paperwork that authorizes the doctors, etc., to speak with you? I would make sure, when you go for the pre-op appointment, that you make sure you get a form that lets her list everyone medical staff can speak to. (That form might even be in a pre-op packet of info they give to you.)
You may want to talk with her about who she's given healthcare power of attorney to, if anyone. I think it might default to her mother if there isn't one designated, since her kids are minors. If she's not comfortable with her mother making decisions she may want to bestow that position on someone else. You probably won't need it for anything, but it will be helpful if there's a possibility of a power struggle.
Ask about what kind of post-op medications she'll have. If necessary, get some pill boxes that are big enough for you to write on with an ultrafine sharpie. Figure out what has to be given when, then divide them out accordingly and write the exact times that each compartment needs to be taken. It was a lifesaver when we were changing shifts. I didn't have to bring anyone up to speed on anything other than "we're up to this box."
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Post by NanaKate on Oct 19, 2016 1:31:07 GMT
I agree with special help with the kids. I had a mastectomy and reconstruction two years ago and it was grueling to say the least. I can't imagine going through what I went through with young children to think about.
Prayers for your friend and her family.
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Post by Cupcake on Oct 19, 2016 1:57:20 GMT
The kids. Making sure they get where they need to go and that they have sufficient distraction now and then. This was my biggest issue during chemo and my surgeries. So many asked what they could do and I told them all, "take my dd for a playdate." Sadly, all summer long, that never happened. Fortunately, dd did have camp and I was able to get a little help driving her when I got too sick (caught something while on chemo which made my asthma flare big time). Will she be having chemotherapy or is that still an unknown? Is she having immediate reconstruction with implants or with autologous tissue (ie taking tissue from elsewhere to make breasts)? Or will she had tissue expanders? I am asking because all those things somewhat different recoveries.If there are expanders, she will have more post-op appointments to fill them and then another surgery to replace them and so on. Chemo is still an unknown at this point, we will know more after the surgery. She will be having immediate reconstruction with her own tissue (and is glad to be getting a smaller chest out of it!). Good reminder about the kids. She has a lot of community support due to losing her husband when her kids were so young; neighbors and friends help shuttle kids to activities often already so that should be all set. She is lucky to have such a great network in her small town. |
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Post by Cupcake on Oct 19, 2016 2:00:50 GMT
Does BFF have some paperwork that authorizes the doctors, etc., to speak with you? I would make sure, when you go for the pre-op appointment, that you make sure you get a form that lets her list everyone medical staff can speak to. (That form might even be in a pre-op packet of info they give to you.) You may want to talk with her about who she's given healthcare power of attorney to, if anyone. I think it might default to her mother if there isn't one designated, since her kids are minors. If she's not comfortable with her mother making decisions she may want to bestow that position on someone else. You probably won't need it for anything, but it will be helpful if there's a possibility of a power struggle. Ask about what kind of post-op medications she'll have. If necessary, get some pill boxes that are big enough for you to write on with an ultrafine sharpie. Figure out what has to be given when, then divide them out accordingly and write the exact times that each compartment needs to be taken. It was a lifesaver when we were changing shifts. I didn't have to bring anyone up to speed on anything other than "we're up to this box." All great things to take note of, thank you. I was planning to talk to her about the medical POA/proxy, to be sure it's up to date, and also to be sure the hospital staff will be allowed to relay information to me. I will definitely ask about the pills at her appointment and will buy an easy to use pill box. Thank you! |
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Post by flanz on Oct 19, 2016 3:20:09 GMT
No advice, but just want to say you are an AWESOME BFF!!!!
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 19, 2016 3:55:05 GMT
Oh, I thought of something else. Check to see whether the place she's having surgery has a pharmacy that can fill her meds before she's discharged and/or whether they automatically send any scripts to the hospital pharmacy. You'll be glad not to have to stop somewhere to pick them up.
Also be prepared for the doctor's instructions to have all brand name drugs listed... and the pharmacy to fill with generics. Don't be afraid to ask the pharmacist questions about any of it.
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