caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Oct 21, 2016 21:04:15 GMT
It's difficult to see children move away, not because you want to hold onto them forever but just because. All three of my kids and their families live at least 4 hrs away and one lives a plane ride away. I miss them but I miss the grandchildren and seeing their day to day lives the most. I miss the fact we don't all get together at holidays because of distance. Vent away at being sad, I understand.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Oct 22, 2016 2:00:34 GMT
The part about being unwilling to come to Toronto is definitely sad. Not sure what's wrong with the rest of it. I think it's great to have roots. Why do we always insist on looking for more & different & assuming it'll be better? That's not it. If you don't travel, experience different cultures, different lives, meet a wider variety of people your view and knowledge of the world is limited and demonstrably narrower. No one said anything about better as such but why settle for just a piece of sky. It's like looking through the window rather than stepping outside. Why wouldn't you want to see, feel, discover more? ETA - roots are amazing things to have, no disagreement there at all. Oh, agreed. I was just meaning you can have both. I'm almost 46 and I'm living in the town where I was born. But I've also visited Italy, Croatia, Australia, and a bunch of the western US. So I was just meaning that it's not either/or.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Oct 22, 2016 21:35:37 GMT
It read as beyond sad to me and actual desire for enmeshment... or velcro like @anxiousmama mentioned. That kind of family horrifies me. I like my space. Do I miss my family that is far away? Yes, of course. But I also value and treasure my space and the life I've made far away from family. I would not react well to a guilt trip from my mother for moving away just because she's sad. I read between the lines hearing that there may be guilt placed on the kids for doing what they want versus what she wants. I may be wrong. I hope I am. Yes, you are wrong. Not that I need to explain myself. I would never tell my children what they can or can't do. We raised three kids, who all went away to college and are very independent, except when they need help moving or painting. My two oldest moved out of the house within a year of graduating, with my blessing. I'm here for my kids, but I have a very full life doing things that don't involve my kids. My dd got married two weeks ago and 5 days later dh and I went to Italy. My life doesn't resolve around my kids, but I am entitled to have a vision in my head of what I thought our lives would be like in the future. That probably isn't going to happen, but I would say that the one of the things my kids would applaud me for is staying out of their business. I appreciate the peas here who understand what I'm going through and don't read between the lines on something that isn't there. P.S. I learned a new word today .... enmeshment. I read from the POV of the children too, I guess being the child that moved a whole country away from my family and not a parent myself, that was unavoidable. However, you have my sincere compassion and understanding for your feelings. I am very sure my mother felt as you did, and reacted as you have, in venting her innermost feelings to her friends while being nothing but supportive of me. Knowing my mother, I already felt guilty knowing it was hurting her, without my mother making me feel the slightest bit guilty herself. Its hard, and no its not the same as living close, but we make it work and I'm sure you will too. Last night I talked to her on Facetime (a wonderful invention!), and my brother (the last child at home) finally moved out this week, and my heart broke a little for her as she cried a little about seeing his empty room. So I get it. Hugs from someone who has been in your kids shoes, and understands and appreciates the attitude you have.
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