momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,152
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 12, 2016 17:23:07 GMT
I started reading the post by Wildcat....I have no idea what went on to make her leave. Obviously it had to do with the political threads. But it got me thinking... We all have family/friends in real life that don't share our personal views on this election. How are you handling that?
I normally don't talk politics in real life. My views are definitely different than others in the family. Thanksgiving is coming and I worry a little that one BIL will be spouting his opinion. I'd prefer we not discuss it. He's not about to change my opinions nor me his. Hopefully if it comes up I can politely ask it not to be discussed or find a more interesting conversation out of earshot. In thinking about this i'm think i'm a bit of an avoider...
So i'm wonder how others are handing it. And at the same time i'm wondering is there more name calling/controversy here or on other message boards because we are behind our keyboards? I don't participate or read too many of the political posts, but I certainly participate more here than I would in real life.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 12, 2016 17:31:53 GMT
We all have family/friends in real life that don't share our personal views on this election. How are you handling that? I normally don't talk politics in real life. I also don't normally talk politics in real life. I choose not to, because people can be very ugly when they feel very passionate about what they believe to be true. At work, when a coworker tries to bring up the election, I will tell them, "I like you too much to bring politics into our conversation." On the board, though I read a lot of the threads, I choose not to post very much about politics. I like being here (on this website, in this community). I don't want to participate in the animosity. I don't want my feelings hurt. I don't want to risk hurting others' feelings.
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Post by Woobster on Nov 12, 2016 17:32:18 GMT
Honestly, I try to respect and really listen to others' views. I listen to listen... Not respond. My opinions and beliefs don't always have to be voiced. Sometimes it's easier to just agree to disagree and be quiet.
The way I look at it, I'm not going to change anyone's mind, so arguing isn't going to do me any good.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Nov 12, 2016 17:40:16 GMT
This is the only place I discuss politics. DH family are die hard Trump supporters and not just because they didn't like Hillary. They absolutely feel the same way about most everything that he's said. It's impossible for them to not discuss politics during family gatherings. Usually I just ignore it, but this year we have opted to spend zero time with them this year at thanksgiving. That's how I'm handling it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 11:26:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 17:42:39 GMT
I'm handling the differences that I have with other people the same way I handle any other difference I have. I respect their opinions. I actually listen to opposing sides so I can maybe learn something new. I avoid arguing by allowing that person to talk and just nod. I don't feel a need to explain to anyone my opinion if it differs from theirs. I will state my opinion if outright asked, but it is only to the people who give me the same respect. I also try not to get defensive. I definitely am not perfect but this is what I strive for and what I usually accomplish.
I also like to joke about politics. During a conversation dh was incorrect about something so I held up my fake microphone and yelled, "WRONG!". He took it as it was meant to be, funny. My parents are Republicans. I am not. I saw them the other day and as I was leaving I say, "Goodbye you deplorables." And they laughed hysterically. People know I don't come from a hateful place.
People talking about politics are too serious for me. I have my strong beliefs. But I also strongly believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. Why should I challenge that? There are more important things in life that I spend my energy on.
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Post by ntsf on Nov 12, 2016 17:42:45 GMT
my family and community both agree with my politics..mostly... so I don't have much problem. those who are to the left of me...I just don't comment. I never run into in person people who are republicans. 10% of our town voted for trump.
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Post by threegirls on Nov 12, 2016 17:57:55 GMT
An old boss of mine would talk politics during our staff meetings. I never contributed to the conversation because it didn't pertain to work. My dad told me to never discuss politics or religion at work and that advice has served me well.
DH and I went on vacation this past summer with four other couples. My sister and her DH, my brother and his wife, and two other couples that we didn't know very well. We all stayed in one big house so we spent quit a bit of time together! My DH and I were the only ones with differing political views than the other couples. We just kept our mouths shut and never, never said a word about politics for that whole week. They talked on and on about it and sometimes we would just go for a walk or take a dip in the pool to get away from it. By the end of the week the political talk had died down somewhat.
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Post by justkat on Nov 12, 2016 17:58:24 GMT
I try to treat everyone with respect and dignity. Some times I fail (I'm human). When that happens I apologize. I try to always listen with an open mind. I concede when someone has a valid point/a good point. I calmly discuss the issue whatever it may be,political or otherwise. If it starts turning into an argument or it's clear neither party is going to change/is willing to be open minded I take a deep breath. I then say something along the lines of "we're not going to change one another's mind.For the sake of our relationship let's agree to disagree, not discuss the topic further and move forward". As for this election... It's been hard. Luckily most of the people in my life have shared my point of view this election. For those who haven't? I've walked away from one friendship. This person showed me she fully supports the evil that Trump espouses, gleefully using terms like n***er and f***ot, saying awful things about immigrants (obviously forgetting that I am an immigrant), and poo-pooing his sexual assault as boys being boys. The 2 other Trump supporters I know IRL have calmly discussed things with me. We've agreed to disagree and not talk politics. I know they made a hard choice, a choice I disagree with but I know they aren't awful people. I admit it's still hard for me to look past the fact that a vote for him is condoning his actions and beliefs. But one day at a time. I'm no longer able to work because of my cancer so the workplace is easy.lol When I was working we didn't talk politics, the hospital didn't allow it (not that everyone followed the rules). For the most part people talked calmly or jokingly. When it would get heated I'd tell them to remember where they were and to separate or I'd walk away. If I was working I'd try to focus solely on the job the person did and try to leave politics out of it. Just not engage if/when the subject came up. My plan for Thanksgiving....if it comes up in normal conversation I'll let it be. If it begins to get heated I'll announce that we're having a nice holiday and we're not ruining it by discussing politics. Today is a day for remembering the things we are grateful for not arguing over something we can't change. Will it work? I don't know but I'm hoping I won't have to find out.
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 12, 2016 18:01:28 GMT
At work? I simply do not engage. I mentioned a few weeks ago that my work place has been surprisingly pleasant and virtually politically free this entire election. And then about a week before election day all hell broke loose. I refused to be a part of the conversations and either tried to lighten the room with a joke and subject change, or one one instance firmly told a coworker that the work place was not the arena for his choice of conversation.
With my extended family I just roll my eyes and try to bite my tongue. And with my immediate family I can be frank and tell them I don't want to discuss politics at all.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 12, 2016 18:05:03 GMT
My best friend and I are on different sides. We recently had a good conversation after the election. I think it was easier for her since Trump won. She is a die hard 2nd Amendment girl. I am a women's right girl. Thankfully neither one of us wants to discuss politics in general. We much prefer to talk education and family stuff.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,714
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 12, 2016 18:05:47 GMT
This is the only place I discuss politics. DH family are die hard Trump supporters and not just because they didn't like Hillary. They absolutely feel the same way about most everything that he's said. It's impossible for them to not discuss politics during family gatherings. Usually I just ignore it, but this year we have opted to spend zero time with them this year at thanksgiving. That's how I'm handling it. I am sad that you are missing a family gathering. I do commend you for making a decision that will give you some peace. Wishing you a quiet and calm Thanksgiving.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,338
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Nov 12, 2016 18:30:22 GMT
In my real life most people don't have the balls to publically state their political views...they save it for Facebook. So I have been unfollowing all of the crazies (my opinion) and my feed is looking so much better!
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Post by terri on Nov 12, 2016 19:02:00 GMT
This is the only place I discuss politics. DH family are die hard Trump supporters and not just because they didn't like Hillary. They absolutely feel the same way about most everything that he's said. It's impossible for them to not discuss politics during family gatherings. Usually I just ignore it, but this year we have opted to spend zero time with them this year at thanksgiving. That's how I'm handling it. Same thing here. We won't be spending time with my husband's family this year. They are not only Trump supporters, they also make a lot of racist statements. We have a hard time dealing with that aspect of them all the time, this year we are just not up to it.
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Post by monklady123 on Nov 12, 2016 19:07:24 GMT
I am very sheltered here in my liberal Northern Virginia neighborhood (our area and Richmond are what turned Virginia blue) so mostly the only people I talk politics with are my also-liberal friends, and dh. My next door neighbor is Republican but I have no idea how she voted and I don't want to know. Mostly we talk about the feud between her cat and my dog (her cat is winning, as cats always do, lol), and her oak tree that dumps leaves all over my yard (I don't mind because I actually like raking leaves), and her son who lives out west and climbs high mountains just to make his mom nervous (or so she says, lol). Stuff like that.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 12, 2016 19:09:03 GMT
1 ) I don't talk about politic irl 2 ) If it does come up I try to change the subject 3 ) if the subject remains I listen and not speak 4 ) if I'm really compelled to speak it's usually because I don't understand a person's point so I keep that to a simple question. 5 ) I try to go back to 1&2
I try not to talk politics because even when I'm not passionate or mean spirited apparently I can still stick my foot in my mouth and hurt feelings (as evidenced here at times ) So it's a subject best left off the table.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,648
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Nov 12, 2016 19:14:00 GMT
This is the only place I discuss politics. DH family are die hard Trump supporters and not just because they didn't like Hillary. They absolutely feel the same way about most everything that he's said. It's impossible for them to not discuss politics during family gatherings. Usually I just ignore it, but this year we have opted to spend zero time with them this year at thanksgiving. That's how I'm handling it. I was thinking about that the other day, the effect of this election on American families and Thanksgiving. It's too bad it has to be that way but if you can't count on everyone dropping the topic for one day, what are you supposed to do?
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,675
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Nov 12, 2016 19:41:12 GMT
I'm a republican, who did not vote for him, in an extremely republican state. I pretty much don't participate in conversations with people who are extreme in their beliefs - it's hard to have a civil conversation with them, no matter what side they are on.
There are things I've seen on FB this week that really shocked me in terms of disrespecting friends and family...
One really good friend got into a shouting match with the father of another really good friend. I was mortified - you just don't do that in my book.
Last night I stumbled upon a post by a coworker's daughter. She left the country 3ish years ago to study in Asia. She's into cosplay, has come out as gay, and is extremely liberal. Her family is hardcore conservative. She found out that they all voted for Trump and disowned them. Viciously disowned them. She said she no longer has a family and will try to go to Scotland if she has to leave the country where she is now. I'm flabbergasted.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,355
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on Nov 12, 2016 19:55:35 GMT
My best friend and I are on different sides. We recently had a good conversation after the election. I think it was easier for her since Trump won. She is a die hard 2nd Amendment girl. I am a women's right girl. Thankfully neither one of us wants to discuss politics in general. We much prefer to talk education and family stuff. Same here. I finally got to the point that I refused to talk to her about politics. She is a VERY staunch conservative and I am a liberal. It had gotten to the point that she was bullying me into voting for her candidate. I finally said, "enough"! I now refuse to talk politics (or religion) with her. Refuse. When she starts, I just respond, "Nope. I will not talk politics or religion with you." Lather, rinse, repeat.
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Post by melanell on Nov 12, 2016 20:05:59 GMT
I don't mind having a political disagreement with someone. I have had many over the last several months both online and in day to day life.
I do mind when people get hostile about their position. Threats & name-calling are not acceptable to me, and if any of that nonsense starts, I leave the conversation. I won't participate in that and I won't sit around and read it, either. Seeing people behave in that manner is upsetting to me, so I figure why put myself through it, kwim? (Now, if it were one person berating and one just absorbing it all, I'd likely say something on behalf of the person taking the abuse. But if both are flinging the crap back and forth, I just leave them to it.)
Even here, I am more likely to participate in a political thread if I can come in at the very beginning. Once the thread goes south I'm done. In terms of this board or Facebook, etc., I especially dislike when a conversation between many turns into a personal battle between just a couple or a few. I leave twice as fast then. (Sometimes, if a thread is already long and I figure it's already a mess, I just read and reply to the OP and move on.)
In real life, if someone doesn't want to let the conversation go, I just tell them "Look, I'm sorry, but I am not willing to discuss this with you any more. I appreciate your opinion, but I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to me about it."
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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 12, 2016 20:09:10 GMT
Interestingly most people I know tend to keep it fairly civil. When conversations veer off into more contentious disagreements? I disengage and say things like 'I love how everyone is so passionate!' And then let go of my overwhelming desire to argue because I am right. lol
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Nov 12, 2016 20:43:05 GMT
I don't have friends that don't share my political beliefs (note, that doesn't mean we agree on EVERYTHING, but we agree on the direction we believe the country needs to go). I don't really see why I would be interested in that. I've already cut off most of my family that don't share in my views. That doesn't mean I live in a bubble. I see every day, at work, on the internet, on tv, people who have different views than I do, though I choose not to engage with these people. I know what their views are and I have no interest in discussing it with them. I was not slightly shocked that Donald Trump won, because I know that at least half the country has differing opinions than I do, even if they aren't in the circle of people I choose to keep company with. So there is rarely extreme disagreements that I need to deal with in my life. If I strongly disagree with someone I'm friends or family with, I just remove them from my life.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,152
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 12, 2016 21:28:23 GMT
I'm a republican, who did not vote for him, in an extremely republican state. I pretty much don't participate in conversations with people who are extreme in their beliefs - it's hard to have a civil conversation with them, no matter what side they are on. There are things I've seen on FB this week that really shocked me in terms of disrespecting friends and family... One really good friend got into a shouting match with the father of another really good friend. I was mortified - you just don't do that in my book. Last night I stumbled upon a post by a coworker's daughter. She left the country 3ish years ago to study in Asia. She's into cosplay, has come out as gay, and is extremely liberal. Her family is hardcore conservative. She found out that they all voted for Trump and disowned them. Viciously disowned them. She said she no longer has a family and will try to go to Scotland if she has to leave the country where she is now. I'm flabbergasted. Sad, I don't think i've ever seen people so disrespectful to each other. And I guess that is what leaves me shaking my head and posting the question. People seem to be going to extremes in their arguments - disowning and such. It's interesting to me how some people handle it conflict. My main thing at this point is I have my opinion and if yours differs fine. I can handle hearing other opinions, as someone said you may find something in them. But I just hate people who don't know when to quit and need to prove their point.
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Post by lisae on Nov 12, 2016 21:48:58 GMT
DH is a Republican moved to NC after living in Arkansas when Bill was governor. He came to this state with a built in dislike and distrust of the Clintons. The 90's were difficult in election years. Our relationship was young and he certainly hurt my feelings a few times over politics. It is one of the few times he has ever raised his voice about anything. But we have learned to discuss politics respectfully. We actually enjoy discussing the candidates even though we are almost always on opposite sides. It helped this time that he really didn't like Trump either though he voted for him in the general election because he would never vote Hillary just as I would never have voted Trump. Early Wednesday morning, I congratulated him on his candidate winning. He thanked me and said "If only I could feel good about it." He's started defending Trump and I'm moving into acceptance but I've warned him that for the last 8 years, he has been critical so get ready, it's likely my turn to critique.
I did have to cut him off on Wednesday when he started in again about what Hillary had allegedly done with her emails. Enough! The election is over, you won. I sure don't have to hear any more about those damn emails ever again!
I think the key is for us is to just not go too far in what you say. Don't argue a point to the end particularly when you know you aren't going to change someone's mind. Try to find something you can agree on or discuss the merits of without dissolving into an argument.
As for friends, my Bff and I are in complete agreement so that's easy. I have another friend who voted for Trump. We never really discussed the election directly because we each knew the other was probably in a different camp. When we did start talking about it, the only thing we agreed on was our governor choice, in which the race still hasn't been called. So now I know what I can bring up and we will have common ground. She's a peacemaker so she isn't going to argue with me. I know it is up to me to not say something to hurt her feelings.
In my county, 13,000+ votes went for Trump, 3,600 went for Clinton so I'm better off keeping quiet about politics. We usually lean Republican but that is astounding to me. It also means I'm better off not mentioning the election anywhere at least while it is all still raw since I only have a 1 in 4 chance of finding someone like minded.
I only use Facebook for my business page and to check on my stepdaughters. I have few 'friends' and am happy without it.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 12, 2016 22:51:53 GMT
My best friend and I are on different sides. We recently had a good conversation after the election. I think it was easier for her since Trump won. She is a die hard 2nd Amendment girl. I am a women's right girl. Thankfully neither one of us wants to discuss politics in general. We much prefer to talk education and family stuff. Same here. I finally got to the point that I refused to talk to her about politics. She is a VERY staunch conservative and I am a liberal. It had gotten to the point that she was bullying me into voting for her candidate. I finally said, "enough"! I now refuse to talk politics (or religion) with her. Refuse. When she starts, I just respond, "Nope. I will not talk politics or religion with you." Lather, rinse, repeat. Thankfully neither of us believes we can change the other. She is truly one of the most roomy-hearted people I know and I don't see how her values (other than gun rights) match her party's values. but it is what it is.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 12, 2016 23:37:23 GMT
I was just glad the election was over before the holidays. But now I'm not quite sure if that is even going to help. Our families are complete opposites. As are my DH and I. We talk about politics a lot at our house. My girls have heard both sides. They make up their own minds. They have been having a hard time thinking thru this election, and how it went down. Esp being college educated, indep. women. They just don't understand. I get it. This is really the 1st time this generation has voted for a president. The younger 20 somethings. it's hard for them to get it. I try to turn it around in to a learning experience. Seeing both sides, etc. My one dd goes to a VERY liberal, VERY political college in the Twin cities. So it's been interesting. I think Thanksgiving with my dh's very conservative family will be touchy for her.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,183
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 13, 2016 0:43:13 GMT
I sometimes discuss politics with friends or co-workers, but usually stay clear of discussions at work. We had one a couple weeks before the election where almost everyone was in agreement, or appeared to be, but one who came in during the conversation got offended and left the lunchroom. She and I share a classroom three days a week and we avoided saying anything more about politics, and continue to avoid it.
I discuss politics with family members and those are mostly okay. I do have one cousin who,is very conservative and religious and I know we would disagree on most things. It will be interesting to see how Thanksgiving goes, since he and his family will be there. His son had posted something on Facebook earlier today, that another family member told me about, but it had been taken down before I saw it.
On Facebook I mostly limit myself to "liking" political things posted by others. I don't generally post things myself, but will occasionally if I feel strongly. I have a couple people as friends there who do post very conservative things, like how God acted on Tuesday to take back the country; I mostly roll my eyes and move on
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Post by scrapsotime on Nov 13, 2016 0:57:41 GMT
I grew up not ever hearing anyone discuss politics. I never really talked politics with my mother until this year and that was because she was starting to question some things. I only talk politics with my husband and adult children because I know I can have a civil conversation with them. Anyone else I just don't engage.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,401
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Nov 13, 2016 1:47:35 GMT
Passion is fine, civility is a must. I generally don't talk politics, usually because my beliefs never line up well with one party or another (or another, or another!). I've rarely had an election or ballot issue I have an absolute conviction for. I have spoken up with this election because I did (and do) feel that Trump is an awful person who will set an awful example for others, wants to work against many things I believe are important, and I think he will potentially shoot off his mouth to the wrong person. (I'm saying this not to start a fight about it here, just explaining that I have very strong feelings this go round.) I just very simply feel he isn't remotely qualified to serve as president. So yes, I have spoken up some with this election, because I feel Trump was a serious threat to our nation and that his behaviors have and will continue to undermine common human decency. You (the general "you") can certainly disagree with me, whether in person or on a message board, and I will try to listen thoughtfully. I do have friends who were/are Trump supporters, and yes, I am still friends with them. I will admit that in the case of this single election, it will color how I feel about them a bit. We will most likely not have further political discussions.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Nov 13, 2016 2:44:26 GMT
I posted a little about this a few weeks ago, but i have several family members who have been and continue to be very vicious in their posting about politics. It started before the presidential campaign but got much worse since then. They continually post horrible memes and articles that are untrue. If anyone tries to point out that it is untrue, they dismiss it and don't even bother to look at the new information. They just comment about the liberal media. But they believe every other thing out there, even if it sounds completely ridiculous.
Anyway, they have posted very rude things to me and my mom, among other people (these are my moms sisters and brothers in law). We had a good relationship prior to this but st this point, I'm not sure I will talk to them unless they make an effort to apologize. We are staying home for thanksgiving so won't have to worry about it until Christmas. I talked to my half-sister (not related to my mom or the relatives in question) and she asked about some of the posts that they have made. She lives in the same very small town and apparently people have screenshots of some of the posts and are very upset with aunt/uncle about how they have treated people. So, it isn't just my perception that they have been over the top. And the things they post are so different from what I would expect from them it is hard to reconcile how I thought they were with how they have been acting.
I have quite a few other friends and family members who have been making more political comments now that the election is over (I already knew many of them were republicans). I'm irritated that they keep posting things that are insensitive to people ("they need to stop having tantrums just because they didn't get their way" or " God has spoken, we need to listen and obey" and such). I'm trying to just scroll past and not let my views of them change. It is difficult at times, though, for reasons I have explained several times here. I also posted something on Facebook the other day that explained why people are hurting and why it is helpful for people to have access to mental healthcare if they needed it. I had 30 likes, several comments saying it was well-written and A few shares. Not one of those was from a trump supporter. That is really frustrating to me. I am supposed to be sensitive to them and try to see that all trump supporters are not the same. But they can't even try to understand why people are feeling the way they do.
So I guess the point of my long post is "it depends". Lol. I assume that most of my relationships will be the same, but the ones that have crossed a line and turned to personal attacks or comments that are straight up discriminatory--my thoughts on them are likely to change for good.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 13, 2016 2:53:09 GMT
Generally I say what I think pretty clearly and firmly, and we go back and forth if that is interesting to both of us. I like talking about politics.
You can usually tell pretty quickly if the person wants to have a discussion in which you disagree or basically wants to use politics as a jumping off point for displaying that they are a dismissive creep or a bullying jerk. With them, you ask them to pass the pate, and if they persist, you "have w lot of dishes to do"
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