Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:09:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 17:27:11 GMT
A friend told me about her holiday dinner. I was floored.
Her SIL gave everyone $$ on their dinner plate. Same amount. Asked each person to donate the money to a worthy cause. Asked that for Christmas present, each person would just write her a note to say how they'd donated the money.
My friend thought it was a lovely gesture.
When she got home, she got a 5 paragraph email from her MIL railing the gift as horrible; "I don't have time to research worthy causes"; "I sent the money back"; "She should donate her own money"; blah blah blah.
I just wrote in the SC thread that you can't please everyone and I really believe it. How can you turn such a lovely gesture into a bitching rant on the kindness of your own daughter? Would it really have been so hard to just give it to the church donation basket? or the local food bank? FFS!
|
|
|
Post by vspindler on Nov 27, 2016 17:30:25 GMT
Wow.
Like she couldn't even stick it in a red kettle? It isn't like they are hard to find this time of year.
Guess even gifts of money can be returned.
|
|
|
Post by Lexica on Nov 27, 2016 17:32:17 GMT
That is the type of person that would bitch if you handed them a handful of $100 bills because they had wrinkles in them. There is just no pleasing some people. If I were your friend, I would tell the MIL how I found the idea very touching and that it was too bad she couldn't see the spirit behind it. She doesn't have to agree, but I would sure want her to know where I stood on the subject.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:09:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 17:33:11 GMT
SMDH Some people are irredeemable assholes
|
|
|
Post by SockMonkey on Nov 27, 2016 17:36:40 GMT
Her MIL sounds like a real piece of work.
|
|
quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,693
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
|
Post by quiltz on Nov 27, 2016 17:37:29 GMT
WOW I don't know if I could have any kind of relationship with a MIL who has that attitude. She wasn't asking for a research paper, simply trying something kind and to inspire people to look beyond the length of their nose (so to speak).
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Nov 27, 2016 17:39:05 GMT
What a wonderful idea. As for the MIL, you just can't fix that. Hopefully enough people will speak up and show her the error of her ways.
|
|
|
Post by micheley on Nov 27, 2016 17:39:36 GMT
Dang. I think it's a lovely idea. Your poor friend and her SIL.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Nov 27, 2016 17:43:24 GMT
Wow, tucking this away as an example of a narrow mind!
She could leave it for her garbage and mail people of research is so time consuming!
|
|
scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
|
Post by scrappinghappy on Nov 27, 2016 17:45:28 GMT
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 17:47:31 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:09:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 17:49:52 GMT
That is the type of person that would bitch if you handed them a handful of $100 bills because they had wrinkles in them. There is just no pleasing some people. If I were your friend, I would tell the MIL how I found the idea very touching and that it was too bad she couldn't see the spirit behind it. She doesn't have to agree, but I would sure want her to know where I stood on the subject. That is just what she did. And I told her I would have done the same. Just makes me ache for the misery of some people that they can exude that misery at every turn.
|
|
lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,172
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
|
Post by lesley on Nov 27, 2016 17:50:48 GMT
So she could write 5 paragraphs saying why she couldn't donate the money, but wasn't able to write a one-paragraph note saying who she could have given it to? That is unbelievably petty.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Nov 27, 2016 17:51:18 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? I do t see how the MIL could have taken that way since it was given to all guests. But it's interesting to read a different perspective about the delivery method. Either way seems nice to me.
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Nov 27, 2016 17:52:09 GMT
So she could write 5 paragraphs saying why she couldn't donate the money, but wasn't able to write a one-paragraph note saying who she could have given it to? That is unbelievably petty. To the point!!!
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 17:55:40 GMT
So she could write 5 paragraphs saying why she couldn't donate the money, but wasn't able to write a one-paragraph note saying who she could have given it to? That is unbelievably petty. That is a good point.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 17:58:04 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? I do t see how the MIL could have taken that way since it was given to all guests. But it's interesting to read a different perspective about the delivery method. Either way seems nice to me. It still comes across to me, towards all the guests, I don't think you are charitable, so here, I'm making you give. Clearly the MIL was hurt/upset, so I don't think it's kind to just write her off as a bitch. Maybe she is, but if that was the case I think she would have kept the money for herself.
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Nov 27, 2016 18:01:20 GMT
Wow! How incredibly rude of the mother in law? I find it very hard to believe that she has zero causes that she has ever heard of or given any thought to. Especially at this time of year when so many causes/charities run commercials. If she goes to church she could have easily just stuck it in the donation basket. Or if she's shopping I'm sure there is a red kettle guy 5 feet away from most store doors.
That is an extremely kind gift. I would be so tickled to have gotten it to donate to some of my fav causes!
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on Nov 27, 2016 18:03:23 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? I dunno - she gave the money to everyone - not just one person. I think this was a wonderful opportunity to give everyone the chance to feel good about something, so it should have been a win/win. Or at least a keep-your-mouth-shut-and-donate-it moment. This MIL sounds like she's quite defensive. SaveSave
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 27, 2016 18:06:25 GMT
I think it's a fun, unique thing to do. I would not have been at all offended to have received that as a "gift" and would have enjoyed following through on the request.
It's perfectly fine to feel differently, of course. But it's very bad manners for the MIL to be so rude and ungracious about it. She should have quietly done whatever she wanted to with the money, but raising a big stink about it like she did was unacceptable.
|
|
|
Post by micheley on Nov 27, 2016 18:06:58 GMT
Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? Idk. Maybe she just wanted to see what other people were interested in supporting? Instead of telling them "here's what *i* find important"?
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 18:12:09 GMT
Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? Idk. Maybe she just wanted to see what other people were interested in supporting? Instead of telling them "here's what *i* find important"? That's a good point. Kind of risky in today's political climate though, not sure my Catholic aunt would appreciate me donating her money to planned parenthood on her behalf...
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:09:55 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 18:14:30 GMT
Idk. Maybe she just wanted to see what other people were interested in supporting? Instead of telling them "here's what *i* find important"? That's a good point. Kind of risky in today's political climate though, not sure my Catholic aunt would appreciate me donating her money to planned parenthood on her behalf... That's exactly what my friend thought. She'd normally give it to PP, but so as to not offend the SIL, she is finding another place to donate it. But she still thinks it was a lovely gesture.
|
|
|
Post by **GypsyGirl** on Nov 27, 2016 18:34:17 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? On the other hand, it can be said that people who give a "gift" by telling you they donated to a charity in your name (and most likely taking a tax donation on top of it) are self serving and somewhat cheap as well. Now if the recipient specifically requests a donation in lieu of a gift and denotes a charity, then that's fine. But to foist your thoughts of charity on someone else can be seen as insulting as well. As for the situation in the OP, the MIL could well be a difficult person. Or she could be a control freak and not like her daughter changing things up at the holidays. Maybe there are other issues at play. Who knows for sure. To me it is a lovely gesture. Save
|
|
scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,763
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
|
Post by scrapngranny on Nov 27, 2016 18:48:44 GMT
It's hard to believe people like that exist. There are so many deserving places that need the money. Bah Humbug!!
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Nov 27, 2016 18:58:41 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? I agree with this. Charitable giving should not be dictated. Giving me money, telling me I have to donate then tell you that I did and where is a task I don't feel compelled to take on just because you want me to. SIL could take all that money she handed out and donated it herself. She could have said, "I am going to donate X and I would like each of you to suggest a charity you care about and I will donate." I also agree that donating in my name as a gift to me is not a gift to me. It's lovely for the charity but unless I care deeply about a particular charity and you know it pleases me very much to donate to it, just don't do it. Don't hand me money and tell me what to do with it. That would have gone over badly in my family. It just would.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Nov 27, 2016 19:04:51 GMT
I think the whole thing is odd. She gave people some of her money so they could donate it to a charity (not of their choice, since friend would normally give to PP, but doesn't feel like she can). Then she gave everyone an "assignment" to tell her how they used her money. It's weird. If she wanted to give everyone money, she could have done that. If she wanted to make charitable donations on behalf of her guests, she could have asked for their favorite charity. It is not a gift if you tell people what to do with it. The MILs reaction was over the top and she definitely shouldn't have put it in writing.
|
|
luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
|
Post by luckyexwife on Nov 27, 2016 19:06:21 GMT
Threads like this make me wonder why anyone even tries!
According to the peas: you can't give gift cards because it's impersonal; you can't give cash because it shows you don't care enough about them to find out what they like; you can't give an actual gift because they probably won't like it and it's just junk that will be donated; you can't make a donation in someone's name because that might not be the charity they like and they wouldn't feel appreciated; you can't give them money and tell them to make a donation to a charity you like because that's too much work for the receiver; homemade gifts are seen as cheap; homemade food is seen as contaminated and thrown away.
So what's a person supposed to do???
( and yes, I know not everyone feels this way. I personally love giving gifts, and in my little world the people love receiving what I give them! :-) )
|
|
|
Post by utpea on Nov 27, 2016 19:11:05 GMT
One year, my children suggested that their friends donate money to a local animal shelter in lieu of giving them birthday gifts. I thought it was a wonderful idea, especially since my kids were young (8 years old). Mind you, it was only a suggestion. We had a huge party as usual at a local party place, so the friends had pizza, several hours of a fun party, cake and a goody bag. The shelter received lots of donations and many parents commented on what a great idea it was. Everything seemed great. Later heard a couple moms complained that they didn't like being told what to do with their money. (((sigh))) I was surprised and disheartened by their reactions. It was only a suggestion. I love what your SIL did. I guess I see it as a glass half full instead of half empty. There are so many other crappy things in the world to be upset about.
|
|
luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
|
Post by luckyexwife on Nov 27, 2016 19:14:39 GMT
Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult, being given money and told to donate, a statement that the giver doesn't think MIL donates enough or at all? Personally it seems over the top and attention seeking to me. Perhaps a better gesture would be to have donated the money herself, and written a note to each guest telling them why she picked that charity/group on their behalf? I agree with this. Charitable giving should not be dictated. Giving me money, telling me I have to donate then tell you that I did and where is a task I don't feel compelled to take on just because you want me to. SIL could take all that money she handed out and donated it herself. She could have said, "I am going to donate X and I would like each of you to suggest a charity you care about and I will donate." I also agree that donating in my name as a gift to me is not a gift to me. It's lovely for the charity but unless I care deeply about a particular charity and you know it pleases me very much to donate to it, just don't do it. Don't hand me money and tell me what to do with it. That would have gone over badly in my family. It just would. Giving extra money to a place you already donate to, and writing a note saying "I donated to xx as it is a charity I appreciate " is a "task" that you wouldn't feel "compelled" to do?
|
|