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Post by Sam on Nov 27, 2016 19:25:58 GMT
I'm guessing when you say 'holiday Dinner' (by the timing) this was Thanksgiving? I can't think of a better way for adults to celebrate than for them to give to others and give thanks that they are not in the same situation as those they donate the money to. Plus, she doesn't even require anyone to think about a Christmas present for her - just a one liner with the name of a charity. I can't think of anything that would be easier and I was one of the people there, I would probably donate again the amount of money I would have spent on her to the same or another charity for her Christmas gift. As for MIL saying she should donate her own money...SHE DID!  Plus, if you have to research worthy causes, you have a heart of ice, cloth ears and blind eyes. |
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Post by roberta on Nov 27, 2016 19:34:39 GMT
No matter what the MIL thought of the situation it could have been handled with grace and respect.
It sounds to me like The "assignment" was in place of any other gift to the SIL. If only people could take things in the spirit intended and not put their own hang ups onto it. See the glass as half-full. But alas, we are human and so flawed.
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Post by cannmom on Nov 27, 2016 20:44:39 GMT
How sad. I can't imagine that a person couldn't think of even 1 place they could donate money to with out having to research. Just sitting here in less than a minute I have thought of several that I would be happy to give money to. Especially at this time of year ... put it in a Salvation Army pot, get an angel off an Angel tree, local food bank ... I think her attitude about this reveals a lot about the MIL.  I firmly believe in that you can't make everyone happy and you should not even try. I sincerely hope the SIL wasn't hurt by her mother's reaction. |
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
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Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 20:44:55 GMT
Maybe SIL usually gives MIL a lovely scarf or bottle of perfume each year, and MIL was disappointed she wouldn't be getting the one and only thoughtful gift she looks forward to each year? I don't know, whatever I personally think about the idea, she was clearly hurt, so there's more to the story somewhere.
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Post by Sam on Nov 27, 2016 20:50:38 GMT
Maybe SIL usually gives MIL a lovely scarf or bottle of perfume each year, and MIL was disappointed she wouldn't be getting the one and only thoughtful gift she looks forward to each year? I don't know, whatever I personally think about the idea, she was clearly hurt, so there's more to the story somewhere. Really? Only one person in the family (potentially) gives her a gift? You know what? If MIL expects that so much, she should have gone and bought it for herself and lied about what she did with the money. That would be a shitty thing to do, but less shitty than proclaiming her self entitlement all over a nasty email. |
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
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Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 21:02:01 GMT
Maybe SIL usually gives MIL a lovely scarf or bottle of perfume each year, and MIL was disappointed she wouldn't be getting the one and only thoughtful gift she looks forward to each year? I don't know, whatever I personally think about the idea, she was clearly hurt, so there's more to the story somewhere. Really? Only one person in the family (potentially) gives her a gift? You know what? If MIL expects that so much, she should have gone and bought it for herself and lied about what she did with the money. That would be a shitty thing to do, but less shitty than proclaiming her self entitlement all over a nasty email. Are you saying it isn't possible that she really looks forward to the gift and wasn't upset? Even if you get gifts from multiple people, they aren't always thoughtful. I'm just saying instead of blasting her lashing out from being hurt, perhaps some understanding and kindness would go further than writing her off as a bitch. You know, in the spirit of the season and charitable giving and all. The woman is either a bitch, or she was hurt/disappointed and lashed out. I'm just suggesting that be considered. Or maybe she didn't like being told what to do. I know if my grandparents were still alive they wouldn't have reacted well to the younger generation telling them to give charitably (and they have plenty to many different organizations on their own). |
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Post by Sam on Nov 27, 2016 21:09:10 GMT
Really? Only one person in the family (potentially) gives her a gift? You know what? If MIL expects that so much, she should have gone and bought it for herself and lied about what she did with the money. That would be a shitty thing to do, but less shitty than proclaiming her self entitlement all over a nasty email. Are you saying it isn't possible that she really looks forward to the gift and wasn't upset? Even if you get gifts from multiple people, they aren't always thoughtful. I'm just saying instead of blasting her lashing out from being hurt, perhaps some understanding and kindness would go further than writing her off as a bitch. You know, in the spirit of the season and charitable giving and all. The woman is either a bitch, or she was hurt/disappointed and lashed out. I'm just suggesting that be considered. Or maybe she didn't like being told what to do. I know if my grandparents were still alive they wouldn't have reacted well to the younger generation telling them to give charitably (and they have plenty to many different organizations on their own). I don't think I called her a bitch. Also, as far as I know, the whole making Thanksgiving into a commercial enterprise is relatively new and, for someone of a certain age, a present would not have been part of the expectations of the holiday. There was NOTHING in the OP to suggest that the family exchanges gifts on the day. Therefore, I chose to acknowledge the gesture in the spirit in which it was given. If I have somehow missed an entire paragraph, feel free to pint that out to me. The hostess gave freely and only asked ONE thing of the recipient. |
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used2scrap
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Post by used2scrap on Nov 27, 2016 21:13:13 GMT
Are you saying it isn't possible that she really looks forward to the gift and wasn't upset? Even if you get gifts from multiple people, they aren't always thoughtful. I'm just saying instead of blasting her lashing out from being hurt, perhaps some understanding and kindness would go further than writing her off as a bitch. You know, in the spirit of the season and charitable giving and all. The woman is either a bitch, or she was hurt/disappointed and lashed out. I'm just suggesting that be considered. Or maybe she didn't like being told what to do. I know if my grandparents were still alive they wouldn't have reacted well to the younger generation telling them to give charitably (and they have plenty to many different organizations on their own). I don't think I called her a bitch. Also, as far as I know, the whole making Thanksgiving into a commercial enterprise is relatively new and, for someone of a certain age, a present would not have been part of the expectations of the holiday. There was NOTHING in the OP to suggest that the family exchanges gifts on the day. Therefore, I chose to acknowledge the gesture in the spirit in which it was given. If I have somehow missed an entire paragraph, feel free to pint that out to me. The hostess gave freely and only asked ONE thing of the recipient. True, I'm filling in the blanks that this was done in lieu of Christmas gifts. Quite possible MIL filled in the blanks erroneously as well. And IMO she did not give freely, since there was a request to report the donation back. Perhaps the MIL took offense at having to justify where she chose to donate? IMO giving freely means no strings attached, not write a letter explaining it. Like I said, my opinion of the situation doesn't matter, I'm just saying there maybe something more to the MIL that's being missed here. |
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Post by melanell on Nov 27, 2016 21:21:02 GMT
That sounds so nice to me.  I don't see any reason for research. 100 places are begging for donations this time of year. Buy an angel tree gift, donate to a nursing home, shelter, food bank, church, bell ringer, etc., etc., etc. But you could just donate to any community fixture as well. A volunteer fire company, public library, senior center, community center, etc., would all be lovely ways to share SIL's giving spirit with your whole community. And I think it would have been nice to find a pretty piece of stationary, or card, or even a paper rolled up like a scroll and tucked into a clear ornament to present to her with your little Christmas story of giving. I would have probably included a pic with mine. The wrapped gift for the tree, or the box of food, or a pic of the facility, etc. |
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Post by Sam on Nov 27, 2016 21:21:44 GMT
I don't think I called her a bitch. Also, as far as I know, the whole making Thanksgiving into a commercial enterprise is relatively new and, for someone of a certain age, a present would not have been part of the expectations of the holiday. There was NOTHING in the OP to suggest that the family exchanges gifts on the day. Therefore, I chose to acknowledge the gesture in the spirit in which it was given. If I have somehow missed an entire paragraph, feel free to pint that out to me. The hostess gave freely and only asked ONE thing of the recipient. True, I'm filling in the blanks that this was done in lieu of Christmas gifts. Quite possible MIL filled in the blanks erroneously as well. And IMO she did not give freely, since there was a request to report the donation back. Perhaps the MIL took offense at having to justify where she chose to donate? IMO giving freely means no strings attached, not write a letter explaining it. Like I said, my opinion of the situation doesn't matter, I'm just saying there maybe something more to the MIL that's being missed here. I am actually not interested enough in this subject matter to turn it into a debate. All I will add is that MIL was not asked to JUSTIFY where she chose to donate. OP states that "Asked that for Christmas present, each person would just write her a note to say how they'd donated the money." She doesn't have top write a letter - she could stick the name on=f the charity on the back of a friggin' match book. FFS - how hard can it be to take money from someone and stick it into a charity box for someone else?  |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 27, 2016 21:22:19 GMT
I do t see how the MIL could have taken that way since it was given to all guests. But it's interesting to read a different perspective about the delivery method. Either way seems nice to me. It still comes across to me, towards all the guests, I don't think you are charitable, so here, I'm making you give. Clearly the MIL was hurt/upset, so I don't think it's kind to just write her off as a bitch. Maybe she is, but if that was the case I think she would have kept the money for herself. I wouldn't think that way at all, and I would be interested to see where the donations would go that I wouldn't have thought of myself. To me it's saying, "Please don't buy ME anything I don't need and maybe won't use, your gift to me is to share this in some way I might not have considered." I think it's a lovely, generous gesture. |
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Post by melanell on Nov 27, 2016 21:23:49 GMT
The woman probably figured that she might accidentally offend if she did donate in someone's name. She donated to a religious group not realizing a recipient is non-religious, or she donated to a group that BIL dislikes, or one MIL distrusts. or FIL just feels let down because he wishes he could have given more to his favorite charity and she took this money and donated to something he never heard of, kwim?
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Post by melanell on Nov 27, 2016 21:33:57 GMT
I also did not read that this was a Thanksgiving gift. I looked at it as a Christmas gift. But in order for you to take the money, donate it, and write it down before Christmas gift exchanges occurred, you'd need to have the money ahead of time. I figured that the person felt that by handing out the funds at Thanksgiving, she might catch people all together and also perhaps before they bought her an actual tangible gift. Since she obviously wants her gift to be the stories of kindness you return to her. And her gift to others is the ability to extend an extra kindness. This time of year, especially, people often wish they could do more than their holiday budget can swing, so she's giving you an extra opportunity to help someone and to experience the warmth of knowing you have done that. Recently my son volunteered someplace and his 2 fellow teen volunteers ditched him very early on, leaving him to do the work on his own. At first he was afraid he couldn't do it all on his own, but he did. He told me "I wound up helping all of the people, and I made them happy. And that made me happy." And he really was. And he's Mr. Sullen Moodypants at good 85% of the time these days, so for him to walk away from extra work feeling happy was pretty awesome. It showed him he could do more than he believed that he could and it showed him how good it feels to make people happy. That's a pretty great gift. It sounds to me that this woman was trying to give a similar gift. The opportunity to make someone happy. It doesn't matter if you already make a dozen people happy through your own donations. You now get to make one more person happy. |
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 27, 2016 21:42:46 GMT
If I'm reading this right, it isn't a MIL ranting about her DIL's gesture, it is a mother and daughter relationship involved. I think there is a lot more to their relationship than has been disclosed. Was the DIL surprised at the way her MIL reacted to SIL's request?
Honestly, in my family, the response to this kind of gesture would vary greatly depending on which family member did it. My mom would never have written such a rant, but my dad sure might.
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Post by stefdesign on Nov 27, 2016 21:46:33 GMT
I find the request to be generous and thoughtful, especially at the time of year when we are giving thanks for our own blessings and hopefully, thinking of others and perhaps looking for ways to help the less fortunate. Not everyone has extra cash at the end of the year for charitable giving, so I find this idea really appealing.
My impression from the original request was to make a brief report to the giver- if someone was concerned about their preferred charity being frowned on by the gift giver (such as PP) they could simply say, "I donated to an organization that helps women".
I really can't see a negative outcome for such a nice gesture, I am pretty surprised that some people find this offensive or self serving or intrusive. Seems like a win-win to me!
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 27, 2016 21:46:39 GMT
I agree with this. Charitable giving should not be dictated. Giving me money, telling me I have to donate then tell you that I did and where is a task I don't feel compelled to take on just because you want me to. SIL could take all that money she handed out and donated it herself. She could have said, "I am going to donate X and I would like each of you to suggest a charity you care about and I will donate." I also agree that donating in my name as a gift to me is not a gift to me. It's lovely for the charity but unless I care deeply about a particular charity and you know it pleases me very much to donate to it, just don't do it. Don't hand me money and tell me what to do with it. That would have gone over badly in my family. It just would. Giving extra money to a place you already donate to, and writing a note saying "I donated to xx as it is a charity I appreciate " is a "task" that you wouldn't feel "compelled" to do? See? There are people like me in most families where most folks think it's lovely and someone thinks it's not so lovely. I do not want to feel compelled. I give freely not because I am compelled to do so. I would probably say to SIL, please just add this to your donation. I give quite bit on my own, I don't need family members to inspire me to give and I don't care for the assumption that I need SIL's money to do so. I don't see it as a 'nice' thing to do. I see it as a way of SIL making sure everyone knows how generous SHE is. And frankly, I don't care what she gives or doesn't give. Charity is best given anonymously in my mind, but because of the tax laws having a charitable giving receipt makes that hard for many to do. |
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Post by stefdesign on Nov 27, 2016 21:52:38 GMT
Giving extra money to a place you already donate to, and writing a note saying "I donated to xx as it is a charity I appreciate " is a "task" that you wouldn't feel "compelled" to do? I do not want to feel compelled. I give freely not because I am compelled to do so. I would probably say to SIL, please just add this to your donation. I give quite bit on my own, I don't need family members to inspire me to give and I don't care for the assumption that I need SIL's money to do so. I don't see it as a 'nice' thing to do. I see it as a way of SIL making sure everyone knows how generous SHE is. And frankly, I don't care what she gives or doesn't give. Charity is best given anonymously in my mind, but because of the tax laws having a charitable giving receipt makes that hard for many to do. Wow. I'm sorry that you see things this way. |
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Post by Tamhugh on Nov 27, 2016 22:15:13 GMT
If I am reading the OP correctly, the SIL asked that this money be donated in lieu of gifts to her, not gifts to all of her guests. I think it is a fun and lovely gesture. Maybe she feels that it will help her know family members better if she knows what causes are near and dear to them. Or maybe she wants to spread the wealth and wants it to go to organizations that are important to the ones she loves.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 27, 2016 22:15:47 GMT
you can't please everyone Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult That's a good point. Kind of risky in today's political climate though, not sure my Catholic aunt would appreciate me donating her money to planned parenthood on her behalf... On the other hand, it can be said that people who give a "gift" by telling you they donated to a charity in your name (and most likely taking a tax donation on top of it) are self serving and somewhat cheap as well. Now if the recipient specifically requests a donation in lieu of a gift and denotes a charity, then that's fine. But to foist your thoughts of charity on someone else can be seen as insulting as well. I agree with this. Charitable giving should not be dictated. Giving me money, telling me I have to donate then tell you that I did and where is a task I don't feel compelled to take on just because you want me to. SIL could take all that money she handed out and donated it herself. She could have said, "I am going to donate X and I would like each of you to suggest a charity you care about and I will donate." I also agree that donating in my name as a gift to me is not a gift to me. It's lovely for the charity but unless I care deeply about a particular charity and you know it pleases me very much to donate to it, just don't do it. Don't hand me money and tell me what to do with it. That would have gone over badly in my family. It just would. Maybe SIL usually gives MIL a lovely scarf or bottle of perfume each year, and MIL was disappointed she wouldn't be getting the one and only thoughtful gift she looks forward to each year? I don't know, whatever I personally think about the idea, she was clearly hurt, so there's more to the story somewhere. Or maybe she didn't like being told what to do. I know if my grandparents were still alive they wouldn't have reacted well to the younger generation telling them to give charitably (and they have plenty to many different organizations on their own). Honestly, in my family, the response to this kind of gesture would vary greatly depending on which family member did it. I do not want to feel compelled. Some people in my family would think this was a great idea. My Mother or MIL would be a bit insulted. And I, personally, would not like it. Sometimes, I make gifts. I may have already made something that took me a lot of time or effort for that person and it would have been extremely disappointing to be given $$ on my plate at Thanksgiving and told to not only give it to charity but then to tell them who I gave it to. I've been given gifts "I donated $ to such and such" and I thought... "Well, that's nice. I wouldn't have given to them, but, OK." I can just imagine Christmas morning for this family this year... "I donated $ to such and such" and the person giving out the money thinking, "Oh, NO YOU DIDN'T! How could you give to them in my name!!!" You've got to know your audience. The mother/MIL here was just not the right audience. She could have handled it differently, and so could the person who handed out the money and then told people about it. |
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Post by stefdesign on Nov 27, 2016 22:32:59 GMT
you can't please everyone Playing devil's advocate here, perhaps MIL felt it was an insult That's a good point. Kind of risky in today's political climate though, not sure my Catholic aunt would appreciate me donating her money to planned parenthood on her behalf... On the other hand, it can be said that people who give a "gift" by telling you they donated to a charity in your name (and most likely taking a tax donation on top of it) are self serving and somewhat cheap as well. Now if the recipient specifically requests a donation in lieu of a gift and denotes a charity, then that's fine. But to foist your thoughts of charity on someone else can be seen as insulting as well. I agree with this. Charitable giving should not be dictated. Giving me money, telling me I have to donate then tell you that I did and where is a task I don't feel compelled to take on just because you want me to. SIL could take all that money she handed out and donated it herself. She could have said, "I am going to donate X and I would like each of you to suggest a charity you care about and I will donate." I also agree that donating in my name as a gift to me is not a gift to me. It's lovely for the charity but unless I care deeply about a particular charity and you know it pleases me very much to donate to it, just don't do it. Don't hand me money and tell me what to do with it. That would have gone over badly in my family. It just would. Maybe SIL usually gives MIL a lovely scarf or bottle of perfume each year, and MIL was disappointed she wouldn't be getting the one and only thoughtful gift she looks forward to each year? I don't know, whatever I personally think about the idea, she was clearly hurt, so there's more to the story somewhere. Or maybe she didn't like being told what to do. I know if my grandparents were still alive they wouldn't have reacted well to the younger generation telling them to give charitably (and they have plenty to many different organizations on their own). Honestly, in my family, the response to this kind of gesture would vary greatly depending on which family member did it. I do not want to feel compelled. Some people in my family would think this was a great idea. My Mother or MIL would be a bit insulted. And I, personally, would not like it. Sometimes, I make gifts. I may have already made something that took me a lot of time or effort for that person and it would have been extremely disappointing to be given $$ on my plate at Thanksgiving and told to not only give it to charity but then to tell them who I gave it to. I've been given gifts "I donated $ to such and such" and I thought... "Well, that's nice. I wouldn't have given to them, but, OK." I can just imagine Christmas morning for this family this year... "I donated $ to such and such" and the person giving out the money thinking, "Oh, NO YOU DIDN'T! How could you give to them in my name!!!" You've got to know your audience. The mother/MIL here was just not the right audience. She could have handled it differently, and so could the person who handed out the money and then told people about it. You misquoted me. |
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Post by melanell on Nov 27, 2016 22:55:05 GMT
I've learned from this happening to me that sometimes Proboards misquotes people all on its own. And I swear that when it happens, it always assigns you a quote that is the opposite of how you actually feel.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 23:37:37 GMT
After reading about the original situation, and some of these replies, all I can think is WOW. I thought I came from one of the world's worst truly, truly dysfunctional families. I see now that I am far from alone, and it looks like there's at least one irredeemable asshole in way more families than I would have guessed  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 23:42:00 GMT
I guess I come away even more convinced that no good deed goes unpunished. BUT, I thank those of you who disagree w/me and my friend and her SIL. It's interesting to hear your perspectives. Though I don't necessarily agree, it helps to hear how else this gesture could be being interpreted by the MIL. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 28, 2016 0:11:05 GMT
I took your statement out of context. There was no ill intent. My post was so long, I didn't want to quote other posts in whole. My point is that *I* would feel like I was being overly directed, in a manipulative way. Compelled is not too far off the mark. Christmas may be the season of giving, but it is also the season of receiving. We need to learn to be graceful receivers as well as givers. If I had been at the table, I would definitely have been respectful of the intent, but I would not like being manipulated like that at all. I would have preferred it to have been an option suggested privately where I would have had the option to agree or decline. |
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 28, 2016 0:17:39 GMT
I took your statement out of context. There was no ill intent. My post was so long, I didn't want to quote other posts in whole. My point is that *I* would feel like I was being overly directed, in a manipulative way. Compelled is not too far off the mark. Christmas may be the season of giving, but it is also the season of receiving. We need to learn to be graceful receivers as well as givers. If I had been at the table, I would definitely have been respectful of the intent, but I would not like being manipulated like that at all. I would have preferred it to have been an option suggested privately where I would have had the option to agree or decline. No, you (or the board) misquoted. stefdesign said the opposite of what you have her quoted as saying. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 28, 2016 0:26:47 GMT
I took your statement out of context. There was no ill intent. My post was so long, I didn't want to quote other posts in whole. My point is that *I* would feel like I was being overly directed, in a manipulative way. Compelled is not too far off the mark. Christmas may be the season of giving, but it is also the season of receiving. We need to learn to be graceful receivers as well as givers. If I had been at the table, I would definitely have been respectful of the intent, but I would not like being manipulated like that at all. I would have preferred it to have been an option suggested privately where I would have had the option to agree or decline. No, you (or the board) misquoted. stefdesign said the opposite of what you have her quoted as saying. I should have made myself more clear, not just once, but twice. I apologize for not restating your post as you intended, stefdesign. What I did quote made my own feelings gell in my own mind, and that's why I quoted you. |
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Post by littlemama on Nov 28, 2016 0:27:46 GMT
After reading about the original situation, and some of these replies, all I can thinask is WOW. I thought I came from one of the world's worst truly, truly dysfunctional families. I see now that I am far from alone, and it looks like there's at least one irredeemable asshole in way more families than I would have guessed The only person being an asshole on this thread is, well, you. People have different points of view and different opinions. That is ok. Many people on this thread thought the idea was just fine. Many people thought it was odd. I don't think anyone backed the MIL' s 5 paragraph rant about the subject. My opinion that this was odd does not equate to my being an asshole. Had this happened at a family gathering, I wouldn't have said a word. The OP asked a question. People expressed their opinions. No one was an asshole. |
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 28, 2016 0:29:47 GMT
No, you (or the board) misquoted. stefdesign said the opposite of what you have her quoted as saying. I should have made myself more clear, not just once, but twice. I apologize for not restating your post as you intended, stefdesign. What I did quote made my own feelings gell in my own mind, and that's why I quoted you. Ok, but you said you took her statement out of context, it was not her statement at all, it was myboysandme. |
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 28, 2016 0:30:02 GMT
Wow- some people really can't help it can they. I'm really not understanding the "how" this would be offensive. You have to write a note. FFS. A note. The SIL isn't worthy of a note? You want to take offense because someone asked you to be charitable? Damn....... long, long, long sigh. It isn't even YOUR money? You think someone is trying to be offensive because of their charity-- seems like the most selfish answer.
My mom is a pessimist naysayer who never, ever, ever can say anything nice or see the good in anything. And dare I say this thread reminds me so much of her negative view on life that I want to cancel my flight home for Christmas. Seriously, if you look to be offended you will. This perceived victimization is overly tiresome. It's not all about YOU!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2016 0:33:38 GMT
After reading about the original situation, and some of these replies, all I can thinask is WOW. I thought I came from one of the world's worst truly, truly dysfunctional families. I see now that I am far from alone, and it looks like there's at least one irredeemable asshole in way more families than I would have guessed The only person being an asshole on this thread is, well, you. People have different points of view and different opinions. That is ok. Many people on this thread thought the idea was just fine. Many people thought it was odd. I don't think anyone backed the MIL' s 5 paragraph rant about the subject. My opinion that this was odd does not equate to my being an asshole. Had this happened at a family gathering, I wouldn't have said a word. The OP asked a question. People expressed their opinions. No one was an asshole. Alrighty then. So much for a welcoming place. You might think I'm the only asshole here, but you'd be wrong. Go look in a mirror. Save |
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Plus, if you have to research worthy causes, you have a heart of ice, cloth ears and blind eyes. 
I don't see any reason for research. 100 places are begging for donations this time of year. Buy an angel tree gift, donate to a nursing home, shelter, food bank, church, bell ringer, etc., etc., etc. But you could just donate to any community fixture as well. A volunteer fire company, public library, senior center, community center, etc., would all be lovely ways to share SIL's giving spirit with your whole community. 
