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Post by scrapsuzy on Aug 11, 2014 23:13:10 GMT
...or have had one yourself, I have a couple of questions for you. If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.) If you have had a transplant, do you feel like you're being watched/judged for things like this (if you do them)? And how do you feel about it, if you do? How would you feel about someone having fundraisers for a transplant that isn't immediately necessary? I know that I am going to have to have a liver transplant sometime in the next decade. And the first set of questions is something I just can't stop thinking about. The fundraising question comes into play because the transplant center encourages everyone to start their "transplant fund" and to start fundraising. And while we will, of course, start saving for that, I feel too weird about it to do any fundraising whatsoever. And what if we want to take the grandkids to Disney in the next few years (something we are already saving for)? Seriously, how could I do that and then turn around now, or even 10 years down the road and say "Hey, help me pay for my transplant?" when I've known that the transplant was coming and had time to financially plan for it (somewhat... because really, things could change quickly though we don't expect them to). These are questions I'm sure have come up for others, and I expect them to be covered in the mandatory support group I will eventually be attending (ugh, I am so not a support group type person!) But even then, I would rather hear from the Peas.
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Post by ntsf on Aug 11, 2014 23:35:08 GMT
my friend had a liver transplant due to a condition not related to any life choices. she did have a fundraiser post surgery for a transplant charity but hers was covered by insurance. she is pretty down to earth...and I certainly don't judge her based on any choice she makes.
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Post by flanz on Aug 11, 2014 23:37:43 GMT
I don't have much to contribute to this conversation. I do want to tell you that I have a very sweet friend who was very ill and awaiting a liver transplant when I met her some 6 or 7 years ago. She had a successful transplant and is the picture of health today!! It has been wonderful to watch her bloom as her health steadily improved post transplant. She was very sick with complications initially though, and in ICU for about two months. Her story had a very happy outcome and I pray that yours will too. My friend never did any fundraising that i was aware of, and she takes really good care of herself.
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Madi & Me
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Jun 25, 2014 22:20:27 GMT
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Post by Madi & Me on Aug 12, 2014 0:03:41 GMT
...have had one yourself, I have a couple of questions for you. If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.) If you have had a transplant, do you feel like you're being watched/judged for things like this (if you do them)? And how do you feel about it, if you do? How would you feel about someone having fundraisers for a transplant that isn't immediately necessary? I know that I am going to have to have a liver transplant sometime in the next decade. And the first set of questions is something I just can't stop thinking about. The fundraising question comes into play because the transplant center encourages everyone to start their "transplant fund" and to start fundraising. And while we will, of course, start saving for that, I feel too weird about it to do any fundraising whatsoever. And what if we want to take the grandkids to Disney in the next few years (something we are already saving for)? Seriously, how could I do that and then turn around now, or even 10 years down the road and say "Hey, help me pay for my transplant?" when I've known that the transplant was coming and had time to financially plan for it (somewhat... because really, things could change quickly though we don't expect them to). These are questions I'm sure have come up for others, and I expect them to be covered in the mandatory support group I will eventually be attending (ugh, I am so not a support group type person!) But even then, I would rather hear from the Peas. I live with a transplant patient and have another immediate family member who is a transplant patient, too. I am married to her organ donor. Here are my thoughts... If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.)
I don't judge either person for their lifestyle choices. Both of these individuals did not choose lupus, lupus chose them. Both have been through quite a battle (one is fighting again, transplant rejected after ten years) and to my knowledge, they have done the best they can in all aspects of their lives given the circumstances. Pre- and post-transplant, judgment has always been withheld. I've always been a firm believer of the "until you've walked a mile in their shoes" philosophy. If you have had a transplant, do you feel like you're being watched/judged for things like this (if you do them)? And how do you feel about it, if you do?I am not a transplant patient. However, one of the two above mentioned individuals is extremely careful with her nutrition and vitamins while the other is merely trying to get by day to day the best she can and if the only food item she can stand to eat happens to be an "unhealthy" one, we just roll with it. One is currently very healthy with a successful transplant while the other is in desperate need of a new organ. Loved ones are careful in giving gentle, sound advice to the one in need but it's never pushed on her in a judgmental manner. How would you feel about someone having fundraisers for a transplant that isn't immediately necessary?It wouldn't bother me. No matter when the transplant is to occur, financial help is always a need. Both of my loved ones were working full-time jobs before their transplants and now they can't. Now, life is a bit of a struggle financially. There were no fundraisers for either of them. Because our lives were turned upside down so abruptly two years ago when the one organ rejected, I have great respect for father time. I would gladly support a fund at any time in someone's transplant journey. I apologize if my responses are all over the place. This topic is near and dear to me. In fact, one family member just had her yearly exam with her transplant doctor today! Her lab work is beautiful and her organ is happy and healthy! And on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, my other family member was just released from the hospital on Thursday after another two week stay following a second life-threatening situation requiring emergency surgery. It's like a roller coaster of emotions in this household these days. Hope this helps in some way... I wish you the best of health.
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Post by donna on Aug 12, 2014 0:09:30 GMT
My oldest son dated a girl in high school for a long time that had a double lung transplant when she was younger. She went through a time in her teens when she was partying a lot and drinking a lot. I have to admit there were some times I inwardly judged some of her choices harshly.
As for the money aspect, I am sure people will judge. People always do no matter what choices you make.
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Post by Charlotte on Aug 12, 2014 0:20:34 GMT
Oh Suzy.... Did I ever tell you that my Mom donated a kidney to her older brother, Tom? He was a diabetic who didn't really take care of himself up to that point. He had a lot of resentment and anger over his illness and just beat his body to hell with alcohol, tobacco, and somewhat extreme sports. After the transplant he still did all of those things, but with moderation. There was absolutely nothing but relief and gratitude from the family (including my mom) because they got extra time with Tom. Mom's kidney lasted a little over ten years (not uncommon at all) and he ended up having a kidney/pancreas transplant. By then he had given up the smoking, still was a social drinker, and had given up the sports, well except hunting. And again, nothing but gratitude and relief that we got more time with him, from everyone in our family, including my mother who absolutely adored her big brother. All that work to keep him alive and it was an effing car accident that killed him. (Not his fault) Yup. Little bitter about that. Love you my friend. I am thankful you have the option available should you need it some day, unfortunately not everyone is that lucky.
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MaryC
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Post by MaryC on Aug 12, 2014 0:39:11 GMT
I've known several people who had transplants, and one person who was a non-relative kidney donor. The only one whose choices I have struggled to accept is a co-worker who still drinks heavily even after receiving a liver transplant (living donor, not cadaver). I know alcoholism is a terrible noose to break free of, but it still frustrates me that he is so willing to endanger a gift that his son risked his own life to give. His son is a very close friend, so the situation is personal to me.
Most of the other transplant recipients I have known (mostly kidney transplant recipients I've met through my lupus group) worry about rejection / failure and are meticulous about their diet and medications.
I think if you know a transplant is in your future, starting a fundraising effort early on is a great idea. However, I don't think you have to pass on things like taking your grandchild on a trip because you feel like every extra cent needs to go to your transplant fund. When you have a serious chronic disease, it's important to take care of your mental and emotional health too, and you need those milestones to look forward to.
I have systemic lupus / lupus nephritis, and while I've discussed the option of a transplant with my doctors, at this point it's not a path I'm likely to take. Given my ethnic background, the chance of a match through UNOS is a long shot. Fortunately, at this point, I'm maintaining fairly well on cytoxan, and hopefully that will continue. I do understand your anxiety about being judged. When you have a chronic illness, sometimes it seems like everyone you know feels the need to weigh in on every choice you make, from diet to exercise.
I wish you peace with whatever lies ahead, and hope that medical science continues to advance and hopefully make your transplant unnecessary.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Aug 12, 2014 0:46:14 GMT
My uncle had a kidney transplant because his kidneys had been destroyed by diabetes. I did judge him because he never took any steps to properly control his diabetes until he was nearly on death's doorstep. HOWEVER....he worked really hard to change his lifestyle and has continued to do so post-transplant. He received a kidney from his sister and, as he puts it, "[he] needs to stay as healthy as possible to honor her gift."
Transplants are expensive. I would never judge anyone for fundraising for related expenses and always try to donate a bit if I can.
(Though I will say that I harshly judged Libis and her "help us keep the lights on" fundraiser while she and her husband were sitting on nearly $1k for a Disney vacation.) That whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth. Her exaggeration, her lack of gratitude or grace and the way her dad came in to blast the very people who had donated to keep his daughter's lights on. Sorry for that hijack.
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Post by mamanay on Aug 12, 2014 0:48:10 GMT
I don't know anyone who has had one, but I think that right or wrong I would judge them if they were not taking good care if themselves. Why should someone is sick and in need of a transplant, receive one, only to squander that gift by not doing everything in their power to respect it and take the best care of themselves possible?
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Post by mandasue on Aug 12, 2014 0:51:54 GMT
No judgement from me - I figure their life is pretty dang hard enough not to have to worry about being judged. I know someone who has had 2 transplants (first one failed after a few years) she has it hard. Her issues were at no fault of her own.
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lindas
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Post by lindas on Aug 12, 2014 0:58:04 GMT
My youngest brother had a kidney transplant 2 years ago. My other brother has been on the list for over a year for a kidney, he's now on dialysis. Their lifestyle played no part in it, they're both diabetics.
It's not my place to judge. Someone that makes all the right choices could still develop an illness that could result in the need for a transplant.
As to the fundraiser, you do what you have to do. Neither brother was/is in that position as they have excellent health insurance.
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Aug 12, 2014 1:29:42 GMT
Scrapsuzy, I hope you have your transplant, sooner, not later. I remember all that some other Peas who were Transplant recipients had shared about the process.
I am part of a donor family, my first husband was a donor. I really do try not to judge, because so often it is not a singular lifestyle choice that is the cause of an organ failure that requires a transplant to continue to live.
Having been involved with a non-profit corporation that processed organ and tissue donations, I know more than the average person about the entire process.
So, in answer to your question
This is MY personal experience based upon MY observations and interactions over the years. There is a very tiny group of people that do not, will not or cannot process the thought and even after a successful transplant tend to handle things in a non-responsible manner. It has nothing to do with their health, although sometimes there are choices (behavior, lifestyle) that may have others questioning. MY experience, they would be the exact same way, with or without the donation of a vital organ.
As to doing fund raising towards your transplant... be upfront and honest with people and do all you can in the public sphere to NOT APPEAR to mix personal expenses and the massive medical expense you are facing. There is LIVING in the present and dreaming of the future. All we have is the present. I have known of more than one family that had a third party overseeing the medical expenses and fund raising. Have a plan about how it will be used. You may wish to get professional help in setting this up to avoid paying taxes on it, and even getting the status for having donations be tax deductible.
Prayers that your health holds.
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Post by eebud on Aug 12, 2014 2:55:12 GMT
I am sorry to hear that you are going to need a transplant. I hope that when that day comes, that you will have a compatible donor and all goes smooth. I have a friend that has had a kidney transplant. She rejected her first (donated by her father) but her 2nd she has had for I believe about 30 years, maybe a bit longer. I have never judged any of her choices but I guess I also have never seen her do anything to make me question anything. She has always taken good care of herself and she enjoys whatever she wants in moderation. So, I can't honestly say if I would judge or not. However, if an alcoholic manages to get a liver and then continues to get completely smashed every night, I would say that I will probably judge. If they have an occasional drink, I wouldn't think anything of it.
As for the financial side and fundraising, I will be honest. If I was being asked to donate for someone's medical needs or any other needs while they were spending thousands of dollars going to Disney World, I would not be happy. I might have passed on luxuries that I would like to have purchased for myself to be able to help only to find that your own money was going to luxuries. So, yes, I am being honest and saying that I would not like that. And, I think with what happened with Libis (was that her pea name), most peas, if they are being honest, would say the same thing. They ran her off the boards after finding out she was asking for donations while using her money for Disney. I actually wasn't around the few days that was happening so I only saw the aftermath but it seems that it got pretty ugly. So, some here might not like that I am saying this but I think you wanted honest opinions.
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grammanisi
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Post by grammanisi on Aug 12, 2014 3:40:58 GMT
We had a very good friend that had a heart transplant. I have to admit that I did judge him(silently) about the fact that he did not change his eating habits nor did he stop drinking. He even got a DUI afer receiving the transplant.
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Aug 12, 2014 5:33:59 GMT
...have had one yourself, I have a couple of questions for you. If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.) I am post transplant and oddly, this is hard to answer. I would hope I am not judged as my organ loss was due to heredity. Nothing I did but be born. Even if it were, who should judge if you've never "walked in their shoes". If people judge me, should I judge those who have bad eating, smoking, drinking and lifestyle choices who are "wasting" a perfectly good organ if these choices lead to organ loss? They are doing more to kill their organs than I have, should I be judgmental of those potentially headed in that direction. I don't, but this thread actually has me thinking. Then, oddly enough, while I am not one to judge, I have to admit the smoking and drinking/substance abuse after transplant that lead to another transplant somehow does bother me a bit. Yet there are so many other ways to do harm. Why? Darn you scrapsuzy, you have my head hurting with all that thinking stuff. Oddly enough, as I am pretty easy going, take it as it comes kind of person, I've never REALLY thought about it.If you have had a transplant, do you feel like you're being watched/judged for things like this (if you do them)? And how do you feel about it, if you do? I don't feel like I'm being judged, but maybe I'm just not paying attention. Sometimes, because my brain doesn't work that way, I don't consider others may. Maybe ignorance is bliss. While I could be better about eating "perfectly" healthy I am sure the weight/water gain from steroids/medications could lead people to believe worse of me, but again, they don't know the facts. Judge away. They would be jumping to conclusions.How would you feel about someone having fundraisers for a transplant that isn't immediately necessary? I know that I am going to have to have a liver transplant sometime in the next decade. And the first set of questions is something I just can't stop thinking about. The fundraising question comes into play because the transplant center encourages everyone to start their "transplant fund" and to start fundraising. And while we will, of course, start saving for that, I feel too weird about it to do any fundraising whatsoever. And what if we want to take the grandkids to Disney in the next few years (something we are already saving for)? Seriously, how could I do that and then turn around now, or even 10 years down the road and say "Hey, help me pay for my transplant?" when I've known that the transplant was coming and had time to financially plan for it (somewhat... because really, things could change quickly though we don't expect them to). I was never asked to do this. I actually never heard of "pre-fundraisers. Seems kind of odd. But yet a good idea in ways. Prepare but don't totally put everything on hold. Although, I knew someone whose spouse was going to need transplant in future and announced it at church. They raised money, got them appliances and home redone and spouse was not even at end stage- or even out of work- yet. That was weird. YEARS later spouse got transplant and insurance paid. No REAL financial burden to them, yet new appliances and home re-do. Felt like "pre-begging" to me. Taking advantage of good, giving people.
And you cannot stop enjoying your life because of possible upcoming transplant. While I can see the point of not wasting $ now, you can't stop living life now either. Don't put your life on hold. Enjoy responsibly (as the beer commercials say) Nobody (impending transplant or not) know how long they have. Or if THEY will need an organ in the future for that matter. Got to have some fun money. Although scary, you kind of are blessed to know ahead of time to prepare and be watched/cared for by doctors. Many people do not know until "end stage" that organs are failing or have failed. Then it's a rush to find organ. Because of heredity, I knew the possibility/probability and was "monitored" for years which lead me to be able to get on the transplant list at earliest possible stage before it was too far gone and then less wait at critical stage and better health up until transplant, if that makes sense.
What, I did find odd and hard (and did not do) was that they suggested I go to friends, family,work, church or wherever and let it be known that I needed an organ. See if they could "hook me up." It felt like "begging" and "woe is me" to me and I couldn't find myself to do it. Not to take away from those who do and can ask, I was just not comfortable doing that. Not to mention, few knew I was "sick" and I preferred it that way.
Good luck to you now and in the future. Wow, from lurker-dom, to this long winded response. Sorry if long and jumbled. It's the drugs. Yeah, the drugs. <<<That's my story and I'm sticking to it!These are questions I'm sure have come up for others, and I expect them to be covered in the mandatory support group I will eventually be attending (ugh, I am so not a support group type person!) But even then, I would rather hear from the Peas.
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Aug 12, 2014 5:43:24 GMT
as for the mandatory support group meeting.... I feel for you. Good luck. Mine were not mandatory and I am grateful for that. Not my thing either. Closest I came to that was after being called in for transplant they had a few "what to expect" meetings before and after surgery. That I was okay with. Seemed reasonable and necessary.
Good luck and good health.
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Aug 12, 2014 5:52:52 GMT
As for the financial side and fundraising, I will be honest. If I was being asked to donate for someone's medical needs or any other needs while they were spending thousands of dollars going to Disney World, I would not be happy. I might have passed on luxuries that I would like to have purchased for myself to be able to help only to find that your own money was going to luxuries. So, yes, I am being honest and saying that I would not like that. And, I think with what happened with Libis (was that her pea name), most peas, if they are being honest, would say the same thing. They ran her off the boards after finding out she was asking for donations while using her money for Disney. I actually wasn't around the few days that was happening so I only saw the aftermath but it seems that it got pretty ugly. So, some here might not like that I am saying this but I think you wanted honest opinions. While I do not know this "Libis" you speak of, I don't think fundraisers should be used for vacations. However, if OP transplant is a decade away, I don't believe she should stop having some "fun money" (of her own making) to enjoy life. A decade is a l o n g time.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 12, 2014 5:59:49 GMT
If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.) No, why would I? (it is illegal in the UK to ride a motor cycle without a crash helmet). It is nobody's business but theirs. Do they sign up to undertake a higher standard of lifestyle choices when filling in their consent form? No. The fundraising thing doesn't really apply over here either, because most transplants are done on the NHS. Those done privately are paid for out of people's own funds. There is no expectation to fundraise from the unit where the transplant is performed. However, many people do fundraise afterwards, but not in the way you mean. They or their relatives will often do some sort of sponsored event in order to provide something for the unit as a way of expressing their gratitude. I'm not sure I would be contributing to a fund just yet for someone who may or may not need a transplant 10 years down the line, but would probably help out nearer the time. I'm sure there were plenty of opinions on the old bucket about trips to Disney whilst asking for fundraising for medical issues. Wishing you all the best.
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Post by omarakbt on Aug 12, 2014 6:50:19 GMT
My brother's transplant was so long ago that the answers would probably be irrelevant. He had his first transplant in 71 at the age of 16 which failed in the first month. He had his second at the age of 30 just after he got married. There was no fundraising at that time. He lived a pretty straight forward lifestyle, no drinking,smoking, drugs. He couldn't exercise like he probably should have but doing more than walk was difficult for him. I don't believe anyone judged him on his lifestyle choices. But again that was a long long time ago
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eastcoastpea
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 12, 2014 10:41:24 GMT
I know someone who has had a liver transplant. I remember her talking about medical professionals not believing her when she said she only had 3-5 drinks a YEAR. None of her coworkers or friends and family doubted her. Most likely her liver damage was caused by a serious health condition she had as a child. She became sick and needed a transplant shortly after. There was no fundraising. I personally wouldn't be keen on donating ten years prior to transplant surgery but when the time came nearer I would support family/friend.
I wish you didn't need a transplant but it sounds like you are doing what you need to to prepare. Sending positive vibes your way. Wishing you the best.
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craftykitten
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Post by craftykitten on Aug 12, 2014 12:33:27 GMT
Gosh, what a lot for you to think about. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.
I suppose I feel like everyone judges, really. Whether consciously or not, we all look at situations and make judgements about the people involved. I know that I have been guilty of this in the past and can only hope that in the future I am more aware, more humble, and less quick to come to conclusions. Who am I to judge anyone?
I can empathise with some of your questions as they are similar to those I struggled with when I had bowel cancer. I was very young - 25 - when I was diagnosed and I felt like everyone was inspecting my lifestyle and trying to figure out why it had happened. Did I drink? Did I smoke? I lived a very clean life but this still happened and I had to deal with it. And I do sometimes feel like people still judge others - for example, someone I know has recently been admitted to hospital and a mutual friend's first response was "Well he does drink a lot".
These days I am cancer free, and still living much the same life as before. I haven't changed my diet or my exercise habits, I still don't smoke or drink but should probably lose some weight.
I still judge people sometimes, but I try not to. There are so many emotions surrounding an experience like cancer or a transplant, and they affect people differently. I think what I am trying to say (not very well) is that my experiences have taught me that people DO judge, but it doesn't matter.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Aug 12, 2014 12:39:29 GMT
If you know someone (or hypothetically): Do you judge them, post-transplant, for lifestyle choices they may make, such as not always eating healthy, or smoking, or getting a sunburn, or riding a motorcycle without a helmet? Honestly, do you? Even if you don't say anything to them? (I won't judge you for judging them, I truly want to know.) I wouldn't judge activity within normal ranges (eating, drinking) or honest mistakes (sunburn), but yes, I would judge smoking, excessive drinking - things that are bad for anyone let alone someone post-transplant. I wouldn't necessarily judge someone riding w/o a helmet, because those organs for transplant have to come from *somewhere*, you know.If you have had a transplant, do you feel like you're being watched/judged for things like this (if you do them)? And how do you feel about it, if you do? I haven't had a transplant but am responding honestly because most of the people you'll encounter won't have had them and won't know someone else who has either.How would you feel about someone having fundraisers for a transplant that isn't immediately necessary? I think planning ahead is a good thing; however, I wouldn't want to constantly be hit up to contribute. So, if you're looking at a 10-year-ish horizon, maybe think of some annual event to have and leave it at that. More than about twice a year would be too much for me for something that far out.
I know that I am going to have to have a liver transplant sometime in the next decade. And the first set of questions is something I just can't stop thinking about. The fundraising question comes into play because the transplant center encourages everyone to start their "transplant fund" and to start fundraising. And while we will, of course, start saving for that, I feel too weird about it to do any fundraising whatsoever. And what if we want to take the grandkids to Disney in the next few years (something we are already saving for)? Seriously, how could I do that and then turn around now, or even 10 years down the road and say "Hey, help me pay for my transplant?" when I've known that the transplant was coming and had time to financially plan for it (somewhat... because really, things could change quickly though we don't expect them to). You didn't ask this, but honestly when I donate to someone else's (a specific person) issue, I expect that they do pretty much everything they can first. I don't think someone should do fundraising (for themselves - not meaning an organization like SGK for breast cancer or something) on one hand and then have luxuries like Disney vacations on the other. I'm not saying you should go without A/C in the summer or never take a quickie weekend getaway, but Disney or international vacations, expensive new cars, etc. - IMHO you really have to take those off the table when you're asking other people to fund another part of your life. If someone took a WDW vacation and then shortly after had something come up needing donations, then no, of course I wouldn't judge. Or, if someone knew a transplant was on the horizon but had insurance that at that time would cover it, and then by the time transplant is needed the insurance coverage changes and it's not covered, then again that's a change in conditions they couldn't have anticipated. But, in your case, you seem to have some expectation of what you'll have to pay and are fundraising for that. I don't think it's fair to ask others - who may very well "want to take the grandkids to Disney" themselves but can't afford it - to contribute to your cause when you're not contributing all you could yourself.My responses included above. I know my opinions might not be the same as everyone's and might seem harsh, but I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way. I would definitely donate to a friend in this situation, but my donation would be a lot less if I knew they were planning a WDW vacation or ate dinner out every night.
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Post by eebud on Aug 12, 2014 12:51:44 GMT
As for the financial side and fundraising, I will be honest. If I was being asked to donate for someone's medical needs or any other needs while they were spending thousands of dollars going to Disney World, I would not be happy. I might have passed on luxuries that I would like to have purchased for myself to be able to help only to find that your own money was going to luxuries. So, yes, I am being honest and saying that I would not like that. And, I think with what happened with Libis (was that her pea name), most peas, if they are being honest, would say the same thing. They ran her off the boards after finding out she was asking for donations while using her money for Disney. I actually wasn't around the few days that was happening so I only saw the aftermath but it seems that it got pretty ugly. So, some here might not like that I am saying this but I think you wanted honest opinions. While I do not know this "Libis" you speak of, I don't think fundraisers should be used for vacations. However, if OP transplant is a decade away, I don't believe she should stop having some "fun money" (of her own making) to enjoy life. A decade is a l o n g time. I don't believe that anywhere in my post did I say she shouldn't have some fun money to do things. However, spending many thousands of dollars to take the grandkids to Disney is not just some fun money. It is a significant amount of money when much more reasonable vacations could be taken. When you are asking others to give their money to help pay for a known medical issue that is coming up, I would expect the person to also be doing everything they can to fund themselves too. I think CoalieSquirell said what I am trying to say very well.
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Post by cade387 on Aug 12, 2014 12:57:11 GMT
Yes I know someone who has had a transplant. I agree with another poster that a living donor has given a gift that can never be repaid (not that the donor expects it). I do think it is disrespectful to not follow the doctors recommendations to ensure you can get the longest possible life out of their gift. So if the doctor says no drinking, don't drink. If the doctor says you need to lose 50 pounds - you do it.
I won't judge the occasional splurge but if you know you have an issue with food then do your best to manage it properly. I also won't judge that the person is a bad person, but I do think that the donor must feel irritated sometimes knowing what they did and seeing how the life they gave is being lived.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 8:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 13:38:32 GMT
Micky Mantle and Larry Hagman both had organ transplants due to abuse to their livers. Heavy drinking and smoking and other abuse. Do I judge them? Yeah I do. What if you Suzy needed the liver and there was only one available and YOU lead a healthy life and they are famous and get one instead. That kind of thing bugs me a lot. There are other people out there who deserve livers, kidneys, hearts etc more than they do. Just my opinion. I would donate anything to my son if he needed it, but other than that I would be unhappy if an organ in my body went to someone who didn't look after him/herself due to abusing substances. Disease or conditions like lupus, blindness, liver or kidney cancer, heart or lung sicknesses, whatever, you take what you need to keep yourself alive. I will be dead so it won't matter a hill of beans to me. This is what my opinion is, though. I would be very disappointed in the medical community if they took my healthy liver and gave it to a schmuck.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,796
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Aug 12, 2014 14:16:03 GMT
While I do not know this "Libis" you speak of, I don't think fundraisers should be used for vacations. However, if OP transplant is a decade away, I don't believe she should stop having some "fun money" (of her own making) to enjoy life. A decade is a l o n g time. I don't believe that anywhere in my post did I say she shouldn't have some fun money to do things. However, spending many thousands of dollars to take the grandkids to Disney is not just some fun money. It is a significant amount of money when much more reasonable vacations could be taken. When you are asking others to give their money to help pay for a known medical issue that is coming up, I would expect the person to also be doing everything they can to fund themselves too. I think CoalieSquirell said what I am trying to say very well. eebud, I don't disagree with you. I should have been more clear here and I apologize. Someplace else, I mentioned donated money shouldn't be used for anything but its intent. What I said to her was that she shouldn't put life on total hold and continue to do fun things etc but "enjoy responsibly", or something to that effect. I'm sorry my short response here was not clear enough.
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Aug 12, 2014 20:22:58 GMT
My youngest brother-in-law has a genetic disorder that caused him to have a solitary kidney and that kidney failed in his mid-20's. My other brother-in-law (they are brothers) donated one of his kidneys to the younger brother. It has been about 4 years since the transplant. My youngest brother-in-law continues to consume large amounts of alcohol and do drugs REGULARLY. And yes, as a typically non-judgmental person, I do judge him. He is old enough to know better and to know that he is seriously shortening the life span of his donated kidney. The brother who donated lives near him and knows of his behavior. I can't imagine giving someone that kind of gift, brother or otherwise, and then watch them squander that 2nd chance. I do not judge any of my youngest brother-in-law's choices/behaviors prior as a genetic disorder is obviously not something he could control. But yes, post transplant, I have a hard time not judging a grown man who continues to treat his body without respect. And to be clear, I'm not talking about average social drinking or the occasional pot smoking. It is literally his lifestyle.
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Aug 12, 2014 20:28:56 GMT
And I'm sorry - I hit post too quickly and can't seem to edit my post on my tablet. I agree with other posters that a decade is a long time, and even though you know you will need this transplant in that time, I personally don't feel that you should have to put all fun dreams aside while you wait. Take your grandchildren to Disney World and enjoy every second, without a moment of regret or guilt. May your health continue to hold on, OP.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 8:25:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2014 20:34:54 GMT
Micky Mantle and Larry Hagman both had organ transplants due to abuse to their livers. Heavy drinking and smoking and other abuse. Do I judge them? Yeah I do. What if you Suzy needed the liver and there was only one available and YOU lead a healthy life and they are famous and get one instead. That kind of thing bugs me a lot. There are other people out there who deserve livers, kidneys, hearts etc more than they do. Just my opinion. I would donate anything to my son if he needed it, but other than that I would be unhappy if an organ in my body went to someone who didn't look after him/herself due to abusing substances. Disease or conditions like lupus, blindness, liver or kidney cancer, heart or lung sicknesses, whatever, you take what you need to keep yourself alive. I will be dead so it won't matter a hill of beans to me. This is what my opinion is, though. I would be very disappointed in the medical community if they took my healthy liver and gave it to a schmuck. Sigh once again this just shows how so many don't or won't believe addiction is an illness.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 12, 2014 20:44:18 GMT
My cousin had a kidney transplant from his dad when he was around 10. He was a micro preemie and had lots of health problems. Around 20 he had that kidney replaced with another one (from a cadaver). Sadly he died from pneumonia a couple of years ago at 40. He was never the picture of perfect health. Before or after the transplants. The way I see it, he could have been dead at 10. He got an extra 30 years of life. I don't judge him if he ate too much sometimes or drank or whatever. People should care about their health because they care about their health. Not because they now have to justify their life after they were given a second chance. Don't people have enough of their own issues to worry about?
FWIW I have no idea how my cousins surgeries were paid for, but I know they couldn't afford it themselves.
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