momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Dec 21, 2016 17:57:26 GMT
"I'm not going to argue with you!" says hubby when I disagree or question something...basically unless I full on agree with him, he uses that phrase It's beyond irritating that his communication skills are so ridiculously inept. This week he used it in relation to me asking what he was doing with a payment, I questioned what was coming in to offset the payment to make sure we'd be able to cover it, no biggie, the amount was optional since we're paying ahead on a vehicle. He put everything away not making the payment so I asked why and was told "i'm not going to argue with you." Asking a question constitutes arguing in his head
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Post by gmcwife1 on Dec 21, 2016 17:58:39 GMT
When people type out ummmm, before their response on a message board. I always read that as very condescending.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 21, 2016 18:05:40 GMT
I don't like being condescended to, or watching someone else being treated that way. I don't like it and I usually don't accept it. At all. ** Edited. We started out ignoring it, then telling him it was rude (to which his response was "whatever"), to telling him we know what he's implying when he says it, to telling him "you say that to us because you think we're stupid and we're too stupid to understand that's what you're implying" (again, "whatever" was the response), to me flat out telling him "when you say that to me, I interpret it as fuck off and you couldn't give a flying fuck about what I have to say; if that's not what you mean, I would appreciate you telling me what you DO meant because from this point forward, you know that's what I believe you're saying to me". It took saying all of that for five years plus almost losing a fifty years friendship before he finally stopped saying it. I'm not criticizing you here. I just noticed that he seems to prefer to answer as briefly as possible and you used as many words as you could possibly fit into one breath. I'd bet he stopped listening after the first 3 words.
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Post by vspindler on Dec 21, 2016 18:17:38 GMT
I often say in response, "if I was capable of that I wouldn't need the medication my doctor gave me."
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 21, 2016 18:20:29 GMT
"You look tired" Thank you for letting me know I look like shit. The other one is "smile" nothing pisses me off faster than being told to smile.
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Post by flanz on Dec 21, 2016 18:21:35 GMT
"Everything happens for a reason" NO.IT.DOES.NOT. Unless the reason is life sucks sometimes. I'm with you, mikklynn! INANE B.S.
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Post by flanz on Dec 21, 2016 18:23:52 GMT
You can hate the phrase calm down all you want. But if your behavior is loud, obnoxious or threatening, and I am 5 seconds from throwing you out of my office, it is the one warning you get before whatever has you uncalm is about to get worse instead of better. I do not have to be subjected to your lack of calmness. Feelings are an internal object. You can feel whatever you want. But once your behavior is manifest externally and impacts me, I get to have a say. In a professional setting as you describe, I think the use of the phrase is appropriate. When a "loved one" says it with an edge in their voice... no.
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Post by flanz on Dec 21, 2016 18:25:59 GMT
I hate when a speaker can't just end a sentence without adding so.... but not add anymore onto the sentence. It's Ok to end a sentence without leaving it open for you to keep talking. "I was going to go to the store but then I decided it was too late, so......" Do you know anyone who does this at the end of most every sentence? not familiar with this verbal tic
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Post by flanz on Dec 21, 2016 18:27:39 GMT
Has anyone in the history of the world calmed down when told to do so? I agree---that's a bad one. Yeah, I have. Said to me by my ldh and my children with great love and gentleness when I have been very upset. It would be entirely different if it was said in a demeaning manner. Then, that person would either get a stare that would drill right through them, or they might get whooped up the side of their head, or maybe even a combination of both. All options reserved. I agree that tone and intention can make this one a good thing.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 21, 2016 18:28:57 GMT
Calm down...shall we look at how calm down makes me feel? I want to punch you in the throat and you are telling me to calm down. It's a good thing there are 5' between the two of us. Don't TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.
Nothing happens for a reason. Shit happens for no apparent reason. What is the reason my mother got sick but my great auntie in Japan lived to be almost 100? What was the reason my sister was born with a horrible autoimmune disease AND a bad heart? Why couldn't she have one OR the other but why did she need both? I am so angry I am crying.
Don't tell me to calm down!!!
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Post by myboysnme on Dec 21, 2016 18:30:54 GMT
I hate when a speaker can't just end a sentence without adding so.... but not add anymore onto the sentence. It's Ok to end a sentence without leaving it open for you to keep talking. "I was going to go to the store but then I decided it was too late, so......" Do you know anyone who does this at the end of most every sentence? not familiar with this verbal tic Recently I was in a restaurant with my sons and a friend, and a bride to be came in to have a business lunch with her wedding photographer. Every time she ended a sentence the last word was "sooooo...." We were absolutely in stitches over how many times she did this. It has always been a pet peeve of mine anyway.
Apparently it is called a "dangling so." Interesting discussion of it on dictionary.com. Also Kristin Wigg's character Penelope did it all the time.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Dec 21, 2016 18:39:36 GMT
"No problem ". I think the phrase you are looking for is "You're welcome". This, a thousand times this! Save
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Dec 21, 2016 18:43:07 GMT
not familiar with this verbal tic Recently I was in a restaurant with my sons and a friend, and a bride to be came in to have a business lunch with her wedding photographer. Every time she ended a sentence the last word was "sooooo...." We were absolutely in stitches over how many times she did this. It has always been a pet peeve of mine anyway.
Apparently it is called a "dangling so." Interesting discussion of it on dictionary.com. Also Kristin Wigg's character Penelope did it all the time.
What I've noticed more is that people are beginning every sentence with "So...". I see it on news shows and interviews all the time. It seems to have replaced "ummm", "uh" or the Valley Girl "like..." . Save
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Post by getting started on Dec 21, 2016 18:49:17 GMT
Wow I didn't realize how many phrases bothered me until you guys named them all! totally agree. No worries and no problem said instead of you're welcome really irk me. But basically the peas above have all said what I feel.
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Post by papersilly on Dec 21, 2016 18:57:56 GMT
i'm with you. I hate "calm down" and "relax". it has the opposite effect on me when someone says that.
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Post by Night Owl on Dec 21, 2016 19:12:37 GMT
My ex boyfriend used to say "Behave" or "Behave yourself". It makes me mad just thinking about it, how condescending. Grrrrrr.......
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Dec 21, 2016 19:18:06 GMT
"no worries" instead of "you're welcome" I wasn't worried; I'm just grateful! YES. I've never really heard it used that much until we hired a new person at work and she says it all of the time! It drives me crazy
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Dec 21, 2016 19:19:51 GMT
I hate No Worries. There is some Chapstick commercial where the model says it and I want to scream every time.
I really hate the "Everything happens for a reason." With a deep passion. Someone said that to a grieving daughter at her mother's funeral (after a long list of illnesses, culminating in death by breast cancer at age 42) I attended about 18 months ago and the daughter went off on the person, demanding she tell her the reason. To which the person replied, "Only God knows." The daughter snapped, "Well, how nice for God." The person smiled and said, "You just have to trust that God knows best. If your faith was stronger, you wouldn't be so upset." The look of condescension and smugness on her face is not something I will soon forget. It solidified for me why I loathe that phrase.
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Post by Ellie on Dec 21, 2016 19:28:57 GMT
I admit--I'm guilty of saying "No Worries" from time to time but not simply in place of "You're Welcome." I use it if someone is expressing that they've been imposing or a bother. I know it's a bit irritating. I think I started using it after working as a barista at a coffee shop. One of my coworkers used the phrase all the time and it stuck. I really don't like it when I'm told to "relax," "chill out," or "calm down." Though I can see that "calm down" has its place. I particularly hate "chill out." I think I may say "no problem" as well! Where did I get that from? And I have a millennial co-worker that uses "so..." at the end of sentences sometimes. He has a few verbal quirks but only uses them in our small group--with our "clients"/stakeholders he reverts to a more professional way of speaking. He also wears a bow tie every single day. And teaches me cool tricks with Excel. And shares recipes. I think he's awesome and charming.
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Post by anniefb on Dec 21, 2016 19:41:13 GMT
"You look tired" Thank you for letting me know I look like shit. The other one is "smile" nothing pisses me off faster than being told to smile. That^^
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Post by myboysnme on Dec 21, 2016 19:42:28 GMT
I am going to vow right here to make sure I say, "You're welcome," from now on. I think I do but now I am going to make a conscious effort.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,458
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Dec 21, 2016 19:50:13 GMT
"It is what it is" It's just an irritating way of saying f#ck you! Or some version of f-you f-off or f-something. I get that it could used as a "que sera sera/whatever will be will be" thing. Usually people are saying it in a nice tone but what they really mean is "whatever I don't give a f#ck if I'm inconveniencing you".
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Post by chances on Dec 21, 2016 19:55:18 GMT
I agree with a lot of these, especially "everything happens for a reason." But, I say "no worries" and "no problem' usually because people are fretting about being an inconvenience and I want to convey "No! Don't worry about it! It's not a problem at all." I think students are especially worried about bothering people.
The other reason is that I take "you're welcome" pretty literally. And honestly, the other person is NOT always welcome. You're not welcome to ask again, you're not welcome to think this is hunky dory. So they get a "no problem."
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,024
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 21, 2016 19:56:50 GMT
I admit--I'm guilty of saying "No Worries" from time to time but not simply in place of "You're Welcome." I use it if someone is expressing that they've been imposing or a bother. I know it's a bit irritating. I think I started using it after working as a barista at a coffee shop. One of my coworkers used the phrase all the time and it stuck. I really don't like it when I'm told to "relax," "chill out," or "calm down." Though I can see that "calm down" has its place. I particularly hate "chill out." I think I may say "no problem" as well! Where did I get that from? Okay so I don't mean to pick on you, your answer was perfectly nice and I appreciate it..BUT. These are the exact people, baristas I was thinking about that I despise being told 'no problem'. You (general you) aren't there hanging out and are happening to make me a Mocha cause you have some time, just to be nice. You are making me the Mocha because it is your job to do so, and you'll be rewarded with a tip for on top of it. So telling me "no problem' when I politely thank you? It's just so self centered. You didn't do me a favor, you did your job! I seriously bite my tongue every time. and that's my rant.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,024
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 21, 2016 19:57:11 GMT
I am going to vow right here to make sure I say, "You're welcome," from now on. I think I do but now I am going to make a conscious effort. this is awesome!
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Post by Zee on Dec 21, 2016 20:04:57 GMT
The only time it's ever irritated me to be told to "calm down" is when I needed to calm down. Sometimes, it's necessary to tell someone they need to chill the fuck out.
You know who's the worst at telling people to calm down, though? 911 operators. "Hello, I'm at Lincoln Mall and I just witnessed a--" "MA'AM YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN"
"Yes, I need an ambulance, there was--" "MA'AM YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALM DOWN"
That's like the standard interruption for every call on every emergency show, whether the caller is hysterical or not. I've called a few times in my life and I know for a fact I was not shouting or hysterical and was still interrupted two out of the four times I called, by a bored-sounding bossy nasty woman. I know they have a tough job, but Jesus. Shout-out (not literally!) to every emergency dispatcher who still manages to do the job without condescension and attitude. You're a gem.
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Post by giatocj on Dec 21, 2016 20:06:53 GMT
Relax. Nothing makes an already stressed out/angry/upset person (me ) turn homicidal quicker than the word "relax"!!
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,024
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 21, 2016 20:14:24 GMT
The only time it's ever irritated me to be told to "calm down" is when I needed to calm down. Sometimes, it's necessary to tell someone they need to chill the fuck out. You know who's the worst at telling people to calm down, though? 911 operators. "Hello, I'm at Lincoln Mall and I just witnessed a--" "MA'AM YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN" "Yes, I need an ambulance, there was--" "MA'AM YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALM DOWN" That's like the standard interruption for every call on every emergency show, whether the caller is hysterical or not. I've called a few times in my life and I know for a fact I was not shouting or hysterical and was still interrupted two out of the four times I called, by a bored-sounding bossy nasty woman. I know they have a tough job, but Jesus. Shout-out (not literally!) to every emergency dispatcher who still manages to do the job without condescension and attitude. You're a gem. Okay, get outta my brain today, Z*g! I was thinking the same thing, that happened to me once when I lost my car in the Disneyland parking garage. I had taken a hookey day alone with my then toddler and I was on the wrong floor, and was thinking my car MIGHT have been stolen. I called the security phone and I was not freaking out. I was concerned, and before I could get the sentence completely out, the woman was telling me to 'okay ma'am I'll need you to calm down". WTF? I AM calm? I thought. Again, I tried to tell here my story and she cut me off asking me what time I'd arrived, so I told her and she figured I was up two floors too high. Okay fine, but then she says "I'm sending out an attendant to pick you up, JUST STAY CALM" until he gets there. I was SO mad, she upset me more with those stupid remarks..totally pissed me off. I still get mad just remembering how damn condescending she was .
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Post by Zee on Dec 21, 2016 20:17:57 GMT
The only time it's ever irritated me to be told to "calm down" is when I needed to calm down. Sometimes, it's necessary to tell someone they need to chill the fuck out. You know who's the worst at telling people to calm down, though? 911 operators. "Hello, I'm at Lincoln Mall and I just witnessed a--" "MA'AM YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN" "Yes, I need an ambulance, there was--" "MA'AM YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALM DOWN" That's like the standard interruption for every call on every emergency show, whether the caller is hysterical or not. I've called a few times in my life and I know for a fact I was not shouting or hysterical and was still interrupted two out of the four times I called, by a bored-sounding bossy nasty woman. I know they have a tough job, but Jesus. Shout-out (not literally!) to every emergency dispatcher who still manages to do the job without condescension and attitude. You're a gem. Okay, get outta my brain today, Z*g! I was thinking the same thing, that happened to me once when I lost my car in the Disneyland parking garage. I had taken a hookey day alone with my then toddler and I was on the wrong floor, and was thinking my car MIGHT have been stolen. I called the security phone and I was not freaking out. I was concerned, and before I could get the sentence completely out, the woman was telling me to 'okay ma'am I'll need you to calm down". WTF? I AM calm? I thought. Again, I tried to tell here my story and she cut me off asking me what time I'd arrived, so I told her and she figured I was up two floors too high. Okay fine, but then she says "I'm sending out an attendant to pick you up, JUST STAY CALM" until he gets there. I was SO mad, she upset me more with those stupid remarks..totally pissed me off. I still get mad just remembering how damn condescending she was . Lol! I know, it's so irritating. It must be a real power trip to instruct everyone to REMAIN CALM.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Dec 21, 2016 20:21:13 GMT
My ex boyfriend used to say "Behave" or "Behave yourself". It makes me mad just thinking about it, how condescending. Grrrrrr....... Nice to see you Night Owl!
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