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Post by cmhs on Dec 27, 2016 14:17:49 GMT
Since you all work together... fantasy idea---no, don't do this but.............. Somehow arrange for all the women in his harem to be in the break room sitting together and then somehow arrange for him to come into the room and see you together. While it is an moment to fantasize about--it would result in too much workplace drama. Cut all communication with the weasel and move on with your life--after a STD check up. Not recommending this either but I have to say that I actually did this in college! Long story short, dude was seeing 3 girls (plus had a gf back home). Shortly after we figured out what he was up to, the three of us were all at the same party and in he walked. He was standing there all cute and charming and we all walked up and put our arms around his waist and just said, "hi, Paul. How's it going?" He turned purple. |
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,615 
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Post by MerryMom on Dec 27, 2016 14:28:44 GMT
Chalk it up to lesson learned as being a "friend with benefits" (ETA the word >>>> usually) only "benefits" the male. For you and the other women at work that he was "FWB", he wasn't cheating on you. The wronged person here is the girlfriend. Leave the girlfriend alone, she'll find out soon enough. Quit "FB Stalking" her as it screams desperation.
I am not sure why the women at work that he is sending "unsolicited nude pics" to aren't reporting him to management. Men need to learn to stop doing that and the only way they learn is to be reported and face the consequences.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 27, 2016 14:35:04 GMT
Chalk it up to lesson learned, being a "friend with benefits" only "benefits" the male. I'm curious what you think the male gets out of it that the female doesn't. |
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,615
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Post by MerryMom on Dec 27, 2016 14:37:27 GMT
Chalk it up to lesson learned, being a "friend with benefits" only "benefits" the male. I'm curious what you think the male gets out of it that the female doesn't. Because in my experience and reading here on 2 peas, the men and women are getting the sexual enjoyment, but as you can see from the OP's post, the women usually still retain residual feelings about the situation. The men are usually tomcatting around, the women, usually only with that guy. |
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Post by *KAS* on Dec 27, 2016 14:53:02 GMT
My previous post probably came off bitchy, but I'm just saying that in that my experience with men they don't play games. They're pretty logical. If they tell you something (IE: I'm single) they mean it, usually. Lucky you. And I don't mean that in a bitchy way at all, but be thankful you found good ones. There are many more (like the ones in the OP) that absolutely play those games. OP - he sounds like a douche bag. Cut your losses and move on. His girlfriend will figure it out in due time. Although if you think he's having unprotected sex with other women, I might consider making sure she finds out for her own health. |
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Post by *KAS* on Dec 27, 2016 15:09:37 GMT
its me mg- he told me that he was single and he wasn't. I am also aware that there was no commitment- I assisted in that decision. We were together for a year prior to this and were close friends for another year total outside of that. He is well aware of my feelings and values and how this situation is the polar opposite. I'm more hurt over the manipulation and the parts of the story I didn't include in my post. And thanks for the "not being bitchy" part. I'm blunt and it definitely comes across as bitchy oft times, so I understand. Thanks for giving me your input. Thanks all so far for responding. It seems that you all are just as divided as the people in my life, but so far the variety of responses have given me more to think about. While his girlfriend doesn't work with me, his mistress harem does. I didn't think about him dogging me at work. That brings up the possibility of someone, including me, being fired if this goes south. Who knew a group of women getting together to scrap would lead to this? Got it! I thought you were asking him your status, and he'd say "single" despite hooking up. He mislead you to believe he was single. Totally different perspective. That's pretty fucked up. I thought you were hooking up with a dude on the side, and then wanted him to be committed. He totally betrayed your trust. Just cut him off and let her figure out what a prize she has, IMO. Oh! I get what you were saying now! I was jealous that you only have dated good men that are always honest. LOL! |
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 27, 2016 15:23:53 GMT
I think the right thing to do in this situation is to tell her, assuming your times together definitely overlapped, and assuming they really are moving forward by buying a house together. That said, she isn't going to believe him--you were skeptical enough about him that you had to ask if he was really single multiple times, and you believed him when he said yes, because he is proficient at lying and you wanted to believe him.
Most likely, she wants to believe him too.
So frankly while I would encourage you to find a way to reach out to her and let her know what she is entangling herself with, I can't get too worked up about it because I doubt it will make any difference.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 27, 2016 15:25:42 GMT
I'm curious what you think the male gets out of it that the female doesn't. Because in my experience and reading here on 2 peas, the men and women are getting the sexual enjoyment, but as you can see from the OP's post, the women usually still retain residual feelings about the situation. The men are usually tomcatting around, the women, usually only with that guy. In my experience, FWB arrangements are mutually beneficial but they require the people involved to be honest both with their partners and with themselves. The OP's 'residual feelings' seem to stem from a betrayal of trust rather than any emotional attachment. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Dec 27, 2016 17:03:01 GMT
I know I am one tiny example, but I just finished signing 16 different forms today to work in my current office in a new position. It took me two hours to read through the paperwork. There are many things I cannot do, but date a coworker was not one of them. In my previous job as a teacher, that was never an expectation either. Lots of couples met in our district and even worked in the same building. Only dating a boss was a no no. yes! Our school district also has 5 married couples that teach. And like I said, we have married couples that also work together at my job. They do not work directly in the same dept, but once in awhile we cross over. It's not old fashioned, or whatever others alluded too. Maybe they are the ones out of step? heehee. |
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Post by anonrefugee on Dec 27, 2016 17:11:01 GMT
The legality of workplace fraternization policies varies by state. That's why some have them and some dont. And by industry standards. |
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,615
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Post by MerryMom on Dec 27, 2016 18:43:42 GMT
Because in my experience and reading here on 2 peas, the men and women are getting the sexual enjoyment, but as you can see from the OP's post, the women usually still retain residual feelings about the situation. The men are usually tomcatting around, the women, usually only with that guy. In my experience, FWB arrangements are mutually beneficial but they require the people involved to be honest both with their partners and with themselves. The OP's 'residual feelings' seem to stem from a betrayal of trust rather than any emotional attachment. Let's leave it at "agree to disagree". What you posted has not been my experience nor any friend that has discussed it with me. |
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 28, 2016 13:23:03 GMT
I agree with cindyupnorth . I think women are more cautious about things and don't want to cause a stink or get into any problems at work. I think some men rely on females to act this way so that they can do what they please fully believing we won't be strong enough (or whatever we feel) to act on a male's behavior that that will cause STDs or financial hardships. If this woman buying the house was your sister, what would you want the OP to do? I feel like ladies need to step up and do the right thing. It can be done quietly. The woman needs to make the decision about the house after she has all of her information. I agree!!! This is just good "girl code" right here. Buying a house is nothing like buy a pair of shoes or a new Frigidaire! We are talking a lifetime commitment! If it were me, I would want to know. I would definitely put the brakes on buying a house and I would go have all the STD tests done ASAP. I think you should tell her quickly. Just because you don't have proof doesn't matter and shouldn't be an excuse not to tell. You need to go to her with your facts and stick to those facts. You can have a printout of your cell phone usage and there's bound to be loads of texts and calls between the two of you and my guess is that some of those were late-night calls/texts. That would be enough in my mind to at least cast doubt and question my involvement with this guy at the very least. What she decides to do with the FACTS you have given her will be up to her. SaveSave |
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Post by christine58 on Dec 28, 2016 14:24:17 GMT
e. What she does with the info would be on her, but at least she'd be more aware (if she isn't already). Unfortunately, it might not be the right thing for me to do because of my job. At this point, I'm thinking to either get someone else to tell or perhaps do it anonymously, depending on what happen Honestly, I'd keep my mouth shut because of my job..that being said...when is your appointment for STD testing?? |
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Post by librarylady on Dec 28, 2016 14:38:07 GMT
IMO, time for anonymous letter with the information to the woman. Protects your job. Keeps any drama away from the workplace.
Don't mention your role. Just letter with: Names of women he is currently cavorting with at work and names of those who have received photos.
GET STD CHECK NOW!!
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,240
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Post by Peamac on Dec 28, 2016 16:44:35 GMT
If you don't tell the girlfriend somehow, you aren't giving her the chance to get checked for her health. You're not giving her the chance to protect herself financially. Sure, there's a chance that she may not believe you, but that's on her. She deserves to at least have the information to make a decision either way.
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