Found out I'm the other woman...

He was never committed to you, and he made that clear. If he chooses to cheat on his girlfriend, that's on him. Cut off the relationship and if she ever questions you be honest - you were hooking up, but the second you found out about her you cut him off. Lesson learn. She deserves to know he's a scum bag, but it's not your business to flaunt it ... if that makes sense.

He would reiterate to you that he was single. Maybe he was trying to find a way to tell you about her in regards to mentioning the relationship and you just mixed the signals because you didn't even consider another woman, obviously. He probably started to say it and then chickened out ... because really, how do you admit that to someone's face?

..... and if he's dating another woman, and sending dick pics .... what's going to make him stop?

If I were the other woman, I would want to know. I don't know how I would get the message across, but I would do/say something. I would be honest and quick.

If you had any evidence, I would make it a point to tel her. Since you don't, it is too easy for her to dismiss you as the crazy ex.

If you get evidence or can talk to the larger OW group, then pass it on.

I have just supported an old friend through a similar situation and wish to make a restricted point, only about the deleted evidence.

If you decide (the wise pea women will help you for sure) to tell the other woman or any of the other other women (!) do not let the fact that you deleted the evidence stop you. If any of the women who need a reality check are nervous about this jerk the lack of evidence will not be an issue as they will be receptive to truth without it. The ones who are not ready for reality could see a whole iPhone memory's worth of damning pics and they will still not believe you.

Best of luck and hope you are seeing a new future soon.

ETA: chiming back in to say that I never can figure out why idiots like this jerk think we women will never catch on- from your story he is treating the women at a particular workplace like his harem. This is what is so similar with my old friend's story early December and it made us, her friends, so mad! When the story gets out (and it will, even if you just walk away and don't spill) I hope the only bad work-related consequences fall on the jerk 

I would just drop the whole relationship, sexual and "friendship."

He's not worth it. And he never will be.


I wouldn't tell the girlfriend. It's not your responsibility.


ETA: Changed would to wouldn't. Typed it wrong the first time.

The first thing--go get tested for STDs. Then I probably would not say a word to the girlfriend.

If the House-buying Girlfriend was a Pea we'd chastise the office woman that didn't find some way to let her know before a long term financial commitment!

But ScrapsontheRocks is right, some women wouldn't believe a stack of evidence while they're in love.

You're absolutely right on both counts, anonrefugee . The OP doesn't know how the girlfriend would respond to being told, but if gf doesn't believe OP, that's her own decision to make. At least she would have been warned. My boyfriend in college cheated on me and his best friend told me. I am so glad he did! I had no idea he was seeing someone else and dropped him immediately. I'm glad I was given the information. If I hadn't dumped boyfriend and got hurt later, then that's on me. 

ETA- A simple "I work with exBF and we've dated for the last couple of years. I had no idea he was dating you also. I've dumped him, but thought you should know."  If she asks, you can tell her about the others at work, nasty pictures, etc. If she doesn't ask for more info, at least you've told her about you and exBF. If exBF is upset with you telling her, you can tell him that you didn't give all the details about everyone else he's been seeing. And remind him that he's been lying to you all along (although technically he's still "single" b/c he's not married), you have no desire to date a guy who sends pictures of his privates to others, and don't want to cause drama with the other office girls he's seeing. That will let him know that you know more than he realizes.

According to the OP, she asked multiple times if he was single. I think that somewhere,deep in her mind, she suspected something wasn't quite right. Why else would she have asked multiple times? The current girlfriend probably also has some suspicions, I would find someway to get The information to her. No one can juggle that much going on in their life, without raising some suspicion somewhere.

I would tell hm that I know about his GF, them moving in together and the other women. Then I would cut personal ties with him. I wouldn't tell his GF, she won't believe you and he will convince her that you are just some jealous ex, she will discover the truth on her own.

You are assuming house-buying girlfriend is not aware that he's a cheating jerk: that may or may not be true. She might very well know about you and the others. Some women choose to tolerate things that other women wouldn't put up with for a NY-minute. You might also be assuming she will believe your notification. Mr. Slick Dick will explain it all away, making her doubt herself and making you seem like a crazy stalker. She won't believe you and he will make sure of that.

Your situation is way more complicated in that you are one of many in the workplace. I don't know where you, he, or the others fall on the chain of command and hierarchy in your workplace but you could up with an unemployable blacklisted mess on your hands so please tread carefully, whatever you decide. This isn't a game of poker, it's your life, so please think, re-think and then re-think once more how to handle things. Does this need to be addressed right this moment and if so, what is the urgency since it's been going on for quite awhile? Can it wait a little longer until you have more clarity? Are you friends or coworkers with the others? There could be safety in numbers if all of you figure out how to react together on one page and if (big if) he has done anything to break HR rules on fraternization. Employers don't always want to get involved other than to fire all of the people involved and get rid of the mess as quickly as possible.

And as you can see, from the anonymous note anxiousmom received, her xdh explained it all away. So if you think you need to set things right, send an anonymous note but be aware HE will likely know who sent it and your job could be at stake. You will have to weigh out what is most important to you and take it from there. This isn't high school and your career could be on the line. It isn't worth it, walk away and let it go.

The FIRST thing I'd do is an STD check at your gyno. You've had benefits with more people than you ever would have knowingly agreed to. Get checked and make your decisions from there.

Good luck. It's a crap situation to be in. So sorry.

I would certainly tell the GF...
your whole demeanor as you describe the situation suggests to me you are setting your expectations far to low regarding the men you allow into your life.  You were tolerating way too little from this jerk.
And stop getting involved at work.