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Post by ipeaknightly on Aug 14, 2014 14:49:06 GMT
Maybe honestly tell her how much you are going to miss her. She already knows what she is doing is going to kill her. She doesn't need to hear it from you or anyone else. But maybe hearing that she matters to you will strike a chord with her. Doubtful, but maybe. I think you just need to hold onto the maybe at this point. I'm so sorry.
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Post by alibama on Aug 14, 2014 15:03:28 GMT
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine watching someone I love going through something like this. I think trying to reestablish and strengthen your relationship is the best way to go, even though it will be very difficult to say nothing.
I am sorry your family is going through this. I agree with Katiebpea but I have no experience in this area.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 14, 2014 15:15:46 GMT
There is an organization here called The Emily Program that deals with eating disorders. Visit www.emilyprogram.com. They may have a phone number you could call for advice. This must be terrifying. I am so sorry.
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 14, 2014 15:19:48 GMT
It is such a scary thing and I feel so bad you and the family are having to watch this happen.
She needs professional help, but as with any other mental illness or addiction, the person has to want the help and be determined to work on it. Otherwise it just won't work.
I have a good friend that had a daughter that had years of dealing with anorexia and bulimia. It wasn't until she sought out help for herself because she wanted to get healthy and have a baby that it actually worked for her. I'm happy to report 2 years after her inpatient treatment she is now 5 months pregnant and very healthy. However, her counselor and group told her post baby she may be prone for a relapse and encouraged her to get help as soon as she gives birth. Its nice to know she has that support.
It's out there - hopefully your sister will eventually see what you are all seeing and seek out help. In my friends daughters situation, her employer had an Employee Assistance Program and was able to get quite a bit of her treatment paid for.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 18:18:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 1:50:06 GMT
I think your priority needs to be rebuilding a relationship with her. Let her know that you unconditionally love her and you are always there for her and have no judgement about her. She needs an ally. She knows you are concerned. She knows you love her. If you mention something about her appearance you might lose her again. It's taken her years to get to the point she's at now. Having one confrontational conversation won't change her mind. Unless she is the one who brings it up and asks you for help. That is the only reason I would suggest talking about it, otherwise don't address it at all.
I hope it goes well!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 18:18:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 2:45:23 GMT
Someone else might have already mentioned this, but I wonder if there's such a thing as a support group for family members with eating disorders? Perhaps that would be helpful in processing your emotions about all this.
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 15, 2014 3:06:38 GMT
I'm really sorry.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 18, 2014 11:00:45 GMT
You probably won't like my advice but I would see what you can do about having her committed. She's been killing herself for 30 years. Kind words of support aren't going to stop her now.
Signed, a recovered anorexic.
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Post by pelirroja on Aug 18, 2014 11:15:20 GMT
I have no advice and no words of wisdom but I will keep you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the two of you will have the ability (and time) to rebuild a relationship. This is an issue you cannot fix and I know firsthand how scary it is to watch a loved one suffer with this while you feel powerless to change things. ((hugs))
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Aug 18, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
I hope things went ok for you...
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Post by alibama on Aug 18, 2014 13:01:25 GMT
I too was checking in for an update. I hope your visit went well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 18:18:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 13:21:52 GMT
Add me to the list of those concerned. Hope it went okay and I'm sending good thoughts your way.
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Post by redayh on Aug 18, 2014 13:24:01 GMT
That's really hard. I don't have advice, but I hope all went well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 18:18:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 15:00:47 GMT
Thinking of you today...hoping things went well.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 18, 2014 15:12:26 GMT
I have no idea, but I wanted to offer (((hugs))). I don't think that it will be something you can talk her out of at this point. I think at this point in your lives, it's more about accepting who she is, including the battle she's waging daily and has for decades, and just finding ways of spending time together while you have it. I think the best way to have her open up to you is to show no judgement (I know that would be hard, because she will see any concern you have as judgement), and just enjoy her company despite every warning in your head screaming that she is not healthy and that you must help her. Sometimes no one can help a person but that person themselves. I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I completely agree with this and similar sentiments. As a former anorexic, I can assure you that having people tell us we are killing ourselves isn't helpful. The mind tells an anorexic things like, "they just don't understand." And then she will avoid you to protect the disease. The longer someone suffers from this disease, the less likely they will be successful in combating it, unfortunately. Accept her, love her, and treasure your moments together. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, especially with two of your sisters at once.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 18, 2014 15:12:21 GMT
You probably won't like my advice but I would see what you can do about having her committed. She's been killing herself for 30 years. Kind words of support aren't going to stop her now. Signed, a recovered anorexic. This is what I was thinking. If anorexia is a mental disorder that she is dying from, she needs to be involuntarily committed.
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Post by pattipea on Aug 18, 2014 16:03:29 GMT
Hoping that you were able to meet with your sister on Friday and begin to rebuild some broken bridges. Also hope that you will update here when the time feels right for you. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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Post by ljsmom on Aug 18, 2014 17:34:14 GMT
Curious how it went. Hope you were able to connect and bless your sister and that it was a positive time.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Aug 18, 2014 18:17:32 GMT
Having been on your end and feeling helpless, I am so sorry for you, your sister and your families. My guess is that her dh likes the way she looks also, or he would get her help.
Does she have any children that you can approach?
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 18, 2014 18:23:59 GMT
I was also thinking about you on the weekend. Wondering how the weekend went and if you're okay.
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Post by hennybutton on Aug 18, 2014 19:54:52 GMT
You probably won't like my advice but I would see what you can do about having her committed. She's been killing herself for 30 years. Kind words of support aren't going to stop her now. Signed, a recovered anorexic. This is what I was thinking. If anorexia is a mental disorder that she is dying from, she needs to be involuntarily committed. Is that even something that anyone other than her husband can do? It really sounds like he's okay with her anorexia. If I'm wrong, how do you think he'd respond to a family meeting without her? Give him the tools he needs to get her admitted. After decades of this, you're not going to get through to her. You also don't have the power to do anything about it. The best you can do is work on your relationship with her. That may be hard because you'll have to find the bit of her that's left behind her denial.
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