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Post by pjaye on Aug 15, 2014 14:52:12 GMT
They do. I've posted a couple of times that my Dad has cancer, it's bad and it has spread. It started off in his bladder, then despite surgery and a year of chemo it still spread to his lungs and his bones. He has secondary cancers all through his spine and several of his vertebrae have broken. Ten days ago I went to an oncology appointment with him where they told him that there is nothing else they can do for him. That was tough enough, he was crying and begging them to try more chemo...but they told him that any more chemo would shorten his life rather than extend it. He was admitted to hospital the day after that and then moved to a palliative care unit (hospice) last Monday. He is having a great deal of pain and they are giving him the upper limit of the heavy duty painkillers, he has a pain medication pump going constantly with 3 different drugs and he still has pain. It is horrible to watch. He's lost so much weight and he's just fading away.
Mum and I have been there with him everyday (I've taken two weeks off work)...except yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and a cold. So I've taken time off work to be there, and now I can't go in. Mum has to do it on her own. How f'ing unlucky is that? I'm not *that* sick, but he has over a dozen tumors in his lungs so if he catches a cold, it could quite literally kill him, even coughing would probably cause more bones to break in his back or ribs. So I have to sit at home and not see my Dad for some of his final days and my mother is there all day on her own. It's just so unfair, I know logically that I can't go in, but the guilt is hitting me hard tonight. His cancer, his pain, his dying, it's all just horrible and way worse than I ever thought it could be.
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Post by leslie132 on Aug 15, 2014 14:58:14 GMT
Prayers.....I'm sorry. My father had the exact same situation. Started in his lungs and went to the spine. We were told at that point it was non treatable. In the end it traveled to his brain and that was a blessing. When it traveled he basically slipped into a coma, and we were lucky in the sense that he wasn't feeling the pain.
We all had to stay away at points, as well. My only thought is if you think it is nearing the end, maybe ask his doctors if you could wear a surgical mask. We were allowed.
Hugs and prayers coming your way. I will say a prayer for your Father and Mother. I'm glad you and your mom have each other.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 15, 2014 14:58:32 GMT
I am so, so sorry pjaye about your Dad. I hate cancer and what it does to people, my whole family on my Mom's side (including my Mom) have died of cancer and all at a too early of an age. I feel you and your guilt. I wish I could take that away from you. It's a horrible feeling that you can't do anything with. My thoughts are with you, your Mum and especially your Dad. May his pain get better and may he find some peace. As I hope you and your Mum can do, too.
Take care of yourself. I will be thinking of you.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 15, 2014 14:58:45 GMT
I am so sorry. I feel like crying after reading that. So unfortunate. All of it.
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BarbaraUK
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Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
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Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Aug 15, 2014 14:59:14 GMT
Oh, there are just no words adequate for a situation like this pjaye. Sending you, your Mum and Dad love and hugs and every positive thought.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 15, 2014 15:03:37 GMT
I'm so, so sorry. Peace to you and your family.
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Post by cakediva on Aug 15, 2014 15:04:19 GMT
Oh pjaye, I'm so sorry....
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Aug 15, 2014 15:06:02 GMT
Pjaye, I'm so sorry.
When my MIL was dying from lung cancer, we continued to visit with her when we had colds, we just wore masks. Might that be an option for you?
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 15, 2014 15:08:56 GMT
That's terrible! I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 15, 2014 15:11:10 GMT
That's awful, pjaye. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your family!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:24:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 15:11:18 GMT
I'm so sorry.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:24:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 15:11:30 GMT
pjaye, I am so very sorry for all that your dad and family are going through. I can not imagine your pain. Hugs, prayers and good thoughts to you all.
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Post by 1lear on Aug 15, 2014 15:12:45 GMT
Oh, wow, my heart goes out to you. My dad had bladder cancer-it was horrible to watch him suffer.
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
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Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Aug 15, 2014 15:14:20 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. May you find the strength and support your family needs during such a sad time. My heart goes out to you.
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Post by gonewalkabout on Aug 15, 2014 15:15:40 GMT
I am so very sorry. I know it's hard.
I'd ask for a surgical mask also. I'm sure they would give you one.
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Post by miss_lizzie on Aug 15, 2014 15:17:33 GMT
I am so, so sorry about your dad. I can hear in your words how much you love him. Perhaps you could go if you wore a surgical mask. You and all who love your dad are in my prayers.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 15, 2014 15:18:38 GMT
I'm sorry to hear all that. But...as others have mentioned, get a good-quality mask and go to be with him. I work in a hospital and spend a lot of time in the ICU. We have families there all the time to be with patients who are dying and they will wear masks if they have to. As one of the nurses/doctors or even your pharmacist about a good quality one. And then go.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 14:24:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 15:18:46 GMT
As a nurse, I would not hesitate to hand you a mask. Asking can't hurt, right??
Sending prayers your way.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 15, 2014 15:20:05 GMT
Unfortunately I can relate. We lost my dad to lung cancer in 2000 and it still seems so fresh. Even as we got ready to turn off the machines, he was writing down that he needed more pain meds. Ugh. It's a horrible way to watch anyone die. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope your cold heals soon so you can go visit.
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Post by pjaye on Aug 15, 2014 15:27:38 GMT
Thank-you all so much for the kind words, it's equally horrible that some of you have first hand experience with this too.
I just want to be really careful...not only for my Dad but for everyone in the unit. Different studies show that masks will prevent infection to others about 70-80% of the time....but that still leaves 20-30% chance of infecting someone (for those of you who don't know, I am a nurse...probably what makes me more cautious about this) It is a specialty palliative care unit with 30 beds and probably a few of the people there (like Dad) had recent chemotherapy making them more susceptible to infection. I would be devastated if anyone there got sicker because of me. I'll still wear one when I do go in, but want to be over the most infectious time before I next visit. He's already having trouble breathing now and needing a nebuliser (breathing treatment) several times a day. He's not quite at the end stage yet, we might still have a couple more weeks... I couldn't live with myself if I was the one who made that time even worse.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 15, 2014 15:41:54 GMT
Pjaye, I'm so sorry. When my MIL was dying from lung cancer, we continued to visit with her when we had colds, we just wore masks. Might that be an option for you? These were my thoughts, word for word.
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Post by alibama on Aug 15, 2014 15:52:23 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. It has not been a month yet since I sat with my mom before she died. When we found out she was sick it was heartbreaking. I was so far away and had to try and make a decision when I should go. It just happened that she passed while I was there to visit. We never expected it so soon.
I am sorry you are sick and I understand about you not wanting to make things worse. Hang in there.
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samantha25
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,081
Jun 27, 2014 19:06:19 GMT
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Post by samantha25 on Aug 15, 2014 15:53:44 GMT
So sorry. Hugs to you.
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Post by liya on Aug 15, 2014 15:55:35 GMT
I'm so so sorry; but that really isn't enough to convey what I am feeling.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
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Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 15, 2014 15:59:05 GMT
I am so, so sorry that your dad is suffering like this. I feel horrible for you and your mom, too. Prayers, good thoughts, all of it coming your way.
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Post by gizzy on Aug 15, 2014 16:01:04 GMT
I'm so sorry, pjaye. My Mom has pancreatic cancer that has now spread to her liver, so I understand the heartache you're feeling about not being able to see him due to a cold. It hurts your soul to stay away. I've had to do that for my Mom & there's no way to get thru it except to get thru it.
I just thought of something that might be an option. Does your Mom have a laptop, iPad, something that you could Skype with? Then you could "see" your Dad and your Mom & you could still talk.
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Post by *christine* on Aug 15, 2014 16:04:29 GMT
Oh gosh - that is awful. Hope you feel better so you can be with him again soon. Cancer is just the worst. Thinking of you and your family.
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Sue
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Jun 26, 2014 18:42:33 GMT
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Post by Sue on Aug 15, 2014 16:04:48 GMT
It broke my heart to read your post. I'm so sorry for what your Dad and your whole family is going through. I went through much the same experience in 1997 when I lost my Mom to cancer. I wish you strength and comfort in the days ahead.
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Post by heartland on Aug 15, 2014 16:24:55 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Cancer just sucks. I hope you're feeling better soon so that you can go and spend time with him.
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Post by gar on Aug 15, 2014 16:24:54 GMT
That is unlucky.....and sad and horrible and unfair and I'm sorry you're going through it all.
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