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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 18, 2014 15:06:17 GMT
Do you think a person can be truly happy and single?
Do you think that a person will lack something vital in life if they are single for all or most of it?
What are your thoughts? I'm conflicted, and that's why I need others' opinions on the matter.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,022
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 18, 2014 15:11:14 GMT
I do think you can be happy and single. But if you are isolated with no friends, then I think that would start to be depressing after a while. We all need people in our lives.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
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Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 18, 2014 15:13:52 GMT
I think it is up to the person. I also think people are not happy all the time... But I also feel people are responsible for their own happiness. I was married 32 years. I was truly happy some of the time and very unhappy some of the time. I have been single the last 7. I have been truly happy some of the time and Truly unhappy at others.
If you are looking for a relationship to make yo happy.... I think my role as a parent has brought me more joy than any other
So yes.... I think you can be truly happy as a single but it does depend on you . Are you a person who can reach out to others? Or do you wait for others to reach out to you?
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 18, 2014 15:16:54 GMT
Absolutely! Life is what you make it.
I had always intended to be single and truly love the single life.
Of course you know, our plan isn’t always how life goes. I met a man, got married and truly love being married.
My advice to you is this: do what you want to do, live the way you want to live, visit the places you want to visit, hang out with folks you want to. I really do believe life is what you make it. In enjoying your life, you may meet someone who also enjoys the same things. And if not, then enjoy you!
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Aug 18, 2014 15:18:01 GMT
If you're talking about single vs. a relationship, then absolutely, yes. I know many single/unattached happy people. If you mean single as in not a single person around you (kids/family/friends) then probably not.
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Post by Kelpea on Aug 18, 2014 15:18:04 GMT
lol originalvanilla stole my mantra: Life IS what you make it. Being single or married has nada to do with it.
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sharlag
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I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 18, 2014 15:20:45 GMT
Some people can be happy singles.
Others, no.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
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Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 18, 2014 15:23:08 GMT
I do believe you can be happy single, but we also need people in our lives. I was married for 19 years, separated at 16 years, and found I was happier single. But I will also say I was alone. And when I say alone, I mean I had no family close, my best friends were far away so I was truly alone. That part was hard, but I did learn to adjust. I now have a SO, but I will say, when I have my alone time, I LOVE it. I enjoy that time to myself, to do as I wish. And if again, if I find myself single, I know I will survive and be happy.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 20:28:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 15:28:47 GMT
Absolutely. I think society tells them they can't though. It drives me crazy when people get divorced/break up and immediately feel they need to find another relationship. Take time to reflect and find yourself. My friend is doing this now and I just have to walk away. She just feels it is a failure to be alone. I think she could learn a lot by being single a bit. At least wait for the divorce to start. :/
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 18, 2014 15:29:10 GMT
Thank you all for your answers!
Yes, I was talking single versus romantic relationship.
I do have children. And I also have been married before.
I think that I could personally be single and happy for the rest of my life, but I already have people asking if I will look to find someone new, if I have plans to remarry, etc. Even people telling me, "You don't want to die alone."
Oh my!
I have friends. I have family. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc.
That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense?
Again, thanks Refupeas for your opinions.
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 18, 2014 15:32:32 GMT
Some yes - others no way.
I've known some absolutely miserable single folks. Of course, I've also met some miserable married people too.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 18, 2014 15:35:56 GMT
Okay, so I will be up front and completely honest...
I have been single for a long time. I have been happy for almost all of it. I have friends and family who bring me companionship. My children allow me to have close and intimate relationships (please don't read that as sexual, intimate can simply mean close) that are fulfilling.
But as the boys get older and have started pulling away-as they are supposed to-I find that I am getting lonelier. I think that I have invested more energy than is likely healthy in my children and let go of those types of relationships that are more fulfilling for ME as a person (as opposed to me as a mother.)
I think I can be perfectly happy and content on my own. But I think also think that in the name of motherhood I put so many others before myself and called myself happy when in fact I may have not been quite as happy as I thought.
I miss having a partner. I miss the sharing of my true self, of being able to let go of some of the total responsibilities that I have to shoulder alone. I miss being able to share experiences, share burdens, share joys.
I am afraid that I have put it off for too long. I am of "a certain age" in a world that worships youth, so the odds are against me finding anyone. So I am going to have to find my own joy. I am pretty sure that I will, I tend to be a fairly content kind of person, but there will be times that it is harder than others.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 9, 2024 20:28:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 15:42:47 GMT
Some people can be happy singles. Others, no. Exactly.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 18, 2014 15:47:15 GMT
Okay, so I will be up front and completely honest... I am of "a certain age" in a world that worships youth, so the odds are against me finding anyone. No, not true I promise!
When I was doing Match .com, I had plenty of fellows in my 50-ish age range to interact with. Lots of people want partners!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 18, 2014 15:52:47 GMT
When I was married to exhusband, I was really looking forward to being single. I wanted to just focus on my kids and be a bit selfish. I had bent over backwards trying to live around the ex that I was looking forward to being on my own. With that said, I met current DH and I realized that I wanted to be in a relationship with him and for him, I didn't mind compromising. So I really think I could have been happy single, but I also think I am happy in a relationship. I think it is entirely up to the person to make the most of their life and no one should judge you if you want to stay single. If you are happy that way, there's nothing wrong with that.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 18, 2014 16:03:34 GMT
Heck yes!
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Post by fuji on Aug 18, 2014 16:04:00 GMT
My grandma was perfectly content being single after my grandpa died. ETA-- She lived 50 years without him. My parents divorced in their early 30s and neither was content. My mom dated several losers. Her philosophy was that was a better option than being alone. Eventually, she realized she wasn't choosing people who made her happy or treated her well. She hasn't dated for about 15 years, but recently announced that when she retires, she will start looking for someone to spend her life with. She's very lonely. My dad eventually remarried, but it's been a fiasco. He now sees that she's a manipulative gold digger but has admitted he will put up with it because he doesn't want to be alone. I'm so sad for him. It just depends on the person, but I definitely think it's possible.
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Post by cbet on Aug 18, 2014 16:04:27 GMT
I have friends. I have family. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense? That doesn't sound selfish to me, at all. It's selfish to think that way when you are in a relationship, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying those parts of being single. And as for the "don't want to die alone" - pish, tosh. You have children, you have friends - and if you were to remarry, who's to say that new husband won't die first, and you'll still be looking forward to dying alone (sorry if that sounds morbid). Sounds to me like you are in a really good place right now. And if you do happen to meet someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you'll know it's because you truly want to be with that person, not because you just want to be with "someone".
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Post by fuji on Aug 18, 2014 16:09:36 GMT
Exactly!!! I wish my dad could see this. Next week, he's moving several hours away from his children and friends he's known his entirely life because his wife demanded it (as in said she would divorce him if he didn't).
OP -- I don't think you sound selfish at all. You sound very much at peace with the life you have, and that's so much more than many people can say.
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Post by Ellie on Aug 18, 2014 16:12:42 GMT
I'm married, but have a few people close to me who are single by choice and both claim to be very happy in that regard. They're very, very different but I often compare how truly happy they appear to me (I know, who am I to make such comparisons, right?) I think the friend that has a huge support system with close friends and family truly does seem content single. He and I have talked about it numerous times and I really feel he is happy and thriving as a single and will probably remain so for the rest of his life. One woman I know less well, but she's not close to her family and only has a couple not-so-close friends. I think she tries to convince herself that she's happy, but I've always got the impression that she has never been open to having a relationship with someone due to some hurt/trauma in her life. She's now almost 60 and says it was a choice she made, and that she lives with it. Then there's my SIL, who is 36-37 and has never been kissed, had sex, or been in a relationship. If she were truly happy with this, I wouldn't wish for more for her. But she once admitted that she was afraid to pursue love because of how awful her parents' relationship was and how subservient her mother was. She talked about one date she was set up on, someone from her church and how he tried to kiss her on the third date. She told me she freaked out and never saw him again. And she had liked him. She reads so many romance and erotica novels (a ton, really!) that I know she would like to be with someone, but is afraid. Her situation All that said, who am I to judge or question? Anyway, it sounds like you're doing well. And yes, I think it's possible to be single and be happy. Edited to add that my wonderful Grandma lived quite happily as a single woman for nearly 50 years after my grandfather died. She was barely 30 when he passed away. We even talked about it a few times after I'd grown up.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 18, 2014 16:17:44 GMT
I think so.
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Post by MommyofTriplets on Aug 18, 2014 16:20:26 GMT
Yes, I think you can be happy and single. Your happiness shouldn't depend on other people.
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Post by hop2 on Aug 18, 2014 16:24:19 GMT
Absolutely yes a person can be happy and single.
Each person needs to live their own life as they need to and marrying just because society expects you to can make a very unhappy person.
You can be well connected to people, and to your community without being single.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 18, 2014 16:26:58 GMT
I can't add much, there's already been good commentary before me. I will say, this is similar to " Will I regret not having kids?". No one knows the right answer for sure, your situation might change, you might meet a new partner, it might be perfect solution, etc. Tune out society, decide for yourself what seems right, and go for it. Recognize you won't be happy, or sad, 100% of the time no matter which path you take.
I was single a long time and enjoyed it. I enjoy marriage too but ours isn't always smooth sailing. I'm surprised when we're not in sync or troubled- because then I feel lonely in a way I never felt when I actually was alone.
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Deleted
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Oct 9, 2024 20:28:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 16:37:07 GMT
Absolutely. I think it's wrong to assume that being in a relationship will make you happy or to pin your hopes of happiness on another person. What a horrible responsibility for the other person. I also know some people that are miserable single and miserable in a relationship.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 18, 2014 16:44:03 GMT
Well, as a person who is single AND happy, I would answer yes, it is possible to be both.
I believe you can make your own happiness. Live in the moment, prepare for the future but don't dwell on what you "wish you had" or "think you should have". Enjoy each day you are given and be grateful for the blessings you have.
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Dalai Mama
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La Pea Boheme
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 18, 2014 16:56:04 GMT
Absolutely! In fact, I think that there are people who would be not just happy but much happier single.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 18, 2014 17:03:57 GMT
Do you think a person can be truly happy and single? Do you think that a person will lack something vital in life if they are single for all or most of it? What are your thoughts? I'm conflicted, and that's why I need others' opinions on the matter. ABSOLUTELY....I am very happy being single. I don't lack for anything vital in my life. I have a great family and great friends. You don't have to be married to be happy...lots of peas here UNHAPPY and married.
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Post by I-95 on Aug 18, 2014 17:04:24 GMT
Heck yeah!
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Post by grammyj64 on Aug 18, 2014 17:10:01 GMT
I've been single for the last 19 years and am quite happy. I believe that being "alone" is not the same as being "lonely." But truthfully, I'm not sure I would feel the same way if I had never been married and did not have children and grandchildren. I made poor choices in men because my generation and my family believed one was not complete if not married and I took the first chance I had, believing that I would not have another. After two heartbreaking failures, I am happier alone than I was married, but I am grateful every day for my son and daughter and their children.
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