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Post by traceys on Aug 18, 2014 17:16:25 GMT
Thank you all for your answers! Yes, I was talking single versus romantic relationship. I do have children. And I also have been married before. I think that I could personally be single and happy for the rest of my life, but I already have people asking if I will look to find someone new, if I have plans to remarry, etc. Even people telling me, "You don't want to die alone." Oh my! I have friends. I have family. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense? Again, thanks Refupeas for your opinions. I get a lot of that too. I've been divorced almost three years and apparently lots of people think "it's time." Like you, I enjoy making my own decisions, doing what I want, controlling the dinner menu and the remote...LOL. And I'm just not sure that I will ever be able to let anyone that far in again. Not that I think all men are bad or anything like that, but just not sure about taking that risk. I'm open to changing my mind about that, however.
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Post by doesitmatter on Aug 18, 2014 17:17:34 GMT
Absolutely! Some people marry, some don't, some have children and some don't, some work and some don't , religion, living locations etc are all choices etc....each person needs to choose what is best. I think happiness is more an attitude and a choice than exact circumstances anyway.
I know single happy people and unhappy married people and vice versa.
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oh yvonne
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Post by oh yvonne on Aug 18, 2014 17:36:47 GMT
I think the main thing is knowing yourself, and recognizing that you can always change your mind if you decide singledom is not for you.
I was single for a few years between relationships and I had a fun time not dating and just doing things on my own..but I did find that singleness was not for me. I prefer being in a happy relationship/marriage than being a happy single.
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Post by Prenticekid on Aug 18, 2014 17:56:31 GMT
Absolutely single people can be truly happy. Turn it around - is a person in a relationship guaranteed being truly happy? Nope! (And, the most miserable people I know are married - they top the single people I know who wish they were a relationship) Or think of it as in being poor. Does being poor preclude totally happiness? Does being rich guarantee it?
The only vital things that can be lacking in a person's life are things that are inside of you. So, if you are unhappy being single, that comes from within you. It does not come from not having a significant other.
The whole die alone statement mentioned is just weird. If someone were to ask me that, I'd want to know if they and their spouse have a suicide pact or something. Even if you are in a relationship, one of you is going to die alone.
Some of the most pathetic women I have ever known are those that search desperately for a partner, and take up with anyone who will stick around. We're so much better than that. And I would never want to teach my daughter that she had to have a partner to be happy.
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Post by leannec on Aug 18, 2014 17:58:57 GMT
I can't answer for myself because I've been married for a long time but I really wish my BFF would realize that being single for awhile is better than being with losers She just hates to be alone ... I just support her the best way I can
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Aug 18, 2014 17:59:51 GMT
Absolutely. It's silly and rude for anyone to imply otherwise.
I know a lot of miserable married/coupled people. I think learning to be happy alone is key to being a healthy adult.
My husband and I have a generally great marriage. (Not perfect, but happy.). We were both quite happy when we were single, too. Neither of us expects the other to make us happy. We add to each other's happiness instead of being dependent on each other for happiness
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Post by mzza111 on Aug 18, 2014 18:01:03 GMT
Absolutely single people can be truly happy. Turn it around - is a person in a relationship guaranteed being truly happy? Nope! (And, the most miserable people I know are married - they top the single people I know who wish they were a relationship) Or think of it as in being poor. Does being poor preclude totally happiness? Does being rich guarantee it? The only vital things that can be lacking in a person's life are things that are inside of you. So, if you are unhappy being single, that comes from within you. It does not come from not having a significant other. The whole die alone statement mentioned is just weird. If someone were to ask me that, I'd want to know if they and their spouse have a suicide pact or something. Even if you are in a relationship, one of you is going to die alone. Some of the most pathetic women I have ever known are those that search desperately for a partner, and take up with anyone who will stick around. We're so much better than that. And I would never want to teach my daughter that she had to have a partner to be happy. Perfectly said and I completely agree!
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Aug 18, 2014 18:12:35 GMT
Thank you all for your answers! Yes, I was talking single versus romantic relationship. I do have children. And I also have been married before. I think that I could personally be single and happy for the rest of my life, but I already have people asking if I will look to find someone new, if I have plans to remarry, etc. Even people telling me, "You don't want to die alone." Oh my! I have friends. I have family. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense? Again, thanks Refupeas for your opinions. I get a lot of that too. I've been divorced almost three years and apparently lots of people think "it's time." Like you, I enjoy making my own decisions, doing what I want, controlling the dinner menu and the remote...LOL. And I'm just not sure that I will ever be able to let anyone that far in again. Not that I think all men are bad or anything like that, but just not sure about taking that risk. I'm open to changing my mind about that, however. People can be so rude!! Enjoy your lives, ladies! It sounds like you're way ahead of the dummies who are implying that something is wrong with your lives.
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Post by melanell on Aug 18, 2014 18:13:01 GMT
I think it's perfectly possible to be single and be extremely happy. I know people who do just that. It just depends on the person.
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Post by mari on Aug 18, 2014 18:14:49 GMT
The short answer to this question is yes. It's definitely possible to be single and happy.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 18, 2014 18:58:49 GMT
I honestly don't know any singles personally that are happy being single. Most of them are looking for someone, but not finding what they're looking for. I'm technically single (widow), and not looking for anyone. Am I happy being single? No, but my circumstances are different. Am I lonely? Yes, I miss my best friend. I miss being half of a couple. Am I alone? No, I have my daughters, extended family, and friends.
The thought of dating after being with someone for 22 years isn't appealing to me at all. At least not right now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 19:02:30 GMT
Yes, I do.
We *need* social connection in our lives, so friends, family, etc. are very important. But romantic connection is not essential for everyone. Some people are very happy and fulfilled when single.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 19:14:21 GMT
If you are naturally a happy person then you will be happy no matter what your marital status is.
Personally I think miserable people are miserable and happy people are happy no matter what their circumstances.
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Post by meowgal on Aug 18, 2014 19:25:22 GMT
I've been unmarried my entire life. A lot of that was spent in a couple significant relationships, including engagements. I am without children, parents or siblings, but I think life truly is what you make it. I consider myself a pretty happy person, but I have wonderful cousins, supportive and interesting friends, lots of interests, a job I don't mine (wouldn't call it something I love, but it gives me satisfaction...and a paycheck!), a nice home with great neighbors....and let's not forget the obligatory cats! I have NO objection to getting married, even at my truly "old maid" age of 54, IF and ONLY IF, the truly right man came along. But, I truly do NOT need a man to make me happy. I hope I never feel someone else has to make me happy!
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Aug 18, 2014 20:32:11 GMT
I'm single and happy. I'm 29 years old and actively dating and some would even say obsessively dating but I'm pretty content being "alone".
A huge part of who I am is the joy I find in caring for other people so I do miss having a partner but as the time stretches on I am finding it harder to think about giving up all the freedom I have as a single woman.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 18, 2014 20:47:59 GMT
I think people can be happy and single as opposed to married and miserable. And from what I see on message boards, there are a lot of the latter. I think many people who are single perhaps think there is a stigma to not being married. I was single for 36 years before I met and married DH. I was very happy. And now I am also very happy. The two life-styles are different and there are advantages and disadvantages to both. Just my 2-cents worth.
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back to *pea*ality
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 18, 2014 20:53:38 GMT
I think so. I guess it depends on the person. I love my husband very much and I would not remarry if he predeceases me.
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Post by jinxmom2003 on Aug 18, 2014 21:11:42 GMT
. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense? Again, thanks Refupeas for your opinions. AMEN!
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 18, 2014 21:13:02 GMT
When I was single I loved it. that is when I found ME. My daughter was 16 months old and we were a family her and I. I was really happy. I did how ever find my true love. and I wasn't looking for any of that to happen. I think that is part of the reason our relationship has so good for all these years. Is that we were both single and happy.
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Post by jmurray on Aug 18, 2014 21:31:49 GMT
I agree with the above posters - it's absolutely possible to be single and happy or married and happy... And vice versa for both.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 18, 2014 21:41:04 GMT
I think you can. companionship can be derived from family and friends and not necessarily a significant other. I've heard many people say they were better being alone than be with someone and feel lonely or unhappy.
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Nink
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Post by Nink on Aug 18, 2014 21:51:13 GMT
I don't know, but here are some days I think I'd like to find out.
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Aug 18, 2014 22:00:43 GMT
Of course. To each his own. Everyone has different preferences in everything. Including relationships or not. People make choices in everything so why would that be any different. I'd like you'd be unhappy single only if that was not your choice/not what you want. Some people even enjoy being alone. Some never want to be alone. I would think most are in between.
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Post by Linda on Aug 18, 2014 22:28:11 GMT
I have friends. I have family. And I just feel (dare I say it?) free without a romantic relationship. I don't feel judged. I don't feel held back. I don't have to consider a s/o when planning where to travel, where to eat, what to eat, when to go to sleep, what movie I want to watch, etc. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? I wasn't selfish in my relationships, but now that I am single, I enjoy being the sole decision maker. Does that make sense? My mum was widowed relatively young (Dad was 63 when he died, she was 51). She'll be 78 this year and I think she's felt much as you do - that she's free to make her own decisions and enjoy what she enjoys. Now she loved dad and I think they were happy together (married 20 years - 2 kids) but she's never felt the need to date or remarry (and both my sister and I made it clear we were fine with her doing so - we were teens when Dad died...15 and 19) I don't think you're being selfish
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Post by momofkandn on Aug 18, 2014 22:40:36 GMT
I'm happier now being single than I was the last 4 years of my marriage when my ex was cheating on me. But I was happy the first 15 years we were married too. Being single or married doesn't have a direct correlation on my happiness. I'm enjoying being single right now and feel its really important to find myself and be comfortable alone before I delve into the dating world. And I'm sure I will be extremely picky if I ever marry again. I do feel alone at times. I miss having that really intimate best friend, I miss the affection and the team feeling. But I can be happy without it. My ex on the other hand, was happy for a while being married, then decided he wasn't, then cheated, and has broken up and made up with his affair partner more times than I can count. He's still unhappy. And he can't stand to be alone. I'm not sure he will ever find true happiness.
Happiness has to come from within. External factors are ever changing and unpredictable. What makes me happy doesn't even register to other people. There's a quote that says something like if you aren't happy while making the journey, the end surely won't make you happy either.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Aug 18, 2014 22:56:34 GMT
Absolutely! I think it's really sad to think a single person cannot be happy, to be honest.
My mother was happy once she ditched my father. She never dated again, had no interest in dating, and had a great life until she died.
A friend of hers who got divorced at the same time, however, was miserable single because she so desperately wanted to be married -- it was like if she wasn't married, life was worthless.
I have a sister who was miserable married and is now miserable divorced -- her marital status has no bearing on her ability to be happy in life.
I have a cousin who was happy and married until her dh cheated on her and after a period of adjustment, followed by dating, she realized she doesn't want a long-term or serious relationship any more. She dates guys on and off, nothing serious, just for fun and when there is no guy around, she's totally happy. Her social life centers around her friends and kids; she never sits around waiting for a man to do something and she never drops her friends when a guy comes along. She said she spent 30+ years compromising and sacrificing for the marriage and now she's done with that and is focused on what makes her happy and says she's actually never been happier.
So I'd say part of it is personality, part of it is era in your life, and part of it is expectations.
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Post by pmm on Aug 18, 2014 23:44:16 GMT
Okay, so I will be up front and completely honest... I have been single for a long time. I have been happy for almost all of it. I have friends and family who bring me companionship. My children allow me to have close and intimate relationships (please don't read that as sexual, intimate can simply mean close) that are fulfilling. But as the boys get older and have started pulling away-as they are supposed to-I find that I am getting lonelier. I think that I have invested more energy than is likely healthy in my children and let go of those types of relationships that are more fulfilling for ME as a person (as opposed to me as a mother.) I think I can be perfectly happy and content on my own. But I think also think that in the name of motherhood I put so many others before myself and called myself happy when in fact I may have not been quite as happy as I thought. I miss having a partner. I miss the sharing of my true self, of being able to let go of some of the total responsibilities that I have to shoulder alone. I miss being able to share experiences, share burdens, share joys. I am afraid that I have put it off for too long. I am of "a certain age" in a world that worships youth, so the odds are against me finding anyone. So I am going to have to find my own joy. I am pretty sure that I will, I tend to be a fairly content kind of person, but there will be times that it is harder than others. ****************************************************************** My(pmm) words: This sums up a lot of how I feel. I was married for 20 years and have now been single for the last 6 years. I too find myself feeling lonely especially since all my friends are still busy raising kids. My youngest graduated from HS this past May and is in the Army Reserves. He went to boot camp last summer and is currently at AIT. He hopes that he will be able to change to active duty in the near future. As my kids start to find their way in the adult world, I'm trying to redefine how I imagined my life at this stage of the game. Some days I ace it and some days I sink into the couch cushions and have myself a pity party. Edited: because it didn't quote right. Not sure how to fix it either. Edited again because there was a ton of spacing. Holy smokes!
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Post by kelbel827 on Aug 18, 2014 23:50:20 GMT
Yes, because I am single and I am truly happy.
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Post by anniefb on Aug 18, 2014 23:56:42 GMT
Absolutely. I'm single and have been that way most of my life. I agree that just because you're 'alone' in a SO relationship sense you don't have to be lonely. I would much rather be single than in an unhappy relationship. I have good friends and church support and am close to my extended family, although they live some distance away. The older I get, the more reluctant I am to get into a relationship. I like the freedom that singleness brings and I guess I'm pretty self-sufficient. I guess if I met someone amazing things might change but I'm grateful for the life I have. It's enabled me to do a lot of things I might not have been able to do with a SO and kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 0:03:30 GMT
This December I will have been single 10 years. The first few years were HARD (mainly because the relationship sever was harsh and unexpected) But the last 7 or so years I can say I have been/am truly happy single.
The deal with kids leaving home, when they first leave there does tend to be a wall of sorts put up. And you do feel like you are intruding in their lives. But as their relationships settle and they have learned to set appropriate new boundaries you'll find a new level of companionship with them.
My family (parents, single sister, kids and grandkids) all provide different resources for close relationships. I also have a circle of friends who provide friendship.
Like you I have people who feel the need to play match maker or question why I'm not looking for a romantic relationship. (why are they also the people most vocal about their unhappiness with their spouse?)
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