sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 18, 2014 19:33:11 GMT
I was just thinking the other day about the time Ben (high school senior) dropped his bowl of cottage cheese on his way down the stairs just off the kitchen. It happened on the landing where the floor is fake wood. He came up the one step back into the kitchen, and I told him to get another bowl of cottage cheese, I'd clean up for him because he was in between classes at school and I didn't want him to be late. He refilled, headed back to the landing and FELL into the spilled cottage cheese, this time losing the orange juice as well. He had spilled a little orange juice the first time, and that's what made him slip. He was thrashing around in the cottage cheese and orange juice, and when I went to help him, the 3 dogs all came running to 'clean up' the spill. So it was 3 dogs, a boy, and LOTS of cottage cheese on the landing, wallowing and wagging tails. He had to change clothes. He was coated in goo. The second funny story also included a fall. Isn't it funny when OTHER people fall?! It was when I was married, and EX and I had the bedroom door closed, dogs locked out. (imagine why we did this...) Anyway, EX emerged from the bedroom and slid in a big puddle of retaliatory pee that one of the locked out Dachshunds had left on the floor outside the bedroom door. EX had quite a bit of momentum going, and his feet went up in the air. He landed on his back and was still sliding down the hallway until the wall stopped him. He had pee in his hair, on his shirt back... everywhere. He yelled on his way down, and so the boys came running from their rooms to witness the debacle. The Dachshunds got their revenge from being locked out of the bedroom.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 18, 2014 19:57:40 GMT
Okay, I'll play. This one is one that lives on and my family (DH + 2 kids) won't ever let me live down. It was a few days after Christmas and I had gotten a small 'purse' camera as a gift. The four of us drove up to get a carry-out dinner. DH and 2 DDs went in and I stayed in the car. We had parked in front of a pretty bush. It was winter so it didn't have leaves but it had berries. I saw it and wanted to try out my new camera. So I started taking pictures of it from inside the car. The moon was shining so pretty through the branches…. My family gets back in the car and I say 'look at these pretty pics I took of the moon shining through that bush. *stunned silence* Me: "what??" They said mom that's not the moon that's the streetlight from the other parking lot! *doh!* Insert hysterical laughing and endless making fun of mom and her "moon" pictures. It's so easy for them to bring this up again and again-- every time we go out and they see a streetlight. "Look at the moon mom!" But it did look pretty shining through the bush!
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 18, 2014 20:02:23 GMT
This story is always repeated by a family friend, but it involves me and his daughter. She's about 10 years older than me. I was about 4 or 5 and our families were camping one summer. I was coming back with this girl after playing in a creek or something and on the way up the hill to our camp sites I tripped and fell on my face. The girl with me had nothing to do with it at all but I jumped up, turned around and with my pointer finger and arm outstretched I pointed right at her and screamed "YOU!!!" and ran away to find my mom.
I don't remember this at all, but apparently it has been a story that has been repeated hundreds of times in their family. Fast forward to my high school years and the father of the girl is one of my teachers. Every day I'd walk into class to him pointing and yelling "YOU!!!"
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Post by jemali on Aug 18, 2014 20:07:50 GMT
This story is about my BIL, I didn't even know them at the time but I've heard to story SO many times...
Dinner was hotdogs (cut into little circles with a dot of ketchup on each one), baked beans and potato salad. BIL was a couple of years old, he had just outgrown the high chair and was sitting on his knees on a regular chair. He got up on his knees to reach for something and his dad hollered at him "SIT DOWN" so he quickly sat down. Well his knees slipped through the hole in the back of the chair and his chin hit the edge of his plate. The plate flipped up and he had a face full of ketchup, baked beans, etc. Some of the food went flying off the plate and hit the wall. BIL made a funny face. MIL started laughing so hard she couldn't even clean it up, FIL had to do it. To this day, she cannot tell the story without laughing until she cries.
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jackib
Shy Member
Posts: 48
Jun 27, 2014 13:13:44 GMT
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Post by jackib on Aug 18, 2014 20:08:42 GMT
We were in Portugal and everywhere we went people wanted us to pay them so we could park our car in their yard. Then go sightseeing from there. DH got so tired of this he just kept saying "English please" and kept going. Well we were out away from the city and there was a car on one side of the road and a bus on the other. The road was very narrow and there was a guy standing in the middle of the road waving us down. DH says "I am not stopping!" Well he had to because he couldn't get between the bus and the car. DH rolls down the window and the guy says, very clearly "Do you have a jack?" DH didn't miss a beat and replied "English please." The guy stood there stunned and said "I am from Pittsburg, how much more English do you want?". We all busted out laughing and between the 3 vehicles we were able to help the guy change his tire.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 18, 2014 20:19:55 GMT
We have a lot, but our current favorite involves ds, who was maybe 2 or 3 at the time. He had gone upstairs and was coming back down carrying his Tickle Me Elmo doll, which if you recall, is pretty big, and pretty darn heavy (compared to your average 2 or 3 year old). DS ended up falling down the stairs and that bastard Elmo laughed all the way down! DS was at the bottom of the stairs crying and that damn thing was STILL laughing.
It wasn't funny at the time, but it brings dh and I to tears of laughter now, especially if dh imitates that laugh.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 18, 2014 20:21:29 GMT
DD loves to hear this story: DD has loved ants since she first encountered them when she was very young. One day when she was about 16 or 17 months old. she and I were out playing on our patio slab when she noticed ants walking nearby
DD: Ant bug! Me: Yes, that's an ant bug. DD: I eat ant bug? Me: No honey. People don't eat ant bugs. DD I eat ant bug Plleeeease!?!
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
Enter your message here...
Posts: 4,050
Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT
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Post by Olan on Aug 18, 2014 20:22:31 GMT
My father drank a lot because of his work life and things he witnessed. Really mean guy so I've been told but before I was able to form many memories of this he was sober. On a particularly bad night he was ranting and raving and keeping everyone in the house up. My mother and sisters were afraid and hiding in a back room. I woke up pissed about the ruckus he was making and stormed out of the room to confront him. My older sister says I told him to "shut up and take your ass to bed". I was about four. He took his ass to bed.
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Post by lbp on Aug 18, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
This one happened to my DS when he was about three. His grandmother used to babysit him and one day he reached up and pinched her in the breast. My MIL, being her usual self says, "Don't pinch me in my titties". What 3 year old doesn't think that's a funny word. He kept repeating it all night and I finally told him "Don't said titties, say breasts". Fine, good, whatever. I didn't hear him say it any more.
A couple weeks later we are having company. Several friends are in our living room and DS walks in the kitchen where I am cooking and asks what we are going to eat. I responded with fried chicken breasts. He then walks into the living room and in his perfectly clear, loud, 3 year old voice exclaims "Guess what we are having for supper? Fried chicken titties!"
Dead silence, followed by hysterical laughter.
Whenever we are having chicken breast now, we always say chicken titties!
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Post by lovinlife on Aug 18, 2014 20:36:02 GMT
We were at Lowes one day (DH and 2 dd's). I was walking in front of them to leave and they have the automatic doors. They were closing as we got close and I assumed they would immediately open when they sensed me coming. I was wrong. They stopped and I smacked right into them. Landed flat on my back. DH and girls didn't miss a beat and kept walking right past me and out the now open doors. I was on the floor laughing, got up, walked out and they were outside doubled over laughing. I'm reminded every time we go near those types of doors now lol
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 18, 2014 20:37:18 GMT
I have 3 very funny stories from my childhood that I like to tell.
1. The funniest..... Anyway I think it is the funniest because it is about my step dad (Stepbad)and I couldn't stand him.
We had 2 acres a large house and a large back yard(The only real green grass we had). We had a saint Bernard, a toy poodle and a poodle chihuahua mix. I was in the fourth grade when this happened. we were all in the back yard. the dogs loved to run around the whole 2 acres together and did this often. my stepbad had this chase lounge that was low to the ground. He was laying in it all nice and relaxed and the dogs ran through the back yard but this time they all stopped and laid down. But before my Saint Bernard laid down he walked up to my step dad lifted his leg and pissed in his face. Now mind you that I hated this man so this is very funny to me. It is my favorite story to tell about my stepbad. also made me feel good because right then and there I knew that my dog hated him too. Oh my stepbad was very mad...... after that he tried to get rid of the dog but my mom wouldn't let him. and things got worse for my stepbad. My dog tortured him every chance he got.
2. My family would all go to my grandparents house for the holidays. My grandpa was always joking around with my family and we would joke around with him. one Christmas we wrapped fire wood up and gave it to him. One year my mom bought a carton of cigarettes because we wanted to give them to grandpa for Christmas. We took the packs out of the carton and wrapped all of them in different size presents with different things to make them weigh differently. so one Easter my oldest sister decided to pull a prank on Grandpa. She colored 2 eggs that matched one said Grandma and one said Grandpa. She gave the eggs to them and told Grandpa his was special and had to go into the fridge. later that day we were all outside and my sister asked grandpa if he wanted to eat the egg she gave him. he asked her to go in the house and get it for him. so when she turned around to go into the house he pulled the egg out of his pocket and slapped her on top of the head with said egg, As the raw egg ran down her face and all over her head she ran off screaming That isn't fair Grandpa.... We all stood there and laughed. That was the last time she ever tried to pull a prank on him..... He was too goooooooood....
3. Another family holiday... Don't remember which holiday it was but Grandpa pulled it off again.... My mom was at one end of the large table and Grandpa was at the other end and my mom said "Please pass the salt". and the next thing she knew the salt shaker was flying through the air. the top flew off and salt went every where. when it got to her it landed on her plate in a pile of salt. My mom never said pass anything at the table again. and now when ever anybody wants something at the table we always say "Please hand me......"
I have so many funny stories. the one with Santa is the funniest of them all..... It twas the year I didn't believe Santa was real. but when I opened Grandpa and Grandmas front door and there stood Santa my mouth dropped to the floor and I was speechless. All I could do was stand there starring at Santa.... I really love Santa... and that Christmas was the last Christmas I didn't believe Santa was magical.....
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Post by keknj on Aug 18, 2014 20:40:42 GMT
My story is on myself and one of my friends LOVES to tell it. I am not a swimmer, most I can do is doggie paddle. I was out in the ocean on a wave runner with my husband (yeah, silly I know NOW) and before we left the dock I told him whatever you do, don't dump me off this thing. So we get out there and sure enough, he tries a tight turn and dumps us both off. There I am screeching and floundering when my husband calmly says "Karen, stand up." Yup, we were only in about 4 feet of water! :rofl: Oh does my friend love to tell that story on me with tears running down her face from laughing so hard.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 18, 2014 20:46:00 GMT
My story is on myself and one of my friends LOVES to tell it. I am not a swimmer, most I can do is doggie paddle. I was out in the ocean on a wave runner with my husband (yeah, silly I know NOW) and before we left the dock I told him whatever you do, don't dump me off this thing. So we get out there and sure enough, he tries a tight turn and dumps us both off. There I am screeching and floundering when my husband calmly says "Karen, stand up." Yup, we were only in about 4 feet of water! :rofl: Oh does my friend love to tell that story on me with tears running down her face from laughing so hard. I did that once on a float trip! We flipped the canoe, and the current was really strong. I was flailing around, afraid I'd be dragged down river, away from everyone else when EX told me to stand up.
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,278
Jun 26, 2014 5:46:37 GMT
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Post by lindas on Aug 18, 2014 21:03:27 GMT
Two of my favorites.......when my DB was about 11 he was cutting the grass on the riding mower. We had an pool and because of the way the lot sloped there was a slight hill about half way down the side and across the back end. He decided to try pulling a wheelie on the mower and he and mower ended up in the deep end of the pool.
My DH was stationed at Ft Meade while we were dating. One night he had a little too much to drink so I had to take him back to his barracks so I took his car. I was ticked off so when we got there I pushed him out of the car into a snow bank. When I got back I had to park on the grassy area in front of the house. It warmed up the next morning and by the time we went to move his car it had sank about halfway up the wheels.
My dad was a firefighter and both times the guys brought one of the trucks over to get the lawn mower out and to tow the car out of the mud.
Oh, just thought of another one. DH was reading the paper one night and DS asked what he was reading (DS was probably 6 at the time). DH told him he was reading the obits and to look, everyone that died that day died in alphabetical order. The next day DS got the paper had excitedly told me "look mom, they all died in alphabetical order again!"
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Post by ametallichick on Aug 18, 2014 21:08:28 GMT
My grandpa was hard of hearing. Not deaf but you just needed to speak louder. One day he called us and said my grandma's cousin's husband had died. His name was John. So, my aunt and us with my grandpa sent flowers and condolences. John's wife Jo was like wtf? It turns out it wasn't John that had died but a different family member. We laughed so hard we cried. Not at the fact someone died but that my grandpa mis-heard it.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 18, 2014 21:18:00 GMT
Our family is famous for teasing my mom about this. Years ago, my brother and sister-in-law were in town (he was in the Navy but visiting home). My SIL was friends with someone who worked in the CNN Center as Ted Turner's assistant and they just happened to run into her at the CNN Center (mom, brother and SIL). Mom had her disk camera with her (remember those?). The friend said "I can show you Ted Turner's office because he isn't here today" - so they went up there. He had a pair of the original ruby slippers in his office, several awards, big desk, great view of downtown Atlanta, etc. My mom took a lot of photos. She was so thrilled she got to see his office and she actually had her camera with her. That night, my brother offered to take the disk to the drug store to drop it off for developing (back then you had to wait a few days for it to come back and he wanted to see them before he had to leave town). She opened the camera to take out the disk and it was EMPTY, she forgot to put one in there. So now we occasionally say "Mom, can we see those photos you took of Ted Turner's office? Whooops, I forgot, you don't HAVE any!!" PS: For old times sake (or for those that never heard of it), here is a disk camera.
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Post by sarahyoo72 on Aug 18, 2014 21:23:14 GMT
I was about 13, and on holiday with my family and my grandparents in Wales. We were walking around a seaside town (Tenby for all the Brit Refupeas) and we had stopped outside of a Realtors office - my Mum always liked to see if she could afford to live in places we visited So, I'm stood outside this office, and a seagull poops on me. Not just a little bit of poop, a whole load of poop. It's in my hair,running down my back, all over my shoulders. And I scream. My Gran thinks I've been suitor something. I go to the nearest public rest room, and try and clean up best I can. From that day onward, seagulls are referred to as "Sarah's friends". Fast forward a couple of years. Again on a family holiday. My brother is too busy shouting about how many of "Sarah's friends" there are around, that he walks straight into a streetlamp. So they are known as "Ewan's friends"
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Aug 18, 2014 22:21:52 GMT
A few months ago I was in a hotel having afternoon tea with some family and friends. The tables were made of a beautiful coloured marble. It was a warm afternoon so I asked for some lemonade in addition to tea - picked it up and the ice had caused condensation to form on the outside of the glass! It fell through my hand, hit the table with a loud crack, the glass broke into a gazillion pieces and lemonade went everywhere! Only when he stood up after tea did I realise that the lemonade had trickled into the lap of a friend of my Son - you can imagine what it looked like!! He didn't fuss or bother about it but just calmly walked out to the car......and it was only after we had driven off that he burst into laughter. That gets mentioned at least once a week and I think it probably will be for quite a time yet!
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 18, 2014 22:27:36 GMT
This is when I got married.. I spent the last six months obsessing about finding the 'right' toasting glasses for the reception.. WHY I wanted such 'perfect' glasses I don't know. Finally found some (I think it was at Things Remembered..haha)... we drive to the city (Kansas City) where we were getting married.. two days before the date.. I was up in my step-mom's bedroom area where there was a couch.. and we were all making little birdseed bags for the wedding.. I had those glasses up there and was carrying them down the small flight of stairs to the next landing... YEP.. I fell down, broke the glasses all around me and my foot.
I cried, everyone else was laughing, I cried harder.. I called DH before going to the hospital.. and he says "WHY did you do that??" yeah started crying again.
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 18, 2014 22:34:17 GMT
Our family is famous for teasing my mom about this. Years ago, my brother and sister-in-law were in town (he was in the Navy but visiting home). My SIL was friends with someone who worked in the CNN Center as Ted Turner's assistant and they just happened to run into her at the CNN Center (mom, brother and SIL). Mom had her disk camera with her (remember those?). The friend said "I can show you Ted Turner's office because he isn't here today" - so they went up there. He had a pair of the original ruby slippers in his office, several awards, big desk, great view of downtown Atlanta, etc. My mom took a lot of photos. She was so thrilled she got to see his office and she actually had her camera with her. That night, my brother offered to take the disk to the drug store to drop it off for developing (back then you had to wait a few days for it to come back and he wanted to see them before he had to leave town). She opened the camera to take out the disk and it was EMPTY, she forgot to put one in there. So now we occasionally say "Mom, can we see those photos you took of Ted Turner's office? Whooops, I forgot, you don't HAVE any!!" PS: For old times sake (or for those that never heard of it), here is a disk camera. I have one of those 'films' in my house.. I always wonder if I can still develop it??? lol Funny story!!
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Post by littlemama on Aug 18, 2014 22:39:17 GMT
Another ds story. He was maybe 6 or 7 and we were at a Mother Son fun day at a local place with mini golf, go karts, bumper boats, etc. DS had always been too small to go on the go karts, but this day he was finally going to be able to ride in them. He was so excited that he very exuberantly smacked me in the rear end - several times before I could get over my shock and restrain him because the lady in front of him was not me. He was smacking a total stranger who had NO sense of humor, by the way!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 2:31:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 23:04:32 GMT
The time my oldest brother was left at a gas station for 1 hour before my family realized he wasn't in the car. They were on vacation (during the early 60's) and didn't realize he wasn't in the car when they pulled out of the gas station. When they got back to the gast station he was just sitting on the curb all calm. He said "I knew you would come back sometime"....he was 8
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Post by genny on Aug 18, 2014 23:26:44 GMT
This happened earlier this year. DH has a horrible memory. Horrible. DS decided he wanted to take the Red Cross Lifeguarding class so he could work as a lifeguard during the summers. We were chatting about the class - I was a lifeguard in high school for awhile as well - and DH chimed in and started talking about when HE was a a lifeguard. This was news! Now, DH and I did not grow up together so I don't know every little thing he ever did, but I feel like I know his past pretty well after 20 years of marriage and the many discussions over the years. So I said "wow babe, all these years and I didn't know you were a lifeguard too!" He goes "yeah, I guess I was about...oh. wait. I wasn't a lifeguard, that was YOU!" LOL we give him the hardest time about that. When DS was maybe 5 or 6 the polaroid picture song was on the radio ALL THE TIME. So I was singing along one day and I turned down the radio and said "hey Dev, what's cooler than cool?" and he yelled from the back seat "ASS - HOLE!" instead of Ice Cold LMAO. We also have running jokes that will live eternal about my husbands mis-speaks. His name is Sandy so we call them sandyisms. Gargoyle socks is a classic. One day he was trying to say "you can't keep a good man down" and said "you can't shoot a good man down". He and BIL went to McDonald's after golf one day and my DH ordered a Big and Nasty instead of a Big and Tasty. LMAO my brother in law laughs until he cries every time to re-tells this (which is often) when describing the cashiers face. Ahhh good times.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 2:31:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 23:32:18 GMT
One day when my DS was about 2 1/2, he lost his sippy cup so he came down the stairs and calmly asked DH and I "where's my f*cking juice?" Oh my...I had to hold in my laughter as I asked him "what?!" And he repeated himself again word for word. Holy smokes did we laugh when he left the room.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 2:31:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2014 23:36:19 GMT
Oh I thought of another one! One day my husband and I went through the McDonald's drive through. As the worker handed us our bag, he said "have a McAwesome day." Lmao! What made it even more funny was that the guy totally drawled it like a valley girl. I laugh every time I think of it.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 18, 2014 23:40:28 GMT
When I was 13 my mom bought me my first bra and wrapped it up and put it under the tree. I know, what was she thinking, right? I opened it Christmas morning and was slightly embarrassed so I kind of shoved it under the living room chair I was sitting up against. Whew, no one saw it.
Fast forward to later in the day when we had company over ~ we're all sitting in the living room and our dachshund was playing around and his ball went under the chair. You can see where this is going ~ yep his long snout latches onto a surprise and he pulls the bra out from under the chair and starts shaking his head around so everyone is laughing and I'm mortified.
In my mom's defense, that morning it was just my mom, dad and sister.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 18, 2014 23:55:49 GMT
This isn't my family story but a good friend from years ago. The friend would occasionally let the ef word fly out of her mouth. When her daughter was about 5 she started saying the ef word and friend was mortified because her very religious in-laws were coming for Christmas dinner. She explained to DD that she shouldn't ever say that word. As they are sitting around the dinner table on Christmas Day, the following conversation ensues:
DD: Grandma, what word rhymes with truck. GM: Well, dear, how about luck. DD: Grandpa, can you think of a word that rhymes with truck? GP: Well, how about buck. DD: I also know a word that rhymes with truck. (at that the friend is sweating bullets) GM: What word do you know that rhymes with truck (she's really thinking this is an adorable granddaughter) DD: Puck rhymes with truck.
Friend is almost giddy with relief when DD turns to her and says *Bet you thought I was going to say *uck.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 19, 2014 0:01:37 GMT
When I was a kid our house was pretty big, snd we would slways get 10-12 foot real Chriistmas trees. That was the best part of the whole holiday, picking out the tree and carrying the long way home through the streets of Brooklyn. We would put the tree up, then it was left to my sisters and I to decorate. One year we had sucessfully put all of the ornaments on, except for the very top. I was the one chosen to finish it off, and I managed to get that one last ornament on there. Of course whatever I did threw the tree off balance and the tree ended up falling on my head and making me crash to the floor. There I was, on the floor covered in pine needles and broken glass bulbs (I wan't hurt, just humiliated) I must've been 11 or 12.
So the following year my mother decided that we would decorate using a ladder. Once again, I got to place the top ornaments on the tree (and I'm not even the oldest or the tallest). Same thing, except this time the ladder fell first, then me, with the tree on top.
My family tells this story every Christmas.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 2:31:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2014 0:08:01 GMT
Well, it is sort of funny now, but not so much at the time.
I was in the middle of giving birth to our dd. I have a very bad cold and was having a hard time breathing and holding the push.
My dh said to me, "honey, she is right there, but you keep sucking her back in." Well if I could have, at the time I would have punched dh in the head! LOL
13 yrs later it is a bit funnier.
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Post by formerpea on Aug 19, 2014 0:18:19 GMT
When I was in HS, my dad was up in our attic, which, at the time was just rafters, with hardly any boards over them to walk on. He was walking around pretty good, balancing on the boards, when he slipped and his leg came through my brother's bedroom ceiling. He called, cursing and fussing and we all came running. When I saw that leg dangling from the ceiling, We all just lost it completely. Of course laughing so hard, made it even more difficult to help him out of the attic. He he patched the ceiling pretty good, but you could still see a shadow of the hole. Whenever I saw it I would laugh.
Years later, I took over that house and that room became my son's room. Of course I told him the story, which has now become legendary. Everytime I would straighten the room, I'd look up and smile.
Even now, we tell the story and crack up. Only now I wish dad was around to laugh with us!
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