zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 19:56:08 GMT
As I said on my other thread, I just got kicked off the theater board.
I am devastated. And I am hurt beyond words. And I hate that I'm such an idiot that I didn't even know everyone was unhappy with me.
My few friends here are all theater people, and my "best" friend voted to kick me off the board. My mother called me a couple of hours ago to tell me her wonderful news: she and her boyfriend are selling both their houses and buying a bigger, fancier one together. She's very excited. So I can't talk to her. I just texted my counselor, but I can't see her for a few hours. Hubby is home but working.
I'm so humiliated. Why can't I do anything right? I hate being me. I hate my life. And I feel guilty for even saying that when my sister wanted life so badly and died, and we have people here on the board fighting to live.
Just talk to me if you can. Help me keep my mind occupied so I don't go to the dark places.
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Post by gotranch on Apr 4, 2017 19:57:45 GMT
I'll listen. I'm back and forth on my computer this afternoon doing some book work, but chat away and I'll try to respond.
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ponsonby2
Shy Member
Posts: 40
Jul 2, 2014 0:39:22 GMT
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Post by ponsonby2 on Apr 4, 2017 20:00:15 GMT
Hi Zella. I'm a longtime lurker here but I have read several of your posts and I've been so impressed at how you've dealt with so many issues.
In addition to everything you have mentioned in past posts, this issue with the Theater Board has to be just devastating. I wish I had some words of comfort or advice but all I have is (((((hugs))))).
Keep posting!
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Post by gotranch on Apr 4, 2017 20:03:36 GMT
I am also a theatre lover! Very small town in the midwest, but our community group tries to do something every year or so. Lately they have been more musical reviews. I love to sing, but not solo, so I leave that to those with much more talent. I have a couple girlfriends that I have season tickets to the Broadway series that come to a larger town 4 to 5 times a year. Our favorite so far this year was a performance of Once. It might even be my all time favorite. The last one we saw, Saturday Night Fever was a huge disappointment.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,826
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 4, 2017 20:04:24 GMT
Please don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do when your sister has lost her life. Life is horrible to us sometimes. When I'm in those deep dark places, I tell myself it won't be like this forever - five years from now most of this pain will just be a memory. You'll get through this. It also helps me to picture something in my mind that makes me completely happy and focus on that instead of what's making me hurt.
I'm so sorry.. I hope things turn brighter for you soon.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 20:04:39 GMT
Hi Zella. I'm a longtime lurker here but I have read several of your posts and I've been so impressed at how you've dealt with so many issues. In addition to everything you have mentioned in past posts, this issue with the Theater Board has to be just devastating. I wish I had some words of comfort or advice but all I have is (((((hugs))))). Keep posting! Thank you. I feel like such a fool. One of my biggest fears in life is being like my mother, who has alienated so many people during her lifetime, and when something like this happens I worry that I'm like her. And I'd rather die than be like her. I know, that's so dramatic, lol! But it is true. I'm not impressed with my coping skills. Thank you for coming out of lurkdom to talk to me; I really appreciate it.
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Post by sunnyd on Apr 4, 2017 20:06:28 GMT
Just wanted to say hi & I'm really sorry about the theater drama (pun intended!) Mean people suck & I'm sorry some of your friends jumped on the bandwagon. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. Hang in there!
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ponsonby2
Shy Member
Posts: 40
Jul 2, 2014 0:39:22 GMT
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Post by ponsonby2 on Apr 4, 2017 20:09:01 GMT
Well, we like you! And you haven't alienated any of us, so no worries about being like your mom here!
Gotranch - I have to disagree with you about Once. I saw it a couple of years ago in my town's Broadway Series and didn't like it at all. But I'm getting pretty excited because they've just announced that Hamilton will be coming to my town for the 2018-2019 season!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 20:11:35 GMT
I am also a theatre lover! Very small town in the midwest, but our community group tries to do something every year or so. Lately they have been more musical reviews. I love to sing, but not solo, so I leave that to those with much more talent. I have a couple girlfriends that I have season tickets to the Broadway series that come to a larger town 4 to 5 times a year. Our favorite so far this year was a performance of Once. It might even be my all time favorite. The last one we saw, Saturday Night Fever was a huge disappointment. I didn't sing solos for many years. Had a small one in a play when I was 17, then nothing until I was in my 40's. I finally had someone who believed in me and made me sing the hardest pieces in shows. I still have a hard time watching myself sing (there are a couple of videos of me online). I don't think I have any videos of me acting which is a shame as I am more confident with the acting than the singing. I haven't heard of Once. It sounds very interesting and cool. The film of Saturday Night Fever came out when I was living in Paris. I went and saw it with a bunch of friends. I used to be able to dance like that. When I moved to the US I had a couple of partners that were good dancers and we would actually choreograph pieces when there was a school or church dance coming up. I loved to dance. Now my body is so achy and tight and my endurance is poor, my dancing days are behind me.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 20:12:49 GMT
Well, we like you! And you haven't alienated any of us, so no worries about being like your mom here! Gotranch - I have to disagree with you about Once. I saw it a couple of years ago in my town's Broadway Series and didn't like it at all. But I'm getting pretty excited because they've just announced that Hamilton will be coming to my town for the 2018-2019 season! Thank you so much! I bet the Hamilton tickets sell out in minutes. One of my step daughters is going to see Hamilton in Chicago in a few weeks. She's very excited.
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Post by gotranch on Apr 4, 2017 20:14:52 GMT
Well, we like you! And you haven't alienated any of us, so no worries about being like your mom here! Gotranch - I have to disagree with you about Once. I saw it a couple of years ago in my town's Broadway Series and didn't like it at all. But I'm getting pretty excited because they've just announced that Hamilton will be coming to my town for the 2018-2019 season! Oh, I would be excited about Hamilton too. The cast of Once was phenomenal. Too bad you didn't have the same experience.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 4, 2017 20:15:24 GMT
Speaking your mind doesn't make you an idiot. The board is obviously going another way.
I'm sorry you are hurt by it. Hang in there!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 20:19:37 GMT
Please don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do when your sister has lost her life. Life is horrible to us sometimes. When I'm in those deep dark places, I tell myself it won't be like this forever - five years from now most of this pain will just be a memory. You'll get through this. It also helps me to picture something in my mind that makes me completely happy and focus on that instead of what's making me hurt. I'm so sorry.. I hope things turn brighter for you soon. Well, at least the weather is a bit better. It's cloudy today but not raining. Yet. You may know that Washington and Oregon have had a very wet winter, and spring is struggling to come through. It was actually a lovely day yesterday, not warm but better. Not sure what makes me completely happy. I need something new, I think, a new hobby, but I have no idea what that might be. I wish I had friends, but I have a hard time committing to time out of the house due to anxiety and nausea, and a really hard time meeting new people. I know you are right about looking at the future, but I'm actually very afraid of the future, for multiple reasons, so I tend to obsess about the present. And I'm good at obsessing. I still miss my sister every single day. I know there will come a time when a day passes and I don't think of her, but it hasn't happened yet. The hardest part is not being able to call and talk to her on days like this. And not being able to bitch about mum with her, lol!
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,230
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Apr 4, 2017 20:20:15 GMT
I'm so sorry! That must be so hurtful! (((Hugs)))
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,040
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Apr 4, 2017 20:23:46 GMT
oh zella I hope your friend has the guts to talk to you about it all. She, at least, should have given you a heads up. I don't have the talent or the courage to perform on the stage but imagine my surprise when I moved to my village of a few hundred people to learn that there were two drama groups, TWO! Seems there was a big fallout at some point the the orginal group spilt in two and has stayed that way since. Drama group - so aptly named! We love going to the theatre and have Harry Potter and The Cursed Child tickets which took a lot of luck and waiting time to buy.
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Post by gotranch on Apr 4, 2017 20:24:22 GMT
Zella, sounds like you have had some interesting life experiences. What lead you to this message board? I found the original Two Peas board in their early years. I think I my member number was 400 something. I was looking for scrapbook supplies and was sucked in with the free shipping they offered. Then I started participating in the message board and have been here ever since. I love the diversity of this community. I still scrapbook from time to time and should work on it more now that I've retired, but I haven't made it a priority yet.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 1, 2024 7:19:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2017 20:25:04 GMT
That sucks. I'm sorry that happened and that your "best" friend didn't speak with you beforehand. Time to wash your hands clean of those people. Could you do something else to keep yourself busy and mind off of things for a bit? Perhaps volunteer somewhere?
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Apr 4, 2017 20:28:50 GMT
I'm sorry. I know it's hard not to take the loss of the board position personally. For what it's worth, I have always thought you'd be great company. I appreciate your intelligence, your empathy and the perspective you often bring to this place. I think you have many great qualities and am glad you're part of this board.
Please keep posting and we'll keep listening. You deserve love and friendship.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Apr 4, 2017 20:32:18 GMT
I know you are missing Rebecca with every fiber of your being. And that's okay and perfectly natural. You will always miss and long for her. Especially in those "wtf is our mother doing now" moments.
It's not the same, but your Pea sisters care for you, too.
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Post by jenr on Apr 4, 2017 20:33:23 GMT
Hi Zella. I'm sorry for what you are going through. That stinks about your "friend". I am guessing though that there are people on that board that have your back, but either they aren't as naturally vocal or just don't feel like they can be in the situation. I wouldn't be surprised if someone comes to you showing support. I really like what inkedup says above; I second that wholeheartedly! We are here to support you!
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ponsonby2
Shy Member
Posts: 40
Jul 2, 2014 0:39:22 GMT
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Post by ponsonby2 on Apr 4, 2017 20:39:04 GMT
Well there's always the fart thread, if you're looking for a few laughs....
Do you (still) scrapbook? I've kind of moved away from scrapbooking into card-making. Cards don't take as long to make as a scrapbook page. I can make a card in 10-15 minutes and feel that I've accomplished something. I dream of getting back into scrapbooking but that will probably have to wait until I retire.
You mentioned living in Paris. I'd love to hear about your experiences there. I spent a semester in Dijon when I was in college many many many years ago. We all had Eurail (sp?) passes so we could get on the trains whenever and it was 2 hours by train to Paris. So we'd often go to Paris for the day on a weekend. I have to admit it was mainly to go to McDonalds or Burger King to get an American hamburger!
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Post by papersilly on Apr 4, 2017 20:39:16 GMT
sorry this happened to you. i hope you can find something else that gave you the same joy as the theatre did.
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nopeaq
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Jun 27, 2014 12:15:06 GMT
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Post by nopeaq on Apr 4, 2017 20:42:37 GMT
I just want you to know another person "sees" you and validates you and agrees that life can be sucky sometimes. I'm sorry.
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Post by Sam on Apr 4, 2017 20:42:47 GMT
Hi, zella, I've read your other thread and can obviously only base my answer on what you have said. So... Don't beat yourself up over trying to make the next season more palatable to the audience's taste than the last - that IS what you should fight for. Who the hell wants to see a local theatre put on an evening of depression and doom? No-one. In your 'Thank you and goodnight' email which I really hope you send, both in order to give yourself closure and defend yourself, you should include the insulting comments made by the other board member - why should you be insulted like that and not have any right of reply??? Answer - you shouldn't. You can also include the information you shared and the passion you have for the group. Sadly, if this is a more informal group, they tend to hate criticism when that is what they need most of all. Don't apologise any more than you have done - there are ALWAYS other options for someone with taken. Set up a blog to review productions, speak to another influencer and help in other ways to keep your hand in and wait for the time when they need you again because it seems like a load of small town politics is going on here......so, chin up, be the bigger person, don't turn it all into your fault and (when you feel the time is right) confront your friend to ask why she didn't at least have enough respect for you to give you a heads up as to what was going on. From what you said, honestly, I think a deep breath and a re-read of your post should let you know that this was something you loved, but also something that was not the healthiest for you at this time. Go watch other shows, as an audience member and enjoy the theatre without the theatrics!!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,040
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Apr 4, 2017 20:51:50 GMT
Have you ever thought of writing your own plays? I know that my DD's primary school bought scripts of plays to produce at Christmas, they only did a traditional Nativity once every three or four years and needed finished scripts for the other years. It made sense as buying in the plays made the most of the teacher's time. I did my fair share of working with small groups to learn their lines.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Apr 4, 2017 21:02:56 GMT
It stinks that you're hurting and are being excluded from something you care so deeply about. Are there any other theater groups in your area? We have a handful around here not including all of the middle schools and high schools that put on shows.
One of the towns right next to ours has a high school that puts on productions that are amazing. They rent costumes from a company that does Broadway shows. I know about five years ago they spent $10,000 on costume rentals for Beauty and the Beast. Many of the students continue on in the performance industry.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 21:15:26 GMT
That sucks. I'm sorry that happened and that your "best" friend didn't speak with you beforehand. Time to wash your hands clean of those people. Could you do something else to keep yourself busy and mind off of things for a bit? Perhaps volunteer somewhere? The problem is that I can't commit to a certain schedule because I never know when I'm going to be too ill to leave the house. Maybe in a month or two I can. But I have no idea what to do as far as volunteering. No clue at all. I don't believe in myself, don't think I have anything to offer. And I have pretty crippling social anxiety too, just to make things even more challenging.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 21:16:37 GMT
I know you are missing Rebecca with every fiber of your being. And that's okay and perfectly natural. You will always miss and long for her. Especially in those "wtf is our mother doing now" moments. It's not the same, but your Pea sisters care for you, too. Thank you, for both of your comments. My mum has a LOT of WTF moments!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,300
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 4, 2017 21:17:18 GMT
Hi, zella. I missed your other post, but I am sorry you are hurting over something you loved. We had a friend years ago who managed a local community theater, and OMG the drama (offstage) was unending! So many broken relationships. I'm sorry that has happened to you.
You talked about fearing the future...I do, too. And obsessing about the present, I'm not sure I do that too much, but I do need my anxiety meds from time to time so maybe I do. LOL.
Being present (trying to, anyway) in each moment as it passes helps me sometimes. Yoga is good for centering yourself. I don't know if that is something you can do physically, but a DVD or a class might be worth looking into if you can.
Do you like to embroider or cross-stitch? I find that meditative, almost. It also helps you be in the present moment. And I listen to funny shows or movies while I stitch, which I really depend on to help my mood. Scrapbooking, I find, isn't helpful for me when I'm feeling bad and hopeless about my life. Some people find the opposite, I know. But if you're a former scrapbooker and have lots of stuff cardmaking can be satisfying. I like to have a stash for people at church or family/friends. Color and texture and pattern have their own therapeutic qualities.
You don't have to respond, I know lots of people are talking to you right now! I didn't mean to toss a lot of advice at you, because I know how hard it is to cope when you are barely hanging on, but I wanted to share a few things that help me sometimes. I wish we could sit and stitch and talk together, wouldn't that be fun?
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Apr 4, 2017 21:20:21 GMT
Zella, sounds like you have had some interesting life experiences. What lead you to this message board? I found the original Two Peas board in their early years. I think I my member number was 400 something. I was looking for scrapbook supplies and was sucked in with the free shipping they offered. Then I started participating in the message board and have been here ever since. I love the diversity of this community. I still scrapbook from time to time and should work on it more now that I've retired, but I haven't made it a priority yet. I found the original message board when I was doing a lot of scrapbooking. I was there for a few years, and active in some swaps and things as well as on the NSBR board. I don't think I ever purchased from the site because they didn't have what I wanted, or the prices were too high. I was so relieved to find this board after the old one was shut down. There are a couple of people I'm still in contact with on Facebook. One lady in particular that has become a true friend. I do still scrapbook from time to time also, but I find it very hard to have the mojo for it, and I'm not very good at it.
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