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Post by colleen on Aug 23, 2014 19:36:14 GMT
I was just thinking about this subject. A dear friend called this morning to tell me she just bought a new house. A very nice house. I'm guessing in the $5 to $6 million dollar range. If and when she posts the house on Facebook, it might make some people envious. But what I know she will never post is that she was just diagnosed with MS. Everyone has their battles. Everyone.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 23, 2014 19:39:25 GMT
No one tells facebook they are sitting at home alone on a Saturday night with nothing to do. lol Maybe this is why I don't have FB envy. People on my list actually do post simple things like that. Same here. There seems to be a healthy mix of good and not-so-good, without it being whiny.
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Olan
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Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT
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Post by Olan on Aug 23, 2014 19:58:54 GMT
I can relate. I was born in the Midwest so all my friends are on their second baby and being mommies. Meanwhile I'm living in a big city where women have children in their late 40's so yeah....but then there are tons of comments on my status updates where the women are like "ahhh I wish I had your life"...I think its all a matter of perspective. For me I've had to take a Facebook hiatus because it was really really starting to get me down. Last year I didnt even want to have children but somehow Facebook made it cool hahahaha
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 18:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2014 20:01:07 GMT
Don't compare your "behind the scenes" footage to everyone else's "highlight reel". I've been there but then I remember that saying
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Post by leftturnonly on Aug 23, 2014 20:05:13 GMT
@kelkeller - We all feel a little sorry for ourselves sometimes, especially when we've just had a great loss.
It can be really hard to go into the public and see happy little families when your family isn't, or to see pregnant girls who don't seem to care when you've been trying for years.
It's how we're built to react.
FB is a little different because you don't know what's coming next. You can't always prepare yourself beforehand like you can before you leave your house.
You sit back with a cup of coffee in the morning while you're waking up and you don't want to be hit with whatever emotions you are struggling with.
I only check my FB when I'm ready for anything.
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luvnlifelady
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Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 23, 2014 20:09:16 GMT
There's a reason it's also called "Fakebook." I told a friend about a problem we're having in our family and her comment was along the lines of "wow, everything looks so perfect on your FB page." Exactly! I don't share the bad stuff (or most of it).
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Post by 2peaornot2pea on Aug 23, 2014 20:16:52 GMT
I understand your feelings. There were times while reading Facebook posts that I felt envious of the all the wonderful places my friends were visiting and exciting activities they were participating in. I was feeling like I was missing out.... When my envy was at its worst, I took a break from Facebook and when I came back I had a fresh perspective.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 18:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2014 20:25:37 GMT
[guote] The other 1% of the time, I have a little bit of envy-- I LOVE that my friends have it good and want them to have everything in the world, I just wish I would get a little piece of good, too.[/quote]
Keep it in perspective. You've got a lot of good in your life.
On your list is someone who is single.. either by never marrying or by divorce. Your simple "dh put a new light bulb in the porch light" sends an envious stab that they have to put in their own light bulbs. There is no dh to share dinner, watch tv or any other everyday mundane thing you do with your dh. The woman that got the "blue box" may have had a major fight with her dh and that is his way of making payment for being a major jerk. She isn't going to tell you about his trips to the strip club that is threatening to kill their marriage. I'd rather live with an even keeled guy than a jerk that gives me jewelry to "make up" for his behavior.
Someone else has a child who will never go to college. It may have been a baby miscarried 18 years ago but mom is still acutely aware this year that baby would be going off to college. Or it may be a child with learning disabilities or a mental illness that will keep them from being able to function on their own; ever. Statistically that amazing student going off to an amazing university may be going to end up with an amazing amount of debt he/she will spend the next 20 years paying off.
You've got all the good. Moer than a little piece. You've just got to realize you aren't seeing the tarnish of their life. Start looking at the good in your life without the rust. There is more good there than you know.
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iluvpink
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Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Aug 23, 2014 20:25:40 GMT
I'm sorry. I am thinking of taking a FB break for one of those reasons. The rest of my life is pretty good but I'm insecure about one of those reasons and one you didn't list and am thinking for my own sanity, that I should take a break for a few months.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 23, 2014 20:32:15 GMT
The grass is greener on the other side of the fence because it is fertilized with bullshit.
When I realized I wasn't really getting anything positive from FB I walked away. I haven't logged on in months. I don't miss it at all.
Unfortunately, it's the only way Dh's family communicates any more so we miss out on big news. Like engagements and births and stuff.
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Post by beachbum on Aug 23, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
When I feel that way I think about one person in particular that I know who posts all those "my life is so wonderful" posts... but I know that her "fabulous" husband is really a slimy cheating POS who sends all those flowers, gives all those gifts, and takes her on all those vacations she posts about just to impress others. Yes, she lives in a beautiful huge new house with a pool and the state of the art kitchen.... but she lives there in fear of his temper. None of that shows up on FB.
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Post by CarolT on Aug 23, 2014 20:38:52 GMT
I know what you mean. I Have a family member who, based only on her fb persona, lives a perfect charmed life, with her perfect husband, and perfect child in their beautiful, perfect home. I happen to know that their lives are not that perfect!
I tend to post random things on my fb - today I posted about seeing someone drive to the grocery store on a riding lawn mower- but I do tend to post when we go someplace on vacation, or even just out of the ordinary.
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Post by cropaholicnora on Aug 23, 2014 20:39:47 GMT
I don't get FB envy very often since my divorce. My friends were all shocked to discover the "Sunshine and Roses" posted by me and my ex hid a wife in denial and a cheating husband. I know people whose glorious kitchens and fantastic vacations are sponsored by mountains of debt that will keep them working until they're 93. Even knowing this, I still sometimes wish it was me lazing on those tropical beaches and putting in a new flowerbed in front of my house. I think that's life. /shrug
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Post by 4evercrafty on Aug 23, 2014 20:41:25 GMT
I have a fb friend that constantly is talking about how she has the best, most supporting family in the world, how her husband is amazing and she is so inlove with him and each little thing he does, how lucky she is to have such an incredible support system bla, bla bla...
But I know because she has confided in me in several ocassions how her mom has told her she never wanted to have her, that she hates her, her brother is about to go to jail because he stole about 1 million dollars and in the eyes of her parents he can do no wrong, her husband looks fed up with the things she does etc.
So believe me, what is posted on fb and what happens in real life is very, very different. Be glad for what you have, cherish it and make at least tiny improvements to feel better.
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LeaP
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Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 23, 2014 20:53:02 GMT
Leap, maybe it's my SIL. What glorious Christmas letter lives they share! Reality? I'll take mine! However, I seem to be ignoring my pending autumn anxiety by reading social media- like an addict shopping the liquor store- it's not helping I read this post, Give Me Liberty or give me Debt, earlier in the week. Ironically I think someone shared it on FB, or here. It's thoughtful read, helped bring me back to center. momastery.com/blog/2014/08/11/give-liberty-give-debt/. Great link! Thanks for sharing. Indoor plumbing fills me with gratitude. A hot shower and a flush toilet are one the most overlooked luxuries of our time.
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Post by mztfied on Aug 23, 2014 20:59:45 GMT
Grass might always "LOOK" greener most often that's just another illusion. It's pretty much the same but with hills and valleys.
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AmeliaBloomer
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Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Aug 23, 2014 21:04:30 GMT
OP, this is how I avoid getting dragged down by those kinds of FB posts: I've never opened an account there!
Has this New Yorker article ever been discussed here? How Facebook Makes Us Unhappy
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 18:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2014 21:07:30 GMT
I understand what you are saying. I feel sad, not envious if I go on facebook too much. I go on maybe once a week. Scroll through posts, like a few things, and move on.
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Post by princess consuela on Aug 23, 2014 21:10:05 GMT
That's a really great quotation that sums it all up. Lots of really good advice here, thanks for sharing it all, ladies. Sometimes you just want to reach through the computer and punch someone. But I agree, most of the time what's being posted is what people want to portray. There's a few on my FB who drive me nucking futs because they're constantly posting selfies, them out at a party, out with friends, celebrating this and that... it gets grating. But I know perhaps some of that in there is envy, as generally I'm reading it while at home lol!
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Post by penny on Aug 23, 2014 21:21:51 GMT
I have been there! I am there!! I'm happy for all my friends, but it's hard not to feel a little left out at times too... I'm at the age where my peer group is all getting engaged, married, pregnant, or having a baby... Some are on their second, a few are adopting puppies (just as bad), and they're buying homes or moving to their 'forever homes'... Some days I feel like the spinster aunt that just pets her cat and Likes everyone's statuses and photos... It can get to be too much sometimes... I find watching a couple episodes of a RH series usually gets me past the 'if only I had the guy, house, money, children, travel' thing... Jammies and a cup of tea seem pretty good by comparison...lol
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Post by julieinmd on Aug 23, 2014 21:25:53 GMT
I wouldn't lose sleep over what people post on Facebook. Nobody lives a perfect life - not one single person. If Facebook brings you down then I'd just leave it alone for awhile. Let other people post what they will. Are there steps you can take to move your life in a more positive direction? That's where I'd focus my energy if I were you. In the end, what is happening with those other people just doesn't matter. I think in some cases it helps to post positive messages on Facebook even when parts of your life aren't great. When my husband was going through some very serious health issues it helped me to focus on the positive and make Facebook posts about the good things in our lives. It maybe even made me a happier person in the middle of a very frightening and sad time. I'm not saying to lie or embellish the truth, but just think about what's good in your life and post about that. It might turn your thinking around. Even though my husband is still in the process of recovery, I see that there are many good things in life and that's what I choose to focus on and post about on Facebook. The things that terrify me or make me cry at night aren't the kind of thing I would post about on Facebook.
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Post by I-95 on Aug 23, 2014 21:40:13 GMT
I don't think anyone has a perfect life. I tend to only post happy things on FB, everyone who knows me also knows I have two profoundly autistic children so they know my life has it's seriously downer moments, but who wants to hear that? I post a lot of pics of my trips, mainly because I like to take photos. I have a lot of friends who will probably never get to some of the places I go and like seeing the pics...I have other friends who go places I don't go so I get to see their pics too.
I would MUCH rather see posts about the successes people have in life. I have one friend who posts nothing but PVM posts and it's tiresome. However, most of my friends post political stuff, a lot of religious posts, and a lot of social outrage. All in all I see many posts where I'm happy for my friends but I don't say 'I wish that were me'
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Post by whipea on Aug 23, 2014 21:44:00 GMT
Meh, Facebook. You can be who you want to be. All I need to do is walk out my front door to feel just for a moment that everyone seems to have it better than I do. I see hired yard workers, trim lawns, perfect houses, children and cars. I see people getting big renovations, new roofs, new landscaping, pools and all the goodies. I drool, but my house will be free and clear in a few years.
But if you scrape off the frosting, in most cases it is the result of second mortgages, big debt and they will be tied to their homes forever.
I could post amazing photos of my house, not showing all the decrepit parts. I could talk about all my traveling without revealing it is done for work and it would look like I have lots of "vacations" and an amazing and interesting life.
Almost always it is just a facade and who knows or wants what is festering under the surface.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 23, 2014 21:47:50 GMT
I'm glad someone posted that momastery article--it was the first thing I thought of when I read the OP. Gratitude will keep you sane.
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Post by aljack on Aug 23, 2014 21:55:10 GMT
Agree that most people post positive on Facebook. Me included. But only because my rants would leave me with no friends or family! LOL!
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 23, 2014 21:55:22 GMT
No one tells facebook they are sitting at home alone on a Saturday night with nothing to do. lol Maybe this is why I don't have FB envy. People on my list actually do post simple things like that. Same here! Lol. It's like never a happy medium. It's either they brag about all they money they spend and perfect life or you have the ones that bitch all the time.
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Post by roundtwo on Aug 23, 2014 22:23:21 GMT
I had a teacher in middle school who was full of wise sayings (at the time they were just annoying but I digress...) and one that has stuck with me all these years is "Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see". It has served me well.
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rhonda
Shy Member
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Aug 7, 2014 0:18:01 GMT
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Post by rhonda on Aug 23, 2014 22:31:20 GMT
I think people only post the interesting stuff if that makes you feel better. I know when something awful happens in my life I don't really run and post that kind of thing. Your getting the good parts of peoples lives.
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Post by lightetc on Aug 24, 2014 0:00:29 GMT
I've been there. I've been really sick for the last 2 years and undiagnosed for 12 years before that. My peers are traveling, making lots of money,buying houses, getting married etc and I'm in bed, achieving nothing. I was so jealous and frustrated and angry.
I took a break for a few weeks and realised those feelings were still there, facebook just had a way of highlighting them and making me face them. I've done my grieving now, for the things that I'm missing out on (certainly still have bad days) but somehow now it's better. The person who bought the house isn't the same one who took the holiday. And planning that wedding is crazy hard. And it's someone else who just got that awesome job. Not everything is happening for everyone all at once.
Challenge yourself to walk away for a bit and just like when you don't read the glossy magazines or wander through the shops looking at all the new clothes for a while - suddenly what's around you doesn't seem so bad. But I get it, it's real and it's hard and it hurts. You can change that.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 18:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2014 0:05:08 GMT
OP, this is how I avoid getting dragged down by those kinds of FB posts: I've never opened an account there!
Has this New Yorker article ever been discussed here? How Facebook Makes Us UnhappyThat is a very interesting article.
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