|
Post by beanbuddymom on Aug 26, 2014 12:16:19 GMT
Dear Dh, If you choose to be uninvolved, be uninvolved. Don't jump in when I am laying down the law. If you would have taken 3 seconds to read the automated text or email that was sent to you from her grade book, you would know why I am "nagging" her and took away her phone. Thanks, Your loving wife OMG yes this as well. I can't count the number of times DH will come home and intervene an emotional discussion DD and I are having that he knows NOTHING about yet will tell us BOTH to calm down and stop arguing. I have told DH under no uncertain terms is it appropriate for him to do that as it undermines my authority and basically brings me down to DD level, I'm not her sibling I am her mother and if I have to discuss something iwth her and she gets snippy I will undoubtedly change my tone. I've been called out twice by DH in the last two days for not arguing with DD in front of her and now i can't get DD to do anything for me. DH tells me it's because I spoil her but I know it's because she has NO respect for me and DH is essentially proving that he has none as well. I pretty much hate myself this week and would just love to run away right now. I'm SICK of being a parent of a teen that I can't even parent with not only no support from DH but undermining as well.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 26, 2014 12:23:22 GMT
As a divorced mom who has her kids 90% of the time, I have the total role of disciplinarian and it really sucks at times. On the flipside, I get to spend a lot more time with my kids than dad does too, which I wouldn't trade to be the fun parent.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Aug 26, 2014 12:31:01 GMT
I wanna be the dad...because I just went bra shopping with my tween today. Oh, the drama! She was literally hiding amongst the racks because I had the audacity to ask the sales associate where the tween bras might be found, which apparently was humiliating for her. So glad it was her idea ~ and not mine ~ to go shopping! I humiliate my children all the time like this apparently. Last week it was at the hair salon where one of the stylists had a similar style to what dd wanted. I happened to point it out to her and ask if that was what she was looking for. That was incredibly cringe worthy I guess. She couldn't run away though since she was in the chair already. Sometimes just breathing is enough to humiliate them apparently
|
|
|
Post by katieanna on Aug 26, 2014 12:31:15 GMT
You can't raise responsible adults by allowing bad behavior when they are little. Amen to that!
When I was raising my daughter it seemed like my little angel turned into raging devil once she became a teen. There were times when I wondered if we would be mortal enemies for life.
Then she got older and had a family of her own. How things have changed! I wouldn't give up my precious DD for the world.
I know it's hard now but remember: this, too, shall pass. One of these days, you'll look back on these times and realize that it had all been worth it.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Aug 26, 2014 13:03:42 GMT
Be the Grandma. We have all the fun and none of the responsibility! Exactly! I love being grandma. I swore when my kids were younger I was going to change my name. Mom, mom , MOM!!! I tried telling them they did have 2 parents...
|
|
gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
|
Post by gloryjoy on Aug 26, 2014 13:07:21 GMT
Been there and done that, don't want to do it again!
My 26 year old just became a Dad not too long ago. Now he tells me what to do and not do with the baby. Really? I raised you didn't I? Oh and I've worked in the daycare field for 25 years. I think I know what I'm doing!!!
|
|
iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,286
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
|
Post by iowgirl on Aug 26, 2014 13:11:10 GMT
I am/was the day to day disciplinarian, but when Dad said "do NOT talk back to your Mother", they didn't. It would be hard to not have someone in your corner when parenting.
My kids have to work with DH from an early age. And he expects them to work hard and do it right. We found that they actually learned how to THINK! School doesn't always teach that. They learn how to "do", but not necessarily how to "think" in school.
|
|
|
Post by Jennifer C on Aug 26, 2014 13:34:29 GMT
Housework with my dh is split 50/50, but child raising is 99/1 because of his work schedule.
My dh works hard and he plays hard. The kids love spending time with him. He's fun.
My dd is now almost 12 and I'm only allowed to walk around her, not with her at the mall. She can turn into a fire breathing dragon at the drop of a hat and my dh thinks the way to handle it is to put on his drill instructor hat. So then I have 2 fire breathing dragons. Then they both look at me like I started the whole thing when I try to break it up.
I want to be a water hose. Jennifer
|
|
|
Post by pretzels on Aug 26, 2014 14:10:24 GMT
I want to be the dad. Being the dad has got to be better. (I'm venting. I have a teen. Enough said.) This morning, I'm with you. School started yesterday. Teen DS has XC practice that started this morning. He had to be at the HS by 6:15 a.m. The original plan was I'd get DS up, fed and make sure he had all his stuff, and DH would take him to the HS on his way to work. It puts him at work quite a bit earlier than he needs to be, but he was recently promoted to a management position, so he figured it would make him look good. That way, I get to eat my breakfast before I have to wake up the 12.5-year-old DD. This morning, DH didn't get up until after I left to take DS to the HS. So yeah. Waiting for my turn to be the dad.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
|
Post by caro on Aug 26, 2014 14:13:15 GMT
Be the Grandma. We have all the fun and none of the responsibility! YES!! I always say if I had known how fun being a grandmother was I would of had them first. J/k. But I do feel your pain OP. Luckily for me my DH did parent very well.
|
|
paigepea
Drama Llama
Enter your message here...
Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
|
Post by paigepea on Aug 26, 2014 14:19:27 GMT
When I was preg with #1 a friend gave me advice - moms and dads are not created equally.
He plays more with the kids, but I get the cries and the hugs when needed. Dh loves playing with the kids, but he'd love to feel needed like I'm needed for them at times. He always says that he can never make them feel like I make them feel when they're hurt and crying.
Paige.
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 26, 2014 14:46:54 GMT
Me too!
(And it's even better because my kids' dad doesn't live with us, so he's super duper fun Disney dad during the few days a year he sees them)
I'm Ms. Mom who makes them do homework, be respectful, be responsible with money, makes sure bills are paid and a roof is over our head.
But he lets them have candy and chips for dinner two days in a row! He's the best!
(Not that I'm resentful, or anything.)
|
|
|
Post by elinoah on Aug 26, 2014 14:50:00 GMT
I feel this way a lot. Not necessarily about the dad getting to be the fun one, cause that is not really the case. I just get tired of all the running around and making sure everyone has everything they need and coming up with ideas for dinner and then doing the grocery shopping and cooking. Making sure homework and projects are done, remembering what days and who has performances, lessons, etc etc etc. Plus working part time. I love my kids but sometimes it is so tedious. I always tell my kids/dh that if I ever come up missing not to worry about me I have a whole plan about how I could live out of my minivan and whatever they do, DO NOT go to Vancouver and look for me on the set of Supernatural. Because I will not be there.
|
|
luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,069
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
|
Post by luckyexwife on Aug 26, 2014 14:57:41 GMT
I feel this way a lot. Not necessarily about the dad getting to be the fun one, cause that is not really the case. I just get tired of all the running around and making sure everyone has everything they need and coming up with ideas for dinner and then doing the grocery shopping and cooking. Making sure homework and projects are done, remembering what days and who has performances, lessons, etc etc etc. Plus working part time. I love my kids but sometimes it is so tedious. I always tell my kids/dh that if I ever come up missing not to worry about me I have a whole plan about how I could live out of my minivan and whatever they do, DO NOT go to Vancouver and look for me on the set of Supernatural. Because I will not be there. Yes, that is how I feel! I am responsible for everything, and it gets really exhausting.
|
|
|
Post by kmcginn on Aug 26, 2014 15:07:49 GMT
I was a single parent when my kids were growing up and I used to tell them I was changing my name. They would ask what my new name was and I told them I wasn't telling - it was my secret! I know the feeling. Hang in there - teens do grow up!
|
|
|
Post by mrsscrapdiva on Aug 26, 2014 15:12:48 GMT
Yeah - no kidding. I refer to my dh as "fun time Dave".
Next time around I am coming back as a male or a bird. lol
|
|
Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
|
Post by Gravity on Aug 26, 2014 15:14:54 GMT
Last spring I was so fed up with feeling like a single parent, I told my not-so-DH I would be happy to arrange to BE a single parent.
|
|
calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
|
Post by calgal08 on Aug 26, 2014 16:00:15 GMT
As long as I don't have to be the teen again! Amen to that!
|
|
|
Post by cakediva on Aug 26, 2014 16:05:40 GMT
Be the Grandma. We have all the fun and none of the responsibility! I'd love that! But as they are only 13, almost 17 and almost 19, I'm not quite ready for that plan!
|
|
|
Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 26, 2014 17:31:06 GMT
Yeah, well...when they win something and thank MOM on TV (NEVER Dad) you'll change your tune. So, raise an Olympian or a rapper and BAM! Instant recognition! and it will wash away all this teen crap and blah blah blah.
|
|
IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
|
Post by IAmUnoriginal on Aug 26, 2014 17:54:15 GMT
I hear ya. DH was gone last week, home this week and then gone the next two. Even though the 3 year old asked where daddy was every night and practically threw confetti when daddy got home, do you think he'd allow daddy to help him with a single damn thing all weekend?? I told DH that I'm changing my name. To what? Not telling you or the kids. Going to have to talk to my SIL about a girs' night soon.
|
|
|
Post by Miss Ang on Aug 26, 2014 18:04:32 GMT
I want to be the dog. Everyone loves the dog.
|
|
|
Post by sues on Aug 26, 2014 20:18:02 GMT
I am in teenage girl hell too. I think I want to run away and go live with my sister, where it's quiet, and there's wine.
I am suddenly the most clueless person on the planet. I don't understand technology, current events, social issues, or what it's like to be a 14 year old girl. I am too demanding and I nag all the time. I never give her what she wants. She is stuck in white suburban hell, where no one knows anything about anything. Of course, she does not say it in these words- but I'm not so clueless I don;t get the message.
Sometimes, she leaves for school and I just sit here and cry- as stupid as that sounds.
|
|
|
Post by craftsbycarolyn on Aug 26, 2014 22:14:31 GMT
Be the Grandma. We have all the fun and none of the responsibility! yep^^^what she said!
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 26, 2014 22:26:51 GMT
Everyone's posts are making me laugh. When the boys were little and I was home with them, I would lose my mind trying to get them out the door in the morning. There was always one shoe missing. My youngest moved like molasses (ok, that hasn't changed), my oldest changed his clothes several times before leaving, and we were always frazzled. DH used to tell me that I was too stressed and high strung and I was making the process difficult. He thought I yelled too much. Then.... my little part time job went full time and he had morning duty. It took less than a week for him to look shell shocked and be yelling about all the things I used to yell about. I can't lie. A part of me was very, very happy.
|
|
TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,831
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
|
Post by TankTop on Aug 27, 2014 1:25:41 GMT
Everyone's posts are making me laugh. When the boys were little and I was home with them, I would lose my mind trying to get them out the door in the morning. There was always one shoe missing. My youngest moved like molasses (ok, that hasn't changed), my oldest changed his clothes several times before leaving, and we were always frazzled. DH used to tell me that I was too stressed and high strung and I was making the process difficult. He thought I yelled too much. Then.... my little part time job went full time and he had morning duty. It took less than a week for him to look shell shocked and be yelling about all the things I used to yell about. I can't lie. A part of me was very, very happy. Lol! I love the revenge!
|
|
tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
|
Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 27, 2014 2:45:04 GMT
DH isn't home most nights so I get to be all of it. Then when he is home he barely does anything without me having to ask him to do it. It is seriously like having a third child. Right now I am so irritated about it that I want to kick him in the ass. I hear ya! My husband is gone from Sunday afternoon thru late Friday nite. I don't know if it's because since he's not here most of the time, he isn't sure how to parent anymore (it sure was easier when all you had to do was feed & diaper them!) or if he's just gettin' lazy in his old age, but even when he's home it's still on me. Especially fun when right now my boys view my existence as somewhere between useless & smothering. <sigh> And I, too am getting tired of parenting him as well.
|
|
jen4
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 9, 2014 11:29:45 GMT
|
Post by jen4 on Aug 27, 2014 3:13:53 GMT
I love this thread, got some laughs reading through each one! I've been a single parent for years to my 4 sons and have to be BOTH the mom and the dad! I can be sweet, loving, bitchy, helpful, a listener, nag, you name it. No matter what, parenting is a tough job for anyone.
I want to be a fly on the wall where they can't find me when they fight, hate me for being a disciplarian, and giving me an evil look when I take away a privilege or ground them. It's all tough love and they'll understand when they become a parent...sometimes.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Aug 27, 2014 3:26:59 GMT
Dear Dh, If you choose to be uninvolved, be uninvolved. Don't jump in when I am laying down the law. If you would have taken 3 seconds to read the automated text or email that was sent to you from her grade book, you would know why I am "nagging" her and took away her phone. Thanks, Your loving wife I should send this to DH. It is so completely true. And when I am done laying down the law, please don't continue to pile on the kid. I've taken care of it. Back off.
|
|