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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 27, 2014 19:55:46 GMT
May I ask what kind of clothes wars? If they were dressed I was ok. But then I had the kid who wore 1 pair of jeans in grade 4. A different pair in grade 5 because the previous had worn out. Then a different pair in grade 6. They had to be washed and reafy to go the next day. I have had so many battles with this kid, clothes are not abig deal at all. Her not wanting to let go of her favorites that are to short, to small, or to tight. She's 12 and had a few things in her closet that could almost fit her little sister who is 7. I love her sense of style, and don't care what she wears, as long as it's appropriate for school. DD went through a lot of sizes at that age. She was thin, but grew 4 inches in one year, all in leg length. Lucky girl! I would see her wear stuff and usually let it go. But then when I did laundry, it would disappear into the Goodwill pile. She seldom came to me looking for an item. I think it just fit her around the hips and waist and we let it go. If there was a favorite skirt or shorts, I made her wear leggings underneath. But that isn't as in style right now, so it may not apply anymore. And the fingertip test is a great tool to use. Even stuff that fits can be too short. Dresses are a big one for us (due to the aforementioned long legs!) I don't say much about her clothes other than they can't be too tight or too short. If you wouldn't wear them in front of your grandmother, you can't wear it to school. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 27, 2014 21:28:43 GMT
Update: She apologized. She knew she should honor her agreement. We talked all is good.
She knows if she had come to me and asked me to discuss our agreement I would reconsider, but not when she is being a brat about it.
Her reason for wanting to wear the old shoes... they "go" with her outfit more. Her carpool friend looked at both shoes and said they look the same to her. DD said, "Yeah, I made a real stink this morning about nothing"
So we are good. She said she will start wearing the new ones to school, keep the old ones for weekends and wading in creeks etc!
thank you all for your opinions... I appreciate all of them.
And NOW I am a Mushy Pea!!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Aug 27, 2014 22:09:32 GMT
Actually I am surprised that so many people say to let her wear them. I don't think the issue is whether or not she should wear them but the fact that you had a conversation that she could keep them and wear them on the weekends only.
I wouldn't have had that conversation to begin with. I don't buy things I won't let my dd wear or that she has to wear at certian times. It works for us and I have yet to have too many clothes battles. She will come to me and ask me if things go together or look good. Which is silly since I am not nearly as fashionable as she is  I think the last semi battle we had was me having her try on suits to show her dog in and her deciding after we bought them that she wasn't comfortable in them. She wore them in the ring, didn't like them and now wears dresses or skirts instead of a full suit. But like I said, my 15 yr old has a pair of ugly, faded Vans with a hole in them and likes wearing them even though she has new that she will also wear |
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Post by darkangel090260 on Aug 27, 2014 22:23:08 GMT
They would have already been in the trash here. I don't let my kids out of the house in stuff that is stained, rips or with holes in them. I am not raising them to dress like that.
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Post by smokey2471 on Aug 28, 2014 4:32:29 GMT
Not a hill I would die on. I only comment on her choices if I think they are too sexy looking for her age.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 28, 2014 4:54:07 GMT
I'm glad you've sorted it out with your DD. I had a huge argument with my DD recently on a school morning, and she apologised to me that night after we had both calmed down, and she realised that she was in the wrong and overreacted.
I am surprised that so many people responded that it is not a battle they would have. I'm pretty sure that it is a battle I WOULD have. Firstly, and most importantly, the agreement was that she would only wear them on weekends and she broke that agreement. And secondly, because I would not want my kids wearing holey shoes to school. It looks tacky. (I would be interested to know just how holey they are - if it's only a couple of really small holes I would be prepared to revise my opinion of "tacky". )
Maybe my opinion is different to most other people, and therefore not really valid, because here school uniforms are mandatory and kids would not be allowed to wear Converse at all, let alone holey Converse. I just can't imagine my kids wearing holey shoes to school.
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Post by SabrinaM on Aug 28, 2014 6:17:13 GMT
I fully expect to be fighting this same battle next week, to the day! We start school next Wed. I bought both kids tie sneakers for the first time this year. They've always gotten velcro or elastic laces (converse!) because that's what they begged for. This time I put my foot down and said they are getting tie sneakers so they flippin learn to tie their shoes properly and consistently. I told them I didn't care if they ever had another pair of tie shoes, but they would learn/get it down with this pair. I expect DS to try to get away with the same ones he's been wearing for a year that I know are hurting his feet, he just won't admit it.
This is an important battle to me, how many 8 and 11 year olds can't tie properly? Well, at least two that I know of! Hopefully a week into wearing these shoes they will be experts at it! 9 & 12 here.. you are not alone!  |
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Post by alexa11 on Aug 28, 2014 6:33:00 GMT
"We agreed she could keep them for the weekends, but they weren't to be worn to school." See, right there makes it a hill to die on. It's not about what she wears to school. It's that she made an agreement and isn't living up to it. If it were my house, the shoes would go in the trash the next time she tried to wear them to school. But, I am the meanest mom....so says my son! EXACTLY!!! It's not about the shoes-AT ALL. |
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 28, 2014 7:02:36 GMT
Not worth the battle. When her feet are soaked or she gets a verbal slapping from the school, then she will learn her lesson.
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Post by adoette on Aug 28, 2014 10:13:48 GMT
Rational me says let it go
Reality me would not like it one bit.
I have a similar thing with DS. I swear He tries to clash his clothes. Now, I just say it doesn't go together. Sometimes he changes. Sometimes not. Not days kill me. Our agreement is, I get to tell him what to wear picture day plus 4 other days of my choosing. And he does indeed mark them off. Last year I only used two. So I am evolving.
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Post by Miss Ang on Aug 28, 2014 11:40:53 GMT
As a mama with one in high school and one in college, please take this advice. Pick your battles carefully, otherwise you will spend all of your time with your children arguing and creating a relationship with tension and anger.
This is not something to stand your ground on.
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Post by Miss Ang on Aug 28, 2014 11:42:59 GMT
Her reason for wanting to wear the old shoes... they "go" with her outfit more. Honestly, that seems like a perfectly reasonable reason for a girl her age to want to wear a pair of shoes. Like I said in my post above, be careful, choose your battles wisely. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390 
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Post by peaname on Aug 28, 2014 14:00:47 GMT
I wouldn't mind but my DH would put his foot down and the new shoes would be worn to school.
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 28, 2014 14:20:26 GMT
Actually I am surprised that so many people say to let her wear them. I don't think the issue is whether or not she should wear them but the fact that you had a conversation that she could keep them and wear them on the weekends only.
I know that in my case, I tend to be a weird combination of old school south mom and a fairly free-rangy kind of mom but it probably wouldn't even be on my radar to make this kind of agreement in the first place. My only rules of leaving the house involve showers, deodorant, and clean clothes. Beyond that, I learned a long time ago that in order to have more control over the big stuff, I had to let go of the little things. How my kids looked in public was a little thing for me. I quoted you, not because I wanted to be contradictory, but because your comment was the shortest. LOL And I absolutely agree that once a promise has been made then you have to act on it...but I guess I think that even extracting a promise in this case wouldn't have been something that would have been worth while to me. I have always considered clothes and hair as an easy way of learning self-expression. Then again, I was the mom who let her kid wear his Power Ranger costume to pre-school everyday for about a month because that is what he wanted. And, just to prove I am not totally clueless, I did suggest one morning that one of mine didn't wear his boat shoes to school. Not boat shoes the style, but true boat shoes. The kind that stink of boy feet, salt water and fish guts. The holes were the least of their offense. The kid said no, I kind of shrugged and suggested he sit far away from anyone he likes. I am pretty sure it only happened once as I suspect someone said something about the stench. |
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Aug 28, 2014 14:32:35 GMT
If I made an agreement with one of my girls, then I'd expect her to keep her end of it, just like she should be able to expect me to keep my end of it. Having a fit over it and making the car pool late would have resulted in the shoes going buh-bye for a long time because irrational, angry behavior over small matters that inconveniences/hurts others gets a negative consequence in my house -- as is well known by all my girls.
However, in terms of clothes and kids? I had a pretty laid back attitude with my girls. <y parents were soooooo strict about clothes for school (it was very much about keeping up "appearances" as they defined it although they never seemed to get that when you only have a few shirts and one pair of shoes, what people notice is the lack of variety as an indicator of lack of money). We had soooooo many fights over clothes that had a serious impact on our relationship, that I always promised myself that as long as my girls followed the school rules and didn't wear anything vulgar, I'd keep my mouth shut. Having been on the other side of it as a child and now from the long lens of adulthood, the fights they picked over my clothing options were simply not worth it -- i didn't respect their opinions and I found ways around them once I left the house. I can assure you that I dressed far "worse" (from their pov) in retaliation for their control, than if they had loosened the reins a bit.
So at one point, one of my girls in late middle school through most of high school decided she wanted to dress like a little businesswoman to go to school - complete with suits, etc. Now she looks back and rolls her eyes and says, "Why did you let me do that?" Her older sister said, "So that way your style could be your own and you could live with the pros and cons of it without blaming her!" LOL
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