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Post by nantini on Aug 28, 2014 0:39:31 GMT
Since my family doesn't think my idea of a giant shrine is going to fly I've decided to be cremated. My ashes will be scattered in the cathedral at Notre Dame. Ok, I know most of them will be dusted up but there's several places some will remain.
My in laws refused to talk about death until a week before my fils death. I just don't get that, you can't hide your head in the sand forever. When they did talk neither one of them had any idea what the others wishes were. How can anyone never have that conversation with your spouse?
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craftchickapowpow
Full Member
My Circus My Monkeys
Posts: 206
Jun 26, 2014 16:12:18 GMT
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Post by craftchickapowpow on Aug 28, 2014 0:41:04 GMT
Cremation and no funeral. Take the money I leave and scatter my ashes on a tropical beach and then have a party.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Aug 28, 2014 0:55:03 GMT
Organ donation, donate the rest to science, when all value is gone cremation. Then a big ass celebration, party, good ol' time. No tears, no sadness, fun music, a sense of my life being joyful. As far as the ashes... Who cares. I like the idea of total vaporation! Didn't know that was possible.
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Post by MZF on Aug 28, 2014 1:12:35 GMT
I want whatever parts are useable to be donated. The rest cremated.
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Post by gossamer on Aug 28, 2014 1:45:08 GMT
Have you heard of Promession or Promessa?
Promession is an ecological burial technique that hopes to solve environmental and ethical problems which the founders of Promessa claim are currently present in traditional forms of burial and cremation. Promessa is a private Swedish company worth £3.2 million and while we may only just be hearing about its potential benefits, Wiigh-Mäsak has been working on it for 15 years.
The process is simple. Within a week and a half after death, the corpse is frozen to minus 18 degrees Celsius and then submerged in liquid nitrogen. This makes the body very brittle and vibration of a specific amplitude transforms it into an organic powder that is then introduced into a vacuum chamber where the water is evaporated away.
The now dry powder passes through a metal separator where any surgical spare parts and mercury (from old tooth fillings) are removed. The remains are now ready to be laid in a coffin made of corn starch. The organic powder, which is hygienic and odourless, does not decompose when kept dry. The burial takes place in a shallow grave in living soil that turns the coffin and its contents into compost in about 6-12 months' time. In conjunction with the burial and in accordance with the wishes of the deceased or next of kin, a bush or tree can be planted above the coffin.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 28, 2014 1:49:51 GMT
I am probably going to prepay to have myself cremated, so that my kids never have to face the cost of cremating/burying me.
I am listed as an organ donor.
If I had a lot of extra money, I would like to prepay for a burial and a headstone, but I don't know if that is doable, and I want to have a plan in place before I hit forty. I never want to stick my kids with that decision when they are grieving.
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Post by lodgelady on Aug 28, 2014 2:00:22 GMT
I'm "glad" to see that so many of you have plans. My father passed recently and he had refused to discuss any of this with us. It wasn't a surprise either, he had been sick for many years. I think it was so stressful for my Mom to try to decide everything- we were all with her but, it almost seemed like we were "afraid" of making the wrong decision.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 28, 2014 2:04:18 GMT
I've discussed this with my DH and I've told him I want to be cremated. The idea of paying for giant piece of metal that will never disintegrate and will forever take up space in the ground bothers me. My body is dead and has no further use, so I don't want to take up space and have something sitting in the ground for hundreds if not thousands of years after I'm gone. If my DH simply can't cremate me, I told him to bury me in a pine casket in the forest so I'll be returned to the earth naturally. Is that even legal?
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 28, 2014 2:05:05 GMT
Have you heard of Promession or Promessa? Promession is an ecological burial technique that hopes to solve environmental and ethical problems which the founders of Promessa claim are currently present in traditional forms of burial and cremation. Promessa is a private Swedish company worth £3.2 million and while we may only just be hearing about its potential benefits, Wiigh-Mäsak has been working on it for 15 years. The process is simple. Within a week and a half after death, the corpse is frozen to minus 18 degrees Celsius and then submerged in liquid nitrogen. This makes the body very brittle and vibration of a specific amplitude transforms it into an organic powder that is then introduced into a vacuum chamber where the water is evaporated away. The now dry powder passes through a metal separator where any surgical spare parts and mercury (from old tooth fillings) are removed. The remains are now ready to be laid in a coffin made of corn starch. The organic powder, which is hygienic and odourless, does not decompose when kept dry. The burial takes place in a shallow grave in living soil that turns the coffin and its contents into compost in about 6-12 months' time. In conjunction with the burial and in accordance with the wishes of the deceased or next of kin, a bush or tree can be planted above the coffin. Yup. This is what I was talking about when I said I wanted to be composted. I really love this idea...that i would live on by feeding a new generation of some kind of living thing.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 28, 2014 2:12:18 GMT
Honestly, I don't care. I want what my family wants. I don't care if I am cremated or buried, though I hope I can have the money saved for either. If my family wants to get up one by one and tell a story about me, then I hope they do that and take as much time as they want. If they just want to raise a glass and go to a hockey game, I hope they do that instead (or too) and if they cremate me, I had better get to go to the game.
The funeral isn't about me. It is giving my family and friends a place to mourn or celebrate as they wish. As my children age, we will talk about it with them, and maybe come up with a plan that they like. I do not want to dictate what my husband or my children has to do at a time when it should be about them.
ETA: I would like to be an organ donor and my DH does know that about me and I am registered.
Also it isn't that we don't talk about it, but I don't want to demand anything from my family that doesn't feel right to them. DH doesn't want to be cremated and I will respect that wish. He also doesn't want to be buried with his head down on a slope. That part makes me laugh and I tell him he better be good to me or I will make sure that is the way he stays.
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Post by gossamer on Aug 28, 2014 2:22:41 GMT
Have you heard of Promession or Promessa? Promession is an ecological burial technique that hopes to solve environmental and ethical problems which the founders of Promessa claim are currently present in traditional forms of burial and cremation. Promessa is a private Swedish company worth £3.2 million and while we may only just be hearing about its potential benefits, Wiigh-Mäsak has been working on it for 15 years. The process is simple. Within a week and a half after death, the corpse is frozen to minus 18 degrees Celsius and then submerged in liquid nitrogen. This makes the body very brittle and vibration of a specific amplitude transforms it into an organic powder that is then introduced into a vacuum chamber where the water is evaporated away. The now dry powder passes through a metal separator where any surgical spare parts and mercury (from old tooth fillings) are removed. The remains are now ready to be laid in a coffin made of corn starch. The organic powder, which is hygienic and odourless, does not decompose when kept dry. The burial takes place in a shallow grave in living soil that turns the coffin and its contents into compost in about 6-12 months' time. In conjunction with the burial and in accordance with the wishes of the deceased or next of kin, a bush or tree can be planted above the coffin. Yup. This is what I was talking about when I said I wanted to be composted. I really love this idea...that i would live on by feeding a new generation of some kind of living thing. I'm not a fan of going in the ground, or being burned. This is the best option I have found, I only hope when the time comes, it will be cheap enough and there will be someone local to me to do it. This way I can live on, through a tree.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 28, 2014 2:25:35 GMT
I just read something about you can be cremated then asking made or put into a rock at the bottom of the ocean. Helps feed the ocean life. I thought that was kinda cool.
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Post by scrapbookwriter on Aug 28, 2014 2:39:24 GMT
I hope my organs can help someone else.
I have a horror of burial.
DH and I both want to be cremated. We haven't specifically talked about where to spread the remains but we both know where our favorite places are and that is where we spread the remains. Every time I see a show where a 100 year old skeleton is being dissected for some TV show, I tell DH, "That is why I want to be cremated. I don't want anyone digging me up 100 years after I died and put me on TV". LOL This, exactly. I don't want anyone digging me up.
All my family has chosen cremation. Their remains are in a gorgeous building called Chapel of the Chime in Oakland, California. I never went to a cemetery until I was married. I always thought cemeteries were creepy, like in the movies. And viewings! (shudder) My first viewing scarred me for life. I do not want my body on display. That feels like such a violation of my privacy. If I'm dead, cremate me, already.
Sadly, my husband views cremation with horror. If I go first I don't think he could bring himself to have me cremated. I've told him he should have me cremated, then when it's his turn, have my urn placed in his casket with him and call it good.
Pretty sure that won't happen. But it's what I'd prefer.
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Post by kristalina on Aug 28, 2014 3:30:52 GMT
I was just talking about this today with a coworker. In my head I want to be cremated and have my cremains spread someplace, probably the beach or around my family's tombstones. But emotionally I want to be buried with a tombstone that my descendants can visit, in a family plot where all my family can be buried with me. I could be buried in a military cemetery but then my kids could not be buried with me, and I like the idea of being with them, although again, there are no guarantees they will even want to be buried or anything like that. It's just a romantic, for lack of a better term, notion of all of us being together even in death. I'm not very religious, so the idea of being together in heaven is not a sure thing for me. This is how I feel also. I have written out my instructions - after any possible organ donations are made, I should be cremated. Part of me will be buried in a spot that I've picked out in a State Park and a tree planted on the spot. The other part of me should be sprinkled on my parent's grave. They and my dad's parents are buried at Punchbowl National Cemetery on Oahu. I've loved visiting my grand parents there, then going with my mom to bury my dad and then with my sisters to bury my mom. They were all cremated and we were able to have the 4 of them in one plot. I would never want my body embalmed and buried but I do want part of my ashes with my family so my daughters can visit me there.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Aug 28, 2014 7:07:07 GMT
I Told Dh I do not want a sit down cry your eyes out funeral. We have been to some very hard funerals in the last two years and very close (friends family) too dramatic to want to remember, My brothers ex wife's brother was killed suddenly (I posted about it a few months ago). It was so very tragic for the family. But one of his organs was donated to save some one as well. They did a party/wake. Alot of my family went as we stayed in touch even after the divorce. My mom decided she wanted a wake/party even though that's not the way we raised (just from religious point) . I would give my whole body to science as they've already had a hay day with it. We joke I might not have any whole parts m left to give lol!
Sent from my KFSOWI using Tapatalk
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Post by leftturnonly on Aug 28, 2014 9:43:24 GMT
What a wonderful thing your brother did for so many others! My plan? I can jump in to the family plot in Pennsylvania..... or a family plot inherited by my late husband in Oklahoma..... or be buried with my late husband in Houston. Those are all already paid for. It'll be up to my kids what they with me, I guess.
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Post by lovinlife on Aug 28, 2014 13:42:37 GMT
I told DH to cremate me. I would much rather he take the extra money a burial would cost and use it. I do have one exception though and yes its morbid. I told dh, my parents and my best friend that if I were to die along with one of my girls they were to bury us together, on our sides, my arms around my child in the same casket. I know it's awful to think about but I wanted them to know in case it happened.
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Post by withapea on Aug 28, 2014 13:52:01 GMT
I want to be cremated and scattered, the thought of being buried and rotting in the ground is awful to me. I don't want a funeral either but I understand if my family wants to do something, my wish is that it's intimate and hopefully focused on the happy times.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,949
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 28, 2014 13:57:23 GMT
DH and I have it in our wills that we want to be cremated. I don't believe we need any more bodies filling up this earth. I came in a tiny thing and I want to leave that way. My husband is Jewish and I think they don't really like the idea of cremation but he doesn't care. It is what we both want. I want a celebration of my life, not people crying over my death. If people want to have a place to go and celebrate my life after I have died, plant a tree or get a plaque somewhere. I have also requested my ashes to be scattered at sea on some beautiful tropical island. It would give them a purpose to go somewhere warm and tropical.
We are both organ donors as well.
My MIL and FIL had plots purchased so when they died, it was all taken care of. They did NOT have a will however which turned out to be a major PITA. That is why dh and I got one. My parents, as of now, do not have plots but I believe they want to be buried. I had a serious talk with them about this after MIL died. My dad wants to be buried where his parents are in a cemetery in VA but unless you are Muslim, you cannot be buried there which excludes my mother. I have no idea what they are planning but they do have extremely comprehensive wills so I would hope they have it all taken care of in there.
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Post by mandolyn9909 on Aug 28, 2014 14:18:26 GMT
We talk about our after death wishes, on occasion, so DH and I have a pretty good idea of what the other person wants. He also knows that while *I* am not comfortable with some fairly typical traditions (viewing of the body, for example) that if I were to die first and he and our girls felt that they'd benefit from this, they should do it. I want to be cremated, but I have no preference for what happens with my ashes. I'd probably prefer some sort of party/memorial rather than a funeral, but that's also something I'm OK with my family doing something else if they would prefer. Absolutely no church, no Bible, and no talking about God, from anyone who wishes to speak! This is our situation as well. We both know what we want but I will be gone and really if they need the closure of something other than what I wanted that is okay with me. I do wish to be cremated though, I feel strongly against using land for burial grounds which could amount to a huge mass of land. I also would prefer a party/memorial instead of a funeral.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 11, 2024 6:18:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 15:02:16 GMT
We have not made official plans but DH and I both want to be "buried" in the mausoleum at the local cemetery. I do not want to be viewed by anyone but close, close family. Hubby, kids, parents, sister etc. Everyone else, friends, friends of friends, etc. will see a closed casket. I have already picked out the music I want played but that is the extent of the planning.
I cant imagine what my husband would want to do after the funeral because I know he is a very quite person and would not want to be around a bunch of people at all.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 28, 2014 15:10:24 GMT
I am Catholic (very loosely Catholic, FWIW), so had always been uncomfortable with the idea of cremation. I'd grown up never knowing anyone who had been cremated, and I just never felt good about that process. When dh's grandmother passed away several years ago, I was startled at her funeral services when the minister (Protestant) poured her ashes out of some sort of pitcher right into the ground at the church columbarium. I'd never seen anything like it. The more I think about it, however-- and having been to more funerals of all varieties during the past years, I've realized that I have no desire to be viewed at a funeral, nor do I want to be buried in the ground. That now makes me more uncomfortable and grossed out than cremation does. That whole process just seems archaic and outdated to me. So, I want to be cremated, and so does dh. I haven't thought past that. I think that I probably really don't have any strong preferences, to tell the truth, and I know that my dh doesn't care at all about the funeral arrangements, what to do with his ashes, etc. I will have to think more about this or perhaps leave it up to our dd's. I suppose I'd rather take this decision out of their hands, though, as I think it will ultimately be easier on them. A couple of years agao I read a fascinating book about cadavers-- their use in science, as well as alternative and newly developing techniques of body disposal. Mary Roach's Stiff. It was a fascinating read. I don't know if I will be ready to donate my body to science (my organs, yes) but I am more understanding of why people do that, and I have great respect for those who make that choice. Reading this book helped me to finally realize that when it comes down to it, I just don't want to be buried.
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Post by finsup on Aug 28, 2014 16:27:45 GMT
I am Catholic (very loosely Catholic, FWIW), so had always been uncomfortable with the idea of cremation. I'd grown up never knowing anyone who had been cremated, and I just never felt good about that process. When dh's grandmother passed away several years ago, I was startled at her funeral services when the minister (Protestant) poured her ashes out of some sort of pitcher right into the ground at the church columbarium. I'd never seen anything like it. The more I think about it, however-- and having been to more funerals of all varieties during the past years, I've realized that I have no desire to be viewed at a funeral, nor do I want to be buried in the ground. That now makes me more uncomfortable and grossed out than cremation does. That whole process just seems archaic and outdated to me. So, I want to be cremated, and so does dh. I haven't thought past that. I think that I probably really don't have any strong preferences, to tell the truth, and I know that my dh doesn't care at all about the funeral arrangements, what to do with his ashes, etc. I will have to think more about this or perhaps leave it up to our dd's. I suppose I'd rather take this decision out of their hands, though, as I think it will ultimately be easier on them. A couple of years agao I read a fascinating book about cadavers-- their use in science, as well as alternative and newly developing techniques of body disposal. Mary Roach's Stiff. It was a fascinating read. I don't know if I will be ready to donate my body to science (my organs, yes) but I am more understanding of why people do that, and I have great respect for those who make that choice. Reading this book helped me to finally realize that when it comes down to it, I just don't want to be buried. Cremation is ok with the Catholic Church now. My dad's church even has a communal garden behind the altar, and that's where we placed my dad's ashes a couple of months ago. And I loved the book Stiff. Fascinating, wasn't it?
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 28, 2014 16:39:25 GMT
I am Catholic (very loosely Catholic, FWIW), so had always been uncomfortable with the idea of cremation. I'd grown up never knowing anyone who had been cremated, and I just never felt good about that process. When dh's grandmother passed away several years ago, I was startled at her funeral services when the minister (Protestant) poured her ashes out of some sort of pitcher right into the ground at the church columbarium. I'd never seen anything like it. The more I think about it, however-- and having been to more funerals of all varieties during the past years, I've realized that I have no desire to be viewed at a funeral, nor do I want to be buried in the ground. That now makes me more uncomfortable and grossed out than cremation does. That whole process just seems archaic and outdated to me. So, I want to be cremated, and so does dh. I haven't thought past that. I think that I probably really don't have any strong preferences, to tell the truth, and I know that my dh doesn't care at all about the funeral arrangements, what to do with his ashes, etc. I will have to think more about this or perhaps leave it up to our dd's. I suppose I'd rather take this decision out of their hands, though, as I think it will ultimately be easier on them. A couple of years agao I read a fascinating book about cadavers-- their use in science, as well as alternative and newly developing techniques of body disposal. Mary Roach's Stiff. It was a fascinating read. I don't know if I will be ready to donate my body to science (my organs, yes) but I am more understanding of why people do that, and I have great respect for those who make that choice. Reading this book helped me to finally realize that when it comes down to it, I just don't want to be buried. Cremation is ok with the Catholic Church now. My dad's church even has a communal garden behind the altar, and that's where we placed my dad's ashes a couple of months ago. And I loved the book Stiff. Fascinating, wasn't it? Yes, I loved the book and it gave me so much to think about. My dd was actually reading it upon a suggestion from her teacher, for a project in AP Language/Comp. I started reading it along with her and I actually got more into it than she did. It's probably not a book for everyone, though. I recommended it to a friend who just could not get past the first couple of chapters. If you liked this one, you might like other Mary Roach books. I enjoyed Bonk and to a lesser extent Spook. I should have clarified that my initial feelings about cremation weren't so much based on Catholic doctrine, but just because of growing up Catholic I had never really had any exposure to it at all. All the funerals I'd ever experienced were traditional Catholic--with the viewing in the funeral home, the procession to the cemetery, etc. I do think it's a good thing that cremation is OK with the Church now. I don't have any strong feelings about wanting my ashes to be buried in a Catholic cemetery, though. I would be fine with any nice cemetery, with scattering, with an urn, etc.
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Post by finsup on Aug 28, 2014 16:51:19 GMT
Cremation is ok with the Catholic Church now. My dad's church even has a communal garden behind the altar, and that's where we placed my dad's ashes a couple of months ago. And I loved the book Stiff. Fascinating, wasn't it? Yes, I loved the book and it gave me so much to think about. My dd was actually reading it upon a suggestion from her teacher, for a project in AP Language/Comp. I started reading it along with her and I actually got more into it than she did. It's probably not a book for everyone, though. I recommended it to a friend who just could not get past the first couple of chapters. If you liked this one, you might like other Mary Roach books. I enjoyed Bonk and to a lesser extent Spook. I should have clarified that my initial feelings about cremation weren't so much based on Catholic doctrine, but just because of growing up Catholic I had never really had any exposure to it at all. All the funerals I'd ever experienced were traditional Catholic--with the viewing in the funeral home, the procession to the cemetery, etc. I do think it's a good thing that cremation is OK with the Church now. I don't have any strong feelings about wanting my ashes to be buried in a Catholic cemetery, though. I would be fine with any nice cemetery, with scattering, with an urn, etc. Ah, gotcha. My dad felt that way when the church first changed the doctrine too; he wasn't accustomed to it. Then as it became more common (and by the time he died he had started to attend a lot of funerals) he got comfortable with it. I've read Bonk and Gulp but not Spook. I think I have Spook on my bookshelf with my other zillion books I haven't read yet.
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Post by finsup on Aug 28, 2014 16:56:33 GMT
I should add that although my dad was cremated, we still had a viewing and casket. The casket was at Mass and then he was cremated after, then there was a short ceremony with the burying of the ashes after Mass the next Sunday, so he still had a pretty traditional Catholic funeral. My stepmom has preplanned direct cremation with a funeral mass with no casket so I guess either way is ok (even though I grew up Catholic I don't actively practice so I don't aw really know what I'm talking about
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Aug 28, 2014 16:57:29 GMT
What I care about most isn't that I'm cremated or buried (although burials are a huge waste of money in my opinion) but moreso that no one buys flowers. Instead, I want my "funeral" to be an art show of all the things I created in my life as that's all I've done since I was a little girl... create things.
And a guard. Because I have family that have sticky fingers.
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Post by birukitty on Aug 28, 2014 21:55:46 GMT
What I want is to be buried at sea. Seriously. This is what would make me the happiest. But, it would place an undue burden on my family and I have no idea how the Catholic Church feels about it (probably negatively I am sure) so it's probably not an option. It is still legal-I checked. And we live fairly close to the ocean (within 2 hours), but like I said I don't want to make it difficult on my family. I am going to ask my priest and family about it one day just to see how they feel about it out of curiosity.
Cremation creeps me out big time. I do NOT want my body to be burned. I know all of the advantages ecology wise, but for me it's not happening.
So that leaves burial, which my mother and the Catholic Church approve of. It's good in a way because it leaves a place for loved ones to visit. I hate the thought of parts of me being scattered to the wind (ugh!). I can see the romanticism, but again, it's not for me.
Debbie in MD.
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Post by scrappintoee on Aug 31, 2014 1:01:10 GMT
Verrry interesting responses! I read every one of them-----thank everyone for sharing! I also love the idea of being a tree or a rock on the bottom of the ocean....cool !!! Yeaaa, at the funeral I went to the other day for our friends' Grandma, one of my besties told me "I don't DO viewings.....tried it once years ago, and will NOT do it again!" So she and severrrral others of us left the church while most people went in a line to view "the body" (I HATE that expression, too!)......To be technical, I agree that it's NOT the person anymore; therfore, it IS "just" a body----but still.....I viewed someone several years ago whose makeup was WAYYY too bright, it creeped me out !! NO THANK YOU! And, NO OFFENSE to anyone who wants this----but the very extravagant casket she was in also bothered me---they always have!!! I agree with those who feel it's a waste of money (and space in the ground!!! Again---that is FINE for those who want it, I'm not judging !!! Some of my FAVORITE people (such as my dear hubby!!!) want a casket and burial, too!!! ..I LOVE the idea of those who want to go to Disney or just have a FUN party ----and for me, LOTS of music and photos, too!!!!
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 31, 2014 1:14:46 GMT
And, NO OFFENSE to anyone who wants this----but the very extravagant casket she was in also bothered me---they always have!!! I agree with those who feel it's a waste of money (and space in the ground!!! Again---that is FINE for those who want it, I'm not judging !!! Some of my FAVORITE people (such as my dear hubby!!!) want a casket and burial, too!!! ..I LOVE the idea of those who want to go to Disney or just have a FUN party ----and for me, LOTS of music and photos, too!!!! LOL I want a glitter purple casket!!!! Lights would be a plus! I figure I wanna make a impression when I get rolled out haha!!! DH would never agree to that though I'm sure ha!
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