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Post by scrappintoee on Aug 27, 2014 18:09:58 GMT
Hi, I apologize if there's a recent thread about this subject---I did a search, but didn't see any---I also remember a LONG thread about this on "THAT other board"  ; but obviously it's too late to read it now.... I'm going to a regular/ formal funeral tomorrow  followed by "internment" (dunno why, I hate that word!)....Tonight there's a viewing--since I have NOT been to many funerals in my life, I always forget that some people have viewings, too. This is for my dear friends' Grandma, who had a wonderful life for 86 years. My friends (they're sisters), sadly lost their Mom at age 36 (breast cancer), their Dad at 60, and their baby brother at 39  .....not to mention, they have HUGE families, so they've been to soo many funerals in their lives, I can't even imagine!!! After going to yet ANOTHER funeral about 3 months ago, they both said the are "OVER" regular funerals, they refuse to have one.....I can't blame them! My Mom and baby brother's wishes were organ donation**, cremation and a nice dinner/ celebration, with lots of laughter.....and we did that with both of them!  Obviously, there were also TEARS, too---(I cried harder when my brother died than I thought was physically possible----seriously----for about a year after he died (this was 5 years ago), there were times I was afraid I'd NEVER stop crying THAT hard---I'm sure many of you can relate)  ......but omg, we did LAUGH, share stories, look at photos, etc!!! ....Both of them also had specific places where we spread their ashes---we did my Mom's at sunset, and my brother's at sunrise---both just beauuuutiful times to do that, we think!  My Dad, remaining siblings and I all want to be organ donors , cremated, and our ashes also spread at favorite places. My hubby is a bit creeped out by cremation (which I totalllly understand and support!) and wants burial. So, what's your plan? Have you let your family know? I only say that because my cute husband HATES talking about this, and it's taken me a longg time to gently get an answer from him..... ***IF you still feel like reading, and wanna hear about my familys' personal experience with Organ Donation......  I just wanna say that as devastating as it was to lose my "baby" brother 5 years ago, it was SOOo awesome to get letters from the Organ Donation people-----the first letter was from the Eye Bank...his corneas restored the sight of TWO people who'd been blind.....  ...as if THAT didn't make me cry with happiness, his pancreas and liver saved the life of a young father.....annnd, the last letter we got (they can't possibly send you letters for EVERY single donation, it would take them forever---) was a young man had been in a terrible motorcycle accident, and my brother's feet bones, ligaments, tendons, and skin helped the surgeons to save the man's foot/ ankle....!!! |
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Deleted
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Oct 11, 2024 6:22:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 18:15:55 GMT
I've told my husband I want to be cremated but that's as far as I've thought about it. He refuses to discuss it beyond 'I'm having you frozen til they can cure what ever killed you'.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 11, 2024 6:22:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 18:27:02 GMT
I told my husband I wanted to be cremated but he said no - he wants to bury me. For some reason cremation freaks him out and he doesn't want me gone that way. I told him if he buries me I will haunt him..that freaked him out even more - lol.
My dad died a very tragic way and by the time we were able to hold his funeral we were all emotionall spent. We had bured our mom 8 months prior and all 7 of us kids were so over funerals. After my dad's we all went out to lunch and then went and played laser tag. People were mortified that we "partied" after the funeral. Our family needed to let off steam and laser tag was the perfect way for us to do it. We still talk about it and my oldest brother (who is 60ish) said we all have to go play laser tag when he dies.
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Post by *christine* on Aug 27, 2014 18:52:22 GMT
I've told DH and my sisters and mom that I want to be creamated at such a high temperature and until there's absolutely nothing left. I don't want them burying, flushing, scattering anything of me anywhere - complete incineration.
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Post by kmcginn on Aug 27, 2014 18:58:16 GMT
WOW! What an incredible gift your brother gave! And I'm sure it makes you feel wonderful reading about the people whose lives he saved! So sorry for your loss.
I actually work in the death care industry, but have not yet prearranged. I will eventually.
BTW - It's Interment, not Internment. Sorry, just a pet peeve. Internment is when someone is captured and held against their will.
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Deleted
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Oct 11, 2024 6:22:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 18:58:18 GMT
We talk about our after death wishes, on occasion, so DH and I have a pretty good idea of what the other person wants. He also knows that while *I* am not comfortable with some fairly typical traditions (viewing of the body, for example) that if I were to die first and he and our girls felt that they'd benefit from this, they should do it.
I want to be cremated, but I have no preference for what happens with my ashes.
I'd probably prefer some sort of party/memorial rather than a funeral, but that's also something I'm OK with my family doing something else if they would prefer.
Absolutely no church, no Bible, and no talking about God, from anyone who wishes to speak!
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Post by dazeepetals on Aug 27, 2014 18:59:43 GMT
I've discussed this with my DH and I've told him I want to be cremated. The idea of paying for giant piece of metal that will never disintegrate and will forever take up space in the ground bothers me. My body is dead and has no further use, so I don't want to take up space and have something sitting in the ground for hundreds if not thousands of years after I'm gone. If my DH simply can't cremate me, I told him to bury me in a pine casket in the forest so I'll be returned to the earth naturally.
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Post by eebud on Aug 27, 2014 19:03:17 GMT
DH and I both want to be cremated. We haven't specifically talked about where to spread the remains but we both know where our favorite places are and that is where we spread the remains. Every time I see a show where a 100 year old skeleton is being dissected for some TV show, I tell DH, "That is why I want to be cremated. I don't want anyone digging me up 100 years after I died and put me on TV". LOL
I don't think I have ever been to anything that was called a viewing. I have been to many visitations and if the body was not cremated, is there for viewing if you wish but the primary purpose was to see the family and friends.
***ETA DH and I both want organs donated if they can help someone else.
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Post by keknj on Aug 27, 2014 19:10:41 GMT
I want to be cremated. I'm claustrophobic and the thought of being stuffed in a coffin makes it hard to breathe. I also don't want to be taking up room that could be used for something else. If possible, I would like to be an organ donor. Like the PP I don't want to be found and dug up again either! Especially on TV, yes this specimen was a huge fat cow that spent most of her time sitting on the couch. Yeah, I know that well enough about myself, don't want to be discussed by curious scientists!
My family knows what I want and I have told them to spread my ashes anywhere but the ocean.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 27, 2014 19:13:10 GMT
It's interesting how this is a subject no one wants to talk about but we really should.
I don't really care but am leaning to preferring cremation. DH doesn't really care either. He'll let me decide when the time comes. He is assuming I will outlast him. I haven't given much thought to the funeral/remembrance aspect. I don't like viewings. I hope they don't do that.
I know my mom wants to be cremated but my dad wont hear of it. So if she dies first, she's going in the ground. Unless something tragic happens, I don't see her passing away first. She also doesn't want a funeral. I think my dad would like to attend his funeral just so he could see who came and what was said about him.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,722 
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Post by anniebeth24 on Aug 27, 2014 19:14:44 GMT
The idea of people commenting on how good I look in the casket creeps me out. I want to be cremated or donated to research. Have a party, sing my favorite hymns, but please don't put me on display.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 27, 2014 19:19:23 GMT
My husband and I started talking about it when my mom was diagnosed with ALS. We thought we had several years to discuss it and make our final plans.
I always told my husband I wanted to donate my organs and be cremated. Beyond that I would leave up to the family to decide. I believe the final arrangements are more for the living. Whatever helps them through the grieving process is fine by me.
My husband originally said that he wanted a traditional burial. Then he started considering cremation. When he passed away I wasn't sure what to do, so I went with a burial. That is what he originally wanted. It seemed like the right thing to do. That way he could have a traditional police burial. Sometimes I wonder if that's what he really would have wanted. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to spend as much as I did, but what do you do? Funeral services are not cheap even if you are frugal with your choices.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Aug 27, 2014 19:20:39 GMT
I have decided that I want to be cremated and my ashes mixed with my dog, Pooka. I asked my DDs to please plant a tree, preferably a maple and spread our ashes around it. I also want to have a wake or party with lots of food and laughter. I recently asked my DH what he wanted and he is also considering cremation. He said that if he does go that route that he wants his ashes put with mine and the dog's. I can't stand the thought of a viewing, unless it is something that my family just has to have. I think it is ridiculous when people comment how good someone looks during a viewing. How damn good can you look when you are dead?!  Also, the thought of spending all that money to buy a plot and coffin just seems like a total waste to me. |
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,955
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Aug 27, 2014 19:24:29 GMT
I've told my DH and the rest of my family that I want my organs donated, then cremated and my ashes scattered in Oregon at Sahalie Falls. My grandma, Uncle and a couple of other people I know have been scattered there so I'll be in good company. ETA: I'll let them decide if they wanna party or not. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 27, 2014 19:28:55 GMT
I want to be buried. I know my DH wishes but ill be honest I don't handle death well and I hate discussing it. Yes I know it's something that should be...I do it little by little.
Now there is one thing I'm very much vocal about and I'm sure ill be flamed on here for this...but I have a few people I don't want to attend my funeral. Here is why...I have seen so many times people who treated someone that has passed awful while they were living. I don't mean petty stuff I mean truly awful then they attend the funeral of the person they treated awful they acted like they were such good friends/family. Also turning the grief whoring up to a whole other level. I hate that crap. I feel like you feel truly bad about what your did AFTER that person is gone then morn somewhere else just not at my funeral.
I had an Aunt who was a awful person. This wasn't a phase she went through it was who she was. I felt nothing when she died and I wasn't about to go to her funeral and shed fake tears and act like I'm morning someone who i never cared for. I never treated her bad but I didn't want anything to do with her because of all the things she had done. I wasn't happy when she died not sad either. I did feel like when she died people would be able to live more peaceful and not get hurt anymore.
Maybe that makes me a cold person but its just how I feel about it.
Oh and I also have a list of songs I want played at my funeral but no one is willing to play them because they say they aren't appropriate haha!
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stittsygirl
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Posts: 3,600
Location: In the leaves and rain.
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Post by stittsygirl on Aug 27, 2014 19:36:38 GMT
Organ donor, then a direct cremation. I don't want any formal service. I would like some or all of my ashes spread on our family property in Idaho, and then I hope my family uses some of the life insurance to take a fun trip to Disneyland.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 27, 2014 19:55:20 GMT
I want to be buried. I know my DH wishes but ill be honest I don't handle death well and I hate discussing it. Yes I know it's something that should be...I do it little by little. Now there is one thing I'm very much vocal about and I'm sure ill be flamed on here for this...but I have a few people I don't want to attend my funeral. Here is why...I have seen so many times people who treated someone that has passed awful while they were living. I don't mean petty stuff I mean truly awful then they attend the funeral of the person they treated awful they acted like they were such good friends/family. Also turning the grief whoring up to a whole other level. I hate that crap. I feel like you feel truly bad about what your did AFTER that person is gone then morn somewhere else just not at my funeral. I had an Aunt who was a awful person. This wasn't a phase she went through it was who she was. I felt nothing when she died and I wasn't about to go to her funeral and shed fake tears and act like I'm morning someone who i never cared for. I never treated her bad but I didn't want anything to do with her because of all the things she had done. I wasn't happy when she died not sad either. I did feel like when she died people would be able to live more peaceful and not get hurt anymore. Maybe that makes me a cold person but its just how I feel about it. Oh and I also have a list of songs I want played at my funeral but no one is willing to play them because they say they aren't appropriate haha! I'm not going to flame you, and I certainly understand your frustration with hypocrites and grief "whores". I would say though to think long and hard about burdening your family with that request. Do you really want them, when they have a million more important things to worry about guarding the door and causing a scene so someone can't come to a funeral? Talk about taking drama to a whole new level. And believe me, this is coming from someone with some serious family breeches and quite frankly crazy people. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 27, 2014 20:09:50 GMT
I want to be buried. I know my DH wishes but ill be honest I don't handle death well and I hate discussing it. Yes I know it's something that should be...I do it little by little. Now there is one thing I'm very much vocal about and I'm sure ill be flamed on here for this...but I have a few people I don't want to attend my funeral. Here is why...I have seen so many times people who treated someone that has passed awful while they were living. I don't mean petty stuff I mean truly awful then they attend the funeral of the person they treated awful they acted like they were such good friends/family. Also turning the grief whoring up to a whole other level. I hate that crap. I feel like you feel truly bad about what your did AFTER that person is gone then morn somewhere else just not at my funeral. I had an Aunt who was a awful person. This wasn't a phase she went through it was who she was. I felt nothing when she died and I wasn't about to go to her funeral and shed fake tears and act like I'm morning someone who i never cared for. I never treated her bad but I didn't want anything to do with her because of all the things she had done. I wasn't happy when she died not sad either. I did feel like when she died people would be able to live more peaceful and not get hurt anymore. Maybe that makes me a cold person but its just how I feel about it. Oh and I also have a list of songs I want played at my funeral but no one is willing to play them because they say they aren't appropriate haha! I'm not going to flame you, and I certainly understand your frustration with hypocrites and grief "whores". I would say though to think long and hard about burdening your family with that request. Do you really want them, when they have a million more important things to worry about guarding the door and causing a scene so someone can't come to a funeral? Talk about taking drama to a whole new level. And believe me, this is coming from someone with some serious family breeches and quite frankly crazy people. The only family I have is my DH but you are right about burdening him. It's something to think about..so thank you. I never really looked at it that way. I didn't want him guarding doors lol but out of the 2 people who I don't want there 1 would probably just show up. I was thinking more on the lines of telling them they aren't welcomed and I do think they would respect that coming from him. However your right I don't want to burden him. Thanks for the insight❤ |
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Deleted
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Oct 11, 2024 6:22:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 21:05:03 GMT
I've already told my husband that I want to be cremated. I hate caskets, I hate all the trappings, even the flowers. I can't stand carnations because they remind me of funeral homes. I'd rather the money people spent on flowers be donated to charity.
I also don't want a long, excruciatingly sad funeral. Let my pastor say a few words, sing a hymn and be done. Then go spend some time with family and friends, remembering all the fun we've had over the years. I kinda like the idea of using the life insurance money to go to Disney.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 27, 2014 21:14:57 GMT
What I tell DH is that I don't want a viewing, I don't want a traditional funeral. I'd like a party with awesome music and an exclusive guest list. I don't want a bunch of phony asswipes there to put on a show of sadness and concern at my death who never gave a flip when I was alive. I'd like to be cremated. I also told him if I go first, I'm a small and petty person. The happiness I want for him only exists with me. Once I'm gone, any hope of further happiness is gone. He is not to go out and find a new wife. Ever.  |
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Post by lurker on Aug 27, 2014 21:27:52 GMT
Dh and I pre-paid for our cremations. We wanted it taken care of the way we chose, with as little fuss as possible. Neither of us want any type of funeral or memorial, definitely no religious service. Our ashes can stay at the crematorium. We have no children. I have no living siblings. He has too many. Still playing peacemaker, even after death:)
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Post by papersilly on Aug 27, 2014 21:28:18 GMT
cremation. no prior viewing. no services/memorial. I told DH to just take my immediate family and closest friends to dinner. that's it.
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Post by 3dcrafter on Aug 27, 2014 22:14:40 GMT
I want to be cremated, after that I'm pretty indifferent. I feel that funerals are for the living to find closure, It won't matter to me since my body will be dead and my soul will be free. If my family and friends want a party or traditional ceremony in order to move on with life, then I'm all for it.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 27, 2014 22:24:09 GMT
I was just talking about this today with a coworker. In my head I want to be cremated and have my cremains spread someplace, probably the beach or around my family's tombstones.
But emotionally I want to be buried with a tombstone that my descendants can visit, in a family plot where all my family can be buried with me.
I could be buried in a military cemetery but then my kids could not be buried with me, and I like the idea of being with them, although again, there are no guarantees they will even want to be buried or anything like that. It's just a romantic, for lack of a better term, notion of all of us being together even in death. I'm not very religious, so the idea of being together in heaven is not a sure thing for me.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 27, 2014 22:39:08 GMT
I seriously hope my family takes my wishes as they are. I want a cremation, and I want everyone to go to a baseball game. If it's the off-season, they can wait. I would like "In memory of..." on the scoreboard too. They can have a hotdog, beer, soda, cotton candy, frozen lemonade and just party on without me. DH wants a burial and no cremation. We haven't made any arrangements (pushing 50) so not sure how that would work. |
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Post by Restless Spirit on Aug 27, 2014 22:42:46 GMT
Direct cremation. Ashes then mixed with the ashes of my dogs, with the ashes to be scattered in a place my husband and daughter are aware of.
No viewing, no funeral, no burial. These are my final wishes and I would sincerely hope they are followed.
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 27, 2014 22:51:13 GMT
Organ donation if possible and then I really, really want to be composted so that I can become a tree or some other lovely thing. Other than that, I don't really have a preference. My family can do whatever is most helpful to them. I do hope that there are lots of happy memories shared and lots of laughter.
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Post by scrapsuzy on Aug 27, 2014 23:06:10 GMT
I don't care if I'm cremated or not. What I do NOT want to be, is embalmed. I didn't even know that was a possibility until my sil died and she wasn't. Right then, I said I don't want to be, either. Then I learned what is actually involved in embalming, and I really don't want to be. I don't even see the point in being embalmed, but to each their own.
I would love for whatever can be donated to be donated, but I'm not sure what good will be left by that point.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Aug 28, 2014 0:29:48 GMT
I definitely do NOT want to be cremated. I just find the whole notion creepy on some level.
My parents actually have a plot purchased for me already, so it's just a matter of what to be buried in. I am happy with a pine box. I don't need a fancy marker, either
I admit I have definite ideas regarding what kind of service I want. I do believe in God. The problem is a lot of my loved ones don't. I'm struggling because I do want a lot of my favourite songs from church, a pastor, etc.
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Post by Ramona on Aug 28, 2014 0:33:28 GMT
my husband and I have chosen burial, plot and small service. I didn't know anyone who had been cremated before my husband's father. My mil was a bitch and had him cremated before the children could see him or let their wishes know. He served in two branches of service and was eligible to have been buried at Arlington Cemetery, the family wanted that. He was a first generation immigrant for his family. They held him in utmost respect. No one knows what she did with the ashes. |
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; but obviously it's too late to read it now....
followed by "internment" (dunno why, I hate that word!)....Tonight
.....not to mention, they
Obviously, there were also TEARS, too---(I cried harder when my brother died than I thought
......but omg, we did LAUGH, share stories, look at photos, etc!!!
My Dad,
...as if THAT didn't make me cry with happiness, his pancreas and liver saved the life
