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Post by tenacious on Aug 27, 2014 19:45:23 GMT
I am having a hard time finding what I need off the internet....I know things vary from state to state, but, we have a situation here.
Wife files for divorce suddenly and unexpectedly. Husband tries to reconcile to no avail. Upon investigation, finds wife started having sex with other men before she filed, and is now dating multiple people through a dating website. She is meeting a different man almost every day, plus sexting etc. with others.
Whatever. The problem is, she is involving her teenage daughter (just turned 17) and her best friend in the whole thing. Taking them on overnights to hotels disguised as 'girls night out,' as a cover for her hook ups, and giving them all the details of the affairs while requiring them to keep all of this secret from her husband and the rest of the family.
We have tangible proof. Texts between all the parties, etc.
Is it possible to have to mother removed from the home in this situation? We also have texts from the teenager daughter pleading for help from her mother, asking her for prozac or something to help her feel better. Mother has ignored it, but, we have stepped in to get the daughter help without disclosing our knowledge of the situation.
People are messed up. :-(
Thanks in advance.
**I temporarily removed my avatar photo because of the sensitivity of this issue**
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 27, 2014 20:07:37 GMT
I would call the police. Let them bring in the experts. This is so far beyond appropriate, that I have no words.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 27, 2014 20:08:48 GMT
Not a lawyer, not an expert - so my opinion is worth very little. I doubt sharing details of an affair or taking a 17 year old to a hotel with another trusted adult (the best friend) is going to meet a standard of abuse. I'm assuming the daughter and friend are not in the same room with the sexual activity.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 27, 2014 20:19:51 GMT
Not a lawyer or familiar with family law issues.
The daughter is 17, if she needs help (your post alludes to mental health care) why can't the dad make arrangements and take her?
Is the dad still in the home? If I was in his shoes, with circumstances you desscribed, I would not leave until the daughter is 18 and in college. If he can provide a stable home life the wife can move out.
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Post by tenacious on Aug 27, 2014 20:23:09 GMT
Okay, I went ahead and called CPS for some info. They said if the child admits to being harmed then the mother can be charged with emotional abuse. Not so easy to do as the child has been systematically manipulated into covering for the mother...but, we do have texts that show harm. *sigh* Darcy-you are right. They were not in the room. Oh, and she took the daughter and her 16 year old FRIEND, not the mother's friend. So, she is involving the 17 year old daughter, and her 16 year old best friend.  BTP- we have set the daughter up with counseling this week without disclosing our knowledge of the situation. And, yes. Father is still in the home. The divorce proceedings have just begun. |
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 27, 2014 20:37:18 GMT
Did anyone contact the parents of the 16 year old non-relative?
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332 
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Post by gloryjoy on Aug 27, 2014 20:48:18 GMT
Did anyone contact the parents of the 16 year old non-relative? I would say get the ball rolling on this, and then other things may start happening. |
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 27, 2014 20:49:24 GMT
Did anyone contact the parents of the 16 year old non-relative? I would say get the ball rolling on this, and then other things may start happening. I'd kinda hate to throw it on another family, but that was my line of thinking too.  |
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Post by traceys on Aug 27, 2014 20:54:54 GMT
From my experience with the juvenile court, I doubt you will get much action from Social Services in this situation. However, at 17, I would think that there wouldn't be much interference either if the daughter chooses to stay with her dad.
ETA....I think I missed something....so both parents are still living together while this is going on? I thought dad was somewhere else, and the girl could stay with him. I'm sorry....I misunderstood that.
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Post by tenacious on Aug 27, 2014 20:54:55 GMT
We are acting as fast as we can....husband's lawyer has been on vacation until today, so we have really been on our own as the story has unfolded. We are VERY sensitive to the 16 year old friend and plan to tell her parents as soon as possible, but, unfortunately, wife is not in a good mental state, so we are walking a tight wire since wife doesn't know that we know ANY of this.  So very sad. |
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Post by tenacious on Aug 27, 2014 20:57:44 GMT
From my experience with the juvenile court, I doubt you will get much action from Social Services in this situation. However, at 17, I would think that there wouldn't be much interference either if the daughter chooses to stay with her dad. Hmm. Daughter will not willingly choose to stay with her dad. She has been groomed and manipulated by her mom, who had to paint the dad as a monster so that she could justify her behavior. Can the daughter still choose in this situation? And, she just turned 17...like, this week. **ETA-Yes, Tracey. They are all still living together. Wife barely filed for divorce, but, this has been going on for months, if not years. The amount of deception is astounding. Wife works outside the home at nights, so she is able to meet up at all different times with these strange sexting men she has found online, and she reports every meeting to the daughter and friend...modeling this as normal behavior.  |
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Post by welshjenni on Aug 27, 2014 21:04:13 GMT
What a sad and difficult situation. She is lucky to have you fighting her corner, I hope that she gets the best of outcomes.
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Post by traceys on Aug 27, 2014 21:05:00 GMT
I suspect so. I might be wrong, and social workers might be more aggressive about this sort of thing where you are, but I watched things for twelve years that made my chin hit the floor and they left kids in all kinds of bad (IMO) situations. And at 17, they would pretty much just take the attitude that they are almost grown anyway.
That said, it certainly never hurts to try. But I think it's an uphill climb, even under the circumstances you've described. I'm sorry.....I hope I'm wrong.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Aug 27, 2014 21:08:21 GMT
So sorry for this young girl and the stb-ex. I can't believe this behavior just started from the Mom - it sounds like she is mentally unstable, to say the least. She is certainly setting her dd up to follow her behavior. So sad.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 27, 2014 21:10:25 GMT
Father needs to get to the police and DSS with all the evidence
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Post by Dictionary on Aug 27, 2014 21:15:43 GMT
You know it's too bad you can't put the mom on a 24 hr psychiatric hold, it sounds like she is doing a 180 in her personal life all of a sudden, that's not normal behavior.
I agree with the other posters 17 the girl is not being harmed if all she has to do is listen about the escapades and not involved but taking her friend to the hotel is something I would contact the parents about.
Getting the 17 y/o to understand this is not normal or safe behavior would be my task.
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Post by Zee on Aug 27, 2014 21:17:16 GMT
You know it's too bad you can't put the mom on a 24 hr psychiatric hold, it sounds like she is doing a 180 in her personal life all of a sudden, that's not normal behavior. I agree with the other posters 17 the girl is not being harmed if all she has to do is listen about the escapades and not involved but taking her friend to the hotel is something I would contact the parents about. Getting the 17 y/o to understand this is not normal or safe behavior would be my task. I agree with all the above. |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 27, 2014 21:24:54 GMT
I would put the brakes on calling CPS and the police for now. If wife in mentally unstable, a liar and immoral it wouldn't be a stretch for her to make up lies about the husband.
Can he hire a private investigator? If he has evidence of the escapades and involving the daughter perhaps then he should make his move.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by schizo319 on Aug 27, 2014 21:28:06 GMT
Wow, what an ugly situation. With her being 17, I can't see this being taken very seriously by Social Services, especially if the girl has been groomed to cover up for mom (at least not in my state - the system is just so overwhelmed and I imagine it's like that all over).
For what it's worth, If I were the 16yo's parents, I'd want to know about this ASAP before another "girl's night" occurred. Chances are that there's MUCH more to the situation than just what is written in those texts.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 27, 2014 21:33:24 GMT
I would get the parents of the 16 year old involved. In my opinion, they would see the woman's actions as VERY harmful to their child.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 27, 2014 21:35:58 GMT
From my experience with the juvenile court, I doubt you will get much action from Social Services in this situation. However, at 17, I would think that there wouldn't be much interference either if the daughter chooses to stay with her dad. Hmm. Daughter will not willingly choose to stay with her dad. She has been groomed and manipulated by her mom, who had to paint the dad as a monster so that she could justify her behavior. Can the daughter still choose in this situation? And, she just turned 17...like, this week. **ETA-Yes, Tracey. They are all still living together. Wife barely filed for divorce, but, this has been going on for months, if not years. The amount of deception is astounding. Wife works outside the home at nights, so she is able to meet up at all different times with these strange sexting men she has found online, and she reports every meeting to the daughter and friend...modeling this as normal behavior. In response to what I bolded above, yes the 17-year-old can choose who she wants to live with. I don't know the laws in other states, but here in California, I think the age is 14 when they can speak to the judge and request which parent they want to live with. It is still up to the judge, but they take the request, especially if the child is mature and well spoken, under consideration. The child can also make requests regarding visitation. |
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Post by Lexica on Aug 27, 2014 21:45:33 GMT
I also agree with getting the parents of the 16-year-old involved. At best, the mom most likely left the two girls alone in the hotel while she slept with someone, either at that hotel or wherever. I'd be furious if I thought my daughter was going to be with a responsible mother and her best friend on a vacation to find out the girls were left behind and were really only there as a cover. I would hope the two girls were not put in a situation to have to meet the man. And I'm gathering the mom doesn't really know these men either? These are just random hookups? If the man came to her hotel to get her, that is putting the two young girls in potentially incredible danger. I'd be livid if I was the parent of that 16-year-old. I don't know what laws would have been broken, but I'd be seriously livid.
The mother might have groomed this young girl into thinking dad was terrible and sleeping around was normal to do. But the girl must also face that this mother doesn't respond to her requests for medication and/or mental health treatment. She may not be as sided with the mom as you might think.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
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Post by M in Carolina on Aug 27, 2014 22:04:13 GMT
I'm with Lexica. The daughter is asking for help. She probably feels so alone because she can't talk to anyone and in her mind no one cares.
I think the police and CPS will pay attention because the mother put another minor in the way of serious harm as well as her own daughter.
Do you really think if one of her hookups wanted access to the girls that the mother would say no?
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Post by tenacious on Aug 27, 2014 22:22:04 GMT
I'm with Lexica. The daughter is asking for help. She probably feels so alone because she can't talk to anyone and in her mind no one cares. I think the police and CPS will pay attention because the mother put another minor in the way of serious harm as well as her own daughter. Do you really think if one of her hookups wanted access to the girls that the mother would say no? Oh, sweet mother of pearl.....I am pretty confident the mom would say 'no,' but, I guess I have no idea. The mother was a victim of sexual abuse and had a teenage pregnancy and a subsequent second pregnancy outside of wedlock. The daughter is definitely being harmed. I don't care if she is 17...she is being harmed emotionally and mentally. |
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scrappinghappy
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“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
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Post by scrappinghappy on Aug 27, 2014 23:16:07 GMT
It seems you are really close to the family. Any chance the 17 year old could come and live with you while you get her the help she needs?
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 27, 2014 23:48:27 GMT
I'm with Lexica. The daughter is asking for help. She probably feels so alone because she can't talk to anyone and in her mind no one cares. I think the police and CPS will pay attention because the mother put another minor in the way of serious harm as well as her own daughter. Do you really think if one of her hookups wanted access to the girls that the mother would say no? A violent or man on drugs might not ask. If the mom opened the door to the room after saying good night to the johe he could just push his way in. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Aug 28, 2014 1:29:07 GMT
You might not need CPS. Depending on what the 16 & 17 year old have been exposed to, it may be some variant of "exposing a child to harmful materials," which I do believe is a felony in most places.
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Southern Side eyed Pea 
