keithurbanlovinpea
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Flowing with the go...
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Jun 29, 2014 3:29:30 GMT
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Sept 28, 2017 12:17:02 GMT
this is my biggest fear. even if it is taken out in both of their names, if my dad dies first, mom will have to leave the house and they would lose their equity. My parents had a reverse mortgage. Also, I'm a lawyer. This isn't exactly correct. If both are on the deed, then I believe that both have to take out the reverse mortgage, and one of the major selling points of a reverse mortgage is that when one spouse dies, the other can continue to live in the home. Actually, they HAVE to continue to live in the home -- in my parents' case, my mom passed away and my dad continued to live in the house for 10+ years after that. When he eventually needed to live somewhere else due to medical reasons, the contract stated that he had one year to repay the loan. A reverse mortgage is typically repaid by the heirs selling the house after both parents have passed away, and the loan is repaid with the proceeds of the sale. As far as losing equity, that's the whole point of the reverse mortgage. The equity they have now is what it is used to pay them a set amount each month, and then those disbursements accumulate into the loan balance.
Although my parents' experience with a reverse mortgage was not terrible, I would probably not advise it in most cases. It is pretty complicated, and most people don't really understand the whole process thoroughly. There can be many conditions that will cause the loan to become due, and if the house has to be sold relatively quickly to repay the loan, you risk not getting the best price for it. In my parents' case, their house had actually gone down in value since the last time it was appraised, so we (the kids) did not have to worry about actually repaying the loan. If it looks like your dad may need to live somewhere else in addition to your mom being in a facility, then that's another strike against a reverse mortgage. They are a way for people to stay in their homes, and if you can't live in the home, it doesn't work. Anyway, if your mom needs to go into a facility at some point, there are some that take Medicaid (a lot don't, though), and your dad can apply for Medicaid just for her alone. And yes, you basically can't have any assets, but some things are excluded from the asset calculation, and if I remember correctly, you can keep your house. Those are questions you should ask the attorney that you are meeting with.
Oh yes I agree if both are on the loan and one passes, the other can stay. However I had assumed that with OP's mother's dementia, she would not be able to sign as a co-borrower.
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SweetieBsMom
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Posts: 4,612
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Sept 28, 2017 12:30:14 GMT
It is hard for people to leave their homes. My Dad is 90 and refuses to despite living alone and having many falls. Have you gone at looked at Assisted living facilities. I ask because you referred to them as Nursing Homes, and if you haven't' been in one in the last 5-10 years they have changed dramatically. They are not the nursing homes of our youth. We have struggled to get my Dad to see this. I would definitely talk to your local Council on Aging, and see if you qualify for any home health care via Medicaid. I have heard that reverse mortgages should be a very last resort and that they prey on the elderly, so please get advice from a trusted financial advisor. It is so hard to see our parents aging. I hope you can find the assistance you need. It took me 3+ years to get my Dad into an assisted living facility because he didn't want to go into a 'nursing home'. And the straw that broke the camel's back was when I had to fly to Florida and bring him home to MA. He was in terrible shape in a horrific rehab. If I hadn't gotten him, he wouldn't be here now. I did not give him an option, he was going in to assisted living. He LOVES it. Calls it 'home' now. It's in my town so I see him a lot more. Currently, unfortunately, he's back on the rehab/nursing home side of the facility as he's been ill but he likes that for his PT he can walk to his 'home'.
We toured a bunch of places, looked at social schedules, sampled the food. I'd say keep trying. Oh and we never called it his room, we always called it his apartment. We'll see how the winter goes as this will be the first winter in 15 years he hasn't gone to Florida. I think it's going to be a long winter for me
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Post by Scrapbrat on Sept 28, 2017 13:53:07 GMT
My parents had a reverse mortgage. Also, I'm a lawyer. This isn't exactly correct. If both are on the deed, then I believe that both have to take out the reverse mortgage, and one of the major selling points of a reverse mortgage is that when one spouse dies, the other can continue to live in the home. Actually, they HAVE to continue to live in the home -- in my parents' case, my mom passed away and my dad continued to live in the house for 10+ years after that. When he eventually needed to live somewhere else due to medical reasons, the contract stated that he had one year to repay the loan. A reverse mortgage is typically repaid by the heirs selling the house after both parents have passed away, and the loan is repaid with the proceeds of the sale. As far as losing equity, that's the whole point of the reverse mortgage. The equity they have now is what it is used to pay them a set amount each month, and then those disbursements accumulate into the loan balance.
Although my parents' experience with a reverse mortgage was not terrible, I would probably not advise it in most cases. It is pretty complicated, and most people don't really understand the whole process thoroughly. There can be many conditions that will cause the loan to become due, and if the house has to be sold relatively quickly to repay the loan, you risk not getting the best price for it. In my parents' case, their house had actually gone down in value since the last time it was appraised, so we (the kids) did not have to worry about actually repaying the loan. If it looks like your dad may need to live somewhere else in addition to your mom being in a facility, then that's another strike against a reverse mortgage. They are a way for people to stay in their homes, and if you can't live in the home, it doesn't work. Anyway, if your mom needs to go into a facility at some point, there are some that take Medicaid (a lot don't, though), and your dad can apply for Medicaid just for her alone. And yes, you basically can't have any assets, but some things are excluded from the asset calculation, and if I remember correctly, you can keep your house. Those are questions you should ask the attorney that you are meeting with.
Oh yes I agree if both are on the loan and one passes, the other can stay. However I had assumed that with OP's mother's dementia, she would not be able to sign as a co-borrower. That's actually a really good point -- I hadn't thought of that.
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Post by hosschick on Sept 28, 2017 13:56:06 GMT
My in-laws had a reverse mortgage. Everything ended up working out okay. We never did figure out what they did with whatever money they initially borrowed (it was some years later before we took over their finances), but when all was said and done, they owed quite a bit more than the house was even worth by the time they both passed.
MIL was the younger and "healthier" one, but she died first. My FIL was allowed to stay in the house until he died several years later. There were a few times in there when FIL had to stay in a nursing home rehab facility, but as long as the stays were under six months, it was fine and didn't endanger the house. We were... I don't want to say fortunate enough, because I don't mean to imply that I was glad, but it was helpful to us that we were able to obtain some in home services for FIL by having him put under hospice care. He wasn't actively dying, but he was in his mid-90s and had a few health conditions that allowed us to do so.
The loan became due the minute he died. The already-high interest rates escalated even higher with his death. As heirs, we would have been permitted to keep the house either by repaying the loan or by purchasing at 90% of the appraised value if lower. The appraiser they sent overestimated the actual home value, so those numbers were comparable. There may have been an appeal process for the appraisal, but we didn't bother as knew we weren't going to be keeping the place at that point. We were allowed to try and sell it (near their appraised value), and we did list it, but we weren't able to move it quickly enough at their price. It was about 5 months after death before they initiated foreclosure proceedings. They foreclosed, the bank bought it back, and the bank only recently sold it (for only about one third of what was owed on the loan).
The good news is that neither dh nor his sister was responsible for the loan in any way (which is what the "non-recourse loan" stuff means). The mortgage company also did not file a claim against the estate for the unpaid balance (I think they're federally insured so as not to do that), so once they had the house, that was it. We still sold off their household items, but we were able to use that money for funeral expenses and whatnot.
What would have been difficult is if FIL had to go into a home, the money we would have gotten from selling his house could have helped. Also, my sister-in-law moved in with him to care for him at the end. She was able to hang onto her own place, so she had somewhere to go, but if there are non-spouse relatives living in the home (children, siblings, whoever), they will be displaced when the last borrower dies and cannot stay without paying off whatever is due.
At one point for FIL, we had a local person who we paid directly (not through an agency, so about half the cost - we found her through a church recommendation), and she was able to help with things like lunch & laundry, making sure meds were taken, toileting assistance, things like that. As long as your dad is determined to care for your mom at home, maybe you can find someone like that, just to give him a break here & there, so he can go to the store or meet a friend for lunch and have some time to relax and clear his head.
Best wishes to you and your parents.
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twinsmomfla99
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Posts: 3,987
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 28, 2017 14:32:47 GMT
Another clarification - the amount to be repaid doesn't stay at $50,000. Interest is continually added so as time goes by, the equity is eaten away. My parents took out a reverse mortgage in 2010 for $80,000 - my mom now owes almost $130,000. Worst decision they ever made. SaveThanks for adding your experience - I'd included (and interest and finance charges) but it doesn't hurt to emphasize. Depending on the interest rate, those numbers can grow quickly. As both of you pointed out, a reverse mortgage can be very expensive. I know that older people often have sentimental reasons for staying in the home they have lived in for many years, but it usually does not make a lot of financial sense, especially if they have a lot of equity they could access. Instead of borrowing against the home a inviting finance/interest charges, they can sell the house outright and invest the money that will then be available to pay for assisted living. Even if they don't need assisted living, they may be better off renting a town home or patio home that better suits their needs. Many areas have senior communities with these types of homes , usually built to accommodate physical limitations. They also provide a social network that is so important.
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Post by cindosha on Sept 28, 2017 14:50:55 GMT
My parents had a reverse mortgage. Also, I'm a lawyer. This isn't exactly correct. If both are on the deed, then I believe that both have to take out the reverse mortgage, and one of the major selling points of a reverse mortgage is that when one spouse dies, the other can continue to live in the home. Actually, they HAVE to continue to live in the home -- in my parents' case, my mom passed away and my dad continued to live in the house for 10+ years after that. When he eventually needed to live somewhere else due to medical reasons, the contract stated that he had one year to repay the loan. A reverse mortgage is typically repaid by the heirs selling the house after both parents have passed away, and the loan is repaid with the proceeds of the sale. As far as losing equity, that's the whole point of the reverse mortgage. The equity they have now is what it is used to pay them a set amount each month, and then those disbursements accumulate into the loan balance.
Although my parents' experience with a reverse mortgage was not terrible, I would probably not advise it in most cases. It is pretty complicated, and most people don't really understand the whole process thoroughly. There can be many conditions that will cause the loan to become due, and if the house has to be sold relatively quickly to repay the loan, you risk not getting the best price for it. In my parents' case, their house had actually gone down in value since the last time it was appraised, so we (the kids) did not have to worry about actually repaying the loan. If it looks like your dad may need to live somewhere else in addition to your mom being in a facility, then that's another strike against a reverse mortgage. They are a way for people to stay in their homes, and if you can't live in the home, it doesn't work. Anyway, if your mom needs to go into a facility at some point, there are some that take Medicaid (a lot don't, though), and your dad can apply for Medicaid just for her alone. And yes, you basically can't have any assets, but some things are excluded from the asset calculation, and if I remember correctly, you can keep your house. Those are questions you should ask the attorney that you are meeting with.
Oh yes I agree if both are on the loan and one passes, the other can stay. However I had assumed that with OP's mother's dementia, she would not be able to sign as a co-borrower. She would not be able to sign as a co-borrower, and more importantly, she could not stay in the house without my dad to take care of her. she cannot be left alone. so if something would happen to my dad, she would have to be placed in a care facility.
Cindy
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,646
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Sept 28, 2017 15:14:16 GMT
I am so sorry about your family's struggle. It's so heartbreaking to watch our parents decline as they age.
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Sept 28, 2017 15:16:21 GMT
I read your update and my heart breaks for your dad. This is so stressful for everyone, but most especially for him.
He may think he's selfish if he considers his own health, but he may actually feel better and stay healthier if he gets a break - and by that I really do mean placing your mom in a care facility. Help in the home might keep things going there for a time, but it's likely inevitable that she will need more than can be done at home. And you are one split second away (a fall for your dad, or him gettting sick) from needing to take immediate action.
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Kerri W
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Sept 28, 2017 15:25:31 GMT
Seeing our parents age is so very hard. ((Hugs)) to you and your sister.
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Post by lucyg on Sept 28, 2017 15:48:53 GMT
I'm late to the thread, but just wanted to add my two cents' worth (as a person whose dad had advanced Alzheimer's for the last few years of his life) that your mom does need to go into residential care. Your dad isn't going to be able to take care of her much longer, and although she may resist going, in the end she will be happy there. I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this sorrow with your mom. It's so painful to watch their minds disintegrate and feel helpless to do anything about it.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Sept 28, 2017 16:03:40 GMT
I read your update and my heart breaks for your dad. This is so stressful for everyone, but most especially for him.
He may think he's selfish if he considers his own health, but he may actually feel better and stay healthier if he gets a break - and by that I really do mean placing your mom in a care facility. Help in the home might keep things going there for a time, but it's likely inevitable that she will need more than can be done at home. And you are one split second away (a fall for your dad, or him gettting sick) from needing to take immediate action. ^^^ I'm sorry to read you're having such struggles... it does suck to see our parents getting old, doesn't it? one factor to discuss with him, and with your siblings-- any expenses you incur (home health nurse, overnight care, purchasing any special equipment, alarms, locks, etc.) is money that's lost when the time comes to discuss moving them into an assisted living facility. It might be more cost effective in the long run to look at the assisted living facilities now, rather than spending the time / money to keep them in their house when it sounds like some sort of facility is most likely inevitable anyway. My boyfriend spent 11 years in the senior care industry, working for all different types of corporate / independent companies (he worked with the life safety systems, specifically). There are some really nice facilities out there with total levels of care... some of them are faith-based, if that's important to them, and many of the ones he dealt with had VERY involved management-- co-managers that were married couples who lived on site, interacted daily with the residents, etc. I wish you the best in helping your parents do what's best for BOTH of them. It is draining for the caregiver(s) and can very much change their quality of life- we have a couple sets of friends who had the wife's mother move in with them... the switch from 'independent married couple' to 'full-time caregivers' in both cases almost destroyed their marriages. I would imagine a sense of guilt/obligation (that whole 'better or worse' part of the marriage vows) is probably in the back of his mind somewhere, but it DEFINITELY doesn't mean your dad loves his wife less if he admits that he can't care for her by himself any longer. hugs to you and your family.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 28, 2017 16:31:19 GMT
UPDATE 9/28/17*****
My sister and I think that my dad just wants to take care of my mom as LONG as he is able to and I think right now, but it is sinking in to him that she is progressing at an alarming rate in her Alzheimer's. I think he is going to gut it out as long as he can. we have encouraged him to make sure my mom has Depends on (she has been wearing underwear) at all times. I think he still wants some semblance of control in his and my mom's life and we are going to grant him that little thing for now. I saw your update and wanted to respond to this part I quoted by telling you something the director of the nursing home we chose said to us. She said that more often than not, once that decision has been made a HUGE weight is lifted off of the family caregivers (which is obvious) and it gives them the chance to go back to only being the resident's spouse/children/loved ones. This is a very big deal. I can say from experience that it is a giant (and welcome) mental shift to go from worrying about your person almost constantly day and night, about everything little thing from having to be concerned with daily hygiene to whether they're swallowing their meds or spitting them out, sometimes begging them to eat, worried that they will be getting up ten times at night or wandering away the second your back is turned or if you're distracted for a few minutes. My brother and I were so in the thick of all that that we didn't even realize how much of a toll it actually was until we were out from under it. It was SO NICE to finally be able to go visit our mom just to sit with her and talk to her, do some jigsaw puzzles or listen to some music with her, to just be her kids who loved her again instead of the tired, frustrated, grouchy, nagging people who made her do all this stuff she didn't want to do that her illness had turned US into. The relief was immense. I just wanted to share that with you because I can't even imagine how much harder it is to be the loving spouse stuck in that caregiver role vs. being the kids, because for us it was already incredibly hard as you no doubt well know. Again, I wish your family well in the days and weeks ahead. These things are so, so hard. Hugs.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Sept 28, 2017 16:42:53 GMT
I completely understand that your father is not ready. But you need to plan now. Are there options in your area that will allow them to be together? How long is the waiting list? Is there better or more affordable options near other family members? The time is coming and you do not want to find out the only facility in your area that can accommodate both memory care and independent living in the same facility has a year plus waiting list. We had to move a relative several states as their needs couldn't be accommodated locally and the closest other family was 1000 miles away and everyone agreed someone had to be local to visit regularly.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 28, 2017 16:49:13 GMT
I have no advice but it reads like you have gotten quite a bit of good advice. I just want to offer you hugs.
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Post by Lexica on Sept 28, 2017 17:34:12 GMT
My father had 7 brothers and two of them had wives who developed Alzheimers. My uncles were total opposites in the way they dealt with it. One uncle put his wife into a facility almost as soon as she was diagnosed and began having (or maybe resuming?) a fling with my aunt's best friend. This so-called best friend moved into their home within two weeks of my aunt going into the facility. My uncle only visited her twice, and that was because his daughter insisted that he go for her birthday and during the first Christmas season. Her two children and grandchildren were her only regular visitors.
Fortunately, she progressed with the disease pretty quickly, to the point where she didn't remember her family and that her husband basically dumped her off there without coming to visit. She ended up "falling in love" with a fellow patient in this facility and was quite happy there. My cousin said her mother and this man had to be closely monitored because they were caught in her room having sex! Both of their doors had to remain locked during the day and they were only to be together as a couple in the day rooms. This man was married and my cousin spoke to his wife. She said she didn't mind their little romance because she knew her husband would have never done this if he were in his right mind. She also l liked that he seemed happy. Although my cousin said it was weird that this man would introduce his "girlfriend," my aunt, to his wife every time she came in. This uncle was quite wealthy and could afford putting my aunt in the facility while continuing to own and remain in their house, with his new girlfriend.
My other uncle was completely opposite. He adored his wife and, like your father, wanted to care for her until the end. When my aunt was first diagnosed, they immediately began looking at their options together, knowing what was ahead for them, especially after seeing the aunt in the previous paragraphs. They ended up putting both their main home and their lake property with management agencies to rent them out. Using an agency, my uncle was spared the hassle of getting renters, checking backgrounds, and maintenance issues that popped up. This money supplemented their retirement income enough to have both of them move to a facility where there was graduated care.
In the beginning, they both moved into an apartment together and maintained the cleaning themselves. The facility owner's wife was a chef, and she set up a dining hall to appear more like a restaurant to make it nicer for families to dine together. They usually had breakfast in their apartment and remaining meals at the "restaurant" together. Their son and grandchildren could come and visit in the apartment as well as join them for meals. My cousin said it didn't feel like a "facility" at all and they were all very happy with the arrangements. When that aunt progressed to the point of needing much more care, she transferred to that section and my uncle remained in the apartment, using their housekeeper's option. He spent every day in the community rooms with his wife and they continued to eat at the restaurant as long as they could. Eventually, my aunt remained in her room and my uncle fed her there.
When she passed away, the original plan was for my uncle to return to their house. Shortly after my aunt's death, my uncle, still living in the apartment, went to get something from his car one afternoon and slipped on the ice, breaking a hip. It took a while for him to be found because he had left his phone in his apartment. It was snowing outside and he realized how stupid his "quick trip" to the car was. I think it also made him rethink moving back to his home and living alone. He rehabilitated on the increased care area of this facility and when he was able to return to his apartment, he made the decision to remain there instead of returning to his home. He said it wasn't home without his wife anymore anyway, and he had met new friends and could travel to see old ones. He continued to live in his apartment until he passed away. His son then sold their house and kept the lake house for his family.
So both uncles handled their situations totally opposite, but we, as a family, felt both worked out for the best, especially my aunt that was dumped. She was spared the pain of knowing the truth about the affair and was also spared the knowledge that her son was killed in an accident. That would have torn her apart because her son, my cousin, had suffered some brain damage during a surgery when he was a toddler. It had something to do with the oxygen not being right if I remember correctly. My aunt did everything for him throughout the years. When he was older, it was increasingly difficult for my aunt to care for him. My aunt was a tiny woman, probably 4'11" tall, and my cousin was probably 6'2" and quite heavy because he loved his sweets. My uncle insisted he be put into a home. My aunt refused and they compromised by getting him an apartment and a full-time, live-in caretaker. My aunt would visit him daily.
Anyway, my aunt's biggest concern when she was diagnosed with Alzheimers was caring for Billy. She knew my uncle was an ass and wouldn't do much. She was also afraid that he wouldn't be able to understand why she eventually stopped visiting him. As it turn out, his sister ended up taking him to my aunt's facility to see her when she could, and things were fine. By the time Billy was killed in an accident, my aunt didn't recognize her children anyway, so my cousin never told her. That was really such a blessing for her.
Is there a possibility that your parents could rent their home out through a management company and use that rental income to enter a graduated care facility together as my one uncle and his wife chose to do? That would make so many things so much easier on your dad if that is at all possible. Perhaps take them to see some facilities to get a feel for it?
**I wrote this prior to your updating the thread. I am so sorry your family is dealing with this. Your dad sounds amazing and I really admire his commitment to your mom. I truly hope that a compromise can be made to allow them to remain together like my one aunt and uncle did. Hugs.
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inkedup
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Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Sept 28, 2017 17:38:20 GMT
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Alzheimer's disease is so cruel.
Idon't have any advice to add, but did not want to read without replying. I hope your family can come up with a solution that will keep your mother safe and help ease the difficulty of this already devastating experience.
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suzastampin
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Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on Sept 28, 2017 18:34:30 GMT
I don't know if you know who Glen Campbell is, but he recently passed from Alzheimer's. There is a movie about him on Netflix. He needed to be in a facility for awhile as he became very combative. If I remember correctly, they did bring him back home at one point but then I think I heard where he was readmited as he was nearing the end. Maybe that movie would help your dad understand that there is only so much he can do. What would happen if your mom hit him so hard he fell and hit his head?
Best wishes to you as I know it is a tough journey. My Gram had it long before they named it Alzheimer's.
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Sept 28, 2017 18:40:33 GMT
Are there any day care programs for people with dementia in your area? There are a few around here -- they pick up and drop off at your house. The JCC in my area has an excellent one. That might give some respite until he's ready to do a residential program.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Sept 28, 2017 19:38:31 GMT
I have been through the Alzheimers struggle with my mom for 7 years, and she passed away in November 2016. I am SO sorry you are going through this.
You have gotten lots of great advice and comments that I'm not going to repeat.
One thing that may help with the Depends - my mom didn't want to wear them either, but she was satisfied when they put the depends on her and then put her underwear on over the Depends. My opinion was - whatever it takes! Hope this helps,
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Post by not2peased on Sept 28, 2017 20:57:43 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I think you need an objective, professional opinion with respect to the impact this is having on your father and when is the right time for your mother to go into care. I think the current situation is dangerous for your father, and your mother.
My grandmother managed to get out one night and her brother found her huddled in her nightgown at the end of his driveway in the morning.
Just before that incident she started hitting people, and almost burned down the house. by putting things on the stove and turning it on.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 28, 2017 22:05:20 GMT
hink right now, but it is sinking in to him that she is progressing at an alarming rate in her Alzheimer's. I think he is going to gut it out as long as he can. Please find some in home care for them both. Your dad is very admirable in wanting to take care of her but he needs some help.
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zella
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Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Sept 29, 2017 0:53:39 GMT
We went through a similar situation with my dad. Mum cared for him at home with minimal assistance for a few years, but it just got to be too hard. Dad exhibited similar behaviors as your Mom. His sleep was totally erratic and he was up during the night every night. He was obsessed with urinating and toilets, and would urinate in trash cans, on the floor, everywhere. I don't remember if he put things down the toilet. He was completely bladder incontinent, but he'd pull off the Depends. Eventually he became bowel incontinent too. He had a hard time following simple directions, which made things very difficult. And he sometimes was aggressive.
Mum had to move Dad to a group home. It was definitely the right choice. Luckily his pensions covered the cost. I don't know how anyone manages to look after someone with advanced dementia in the home without full time help. I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially sorry for your dad.
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Post by txdancermom on Sept 29, 2017 1:50:30 GMT
Also talk with her doctor and with medicare and any supplemental health insurance carrier - they may be able to direct you to some resources that can help you get some in home care or what residential resources are available for her. When my dad was failing we found an organization that through Medicare would come in and help, they provided some nursing care, and would have provided some in home help if we needed it. Ask questions - you will be surprised what resources are out there
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Deleted
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May 21, 2024 23:00:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2017 3:48:34 GMT
I don't want to grow old in America. It is too uncaring toward the old and poor.
Sorry you're going through this. I hope it works out for you all.
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Post by crittsmom on Sept 29, 2017 6:38:42 GMT
Don't do a reverse mortgage, please. If one person takes it out and passes away, the loan becomes due. You have to commit to living in the property. If you can't, the loan becomes due. So many pitfalls. Unless you are certain that your parents will be able to live in the home, and afford the upkeep and costs, for the entire term of the loan. Please do lots of research on this. V this is my biggest fear. even if it is taken out in both of their names, if my dad dies first, mom will have to leave the house and they would lose their equity. That's not true if one spouse dies that the other one has to leave. Or does this very by state ? My step mom passed first and my dad lived in his house, (under both of their names), for another year until he went into assisted living. We sold the house and he actually made money out of it because the profit from the house was more than what was on the loan.
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Post by crittsmom on Sept 29, 2017 6:44:36 GMT
If your father is a veteran, please look into VA aid and attendance. Your parents could get some financial assistance for better living arrangements if they qualify. VA aide and attendance is very important. Go to your nearest Veteran's Admin office for info. If you look into assisted living they can also help you with that too..
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,772
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 29, 2017 9:42:27 GMT
No advice just sending ((hugs)) from the UK. It's a cruel disease and touches so many. I hope you find a route forward that helps everyone involved.
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