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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 6, 2017 0:34:17 GMT
My oldest dd finally moved out on her own. We have lived in this house for 25 yrs. 25 yrs worth of "stuff" She is 24 yrs old. So we are going thru her closet, and I saved a lot of stuff. Toys, blankets, clothes, books, etc from growing up. But it's ending up to be a lot of "stuff". we have a lot of STUFF. I feel sad throwing away some of the stuff, but know we can't keep it forever. And really, why save it? So I guess I'm just talking myself thru throwing some of this stuff away.
How does everyone do it? advice?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:21:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 0:38:57 GMT
It's hard! ((HUGS)). Remember though,"it's only stuff." Some people take photos of the things and then scrapbook their memories of it, and why it was an important part of their memories.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 6, 2017 0:39:21 GMT
I'm not a saver and not overly sentimental - so ymmv. The only toys I saved were ones I could truly see my grandchildren playing with in 20+ years. And even then, if they didn't fit in the tub, I figured I really didn't need them. Clothes? donated all of them except 2 special outfits my mother made. I can't imagine a child 20+ years from now would want them. I kept a couple blankets that were hand knitted or quilted and a handful of favorite books that would fit in the tub. So basically each of my kids have one tub of general baby/kid stuff. I also kept one tub American Girl stuff and one tub of train stuff.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 6, 2017 0:41:17 GMT
I give myself a certain amount of space, perhaps a 33 gallon tub, and then decide what is the most important to me. When my parents were both living, they took the things in the house that were either valuable or sentimental that they thought we all might want. They typed a list and gave it to each of us to prioritize what we would want 1, 2, 3, etc. When you have to make a decision like that, the first couple of things become obviously important to you and the others not so much. This is what I do now when I am trying to downsize. I give myself a space or number and then agonize for a bit. It always works and once in a while I keep something that won't fit into a tub because, well, I can.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Nov 6, 2017 0:42:11 GMT
I think about the times that I had to clean out other people's sentimental stuff. That makes me more willing to purge. I also make lists of what might matter to someone and ask try to go from there.
Good luck!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:21:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 0:52:17 GMT
First off, decide how much room you have to save things and why you are saving it. I knew I had a closet for 3 and wanted to save things I felt they would want to pass down to their children. Or I wanted to keep to have at my house for grandkids.
I saved one outfit (the one they came home from the hospital in) and a couple of hand knit things their grandma had knit for them. I felt like they would like to hand down to their kids some day (and they did when that day came) I didn't save any other clothing. They each had a hand made crib quilt I kept.
Toys; I kept the lego accumulation and a doll cradle my dad made. I didn't keep any books. I figure that is what libraries are for or they can be repurchased for a grandchild if I feel the need to own it again later. I have not felt the need to re-own any of the titles my kids loved but the grands do get gift certificates to buy books which they love the experience of going to the books store over pulling a dusty book from a storage box.
Once I knew why I was keeping an item it was easier to decide what to keep/give away.
Women's shelters can often use children's toys, books, bedding, and clothing (depending on how out of date we are talking!) so knowing they are going to help someone in a crisis may make letting them go easier.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,393
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Nov 6, 2017 0:56:36 GMT
My kids have their school scrapbooks (4 each) and a Rubbermaid tote that holds larger sentimental items.
Most of the toys/books have worked their way out of the house, but I still have some totes stored in the basement. I couldn’t toss the LEGOS!!! Ha!
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Nov 6, 2017 1:00:31 GMT
One thing that might help you with this particular dilemma - realize that this stuff wasn't important enough to HER to take it with her.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,429
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Nov 6, 2017 1:09:22 GMT
I kept one bin of clothes, blankets, favorite stuffed animals. That's it. So first shoes, outfit from the hospital etc.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 6, 2017 1:47:02 GMT
One thing that might help you with this particular dilemma - realize that this stuff wasn't important enough to HER to take it with her. She is in a very very tiny apt right now. She has 2 closets. One for clothes, and one for storage/cleaning supplies/coats/vacuum, etc. That's it for storage. So we are basically storing some of the stuff until someday she would get a bigger place. I sort of look at it this way. When I was 20ish, would I have save this, or that? probably not? Now in my 50s, would I love to look at it? well, yea, sort of. I would love to have something to look at back from my childhood, or saved stuff. I have nothing from birth to age 21, as my child hood home burned down. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time parting with things too.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 6, 2017 1:50:11 GMT
Take photos of some of those sentimental things. If DD does not want them, donate and let them bring joy to someone else.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 6, 2017 2:05:56 GMT
Well, it's more personal things. Like a wooden message board she made in 5th grade. A cross made of seashells from 1st sleep away bible camp, etc, etc. plus the other toys and clothes. It's more the 1st things though.
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 6, 2017 2:20:25 GMT
Take pictures of everything. Then put everything in sealed totes. In one year come back and go through the totes and decide what is important enough to keep and what you can live with photos of.
I did this with my childhood stuff and ended up throwing out everything except my American Girl dolls and accessories. Everything else I saved pictures.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Nov 6, 2017 2:28:30 GMT
If you agreed to store it for her, why are you purging it? I wouldn't be throwing things out without her there.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:21:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 2:34:09 GMT
If you have tiny dressy dresses. Frame them. They would look great on her wall.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:21:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 3:28:59 GMT
Well, it's more personal things. Like a wooden message board she made in 5th grade. A cross made of seashells from 1st sleep away bible camp, etc, etc. plus the other toys and clothes. It's more the 1st things though. This is very different from what you put in your first post. Decide how much space you are willing to spare to store her things and for how long. Then ask HER to come home and purge everything down to what will fit in the space you are willing to spare or take it with her and use it to decorate her current apartment. I'm sure if her 5th grade message board is sentimental to her she can use a message board in her current apt. Same with a seashell cross etc. Make her deal with it and determine how important it is to her. My guess is it will be far less important than it is to you. YOur first post makes it sound like literally everything she has ever owned is a sentimental item.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,785
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Nov 6, 2017 3:54:42 GMT
It appears you did the first round of sorting through your daughter's "stuff." Given she's now an adult, I suggest she decides on the remaining items that she wants to keep (up with/move) long-term.
As an only child, my parents had an entire room devoted to storing a lifetime of my stuff. They had not thrown anything away. I spent a weekend sorting through the room & left with a single book crate full of report cards (the old school thick cardboard with handwritten grades & teacher comments), a couple papers & certificates, & engraved nameplates from my cheer/academic trophies. Everything else was recycled or donated, & the room is now another guest room.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,790
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Nov 6, 2017 4:00:01 GMT
I've been kind of going through the same thing with my DD. Before I get rid of anything I send her photos with the tag "want, save or ditch". Technology is nice because it can be more instant/as I'm purging so less procrastination. She is pretty good about ridding herself of stuff so it's worked for us (so far). There are a few things I will save of hers that I can't bare to trash, but not much.
"Want" and "save" are basically the same thing except I travel to her town often enough that "want", to us, means bring/next trip. Ditch means trash or donate, my choice.
As I go along I find it easier and easier to let go. Not totally but much better.
Good luck.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 6, 2017 4:09:20 GMT
If you agreed to store it for her, why are you purging it? I wouldn't be throwing things out without her there. When I said we, I meant it was her and I doing it. So simmer down
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 6, 2017 4:43:26 GMT
One thing that might help you with this particular dilemma - realize that this stuff wasn't important enough to HER to take it with her. I can appreciate what you’re saying, but when kids are leaving home they are generally only thinking of the here and now. I know I was when I moved out of my mom’s house and there were many of my childhood things that were left behind when I moved into a one bedroom apartment at 19. I have no idea what she did with a bunch of it, but I really wish now I still had the handmade dollhouse my uncle made for me the Christmas when I was five. I wouldn’t have had anywhere to store it when I moved out, but I would FIND a place to keep it now. I also wish I still had some of my drawings from when I was in grade school, even then I was a pretty decent artist and it would have been fun to show them to my artistic DD now. So my advice cindyupnorth would be to think about which items might have some meaning to your DD years from now after she is married or maybe when she has her own child, or even ask her which things she didn’t take but that she would like for you to hang onto for a time and see what she says.
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Post by anniefb on Nov 6, 2017 4:48:57 GMT
Well I'm the daughter of a mother who did keep some toys, books and other special things aside for me - and I'm really grateful she did! I think maybe I wouldn't have valued them that much in my 20s but I do now in my 50s. Case in point - some special books I was able to gift to my niece.
I wouldn't keep it all but I'd set aside at least a few things.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 6, 2017 5:01:50 GMT
Well I'm the daughter of a mother who did keep some toys, books and other special things aside for me - and I'm really grateful she did! I think maybe I wouldn't have valued them that much in my 20s but I do now in my 50s. Case in point - some special books I was able to gift to my niece. I wouldn't keep it all but I'd set aside at least a few things. I am very thankful that no one tossed my mom's books. I am the happy owner of about a dozen first edition classics that were read once. I have Treasure Island, Little Women, and at least ten others. While they are worth $, I couldn't part with them.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 6, 2017 13:23:05 GMT
I use the one-tub-per-child approach as well for what I choose to keep for some future presentation to them when they have children of their own -- a special outfit, any lovey or special toy, a handmade blanket, and other things from infancy and the toddler years. Each one of the four boys has several scrapbooks in addition to their baby book, too. Other than those items that I keep, they have made the decisions about items from as they were growing up. They've kept various things like a special game ball, a big old squishy teddy (that actually had been on my bed on my college dorm room, discovered in storage by one of the boys, and promptly adopted for life), and trophies/medals.
With the age of your daughter, I'd definitely engage her in the decisions being made. What she doesn't chose to "claim" now, you can keep if you want. But I think it's important then to remember it was *your* decision on those items and not guilt her for you having to store them.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Nov 6, 2017 14:20:18 GMT
One thing that might help you with this particular dilemma - realize that this stuff wasn't important enough to HER to take it with her. Those are powerfully wise words that I can apply as I sort through my own saved things. Thank you.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 6, 2017 14:30:32 GMT
I can appreciate what you’re saying, but when kids are leaving home they are generally only thinking of the here and now. I know I was when I moved out of my mom’s house and there were many of my childhood things that were left behind when I moved into a one bedroom apartment at 19. I have no idea what she did with a bunch of it, but I really wish now I still had the handmade dollhouse my uncle made for me the Christmas when I was five. I wouldn’t have had anywhere to store it when I moved out, but I would FIND a place to keep it now. I also wish I still had some of my drawings from when I was in grade school, even then I was a pretty decent artist and it would have been fun to show them to my artistic DD now. So my advice cindyupnorth would be to think about which items might have some meaning to your DD years from now after she is married or maybe when she has her own child, or even ask her which things she didn’t take but that she would like for you to hang onto for a time and see what she says. Yes!! you get exactly what I am saying! She's 24. She has NO idea what she would want to look at, or share with her kids when she's older. She just wants to get this dang cleaning done! ha. That's good advice. Thanks!
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Post by maryland on Nov 6, 2017 14:37:05 GMT
If it's her stuff, I would let her decide. But tell her how much you are willing to keep and the rest she can take with her. If there is something she doesn't want, but you want, then go ahead and keep it.
My family saves everything! I keep what is important to me, and not everything. I think because I am a sahm, I have more time to go through stuff. I think my husband just doesn't want to "waste" his limited free time, but I would love if he just spend a few minutes a day going through and organizing his momentos.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Nov 6, 2017 15:14:48 GMT
I can appreciate what you’re saying, but when kids are leaving home they are generally only thinking of the here and now. I know I was when I moved out of my mom’s house and there were many of my childhood things that were left behind when I moved into a one bedroom apartment at 19. I have no idea what she did with a bunch of it, but I really wish now I still had the handmade dollhouse my uncle made for me the Christmas when I was five. I wouldn’t have had anywhere to store it when I moved out, but I would FIND a place to keep it now. I also wish I still had some of my drawings from when I was in grade school, even then I was a pretty decent artist and it would have been fun to show them to my artistic DD now. So my advice cindyupnorth would be to think about which items might have some meaning to your DD years from now after she is married or maybe when she has her own child, or even ask her which things she didn’t take but that she would like for you to hang onto for a time and see what she says. Yes!! you get exactly what I am saying! She's 24. She has NO idea what she would want to look at, or share with her kids when she's older. She just wants to get this dang cleaning done! ha. That's good advice. Thanks! Exacatly the same with my 24 year old. She would just as soon I throw out her few baby books, photos, her scrapbooks (the ones SHE made, forget about mine), the favorite toy I saved. She thinks it is all useless and a waste of space. Even the photos of her childhood. She wants nothing to do with it. Even the photos -- I just don't get it. I refuse to throw it out because I think she may really have a change of heart as she ages or has kids. And if not? Oh well, she can throw it out when I die. It amounts to no more than one large box, so she can deal.
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 6, 2017 15:20:46 GMT
I would ask my kids what they want to keep. Like you I am inundated with sentimental stuff and one son just moved out. I will keep a few special clothes, stuffed animals and some bins of toys for possible future grandkids like legos and star wars stuff
I have a huge doll collection I want to begin downsizing but dolls are unpopular now.
If I look at something and say I cant part with it then it stays.
I still scrapbook so paper stuff that fits goes in the scrapbooks.
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Post by clarencelynn on Nov 6, 2017 15:24:31 GMT
"Stuff" is hard to deal with. On one hand you want to keep it because it means something to you and on the other hand, it takes up room! My DS is only 16 but we've gone through some stuff already. I was surprised about what he chose to keep - much of it was what I would have tossed/donated. The little crafts that he made I only keep if it shows his personality. For example, the clay from that has the giant tongue - keep. The foam sheet picture frame that they made from a kit - toss.
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Post by kimpossible on Nov 6, 2017 17:56:14 GMT
I took the advice of some of the scrapbookers and took pictures of some of the "precious" artwork and some things I know my DS would not want to keep or take with him.
I've kept a few of his pieces of clothing (first t-ball uniform, his championship soccer jersey, an "Arthur" tshirt that I could never get him out of - that was one of his favorite shows to watch, etc.).
I've also kept his first pair of Nike baby shoes, some baby blankets made by my Mom and a Great Aunt.
I just pulled out the other night 2 books that were bound by teachers in elementary school that he wrote - he got a kick out of them.
I'm trying to keep it down to just 2-3 totes of stuff for him so when he leaves the 'nest" he isn't overly burdoned. The pictures I will put in his scrapbook - and mine that I have on him too.
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