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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 3:13:33 GMT
What the heck! Look at the quote dates in your last post and mine. So weird! I don't know why I would have said that - in June 2014! You didn't, Jen. I quoted mom from this thread. Stupid Proboard error they haven't fixed yet. Gotcha
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Post by alexa11 on Nov 26, 2017 3:16:59 GMT
I'm always so exhausted, terrible headaches, and don't sleep with just a general "off" feeling. It was a year in June since his death and honestly all of the "seconds" are worse than the "firsts". Hugs to all of you.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Nov 26, 2017 3:22:51 GMT
On Monday I was in a meeting with special services for my son. My mind kept going blank. I couldn’t remember the simplest of things. What the heck! On Tuesday night I had an appt. one of ds’ classmates is selling insurance and I agreed to let him practice on me. Never again! That’s a story in itself (not the kid’s fault, it was the trainer). But sitting there in the middle of it, the woman wanted to play a video. I said “it’s too loud... it’s too... if you want to keep my attention you have to talk to me.” In that moment, I knew what my problem was. And on the calendar 3 years ago, Monday was the day my dh went to the dr for the very first time and they had serious concerns. I wasn’t with him because my dad was admitted to ICU right before Fred’s appt. and then it was thanksgiving that my dad died, and Fred had his first specialist appt the day after his funeral. So it was the beginning of everything. Before I would get sad at certain times and be able to look at the calendar and see, ohhh no wonder I’m so out of sorts. My mil said, “stop looking at the calendar if it makes you sad.” I said it’s the other way around - I look at the calendar to find out why I’m so sad. This time, my emotions are fine. Some melancholy i guess, but nothing like i might expect for such an Anniversary and holiday. But mentally - and physically, too - I’m shot out. It was the weirdest thing but so glad I figured it out. My gf suggested it’s a subconscious thing. Like PTSD. I think she’s right. I decided to only do what was necessary and rest the remaining parts of the long weekend. I got a massage today. I don’t love them as much as I should. Anyway, I googled and there is such a thing as an Anniversary Effect or Anniversary Reaction. themighty.com/2017/02/anniversary-effect-reaction-depression/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1164254If you or your family/friends are feeling off (any time of year) and don’t quite know why, maybe this is the reason. Thank you for this. I have so many trigger dates. My psycho family is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Especially over Thanksgiving. I had a blast Thursday and yesterday. But then much like last year (my first without those people) MS reared its pain in the ass head and I feel awful. This is after months of feeling just fine so I'm sure there is a trigger in there somewhere. Hugs. This is all to say the you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. I sure have been. On my couch all day with some pie.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 3:23:36 GMT
I'm always so exhausted, terrible headaches, and don't sleep with just a general "off" feeling. It was a year in June since his death and honestly all of the "seconds" are worse than the "firsts". Hugs to all of you. Honey I'm so sorry. Yes year two is worse than year one. The numbness is gone and reality is setting in. I went from not accepting he's not coming back to understanding that he.is.not.coming.back. Have you considered attending a Grief Share group? It’s helpful for processing your grief. It was a tremendous help to me.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 3:29:07 GMT
On Monday I was in a meeting with special services for my son. My mind kept going blank. I couldn’t remember the simplest of things. What the heck! On Tuesday night I had an appt. one of ds’ classmates is selling insurance and I agreed to let him practice on me. Never again! That’s a story in itself (not the kid’s fault, it was the trainer). But sitting there in the middle of it, the woman wanted to play a video. I said “it’s too loud... it’s too... if you want to keep my attention you have to talk to me.” In that moment, I knew what my problem was. And on the calendar 3 years ago, Monday was the day my dh went to the dr for the very first time and they had serious concerns. I wasn’t with him because my dad was admitted to ICU right before Fred’s appt. and then it was thanksgiving that my dad died, and Fred had his first specialist appt the day after his funeral. So it was the beginning of everything. Before I would get sad at certain times and be able to look at the calendar and see, ohhh no wonder I’m so out of sorts. My mil said, “stop looking at the calendar if it makes you sad.” I said it’s the other way around - I look at the calendar to find out why I’m so sad. This time, my emotions are fine. Some melancholy i guess, but nothing like i might expect for such an Anniversary and holiday. But mentally - and physically, too - I’m shot out. It was the weirdest thing but so glad I figured it out. My gf suggested it’s a subconscious thing. Like PTSD. I think she’s right. I decided to only do what was necessary and rest the remaining parts of the long weekend. I got a massage today. I don’t love them as much as I should. Anyway, I googled and there is such a thing as an Anniversary Effect or Anniversary Reaction. themighty.com/2017/02/anniversary-effect-reaction-depression/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1164254If you or your family/friends are feeling off (any time of year) and don’t quite know why, maybe this is the reason. Thank you for this. I have so many trigger dates. My psycho family is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Especially over Thanksgiving. I had a blast Thursday and yesterday. But then much like last year (my first without those people) MS reared its pain in the ass head and I feel awful. This is after months of feeling just fine so I'm sure there is a trigger in there somewhere. Hugs. This is all to say the you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. I sure have been. On my couch all day with some pie. I'm sure you're right. I'm so sorry you have so many ugly reminders. I'm glad my post helped. PS Now I want pie.
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Post by alexa11 on Nov 26, 2017 3:40:02 GMT
I'm always so exhausted, terrible headaches, and don't sleep with just a general "off" feeling. It was a year in June since his death and honestly all of the "seconds" are worse than the "firsts". Hugs to all of you. Honey I'm so sorry. Yes year two is worse than year one. The numbness is gone and reality is setting in. I went from not accepting he's not coming back to understanding that he.is.not.coming.back. Have you considered attending a Grief Share group? It’s helpful for processing your grief. It was a tremendous help to me. My story is kind of odd... We split up (were never married, but together over 20 yrs) in Nov.2014, so I grieved that loss for a year and a half. Then June 2016 was his suicide- a lot to process. Most of the time I think I do ok, but my body obviously doesn't think so sometimes. I may check into a group- thank you.
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 26, 2017 3:46:01 GMT
Anniversary reactions are very real. I don't get them as often or nearly as severely as I used to, but certain times of the year would trigger me, due to my parent's death.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,399
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Nov 26, 2017 3:57:23 GMT
I know what you mean, jenjie , I go through the same feelings at Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. It was just a couple days before Thanksgiving that we found out the the chemo was doing more harm than good to DH and there was nothing else they could do. We tried to make it the same joyous holiday it had always been in our house, but we all knew it was our last one together. I documented every thing we did that day in my diary. 13 days later he died. It's now 7 years later. The feeling of grief has faded, but sometimes I find myself blindsided at the most inopportune times. Last week in church, we said a litany of Thanksgiving, and some of the verses caught me completely by surprise. "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love is everlasting.... Thank you God, for human life; for talking and moving and thinking together; for common hopes and hardships shared from birth to our dying; Thank you God, for marriage; for the mystery and joy of flesh made one; for mutual forgiveness and burdens shared; for secrets kept in love; Thank you God, for family; for living together and eating together; for family amusements and family pleasures; Thank you God, for children; for their energy and curiosity; for their brave play and their startling frankness; for their sudden sympathies; Thank you God, for growing up and growing old; for wisdom deepened by experience; for rest in leisure; and for time made precious by its passing; Thank you God, for your help in time of doubt and sorrow; for healing our diseases; for preserving us in temptation and danger..." I sat there in church, tears streaming down my face, unable to stop them, unable to say the verses with the rest of the congregation. I thought I was "over" all that. I guess we never are. When that happens, I just kinda shut down, take it easy for a couple days, until I feel better. I don't know any other way to handle it. I try not to dwell on it. Like scrappyesq said, be gentle with yourself. Take time for yourself and your family. To all of us here who have suffered a loss, I am sorry. You are not alone.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 4:00:50 GMT
Honey I'm so sorry. Yes year two is worse than year one. The numbness is gone and reality is setting in. I went from not accepting he's not coming back to understanding that he.is.not.coming.back. Have you considered attending a Grief Share group? It’s helpful for processing your grief. It was a tremendous help to me. My story is kind of odd... We split up (were never married, but together over 20 yrs) in Nov.2014, so I grieved that loss for a year and a half. Then June 2016 was his suicide- a lot to process. Most of the time I think I do ok, but my body obviously doesn't think so sometimes. I may check into a group- thank you. It's probably more complicated for you. There's a lot going on. The fact that he died at his own hand—I'm guessing the question of responsibility has come to you. What could I have done to prevent this? You couldn't have. Plus, I think people don't know how to comfort a griever whose loved one has committed suicide. Even more so than someone who died in another way, I think. I'm guessing there was a lot of avoidance. Then the fact that you had already split up, and also not married - never mind you were together for two decades! They may not understand how deeply this affects you. Not that they don't care, but that they just don't get it. I hope, at the very least, you feel that I've heard you. As far as Grief Share, the first thing they tell you is don't compare grief. In our original core group, I was the only one whose loss took place over months. Everyone else's was sudden. One a car accident - she lost her husband and a son at the same time. Two others lost a child to drug overdose. There was NO judgment, just shared grief. Big big hugs to you. Praying for you tonight.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Nov 26, 2017 4:10:45 GMT
The thing that makes it hard is that the most mundane unexpected things set me off. I went to Dunkin Donuts today. When I was a kid in the 80s there was only one in Brooklyn. A train ride away near the beach. My older sister actually did something right and she would take me to the beach and buy me a donut. I hadn't thought about that in years!!!! Who would've thought a donut would make me tear up. So dammit I bought the donut and still ended up on the couch with pie. **shrugs** I deserve it.
Life can be so hard sometimes. Seriously.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 4:13:16 GMT
I know what you mean, jenjie , I go through the same feelings at Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday. It was just a couple days before Thanksgiving that we found out the the chemo was doing more harm than good to DH and there was nothing else they could do. We tried to make it the same joyous holiday it had always been in our house, but we all knew it was our last one together. I documented every thing we did that day in my diary. 13 days later he died. It's now 7 years later. The feeling of grief has faded, but sometimes I find myself blindsided at the most inopportune times. Last week in church, we said a litany of Thanksgiving, and some of the verses caught me completely by surprise. "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love is everlasting.... Thank you God, for human life; for talking and moving and thinking together; for common hopes and hardships shared from birth to our dying; Thank you God, for marriage; for the mystery and joy of flesh made one; for mutual forgiveness and burdens shared; for secrets kept in love; Thank you God, for family; for living together and eating together; for family amusements and family pleasures; Thank you God, for children; for their energy and curiosity; for their brave play and their startling frankness; for their sudden sympathies; Thank you God, for growing up and growing old; for wisdom deepened by experience; for rest in leisure; and for time made precious by its passing; Thank you God, for your help in time of doubt and sorrow; for healing our diseases; for preserving us in temptation and danger..." I sat there in church, tears streaming down my face, unable to stop them, unable to say the verses with the rest of the congregation. I thought I was "over" all that. I guess we never are. When that happens, I just kinda shut down, take it easy for a couple days, until I feel better. I don't know any other way to handle it. I try not to dwell on it. Like scrappyesq said, be gentle with yourself. Take time for yourself and your family. To all of us here who have suffered a loss, I am sorry. You are not alone. Ohhh yeah. There are times a Bible passage or a song will comfort, encourage or excite me. Other times, the same one will bring heartache. I'm so sorry. It's like a double whammy when you think you're past that and it hits. I guess we never do get past it.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 4:17:18 GMT
The thing that makes it hard is that the most mundane unexpected things set me off. I went to Dunkin Donuts today. When I was a kid in the 80s there was only one in Brooklyn. A train ride away near the beach. My older sister actually did something right and she would take me to the beach and buy me a donut. I hadn't thought about that in years!!!! Who would've thought a donut would make me tear up. So dammit I bought the donut and still ended up on the couch with pie. **shrugs** I deserve it. Life can be so hard sometimes. Seriously. You do deserve both the donut and the pie. Not the bad feelings. I think it's good that you were able to let in a good memory. It's healthy to recognize that your sister had a good quality or two. It's closer to reality, instead of just seeing her as a cartoon-esque villain.
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 11:37:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2017 4:53:31 GMT
I'm so sorry. I tend to go overboard remembering dates like that. I'll call my mom to check on her, thinking she'll be really depressed because it was the date that my dad passed, or my grandmother, or many other family members, but most times she's either forgotten it or is handling it much better than I expected.
I always have dates in my head. I'll ask DH, "Do you remember what happened on this day 3 years ago?" Sometimes he remembers and sometimes I have to clue him in. Again, I'm sorry you were triggered. It's amazing how dates can bring you right back to those moments.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 26, 2017 4:59:32 GMT
I'm so sorry. I tend to go overboard remembering dates like that. I'll call my mom to check on her, thinking she'll be really depressed because it was the date that my dad passed, or my grandmother, or many other family members, but most times she's either forgotten it or is handling it much better than I expected. I always have dates in my head. I'll ask DH, "Do you remember what happened on this day 3 years ago?" Sometimes he remembers and sometimes I have to clue him in. Again, I'm sorry you were triggered. It's amazing how dates can bring you right back to those moments. the anniversary of my dad’s death is this Tuesday. I made plans to take my mom to dinner. There was this older lady, a friend of mine. She dropped off of Facebook, I hadn’t seen her in church in quite a while. I called and texted a couple of times and got nowhere. I was strongly considering asking someone else because I was concerned. It turns out she was going through something but know what she did? She texted me on dh birthday to let me know she was thinking of me. And it meant so much to me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 18, 2024 11:37:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2017 5:21:05 GMT
Ooh how sweet!! And probably a big relief for you to know that she was doing well! I totally get it.........
Luckily, I have 4 sisters who live near my mom in NY, so they all spend time with her since my Dad passed. It hurts me that I am so far away (FL). I would give anything to be living with my whole family... Still, I'm grateful. It's great that you'll take your mom out. Hope she has a day that isn't too rough (you too). Hugs!
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Nov 26, 2017 5:57:16 GMT
I am not a date person. I struggle to remember birthdays of my immediate family ... my husband and I were married on a date that has a pattern in the numerical month, day and year. Largely so I could remember our anniversary 😉 but I have a complete and shocking subconcious awareness of the time of year when my daughter and my son died. Their dates are very close together - November 18 and December 9. Toward the end of October I start listening to Christmas music. Thankfully my family is understanding, but it's almost like putting a goal post in front of me. By listening to Christmas music, I feel like if I can get to Christmas, then that means I have survived the fast approaching mine field of grief. But those first few days of turning on the Christmas playlist are almost involuntary ... I'm doing it before I even realize completely why I'm doing it. Grief is hard and complex and so very different for everyone. I am so very sorry for all of the losses lived in this thread, and to anyone who may be reading.
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
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Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Nov 26, 2017 6:09:40 GMT
Our bodies remember these dates even if we haven't clued in to the calendar yet (speaking for myself and my family). Realizing that those days around the anniversary (hits each person individually) are just gonna suck. Period. That's all there is to it. That's when we need extra down time & comfort food. We need to acknowledge it sucks and we must be gentle with ourselves and with each other and that makes it SO much easier. I firmly believe this as its how my process has gone. About a year and a half out I decided I needed to stop looking at the calendar etc. However, certain days I would find myself all out of sorts etc. When looking to find an answer as to why, I would see that it was related to the accident. My brain doesn't need reminders as my body seems to always remember. Most of the time its just in July but every now and then the 26th falls on a Thursday. This year it was the same day my dog passed away unexpectedly. I don't need a calendar to remember. My body does a fine job all on its own and its frustrating because I have no control over it. I do agree that acknowledging the why and being gentle with myself on those days makes it a lot easier than trying to fight it or ignore it etc.
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lesserknownpea
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Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 7:56:02 GMT
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 26, 2017 8:37:37 GMT
I’m glad you posted this. I wasn’t keeping track, and then started having stress symptoms. When I realized it was the anniversary,I googled “ anniversary reactions”, also. The info was very validating that it’s a “ thing”.
Because for this year, the 5th, has led right up to my meeting up with XH in prison ( this Friday,😯), I’ve pretty much been a basket case.
It was kind of you to create a post that would encourage others, even as you yourself are experiencing this.
eta: my homework from my therapist is actually to watch a sad movie and get some of those tears flowing. I just feel so bottled up and in need of a good cry!
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Nov 26, 2017 12:32:42 GMT
I am not a date person. I struggle to remember birthdays of my immediate family ... my husband and I were married on a date that has a pattern in the numerical month, day and year. Largely so I could remember our anniversary 😉 but I have a complete and shocking subconcious awareness of the time of year when my daughter and my son died. Their dates are very close together - November 18 and December 9. Toward the end of October I start listening to Christmas music. Thankfully my family is understanding, but it's almost like putting a goal post in front of me. By listening to Christmas music, I feel like if I can get to Christmas, then that means I have survived the fast approaching mine field of grief. But those first few days of turning on the Christmas playlist are almost involuntary ... I'm doing it before I even realize completely why I'm doing it. Grief is hard and complex and so very different for everyone. I am so very sorry for all of the losses lived in this thread, and to anyone who may be reading. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 26, 2017 14:57:53 GMT
Our bodies remember these dates even if we haven't clued in to the calendar yet (speaking for myself and my family). Realizing that those days around the anniversary (hits each person individually) are just gonna suck. Period. That's all there is to it. That's when we need extra down time & comfort food. We need to acknowledge it sucks and we must be gentle with ourselves and with each other and that makes it SO much easier. I firmly believe this as its how my process has gone. About a year and a half out I decided I needed to stop looking at the calendar etc. However, certain days I would find myself all out of sorts etc. When looking to find an answer as to why, I would see that it was related to the accident. My brain doesn't need reminders as my body seems to always remember. Most of the time its just in July but every now and then the 26th falls on a Thursday. This year it was the same day my dog passed away unexpectedly. I don't need a calendar to remember. My body does a fine job all on its own and its frustrating because I have no control over it. I do agree that acknowledging the why and being gentle with myself on those days makes it a lot easier than trying to fight it or ignore it etc. Isn't it crazy? When you realize beforehand that those days are just gonna be really hard, that you're gonna have no energy and you're just gonna want to stay home in your pj's and plan ahead for it, you get through it and out the other side feeling more "normal" - much as you do after a big holiday. But, when you think that these dates shouldn't affect you and you try to just power through them no matter what... your body may have other ideas entirely. The more you fight it, the worse it gets. Anyone with any kind of anxiety or depression may as well just prepare to be sad. If you do become sad, you'll know it's to be expected and you're OK, you'll get through it. If you don't become sad, you'll have a better day(s) than you thought you might. I consider that a gift.
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Post by Zee on Nov 26, 2017 15:04:37 GMT
Please don't laugh but I woke up so sad today...and realized my beloved cat Vinnie died one year ago today. The Facebook memories are bittersweet. He was my furry soul mate, the feline love of my life and we had 15 years together. He was there for me during some of the worst, lowest times in my life. It's hard to lose a pet because often people don't get it. I do understand that it's certainly not the same as losing a person, but the hurt can be just as hard. Going to go hug my kitten and take joy in his health and playfulness. I'm sorry for everyone who is hurting.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Nov 26, 2017 15:15:53 GMT
I see these reactions in my grandma and my mom (mom denies them though). My Uncle was killed in Vietnam and didn't get to come home. He was home last at Christmas, so Christmas is emotional for them both. Then he was killed in April, and his birthday in May. So April and May are emotional too. It was 50 years ago, and neither of them can hear the song I'll be Home For Christmas. It will be instant tears and heartbreak for them both.
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Post by ToniW on Nov 26, 2017 15:23:10 GMT
Hugs, Jenjie and everyone going through this and thanks for the links. I will read them.
My father's birthday is December 6th and he passed on December 28th. I guess that's was why when December gets close, it's not so "jolly" for me anymore. My mom passed Thursday. My younger brother who came from out of the country arrived on the last day my mom was somewhat lucid and I want to think she recognized him. He's going back home in a couple of weeks, after the services and won't/can't stay for Christmas.
I'm just so sad.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 26, 2017 15:30:51 GMT
I am not a date person. I struggle to remember birthdays of my immediate family ... my husband and I were married on a date that has a pattern in the numerical month, day and year. Largely so I could remember our anniversary 😉 but I have a complete and shocking subconcious awareness of the time of year when my daughter and my son died. Their dates are very close together - November 18 and December 9. Toward the end of October I start listening to Christmas music. Thankfully my family is understanding, but it's almost like putting a goal post in front of me. By listening to Christmas music, I feel like if I can get to Christmas, then that means I have survived the fast approaching mine field of grief. But those first few days of turning on the Christmas playlist are almost involuntary ... I'm doing it before I even realize completely why I'm doing it. Grief is hard and complex and so very different for everyone. I am so very sorry for all of the losses lived in this thread, and to anyone who may be reading. You are not the only one who subconsciously remembers what you can't consciously remember without a lot of help! Yes, that goal line is very real and I found it a great help to know that it's there. Extra, extra gentle {{{Hugs}}} for you right now. You never get over losing a child. Losing two only compounds that grief. My story is kind of odd... We split up (were never married, but together over 20 yrs) in Nov.2014, so I grieved that loss for a year and a half. Then June 2016 was his suicide- a lot to process. Most of the time I think I do ok, but my body obviously doesn't think so sometimes. I may check into a group- thank you. It sounds as if you are grieving multiple things at one time, some which you will never be allowed to fully understand. That's a very hard position to be in, because other people tend to not understand at all. They have their own lives with their own problems and are only willing to listen to so much that you need to say, but you might not know what all you need to say and you are left struggling to get through it. {{{Hugs}}} I thought I was "over" all that. I guess we never are. No. I don't read a book that doesn't speak to me in the moment. One line out of an entire book was meant just for me to find and when I do, it leaps out to greet me. Songs do that too, but that's more to be expected. It's the things that sneak up on you that tend to take your breath away. Amen and Amen. So dammit I bought the donut and still ended up on the couch with pie. **shrugs** I deserve it. Life can be so hard sometimes. Seriously. I'm happy for your donut memories. We all need more of those. Seriously hard. I tend to go overboard remembering dates like that. I used to remember everybody's birthdays until the day came when they all just seemed to fall out of my head at once as if I had upended a tray they were neatly stacked on. It is what it is. You remember them or you don't. Most of us probably remember some big dates and have just a general idea of the rest unless we have a calendar right in front of us.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 26, 2017 15:32:15 GMT
Please don't laugh but I woke up so sad today...and realized my beloved cat Vinnie died one year ago today. The Facebook memories are bittersweet. He was my furry soul mate, the feline love of my life and we had 15 years together. He was there for me during some of the worst, lowest times in my life. It's hard to lose a pet because often people don't get it. I do understand that it's certainly not the same as losing a person, but the hurt can be just as hard. Going to go hug my kitten and take joy in his health and playfulness. I'm sorry for everyone who is hurting.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 26, 2017 15:34:23 GMT
Please don't laugh but I woke up so sad today...and realized my beloved cat Vinnie died one year ago today. The Facebook memories are bittersweet. He was my furry soul mate, the feline love of my life and we had 15 years together. He was there for me during some of the worst, lowest times in my life. It's hard to lose a pet because often people don't get it. I do understand that it's certainly not the same as losing a person, but the hurt can be just as hard. Going to go hug my kitten and take joy in his health and playfulness. I'm sorry for everyone who is hurting. I'm going to go ahead and say that it can be exactly like losing a person. If you have a constant presence that you interact with physically and emotionally, talk to, sit with, take care of, and who loves you unconditionally - that loss is enormous. I know I had tears in my eyes a year ago when you shared about Vinnie and do again this morning. Anyone who would laugh at you sharing about the loss of your beloved cat needs their ass kicked.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 26, 2017 15:42:12 GMT
Hugs, Jenjie and everyone going through this and thanks for the links. I will read them.
My father's birthday is December 6th and he passed on December 28th. I guess that's was why when December gets close, it's not so "jolly" for me anymore. My mom passed Thursday. My younger brother who came from out of the country arrived on the last day my mom was somewhat lucid and I want to think she recognized him. He's going back home in a couple of weeks, after the services and won't/can't stay for Christmas.
I'm just so sad.
I'm sorry for your loss. My mother passed this year, too, and I had to fly in to be with her for her last rarely lucid days. She absolutely recognized me and knew I was there. It is my belief that your mother knew that your brother was there. I believe that is something on a soul level that just can't be denied by whatever the body is going through. However you process this loss, I hope you can find some peace that he was able to be there. Holidays are really hard.
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Post by yivit on Nov 26, 2017 16:02:30 GMT
Hugs to all of y'all.
Just when I think I'm getting better with dealing with things (you never get OVER it), something slaps me upside the head. This year is 6 years MIL, 4 years DH, 3 years grandma, 2 years dad, and this year other grandma, and DD is getting married in 3 weeks (eek!) and they should ALL be there for it, dammit. Stepmom of the groom (pushy extrovert so polar opposite of me) wants photos of them for a display (with a 'shh don't tell DD about it') plus a pic of DH to put in the bouquet as a locket or charm (with another 'shh'). I can't find the energy to go through photos right now, and I do NOT want to spring any kind of surprise on DD on what should be a happy day. I keep thinking if I can get through this and Christmas this year without a meltdown (or a smackdown of the future in-laws lol) I'll be okay.
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Post by leslie132 on Nov 26, 2017 16:08:48 GMT
leslie132 oh wow do you feel like you never regained focus in general, or specific to the eating plan? It's true that people won't get it until it happens to them. Just the eating plan. I have a lot of other variables that are factoring in..... and I just can’t get there. My coach is amazing and has been terrific through the whole journey, but she faces life head on and doesn’t want to hear “excuses”. To me, my variables aren’t excuses they are my life spinning in directions I can’t control. I’m handling it....but not in ways that she would like. She still reaches out to me and we have an open door policy..... I pray that I can get back on track!
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Post by ToniW on Nov 26, 2017 16:16:15 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. My mother passed this year, too, and I had to fly in to be with her for her last rarely lucid days. She absolutely recognized me and knew I was there. It is my belief that your mother knew that your brother was there. I believe that is something on a soul level that just can't be denied by whatever the body is going through. However you process this loss, I hope you can find some peace that he was able to be there. Holidays are really hard. Thanks. Sorry for your loss, too. I'm glad you got the time with your mom. And yes, I'm truly glad he arrived in time. Although she had said a few days earlier for him not to come, I think she was waiting for him. My daughter whom she had not seem for about 9 years (lives in Indiana) but had seen/talked to her on facetime came, too but it was the day after he arrived, so again, I'm not sure she knew she was there. I'm hoping she did, since they say the last thing to go is the hearing.
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