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Post by jenjie on Nov 27, 2017 21:38:58 GMT
MsKnit “It took a few years of going through emotional upheaval until I realized that it was the losses that were effecting me. Afterward, I was aware that it was likely to happen and it didn't seem so hard, knowing.” That’s what I’m thinking. I’m so sorry for your losses.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 27, 2017 22:16:39 GMT
I had no idea that grief could be so physical. Some days are okay. And others, not so much. Yep. And perfectly normal, too. Anyway, I don't need a calendar. It took a few years of going through emotional upheaval until I realized that it was the losses that were effecting me. Afterward, I was aware that it was likely to happen and it didn't seem so hard, knowing. Yep. {{{Hugs}}} to everyone on this thread and to those who may be reading it.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Nov 27, 2017 23:08:01 GMT
hugs to you! I totally relate to there being a link between memories & the calendar
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Post by meridon on Nov 28, 2017 1:35:10 GMT
My oldest DD spent several years bouncing around in foster care before she came to me. She always goes off the rails in October/November. Every year--it's like clockwork. We're not sure why, but we suspect some of the trauma she experienced as a young child must have been during that time of year. I truly believe her subconscious remembers something, even if she can't actually call it to mind. Ahhhh that’s got to be so hard. Good for you for recognizing the pattern. It’s got to break your heart. I shared this a few years back and bump it up every year. It may be helpful to you. 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/14262/parenting-kids-sabotage-days-2016Thanks for the PSA about this--yes, unfortunately we deal with self-sabotage all.the.time. If something happens that's positive, like making an A on a test, etc. then they have to balance that out with something negative to avoid the cognitive dissonance from having an experience that runs counter to that internal dialogue of shame. It's so sad and exhausting. The thing that we have found that works best for that is to praise things that are very specific that can't be argued with or just make the observation but not comment on whether it's good or bad. "I see you have an A in math" as opposed to "you totally rocked math this grading period" . As for holidays, we opt out of many of the events this time of year, but 2 of my 3 have birthdays in late Nov/early Dec so there's birthday drama plus Thanksgiving and Christmas. Fun times.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 28, 2017 2:45:48 GMT
Thanks for the PSA about this--yes, unfortunately we deal with self-sabotage all.the.time. If something happens that's positive, like making an A on a test, etc. then they have to balance that out with something negative to avoid the cognitive dissonance from having an experience that runs counter to that internal dialogue of shame. It's so sad and exhausting. The thing that we have found that works best for that is to praise things that are very specific that can't be argued with or just make the observation but not comment on whether it's good or bad. "I see you have an A in math" as opposed to "you totally rocked math this grading period" . As for holidays, we opt out of many of the events this time of year, but 2 of my 3 have birthdays in late Nov/early Dec so there's birthday drama plus Thanksgiving and Christmas. Fun times. How sad. You can’t celebrate them - their accomplishments and achievements, or just for being them - because they won’t allow themselves to be celebrated.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 28, 2017 17:41:01 GMT
Well cr@p. The mental and physical were just the first shots fired. Sadness started last night. I woke up this morning thinking, I WANT MY LIFE BACK!
Taking it easy today before I take my mom to dinner tonight. 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death. And incidentally the beginning of the rollercoaster with my husband.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Nov 28, 2017 22:48:37 GMT
I'm so sorry I am sure part of it is PTSD as well you went through a horrific time during Fred's illness. I think for many people they think only the 1st anniversaries of certain holidays are hard on survivors but honestly I think it's the ransom things and days like you mentioned that can really be a struggle when you've experienced what you have.
I'm sure I and Spencer will struggle next August with the anniversary of when he became so ill. TFS this it will hopefully help us!
Take care!
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Post by jenjie on Nov 29, 2017 0:05:46 GMT
I'm so sorry I am sure part of it is PTSD as well you went through a horrific time during Fred's illness. I think for many people they think only the 1st anniversaries of certain holidays are hard on survivors but honestly I think it's the ransom things and days like you mentioned that can really be a struggle when you've experienced what you have. I'm sure I and Spencer will struggle next August with the anniversary of when he became so ill. TFS this it will hopefully help us! Take care! 😘
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
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Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 29, 2017 0:12:23 GMT
Well cr@p. The mental and physical were just the first shots fired. Sadness started last night. I woke up this morning thinking, I WANT MY LIFE BACK! Taking it easy today before I take my mom to dinner tonight. 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death. And incidentally the beginning of the rollercoaster with my husband. How was dinner, Jen?
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Post by jenjie on Nov 29, 2017 0:37:22 GMT
Well cr@p. The mental and physical were just the first shots fired. Sadness started last night. I woke up this morning thinking, I WANT MY LIFE BACK! Taking it easy today before I take my mom to dinner tonight. 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death. And incidentally the beginning of the rollercoaster with my husband. How was dinner, Jen? It was really good. We both needed it. Thanks ❤️
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