Dani-Mani
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Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 0:44:34 GMT
I am in my early 30s and I want to save for adoption, retirement and to buy a house (not in that order.... ) But I have a significant amount of student loan debt. After talking with a financial advisor (a friend, for free!), he asked if I could make a dent in that debt. And I can. If I move back in with my mom for a few years.
my mom divorced my dad...I guess about 6 years ago? She moved in with my sister and they rent an apartment. My mom said she'll move into a larger apartment/rental house if I want to move back. So moving back in with my mom means living with my sister. I tolerate my sister. We have never really gotten along. i can go on and on but I won't air her business... further, my mom and my sister fight All. The. Time.
my mom and I typically get along great. We rarely argue, share much in common, and I genuinely enjoy being around her. When my sister is around, my dynamic with my mom changes a lot because my mom's frustrations with my sister are taken out on me.
I don't know what to do. I am single and while I make a decent salary, I simply don't make nearly enough to make a dent in my debt, start a healthy savings account, save money for retirement....but if I live with my sister, my mental health will take a toll.
On my salary, even splitting rent three ways, I would have around $20,000 a year to save and pay off debts. I don't even come close to saving that amount living in my own...
EDIT: sorry I wasn't clearer guys. I am NOT looking to live with strangers, only trying to decide if living with my family is worth paying off debt faster or if I should continue to live alone and accept it'll be around the day I retire I'm debt free (I'm thinking I'll be at least 95 when I retire...)
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Dec 6, 2017 0:49:28 GMT
What about looking for a housemate who is not your mom or sis? I wouldn't want the burden of mom & sis having changed apartments to accommodate you - what if you decide it's not working, and you want to move out? You'd be leaving them with a bigger rent payment.
A roommate situation could more easily be for a limited time, with no guilt when you move out.
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carhoch
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Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Dec 6, 2017 0:53:22 GMT
What about looking for a housemate who is not your mom or sis? I wouldn't want the burden of mom & sis having changed apartments to accommodate you - what if you decide it's not working, and you want to move out? You'd be leaving them with a bigger rent payment. A roommate situation could more easily be for a limited time, with no guilt when you move out.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 0:53:35 GMT
What about looking for a housemate who is not your mom or sis? I wouldn't want the burden of mom & sis having changed apartments to accommodate you - what if you decide it's not working, and you want to move out? You'd be leaving them with a bigger rent payment. A roommate situation could more easily be for a limited time, with no guilt when you move out. I haven't had a roommate since I was 19. I appreciate that I can count on my mom and sister, be myself, they understand when things come up, if I sleep late, come home early...in other words, there are some drawbacks to being around family but some huge benefits. more than anything, my family is not going to leave me paying rent by myself. I've had friends who have done the non-familial roommate route and all of them didn't last (and good friends too). thats one reason I don't have a roommate now.
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Post by disneypal on Dec 6, 2017 0:56:14 GMT
That is a very difficult choice. I can understanding moving in with your family to save money and saving $20K a year is a lot so that would be benficial. However, is it worth your peace and sanity?
Do you have other options? Can you rent an inexpensive studio apt or a room out of someone's house - my sister did that to save money. She put most of her stuff in storage and she rented a room from a nice family for about 3 years, she managed to save enough to buy her first house.
If that isn't an option, do you have a friend or someone else that you could share rent with?
Can your sister afford her own place? If so, could you and your mother get a place with just the 2 of you?
I think I would try those avenues before moving back in with your mother AND sister.
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PrettyInPeank
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Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Dec 6, 2017 0:57:29 GMT
Get a roommate, a side job, sell things, create a budget and cut out non-necessities like coffee or cable. Drop Amazon Prime, clip coupons, buy in bulk, stop eating out, meal plan, etc, etc.
You can get there without moving in with mom. The stress sounds like it's not worth it at all.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 1:01:59 GMT
That is a very difficult choice. I can understanding moving in with your family to save money and saving $20K a year is a lot so that would be benficial. However, is it worth your peace and sanity? Do you have other options? Can you rent an inexpensive studio apt or a room out of someone's house - my sister did that to save money. She put most of her stuff in storage and she rented a room from a nice family for about 3 years, she managed to save enough to buy her first house. If that isn't an option, do you have a friend or someone else that you could share rent with? Can your sister afford her own place? If so, could you and your mother get a place with just the 2 of you? I think I would try those avenues before moving back in with your mother AND sister. I'm looking at studio apartments or even places with a separate basement entry. But one bedrooms are $900+. The cost savings isn't there... my my sister says she hates living with my mom but refuses to live out. She's never lived alone. I haven't lived 365 days with someone since I was 19! I've also looked at a second job but with my work hours, I could only work weekends. I want to get out of debt quicker but oh the sacrifices! 😩
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 1:04:12 GMT
Get a roommate, a side job, sell things, create a budget and cut out non-necessities like coffee or cable. Drop Amazon Prime, clip coupons, buy in bulk, stop eating out, meal plan, etc, etc. You can get there without moving in with mom. The stress sounds like it's not worth it at all. I don't have cable or drink coffee, I cook cheap from scratch, coupon, no car payment, and rarely eat out. So those aren't things I can even cut. I did consider going vegetarian and eat beans and rice to save on groceries but man I love chicken 😂
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Post by pierkiss on Dec 6, 2017 1:07:37 GMT
Can you find 2 other roommates that you’re not related to to live with?
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 1:10:36 GMT
Can you find 2 other roommates that you’re not related to to live with? That's just not an option. sorry I wasn't clearer guys. I am NOT looking to live with strangers, only trying to decide if living with my family is worth paying off debt faster or if I should continue to live alone and accept it'll be around the day I retire I'm debt free (I'm thinking I'll be at least 95 when I retire...)
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Dec 6, 2017 1:13:28 GMT
Good for you for wanting to take steps to pay off debt and save money! I listen to Dave Ramsey and while I don’t follow everything he says he has a very good, basic plan that’s easy to understand and is based on common sense. If taking his Financial Peace University program is an option I would recommend it.
While I probably wouldn’t move in with family I would do whatever it takes to get to the point I want to be, so taking a roommate (or your family) is a good idea.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 6, 2017 1:14:40 GMT
Why not commit to doing it for one year and see how things go? My old teammate lived with her parents for two years and she was able to pay off her school loans in those two years. My other teammate paid her loans for 17 years. They were both teachers. I can see the benefit to paying off loans.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 6, 2017 1:19:00 GMT
It sounds like you would be setting yourself up for an incredible amount of stressful misery. You'll be in the middle of their fighting and you'll have your own battles w/your sister. Is it worth it to trade in financial debt for emotional debt? Going from living peacefully alone to living w/tension and infighting will be awful for you.
You are probably going to be better off rooming w/someone else who you are not attached to and that will enable you to avoid drama. If you don't like your roommate then you can give notice and move out w/o the drama and guilt that you might feel if you had to move out of your mom's apartment. You've been on your own since you were 19. This is not the time to move back into the house, so to speak. Let your mom and your sister continue their dysfunctional living situation while you find a healthier alternative. I think a roommate situation could be very workable w/someone else. Your expenses are limited and that will help you pay off your debt. Be choosy about roommates. Take your time and find a situation that really speaks to you. You've waited this long, and if it takes a few months you'll be OK. Then you can get rid of that debt and save for a house.
ETA: I just read the thread that you don't want to live w/strangers. What about house sitting?
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tduby1
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Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Dec 6, 2017 1:28:42 GMT
It's only for a few years? I say do it. Create a living space in your bedroom that you can get away to when it gets too much. Maybe a twin bed that you can make double as a love seat (we did this in ds's room), a tv and a desk. Back years ago when sis and I roomed I did this but back then I had to have a tv stand- these days hanging the tv gives you more floor space. I spent a lot of time in my room but I didn't hate it. It was like my own private living room. (She had two babies and I worked in a daycare so I needed to retreat a lot).
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Post by anniefb on Dec 6, 2017 1:33:05 GMT
I have just started working with a financial trainer to pay off debt faster and be able to retire early. They crunched some numbers and set me a pretty tight budget to enable me to save basically $40k a year more than I was doing by myself. My budget doesn't involve taking on a roommate but it would be something I'd consider doing if it enabled me to get out of debt faster. But it does involve getting rid of some expenses completely and cutting down other spending quite a lot.
I guess what I'm saying is that you do have to make sacrifices if you want to achieve your goals - and only you can decide what your non-negotiables are. Personally, I would be willing to at least give moving in with mom/sister a go for a defined time period to see if you can make it work. If you can, it sounds like it'll be worth it. Alternatively, look for other ways to boost your income (even if it's working at weekends) or to cut expenses further.
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Post by elaine on Dec 6, 2017 1:49:06 GMT
If you would have such a difficult time living with and depending on your mom and sister to help reduce your debt so that you can adopt, how is that going to be miraculously better once you adopt a child as a single parent?
If you need to rely on them financially to adopt a child, you probably need to work on your relationships with them enough to be able to rely on them to have them pledge to help support your child.
If you were to go off and conceive via IVF without all this forethought, it would be much easier for you and that is unfair.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 2:01:13 GMT
If you would have such a difficult time living with and depending on your mom and sister to help reduce your debt so that you can adopt, how is that going to be miraculously better once you adopt a child as a single parent? If you need to rely on them financially to adopt a child, you probably need to work on your relationships with them enough to be able to rely on them to have them pledge to help support your child. If you were to go off and conceive via IVF without all this forethought, it would be much easier for you and that is unfair. My mother is the single most dependable person I know. I financially support myself just fine. What I cannot do is support myself and pay a significant amount of money towards paying off debts. So I'm not struggling to live. I'm struggling to pay off debt faster than my income allows. I'd love to see my debt gone in five years, not 25. But I'm not struggling if I take 25 years, far from it.im not sure where I'm relying on them financially. I can achieve my dreams without moving in with them. I can put myself in a better financial situation if I pay off that student loan debt, but I'm not the only single woman who wants a family, house, and massive retirement with student loan debt. Far from it. There's zero doubt in my mind mother and sister are cable of being an amazing support system for me. That's not even a thought in my mind. So again, it's a question of--suck it up and live with family so I can be debt free and move forward without the debt...or take the slow road out.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 2:03:02 GMT
It's only for a few years? I say do it. Create a living space in your bedroom that you can get away to when it gets too much. Maybe a twin bed that you can make double as a love seat (we did this in ds's room), a tv and a desk. Back years ago when sis and I roomed I did this but back then I had to have a tv stand- these days hanging the tv gives you more floor space. I spent a lot of time in my room but I didn't hate it. It was like my own private living room. (She had two babies and I worked in a daycare so I needed to retreat a lot). Yes. I could have enough for a down payment and reduce my student loan debt easily in 3-4 years.
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2017 2:06:37 GMT
I would suck it up and move in with them. You can limit the amount of time you are with your sister. Commit to it for one year and reevaluate after that. That said,I would also get a second job (or third job...). I cannot recall your occupation, but surely there is a way to make some side money.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 6, 2017 2:10:34 GMT
So again, it's a question of--suck it up and live with family so I can be debt free and move forward without the debt...or take the slow road out. I think that if this will help you in the long run...do it. Maybe have a chat with mom and sister before deciding?? Set some rules/expectations??? my mom and I typically get along great. We rarely argue, share much in common, and I genuinely enjoy being around her. When my sister is around, my dynamic with my mom changes a lot because my mom's frustrations with my sister are taken out on me. We have never really gotten along. i can go on and on but I won't air her business... further, my mom and my sister fight All. The. Time. my mom and I typically get along great. We rarely argue, share much in common, and I genuinely enjoy being around her. When my sister is around, my dynamic with my mom changes a lot because my mom's frustrations with my sister are taken out on me. These are the issues I would try and resolve before looking to move in with them in a bigger place.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 2:20:40 GMT
Again, I want to clarify--I am NOT in an awful financial situation. I am not struggling to eat, pay bills, or live...
However, I have a solid amount of student loan debt. And it makes financial sense to pay it off sooner rather than later. The problem is doing so will require some sacrifices, one of which could be living with my mom and sister for a few years.
So it's not an issue of buying a house, having a kid, and increasing my contribution to my 401b and being poor. It's more that if that student loan debt is paid off, that money can easily go to those things and other thingsand I don't have to ever worry about it again.
My mom and my sister may have their issues but they're both people who at the end of the day love each other and me and any child, husband, or hamster I bring into the family. They just don't ever see eye to eye and it is stressful for me always having to listen to them go back and forth esp since I haven't lived with anyone in the family since I was 19.
I'm mainly looking for advice on what level of sacrifice is worth it to be debt free and how to suffer through those sacrifices.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 2:23:12 GMT
I would suck it up and move in with them. You can limit the amount of time you are with your sister. Commit to it for one year and reevaluate after that. That said,I would also get a second job (or third job...). I cannot recall your occupation, but surely there is a way to make some side money. I work in education and usually get off around 4:30. I've looked into after school tutoring places and even remotely scoring tests. A lot of places (retail, restaurants) aren't willing to cater to my hours (I have meetings some weeks that have me at school until 5) but test scoring and tutoring seem to. I'm definitely exploring that option!
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Post by kristi on Dec 6, 2017 2:28:03 GMT
I wouldn't do it in a million years!
You have problems with your sister & when your mom is around her problems with that.
I would take on a second job, give plasma, drive Uber, etc. before I moved in with them. Peace of mind at home is important to me.
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2017 2:28:29 GMT
I would suck it up and move in with them. You can limit the amount of time you are with your sister. Commit to it for one year and reevaluate after that. That said,I would also get a second job (or third job...). I cannot recall your occupation, but surely there is a way to make some side money. I work in education and usually get off around 4:30. I've looked into after school tutoring places and even remotely scoring tests. A lot of places (retail, restaurants) aren't willing to cater to my hours (I have meetings some weeks that have me at school until 5) but test scoring and tutoring seem to. I'm definitely exploring that option! I would look into starting your own tutoring business. You set the hours - then you can work around your schedule and bring home the most instead of letting another company take some of the profit. Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? We got completely out of debt with him. I really suggest reading his books - we were really encouraged listening to his radio program as well. Once we got some momentum we paid off our debt way faster than we expected. We sacrificed two years of 'fun living' to clear our debt and it was totally worth it. I believe in you! You can do this! SaveSave
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Deleted
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Sept 18, 2024 23:11:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2017 2:28:35 GMT
I would do it for as long as I could bear it. The way I see it, each month is just one month closer to achieving your goal.
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 6, 2017 2:28:53 GMT
I get it. Debt free is a great way to live. It reduces a lot of the stress that money issues bring upon yourself and into a relationship. But I'm not sure I'd be willing to move back home to make it happen.
IMO, if you live with your parent(s), you never fully have independence. You will always be a child living in someone else's house. No matter how good the relationship is, that family dynamic is still there. I'd get a second (or third) job before I would ever move in with my parents.
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Post by SallyPA on Dec 6, 2017 2:31:38 GMT
I totally understand the feeling of having student debt. I too have a lot. It can sometimes feel crippling and it definitely limits financial plans. I just don't think I would live with someone I didn't care for or get along with. If you are not used to roommates, I just think you'll be miserable. At least I would be. Also what if something changes? Moms health or sister brings a partner into the home that nobody likes. What if you meet the perfect partner yourself?
I would be much more likely to start saving for adoption first and move in that direction.
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Post by jemmls4 on Dec 6, 2017 2:35:46 GMT
I don’t have a sister, but a brother (dynamics are different between brothers and sisters) and i am sure I could live with him. However, I would never have been able as an adult go live with my mother unless it was a true emergency. We rarely saw eye to eye and she would talk your ear off and be upset if you didn’t listen attentively to every word. She was exhausting mentally and emotionally to be around.
So for me, I would have to be in desperate straights to live with her. But if you can perhaps set some expectations, have a space that is yours you can retreat to, and learn to/find strategies to not get sucked into your mom’s and sister’s disagreements you might want to try it for a year as others suggested.
One thing though...you say that you’d all move into a larger place. If it doesn’t work out or after your time period to pay off debt and go on your own again, will your sister and mother have to move as well to a smaller, more affordable place for just two?
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,709
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
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Post by Dani-Mani on Dec 6, 2017 2:42:18 GMT
I don’t have a sister, but a brother (dynamics are different between brothers and sisters) and i am sure I could live with him. However, I would never have been able as an adult go live with my mother unless it was a true emergency. We rarely saw eye to eye and she would talk your ear off and be upset if you didn’t listen attentively to every word. She was exhausting mentally and emotionally to be around. So for me, I would have to be in desperate straights to live with her. But if you can perhaps set some expectations, have a space that is yours you can retreat to, and learn to/find strategies to not get sucked into your mom’s and sister’s disagreements you might want to try it for a year as others suggested. One thing though...you say that you’d all move into a larger place. If it doesn’t work out or after your time period to pay off debt and go on your own again, will your sister and mother have to move as well to a smaller, more affordable place for just two? Your last paragraph is my biggest concern. I cannot ethically leave my family in a crappy situation because I'm unhappy. I'm pretty selfish but not THAT selfish. 😂 I will be visiting around Christmas like I always do, and we will discuss lots of things. But this is a huge concern of mine. And we definitely have to agree before they make that move.
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Post by Woobster on Dec 6, 2017 2:43:39 GMT
I would do everything in my power to NOT move in with my family. I love my mother dearly, but after about a week, we are like oil and water... I cannot imagine trying to live together full time. That's just me...
I am not single, but DH and I have worked really hard to pay off all of our debts, including student loans. we are also trying to save. It isn't easy with two incomes... I know it's hard to do with only one.
Your mental health is very valuable. Only you can really know what's best for you.
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