smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,798
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 6, 2017 15:31:17 GMT
I would test it out for a year IF AND ONLY IF I had my own bathroom. Having to share a bathroom would be a deal breaker.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Dec 6, 2017 15:36:56 GMT
It sounds like the worst sort of roommate hell, to be honest. Because these are your relatives that you don't want to walk away from when the lease is up. So you have to preserve peace, which usually means sucking it up and living in stress.
So, no.
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Post by malibou on Dec 6, 2017 15:37:35 GMT
My inclination is to say do it, but then I get hung up on the fact that they would have to move, and then potentially move again when you move out.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Dec 6, 2017 16:10:34 GMT
Really, Dani, you are the only one that can answer your question. Everyone else's opinion is colored by their own relationships with mother and siblings, but these are not your relationship . It sounds to be that you know what the answer is, but don't like that answer.
I can say, that, finally, in my 60's, I have no debt.... And it feels great! I know. That w hen I die, my dd will have a lot of craft materials to deal with, but no finsncial mess.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 6, 2017 17:36:44 GMT
You need to make your decision on how your family acts now, don't expect that your mom or sister are going to change significantly if you move in. Think about the current dynamics. Good luck! I'd want to get rid of the student debt, too. This is so true...I come home for the holidays and I swear by the time we've left the airport parking lot I'm ready to go back 😂 My mom and sister are wonderful people. They just aren't meant to live together. I tolerate my sister much better when my mom isn't around and get along with my mom just fine when my sister isn't around... Would you also have to get a new job??
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Dec 6, 2017 18:26:12 GMT
nope. big pile of nope.
I would: Reduce my expenses to the bare minimum. Reduce my footprint if it meant living in a tiny house or renting a room. Ask for a raise. Get another side hustle.
I think a side hustle is your best bet. My husband for a couple years sold jewelry on the internet and made about what you would make working FT at mcdonalds. Doesn't sound like much until you factor in that he did it on the couch in his underwear about 10 hours a week.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,648
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Dec 6, 2017 18:40:34 GMT
Only you can really know what is worth the sacrifice and where you draw the line. My first thought reading it was finding another roommate instead of your mom and sister, but then I saw you were not interested in that.
My personal view is that I would be hesitant to move in with mom and sister because that means they have to move to a larger place - what if you decide it isn't working? It's more complicated than just leaving because now they have the bigger place. And you already know what the dynamics are - they aren't going to change. Sounds like potential for some difficulties.
My first option would probably be finding a side job; if you are in education, tutoring or something else education related (SAT prep classes? college coaching?) might be a good bet; especially if you can set hours around your full time job. Do you have summers off? Do you currently work then? That would be a good opportunity to make some extra cash.
I think it's a good idea to reduce debt and increase your savings. Good luck!
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Post by clarencelynn on Dec 6, 2017 18:42:49 GMT
I keep thinking that maybe you moving in with your mom and sister may help their relationship as well as your financial goals. By having a third person around, maybe the two of them can concentrate less on each other and therefore allow them to relax and get along better. Just a thought...
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 6, 2017 18:43:26 GMT
IMO, if you live with your parent(s), you never fully have independence. You will always be a child living in someone else's house. No matter how good the relationship is, that family dynamic is still there. I'd get a second (or third) job before I would ever move in with my parents. But if the three of them find a bigger place..that was mentioned...they are all starting anew. I just don't see it that way. Once a mom, always a mom. Once that relationship is there, the house they live in doesn't make a lot of difference. Mom will still remind her to do her laundry and be-careful-when-cutting-up-that-apple-with-a-knife! Sis will still hog the bathroom and make poor life choices. It's hard enough to grit your teeth and keep quiet if you are together for just a few days. But day after day, week after week, someone is gonna snap. Even if the OP is the mature one and keeps her mouth shut, there's no guarantee mom or sis will do the same. And after living on her own and having her own space, I think the OP will be more miserable than she thinks because she will no longer have that safe space to just be herself, make her own decorating choices, own meal choices, own day-to-day life choices. And she won't be able to leave because they got the new (and presumably more expensive) place so that it was big enough for all 3 women. I would vote for tutoring, a weekend job, a summer job, or all of the above. I paid between $30-50 an hour for tutoring for my kids. She was a retired teacher and did a great job. It wasn't cheap and she didn't have any overhead. She had 3 tutoring slots every day after school, 4 on the weekends, and they were all full. So even if all the slots weren't full, I'd say she was easily making $300-500 a week.
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Post by papersilly on Dec 6, 2017 18:53:53 GMT
i think living with family for a short time is just a small sacrifice to whittle away at your debt. until that debt is whittled down, it will be hard to move forward with your other goals of saving for house, adoption and retirement. like you said, you can't do away with the debt if you continue to live by yourself. just remind yourself that this is temporary until you can get your debt whittled down. your student loans will dog you for the rest of your life if you don't get a handle on it now. i've heard enough of my friends complain about their crushing student debt to know.
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Post by AN on Dec 6, 2017 20:53:22 GMT
It does not sound like an emotionally healthy situation to move in with your mom and sister. It sounds to me like there are some codependency issues between those two, with your sister never living on their own, the fighting, etc.
I am all for saving money and paying off debt, but what I hear from you most is that you want to continue moving forward and making progress in your life. Moving in with your mom and sister does not feel like forward progress in your life from what you've said. To me, it sounds like it would let you make some progress financially, but the emotional cost would be significant. The other thing I'll note is that I think it can become harder to date and live an independent life when you live with family members - especially 2 of them - in your 30's. While I'm not saying marriage is or should be a goal, I do think having a healthy, independent living situation makes you much more open to dating and potential parenthood (single parent adoption or with another person) coming your way.
To me, the financial progress doesn't feel like it outweighs the emotional step back, but it's hard for me to read between the lines of your post and see what your gut is telling you to do. I am a big believer that you know the right answer, in your gut -- but you have to trust yourself and be willing to make that leap. I think I may have recommended this book (maybe to you!) before, so sorry if this is a repeat, but I really recommend checking out Tara Mohr's Playing Big, or reading some of her articles on Inner Mentor to help you get in touch with the right answer you already know in your heart.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Dec 9, 2017 12:19:04 GMT
I am in my early 30s and I want to save for adoption, retirement and to buy a house (not in that order.... ) But I have a significant amount of student loan debt. After talking with a financial advisor (a friend, for free!), he asked if I could make a dent in that debt. And I can. If I move back in with my mom for a few years. my mom divorced my dad...I guess about 6 years ago? She moved in with my sister and they rent an apartment. My mom said she'll move into a larger apartment/rental house if I want to move back. So moving back in with my mom means living with my sister. I tolerate my sister. We have never really gotten along. i can go on and on but I won't air her business... further, my mom and my sister fight All. The. Time. my mom and I typically get along great. We rarely argue, share much in common, and I genuinely enjoy being around her. When my sister is around, my dynamic with my mom changes a lot because my mom's frustrations with my sister are taken out on me. I don't know what to do. I am single and while I make a decent salary, I simply don't make nearly enough to make a dent in my debt, start a healthy savings account, save money for retirement....but if I live with my sister, my mental health will take a toll. On my salary, even splitting rent three ways, I would have around $20,000 a year to save and pay off debts. I don't even come close to saving that amount living in my own... EDIT: sorry I wasn't clearer guys. I am NOT looking to live with strangers, only trying to decide if living with my family is worth paying off debt faster or if I should continue to live alone and accept it'll be around the day I retire I'm debt free (I'm thinking I'll be at least 95 when I retire...) "The guide to optimal thjnking" is a great book to help you make the decision. You may be able to get info off their website. It helps you make the best decision for YOU.
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Post by jenjie on Dec 9, 2017 13:32:39 GMT
I think you’ve stated your concerns very clearly. The question is for you to figure out whether the risk (living with stress from family drama) is worth the reward (paying down debt so you can pursue your other goals). Ooh yeah, your ultimate goal isn’t to be debt free, but what you can do as a result.
My gf is always talking to me about mind maps. write down what you hope to gain by moving in. There’s going to be several benefits. What’s ultimately the bullseye, the one big thing that might make moving in and putting up with all that nonsense worth it?
This would be an entirely different conversation if your back was against the wall. It’s not. You have choices.
What will moving in with your family cost you? The stress of your roommates, the whole family dynamic. You’re not just renting a room from a stranger, where you can come home and hole up in your room the whole time you’re there. You have to engage with your family.
Even if you are all contributing equally, you’re still the child and the (younger ?) sister. You won’t be as autonomous as you might want or expect. Will you feel, or will they make you feel, that you owe them? Will this add an obligation if, let’s say your sister does something stupid later and comes to you for help beyond what you’re willing to provide?
Only you can decide whether that bullseye, your ultimate goal, is worth the junk you need to go through to get it. What are your non-negotiables?
Not to make it about me, but this just occurred to me. My dh is a perfect example. He worked a job he loved but it didn’t pay a lot. He worked for the same company his dad did. He remembered his dad working extra jobs and never having time with his kids. He didn’t want that.
Our goal was to buy a house, for me to be a SAHM, for him to be able to provide for our family and yet be WITH our family. And job security. There was always a chance of layoffs with his other job.
He followed bil into law enforcement - working in the county jail. It offered job security, a good paycheck, and excellent benefits. Those were the only things he liked about that job, but he decided the goal was worth what he had to go through to get it.
You guys have heard me say this before. Every day for almost 20 years, he walked out the door to a job he hated (doing it well and earning respect from coworkers and inmates alike), sacrificing for the sake of his family. Because his eyes were on a bigger prize. Providing for his family, and being with his family. His priorities were clear: “Work is not my life. Work supports my life.”
He would say the tradeoff was worth it. Especially now. Both financially and relationally. The conversations I’ve been having lately with ds19... 😇
Dani, only you can decide if the prize is worth what you have to endure to make it happen. You have a good head and are thinking carefully. I have no doubt you’ll figure this out.
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Post by annie on Dec 9, 2017 15:54:35 GMT
I would do it. For like a year. That's a good amount of money that could help a lot with your future plans.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 16, 2024 9:33:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2017 19:21:54 GMT
How much is rent for the 3 of you?
How crazy would it be to look for a house with garage apt, A inlaw suite or 2 master bedrooms. The inlaw suite gives your sister her own place away from you and mom.
You might be surprise on how well you get on if you all have separate spaces.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 9, 2017 20:06:47 GMT
Again, I want to clarify--I am NOT in an awful financial situation. I am not struggling to eat, pay bills, or live... However, I have a solid amount of student loan debt. And it makes financial sense to pay it off sooner rather than later. The problem is doing so will require some sacrifices, one of which could be living with my mom and sister for a few years. So it's not an issue of buying a house, having a kid, and increasing my contribution to my 401b and being poor. It's more that if that student loan debt is paid off, that money can easily go to those things and other thingsand I don't have to ever worry about it again. My mom and my sister may have their issues but they're both people who at the end of the day love each other and me and any child, husband, or hamster I bring into the family. They just don't ever see eye to eye and it is stressful for me always having to listen to them go back and forth esp since I haven't lived with anyone in the family since I was 19. I'm mainly looking for advice on what level of sacrifice is worth it to be debt free and how to suffer through those sacrifices. Crazy radical left wing Canadian question: you're clearly a hard working, responsible person who contributes to society. You done deserve to have your plans messed up with stupid student loans. Is there no way to fight to have them forgiven? What would be the implications of filing for bankruptcy to get rid of them? That's something I've considered doing but I've been advised by various sources that there are better ways to get mine forgiven - but I have the benefit of being disabled.
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Post by idahopea on Dec 10, 2017 0:20:36 GMT
But if the three of them find a bigger place..that was mentioned...they are all starting anew. I just don't see it that way. Once a mom, always a mom. Once that relationship is there, the house they live in doesn't make a lot of difference. Mom will still remind her to do her laundry and be-careful-when-cutting-up-that-apple-with-a-knife! Sis will still hog the bathroom and make poor life choices. It's hard enough to grit your teeth and keep quiet if you are together for just a few days. But day after day, week after week, someone is gonna snap. Even if the OP is the mature one and keeps her mouth shut, there's no guarantee mom or sis will do the same. And after living on her own and having her own space, I think the OP will be more miserable than she thinks because she will no longer have that safe space to just be herself, make her own decorating choices, own meal choices, own day-to-day life choices. And she won't be able to leave because they got the new (and presumably more expensive) place so that it was big enough for all 3 women. I would vote for tutoring, a weekend job, a summer job, or all of the above. I agree with this! I think it will be harder than you think and once there you will feel stuck because of the bigger place.
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Post by Belia on Dec 10, 2017 1:41:21 GMT
I'm in education in Illinois, and we have a student loan forgiveness program for teachers. There are some strings... you have to be teaching for a certain number of years in a Title I school. Probably other requirements as well. Does your state have a similar program?
It sounds like you want to do this, and I see why. But *I* would not make this move. 1. Others have mentioned this, but what happens when you want to move out and mom and sis are stuck with the bigger place? 2. I would not be able to take that emotional step back of living with my mother when I was in my 30's. Not unless there was some dire, unforseen, emergency. YMMV
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